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By Leela Corman · Posted
I just started reading it. It's going to take a while and I'm going to have chills the entire time. I'm so glad it exists. May we find our way to a just future. Here's a no-paywall link someone shared on Twitter. http://pulitzercenter.org/sites/default/files/full_issue_of_the_1619_project.pdf -
By Luciana Flora · Posted
@michael_kI really liked your participation in this post because you are helping me to understand the other side of the story... Because I've always been so criticized for everything that I really imagined the person would have a wonderful life. IoI I found a text that talks about critical parents... I'll put the link here if anyone wanted to see... and talks about two types of messages, let's say... one is: "You have to be perfect" and the other is "everything you do is wrong". And even though it's unintentionally the message I've received is that everything I do is wrong. I always had the feeling that most likely was that I failed at everything I tried ... And even when I started getting good grades in school I didn't think I was smart... Because I seemed to have to study three times as many other people to get the same results... and as I said my parents were surprised when they saw that I really had not failed any school year.... Then I felt like a geek who wasn't smart...with bad social skills and who couldn't get any friends.... I doubted that one day I would get a job because I doubted that I would pass job interviews...because I didn't have sociability and communication that are highly valued these days...so even going relatively well at school I was not confident about my future. Fortunately these negative prophecies proved to be wrong... I intend to talk to Michael about these things... from what I've observed most of them here it seems that it was your case that you have to be perfect.... Sometimes it's hard for me to find people who relate to some of the things I've experienced. Especially when it comes to isolation and total lack of self-confidence (which fortunately is better). So I'm very happy to have money to pay for my sessions because some things hardly other people would ask... because they seem to be exclusive to me. IoI Here's the page I found about critical parents: https://screenwritingumagazine.com/2017/10/10/overly-critical-parents-probably-overly-active-inner-critic/ -
By Evelin · Posted
Sorry you had to struggle with that, Leela and Juni. I often heard a variation of this: "You can do anything you set your mind to" (so why aren't you doing what we think you should be doing). -
By michael_k · Posted
@Luciana Flora, @Leela Corman and @Juni there have been a lot of different experiences discussed in the last few posts and somehow I can relate to all of them somewhat, whether they are about being considered the 'success' that was pressured to achieve or the 'struggler' who was looked down upon and never thought of as achieving anything. I think this is because although I was academically strong most of the time, I have had trouble with social and emotional issues concerning fitting in at school and in life as well as having to attend therapy for a depressive breakdown when I felt lost and couldn't cope. There are times where I have honestly felt smart and stupid at the same time, and clung on to whatever academic attainment I could muster at the time and defined my identity on it, because without that, I felt that I'd have nothing left. I'd just be the weird, nerdy kid that doesn't fit in, and it hurt when I graduated from University and had difficulty even finding a basic job due to lack of transport. Oddly enough, that experience broke down a lot of false beliefs I had about myself and what everyone else told me I should be, and I got into my own self-discovery path, which includes TLE and learning and taking part in things I actually feel passionate about. There have been a lot of steps along the way, but I feel like I'm closer to the light at the end of the tunnel than I was back then, or would have been if I didn't 'screw-up' so to speak. I think I needed to experience the other side. One thing that may have coloured my experience in this regard is the fact that I'm an only child. Parental opinions of only children can sometimes swing every which way. You'll be the golden child, the scapegoat, and the forgotten one all at the same time or in alternating turns in a way that's sort of hard to explain if you haven't known what it's like. It can be difficult also when you have two parents with completely different judgements about the world, and both of them like to shove it down your throat. You can never win in such a scenario, you can only ever pivot, or side with the more sane parent.
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