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xadamz

Motivation

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xadamz

I've asked a similar question here on TLE on a different forum and wanted to ask a similar question but to be more precise in my approach. Perhaps this will allow for better answers. I have a serious issue in my life that I cannot seem to break. This issue is being stuck in my life and not being able to create any change and create a life for myself. Some background info about me; I'm 24, college graduate, live at home, not independent and don't have a life. I pretty much at this point in time don't have any friends or relationships, no job and most of all am extremely discontent with my life. I want to change and create a life for myself but simply cannot do it. I've tried so many things to no avail. I feel I'm going down the drain.

I've been suffering since I was young, never having a legitimate social life, never living life in a way that I could be content with. Always dealing with depression and OCD.

This brings me to my question. Is it possible that perhaps my soul wants to live a life of seclusion and maybe my ego wants to change and live life in a certain way, but because my soul doesn't want change it isn't happening? Are the ego and the soul that separate to the point that the two are in such a bitter conflict with each other? Perhaps the issue might be fear related from a past life, but I sense this isn't really the problem.

Any advice is welcome and appreciated.

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Bobby
12 minutes ago, xadamz said:

I've asked a similar question here on TLE on a different forum and wanted to ask a similar question but to be more precise in my approach. Perhaps this will allow for better answers. I have a serious issue in my life that I cannot seem to break. This issue is being stuck in my life and not being able to create any change and create a life for myself.

 

 

What change would you create if you could?

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Sarah

You've pretty much described me (except I'm almost 40 and have no independent life due to health issues and OCD; I stink at "adulting").

 

If this was the kind of life we were truly meant to live, if it was what our Essence truly wanted, I don't think we'd feel so much desire to change (even if we can't actually make the changes). I can't speak for everyone with similar issues, but for me, it feels more like something on the physical side of things happened that threw a wrench into the works. That's part of why it hurts so much: we know this isn't the type of life we wanted to have.

 

I'm afraid I can't offer much advice on how to change things, though. I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

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Cong

I think the personality fully controls the choices and the direction of life once you incarnate. Essence will not overwrite your decision. However, I do think you generally cannot feel truly happy if your choice are far away from what is true, loving and beautiful to your essence. When you say you tried so many things but to no avail, what did you try? How did you try it? Did you put your heart and soul in it when you try? Or you were just dragging along and expect things to fail before you even started? The mentality is important. I might be in different situations in life, but in days when I was just "forcing" myself to go to work, I knew I didn't invite my essence there, and I just felt miserable. I think a good step is to consciously invite your essence in, and knowing that they have unconditional love for you. Also it will be good to try to be present in every moment, other than give in to fear before you even start. 

 

Hang in there, it's an experience your essence values as much as some of the more joyful ones. Lotus grows out of mud, and it's time for you to breakthrough from those muddy elements in life. One day, looking back, maybe you will even find a sense of gratitude for what you experience now.

 

This too shall pass. And our essence are here to stay. 

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xadamz
1 hour ago, Bobby said:

 

 

What change would you create if you could?

 

Well, I would want to have a job that I truly enjoy doing, probably a writing job, since that is something that I am very good at and something that I don't have to go do at a regular 9-5 job. I would want to be in a meaningful relationship and have a few good friends. I would like to be independent and have enough confidence to do all the things I want to do in life like traveling and traversing the world; And most of all I would like to be free from fears, depression, OCD and truly be content with my life and live in the moment. That would be an ideal life for me.

Edited by xadamz
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Bobby
1 hour ago, xadamz said:

 

 

That's great that you are able to itemize the things that you want.

 

I would want to have a job that I truly enjoy doing, probably a writing job, since that is something that I am very good at and something that I don't have to go do at a regular 9-5 job.

 

Is this something that you're currently trained in as far as education?  If not, would you likely be able to seek that out in order to make this more possible?  If so, are you continually exploring venues to fulfill this?

 

I would want to be in a meaningful relationship...

 

My personal advice, seek out friends first.  A relationship will fall into place once those are secured.  Besides, whoever that is, you will want to be friends first.

 

...and have a few good friends.

 

Do you belong to any groups or organizations that would allow you to expand your exposure to others?  Even something like an activities MeetUp group may be a great way to initiate this.  You will have to put yourself out there to make this happen.

 

 I would like to be independent and have enough confidence to do all the things I want to do in life like traveling and traversing the world.

 

Once the job is secured, those things will become much more likely so very doable.

 

And most of all I would like to be free from fears, depression, OCD and truly be content with my life and live in the moment.

 

Are any of these things clinical for you in which you need any sort of medication?  If so, do you take them?  Do you have access to any sort of counseling to help with these things?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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xadamz
28 minutes ago, Bobby said:

 

That's great that you are able to itemize the things that you want.

 

I would want to have a job that I truly enjoy doing, probably a writing job, since that is something that I am very good at and something that I don't have to go do at a regular 9-5 job.

 

Is this something that you're currently trained in as far as education?  If not, would you likely be able to seek that out in order to make this more possible?  If so, are you continually exploring venues to fulfill this?

 

I would want to be in a meaningful relationship...

 

My personal advice, seek out friends first.  A relationship will fall into place once those are secured.  Besides, whoever that is, you will want to be friends first.

 

...and have a few good friends.

 

Do you belong to any groups or organizations that would allow you to expand your exposure to others?  Even something like an activities MeetUp group may be a great way to initiate this.  You will have to put yourself out there to make this happen.

 

 I would like to be independent and have enough confidence to do all the things I want to do in life like traveling and traversing the world.

 

Once the job is secured, those things will become much more likely so very doable.

 

And most of all I would like to be free from fears, depression, OCD and truly be content with my life and live in the moment.

 

Are any of these things clinical for you in which you need any sort of medication?  If so, do you take them?  Do you have access to any sort of counseling to help with these things?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi Bobby,

in regards to your second response, I have a degree in Sociology. I'm not sure if that would be enough to have a career in writing, it might, but not sure.

 

For the 4th response, yes I am currently involved in one meetup group that has events regularly. There could be potential for friendships to arise from this group.

 

As for the last response, the OCD and Depression are diagnosed but I don't feel medication is the right solution. I've tried it before and it never worked for me. Counseling is something that I have access to and could utilize. I have done so in the past without any results, so I'm not sure how effective therapy will be. My last therapist just asked me generic textbook questions and gave me assignments from one, and the one before that gave me advice that could have come right off of wikihow, so to me therapy is pretty useless. I think I can find decent alternatives to therapy.

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DianeHB
4 hours ago, xadamz said:

 I want to change and create a life for myself but simply cannot do it. I've tried so many things to no avail.

 

I've been suffering since I was young, never having a legitimate social life, never living life in a way that I could be content with. Always dealing with depression and OCD.

 

I just isolated out a few key statements here. What exactly is stopping you? What happens when you try to take an action toward what you want?

 

Re: Writing

If you want to be a writer, start writing. Submit your work anywhere you can, paid or unpaid. Write a lot. This is how you get better and eventually good enough to get paid doing it full-time. AnnH on TLE is a creative writing professor. She'd have some good advice on how to start a writing career.

 

Aside from that, let me tell you my story. I had a lot of social anxiety when I was younger and was extremely shy. In my 20s, I drifted a lot because I wanted to "find my purpose" and do something meaningful but didn't know what it was. All of the practical careers sounded meaningless and boring to me. I say I "drifted", but I did work, just random office work. At a certain point, I got into self-help and personal growth because I wanted to find meaning, but also because I wanted to free myself. The turning point came when a long-term boyfriend broke up with me, and I knew I needed help. I went to a spiritual counselor for energy healing and counseling, and it launched me on the journey of healing myself, for almost 10 years now. I would not have imagined back then that I could become who I am today -- confident, assertive, compassionate, a leader, and surrounded by beautiful close-knit relationships. 

 

The key for me was that my desire to heal and be free was greater than my desire to stay in my comfort zone. I faced my fears many, many, many times, in counseling sessions, energy healing sessions, or on my own. I learned that I don't die from facing the worst of them. I cried and cried many times, and I learned that crying was the way out, the only way to move the energy through you. I tried many healing modalities, and the work that truly lasts all have this thing in common: being present with your fears and looking them in the face. That is the bravest thing you can do. 

 

We can discuss details, but this is the core of how you heal.

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xadamz

Thank you for the advice Diane. I have been applying to a lot of random jobs lately, retail and office jobs; with no luck except for one interview at Barnes & Noble. Writing jobs seem a bit more difficult and tricky to find. I did some searching online for writing jobs and couldn't really find much.

You mentioned about submitting my work. What do you mean by that, like writing a book and submitting it to a publisher or something else? The only real writing pieces I have right now are papers from college, not much else.

As for the fears, I'm not really sure how I would confront them. I'm not exactly sure what they are. I'm trying a lot of things at the moment. I would assume that I am confronting my fears in a sense doing that.

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DianeHB

@xadamz Writing jobs are few and far between -- there are far more people interested in it than there are jobs. When I said "submit your work", I meant to places that accept freelance articles like blogs, magazines, or small/special interest newspapers. And don't just submit your old work, write news stuff targeted to the audience of blogs/magazines you want to write for. Do some research on the internet on how to become a writer. Anything you want to do for money that isn't boring will not come easy, because a lot of other people want those kinds of work, too. People aren't going to pay you to do something just because you want to do it. You need to provide value. Think about the things that you pay good money for, and whether you'd pay for mediocre product or do your research and buy the best you can for your money. Hiring is much the same.

 

When I was that age, I didn't know what my fears were, either. I didn't even know I had anxiety, because that was how I was used to living and was never taught to pay any attention to my feelings, much less name them. You really need to work with a counselor/therapist/healer until you get better at observing yourself. A good healer can pick up a lot of nonverbal information by being in the same room and conversing with you. If you don't like the therapists you've met so far, keep looking until you find someone you like. There can be a huge range of quality in that field. I never actually did traditional therapy and always looked for energy healers and intuitives for my "therapy" because I wanted my healer to match my worldview, and I didn't want to limit myself to accepted methods. And feel free to move on to a different healer if you've done some work with one and don't feel like you're progressing after that. Healing on an intellectual/emotional level has a lot to do with resonance, and you will resonate with people who have dealt with similar issues in themselves. This is a good transcript to read for understanding healing: http://our.truthloveenergy.com/topic/112-michael-speaks-on-healing-and-healers.

 

Edited by DianeHB
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michael_k

This post is months old but I feel very similar in my own situation to @xadamz in a lot of ways. I feel like a lot of people in their 20's are just a mess between childhood imprinting and trying to find their true selves within that programming. One way I'm learning to deal with this is to simply have patience with myself and take my own pace, not necessarily listening to all the voices in the world around me but instead looking inward to find the truth and sort myself out. I feel like only when I have built a sufficient foundation for myself internally with self-confidence in my own logic could I hope to properly plan for my own future in a way that I want.

 

The truth is, a lot of things we accept as fact when we're young slowly turn out to be mere subjective judgments made by others as we get older, and as that happens you begin to realise that everyone has their own ideas on how things work and who is right and wrong for living how they choose. The big question is, how do you want to live? What makes you happy and what are your morals? How are you going to deal with other people's petty judgments and fight them off when they may try to prevent you from being who you want to be? Who in fact, do you want to be? I feel like I need a bit of time to sort out the answers to these questions.

Edited by michael_k
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Luciana Flora

@xadamz 

I see the topic is a few months back but I only read it now. What you described is my life when I was 24 years old. Graduated from college, no jobs, no friends.

  I do not know exactly how you feel about it. But I was really frustrated at this time. And I did not really believe that the ties could change. I felt paralyzed in every way.

At that time I began the search for self knowledge. Things were slow to change, but they changed.

  Today I, alone, changed the city and have financial independence. All these things I doubted I could ever have. I really doubted it.

So I do not know, but I think that things can always change even if everything seems out of prospect at the moment.

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PPLD

It’s not easy.

 

Don’t know if you’d agree, but in my experience the hardest part of creating lasting changes in one’s life-situation is the overwhelm with everything one wants/needs to change. The vast impact of all parts put together becomes too daunting, so we switch to specifics. Then we start obsessing about specifics, and they become too big in themselves.

 

I would say that creating change starts with learning to walk the fine line between Big Picture and Detail Level.

 

You need to keep the big picture in mind (the goal, the aspiration, the desire, the overall outcome) but not too close, so you lose the perception of the details.

 

And then you need to see the detail level, the various areas that create the big picture (my health, my social life, my professional life, relationship with myself) but without obsessing about them, so one area suddenly seems so big that it is not possible to overcome. Like the proverbial not seeing the forest for the trees.

 

Does it make sense?

 

@xadamz , however much it sucks in the big picture not having a job right now, on the detail level  it actually gives you an opportunity to put all time needed to create a map of yourself, a map of your situation.

 

You need a map, because you need to know exactly where you are.

You need a map in order to prioritise your actions.

You simply need to identify and define all the problem areas, to be able to identify the tools and means that are needed to approach each of them appropriately.

 

It is an emotionally challenging and daunting task to make this kind of strict and “raw” inventory, but think about it this way – how much worse can you really feel? Take whatever grief, sadness, panic and frustration that comes with it as a natural part of this inventory, and as input to how acute what area is.

 

If you want to do it together with Michael, if you want to approach your situation from the Michael Teachings perspective – choose ONE area of your situation, browse the Library and study it. Try things out. Discuss with people here.

 

But first and outmost, make an agreement with yourself that whatever change you want to make – you CANNOT change everything at the same time. You have to start with ONE thing. In order to do so, you need to identify all parts involved, so you make your choice and prioritise consciously and intelligently.

 

Your OCD can actually be used constructively here, whether you just think that you might have it or are in fact diagnosed with it.

 

OCD loves control and rituals.

 

Use it!

 

Choosing one area will give you a sense of control.

Incorporate your work with this area, to the already existing rituals of your OCD.

Make small schedules and lists.

Don’t fight your obsessive need of control, but feed it with practical and useful additions.

 

You can do it man! You can do whatever you choose to do. And you will. You just won’t do it all at once.

 

Edited by PPLD
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PPLD

(Here I go again...)

 

BTW @xadamz, I too am academically a sociologist! (Yay! A fellow sociologist!)

 

My degrees are in Sociology of Deviance and in Social Psychology. What about your specialisation?

 

You know, I think our academic discipline is AMAZING! (Partial? Me? Noooo... 😂 )

 

We use the tools of humanistic disciplines and science both. We are trained in looking beyond assumptions, imprints and ourselves. We are the only scholars who are trained in staying strictly impersonal, when approaching any area of investigation. 

 

Applying the sociological perspective, as Randall Collins calls it, to myself and my life has helped me tonnes! 

 

Try it! I can recommend it! 😊

 

Edited by PPLD
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Luciana Flora
7 hours ago, PPLD said:

And then you need to see the detail level, the various areas that create the big picture (my health, my social life, my professional life, relationship with myself) but without obsessing about them, so one area suddenly seems so big that it is not possible to overcome. Like the proverbial not seeing the forest for the trees.

I found this quote very interesting. Because I saw this happening to me. When I graduated from college I was obsessed with being unemployed. I thought about it day and night.

I do not know if this expression exists in English. But I've read in subjects what they call the kangaroo generation. That it's a generation that takes longer to leave the parents' house. And some really get into it, but it was not my case. I wanted independence but it seemed like nothing I did worked.

I cried with any comment related to kangaroo generation.

But today I do not know exactly what was the turning point for that to change.

Maybe it was my effort to get to know me. Or the improvement in my self-confidence> And I still do not even consider myself self-confessed. but it was something very extreme. I was doubting myself in everything. It's better now.

I do not know how to say a map looks like I've been working and everything happened naturally. But in a much slower way than I had liked. And I know I still have things to work on.

Edited by Luciana Flora
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PPLD
50 minutes ago, Luciana Flora said:

I do not know how to say a map looks like I've been working and everything happened naturally.

 

Well, you know my theory is (I have to check with Michael if I understand it correctly) that approaching whatever task at hand with focus on now and adaptation to the Physical Plane, comes more as you say 'naturally' to the Solid 1 Input Roles, Warrior, King and Scholar. 

 

Michael said that the approach there is simply more linear and I'm thinking that, through the linearity, also 'easier' applied to the conditions of the Physical Plane.

 

Easier, in terms of having more of culturally and societally acceptable tools, that come with the inherent linearity of the Physical Plan.

 

If I recall correctly, I've read somewhere that e.g. the Artisan Role with its 5 Inputs, sometimes tries to 'close down' some of them to easier process the density of the Physical Plane and adapt to the cultural preconceptions, which can result in some behavioural patterns for which humanity has even created diagnoses. 

 

Again - that's my interpretation and I haven't ran it through Michael.

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Luciana Flora
2 hours ago, PPLD said:

Well, you know my theory is (I have to check with Michael if I understand it correctly) that approaching whatever task at hand with focus on now and adaptation to the Physical Plane, comes more as you say 'naturally' to the Solid 1 Input Roles, Warrior, King and Scholar. 

 

Michael said that the approach there is simply more linear and I'm thinking that, through the linearity, also 'easier' applied to the conditions of the Physical Plane.

 

Easier, in terms of having more of culturally and societally acceptable tools, that come with the inherent linearity of the Physical Plan.

 

If I recall correctly, I've read somewhere that e.g. the Artisan Role with its 5 Inputs, sometimes tries to 'close down' some of them to easier process the density of the Physical Plane and adapt to the cultural preconceptions, which can result in some behavioural patterns for which humanity has even created diagnoses. 

 

Again - that's my interpretation and I haven't ran it through Michael.

This theory makes sense. I always had a pretty linear thought, so it makes sense for me to be a solid role. Focus on one thing at a time.

  And yes I think that for the physical plan this can make it easier.

But I think what really makes a difference is something called self-confidence.

You can study for hours a matter without self confidence you can spin so nervous at the time of the test and even miss what you know.

You can graduate from college with the highest grade. If you do not have self-confidence you will not be able to show what you know at the time of an interview.

In my experience, there is no tactic that you  can make work  when your self-confidence is zero. That's why in the last years my goal has been to be more self confident.

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