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  • Transforming Chief Features - Stubbornness #2

    DianeHB

    [Excerpt from Membership Gratitude Event]

     

    [Note: This list was apparently requested a second time, and Michael provided different but similar content.]

     

    Tyrone: Can I have the 7 Angles of Behavior for Transforming the Chief Feature of Stubbornness like we've gotten for the action and inspiration axis CFs?

     

    MEntity:
    ONE ) BABY STEPS - for those in Stubbornness there is a fear of change, either coming from themselves, or reflected around them in others. Change will happen no matter what, but if you wish to bring about change and fear it, you can begin with "baby steps." You do not have to overhaul or make a sharp turn. If you are in control of the change or you are inviting that change in others who resist it, go as slowly as necessary.

     

    TWO ) HAVE A PLAN - Stubbornness is terrified of change, and while a plan can always be derailed, it can be helpful to have created some form of structure that allows for you to navigate with sign posts and indicators that act as safety points to catch your breath.

     

    THREE ) CHANGE IS POWER - it may not always seem to be a "good thing" when change comes, but if you resist change you can begin to recoil from life and go into defensive stances. What is helpful is to ride change as if it were a wave, to harness it as if it is in your favor, even if you do not know for certain. Find one "good" thing in the mix of energies moving about and focus on that. For example, if you are losing or have lost your job, harness this energy and find or create another. We are not implying this is easy, but it is your best option for navigating.

     

    FOUR ) LOOK BACKWARD AS A WAY TO LOOK FORWARD - If you look to your past you will find a multitude of examples where change has come and gone and you survived. You may not always have certainty or comfort, but you always have YOU. And giving credit to your past for surviving or thriving change can help to empower you for the next wave of change.

     

    FIVE ) TELL PEOPLE YOU ARE SCARED - Let others know you are scared. When change comes that is terrifying or unexpected or chaotic, you are not expected to endure this alone. It is okay to be scared. It is okay to express this and share it. You may not find the perfect help for your situation, but you have let your panic move up and out of you so that you are no longer carrying so much of it. And this helps.

     

    SIX ) SHARE YOUR DREAMS AND DESIRES - You can get ahead of change by looking forward and allowing room for your "hopes," your dreams, and desires to be infused in the waves of change that will continue to come. Share these with others. You may not be able to anchor yourself and halt change, but you can plant the seeds of dreams so that change can bring with it the tools, probabilities, and opportunities that help change to be experienced as a "good thing."

     

    SEVEN ) YOU WILL DIE - the deeper core of the fear of change is the fear of death, the greatest unknown, the greatest change, so every change feels like a "death." You will die. Over and over. Not only within the life, but across lifetimes. It will happen. It has happened. You survived all of it. You will change. Everything will change. Change is no more the end than death is. 


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      ### end of entry
       
      You may discuss this content within the recipient's blog entry. See Transforming the Chief Feature of Stubbornness.
       
    • DanielaS
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      Hello to each of you. We are here, now. We can begin.
       
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      We will elaborate further upon that consideration as we explore the subject, if time permits.
       
      For today's focus, we understand that the interest is in the various ways one can consciously make choices in behavior so as to relieve the effects of a particular fear, or Chief Feature.
       
      The point of transforming your relationship to fear is because when fear is informative, it is simply a means of enhancing your capacity to choose. It is not much different from any warning system built in to any vehicle that alerts you as to when you may be in close proximity to a collision.
       
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      However, when most struggle with the Chief Features as an issue, it is because the "warning system" goes off randomly, goes off without relevance, goes off constantly, etc. It is no longer associated with an actual threat, or with information.
       
      Imagine the difference between enjoying a walk through the woods, watching the birds, the creatures, enjoying the sunlight, the babbling brook, your thoughts, and then noticing a bear in the distance to which you then steer clear of in a smart way, as compared to a walk in the woods where you presume that every twig cracking and every shadow is a bear.
       
      Both of these methods are helpful for keeping you alert to bears, but one keeps you from noticing pretty much anything else.
       
      If one's "warning system" is random, constant, or irrelevant, then that warning system becomes useless for navigation, and simply keeps you on one end of the spectrum of life. It keeps you on the side of "Being Alive" vs "Living."
       
      We will speak of each of the Chief Features now, with a brief synopsis, and then a list of methods for how one can use his or her consciousness to transform that fear so that one is not just being alive, but can live again, so to speak.
       
      SELF-DEPRECATION and ARROGANCE are attachments to how one defines one's self.
       
      Self-Deprecation is the fear of NOT BEING ENOUGH, while Arrogance is the fear of BEING TOO MUCH.
       
      Self-deprecation fears not being seen clearly, while Arrogance fears being seen too clearly.
       
      Self-deprecation finds its scraps of self-esteem in being first to the punch for cutting himself or herself down. This is Self-deprecation's way of protecting the self from being invisible or feeling invisible or incompetent. The defense here is that if the individual can call out or showcase his or her own flaws first, then it is a way to show that he or she is on board with what they presume you will undoubtedly see, or are seeing already.
       
      It is the only way they know how to be seen: through the lens of failures, flaws, insecurities, and doubts.
       
      Arrogance, on the other hand, tries to protect its self-esteem by creating as protective a veneer as possible, hiding his or her insecurities behind a persona of false-confidence, offense, and defense. Since there is very little self-esteem here, it must be protected at all costs, often by deflecting through pointing out someone else's flaws or incompetence.
       
      It is the only way they know how to keep any sense of self-esteem, by pretending that it exists in greater quantities than it does.
       
      Self-deprecation points out its own flaws, and Arrogance points out yours.
       
      Self-Deprecation
       
      The 7 Angles of Behavior for help in transforming Self-deprecation might be:
       
      1. YOU ARE NOT IN TROUBLE
       
      For those who struggle with Self-deprecation, there can often be a haunting sense of constantly being on the verge of being caught, being called out, humiliated, made to be an example, or "in trouble." Even when there is nothing to warrant such concerns.
       
      And even more so when there is such a need for concern.
       
      Allow for failure, for being incompetent, and build on your experiences so that you can learn, or make choices to pursue other directions. If your only concern is whether you will be in trouble, or not, then you will never truly be your best.
       
      2. YOUR BEST MAY NOT BE THE BEST
       
      There are going to be times when you do not meet the expectations of others, or yourself. And the very best that you can do may not be the best that someone else can do. That is a fact of existence. Embrace this and allow kindness as a process in your improvement, or as a part of your freedom to pursue your strengths.
       
      3. CLEAN YOUR CONSCIENCE
       
      That is not a typo. We speak to the necessity for those in Self-deprecation to CLEAN their conscience. By this we mean that the individual take time to note just how much clutter is in the mind that is from the past, buried like shallow graves, gathered there like a cemetery of failures and flaws, ready to be dug up at a moment's notice. It is important that those in Self-deprecation regularly look at these experiences as a PART of who they are, and not defining who they are.
       
      CLEAN your conscience of these metaphorical graves and begin to make room for life, for living things to grow there. Let the failures of the past act as fertilizer, if you will, rather than preserved as some sort of trophy that makes up for competence.
       
      4. CLEAN YOUR ENVIRONMENT
       
      In addition to the clutter of the mind, those in Self-deprecation can fall into clutter of their space, reflecting the building debris of flaws, failures, failed expectations, etc.
       
      For those with Self-deprecation, there can be a high tolerance for clutter, and this can be reflective of the tolerance for the the clutter in the mind, heart, and body.
       
      A regular effort to clean, organize, and experience one's space helps to clean, organize, and experience one's self.
       
      Attention to personal hygiene is important here, too. Those in Self-deprecation may not "smell" as a result of lacking personal hygiene, but they may very well skip on certain routines of care for the body that would help them to transform the sense of invisibility and inadequacy into self-nurturing and personal attentiveness.
       
      5. CARE FOR YOURSELF
       
      Do not presume that someone else needs to, or should, or could do this for you.
       
      Care for yourself in as many ways you can in a day. Give yourself good food, good entertainment, good bathing, good hygiene, kindness, patience, etc.
       
      6. STOP APOLOGIZING/EXCUSING
       
      As long as you constantly apologize for yourself, you are not being responsible for yourself.
       
      As long as you are making excuses, you are not being responsible.
       
      Apologies and excuses are deflection from responsibility.
       
      We are not speaking here in terms of the social courtesy of acknowledging grief, or acknowledging a slight, but apology and excuses as a buffer to protect from the ownership of response.
       
      7. OWN YOURSELF
       
      By this we mean that you freely acknowledge your behaviors, your failures, your flaws, but respond to them through ownership, not as a way to deflect from further responsibility.
       
      When you apologize or offer excuses, you are reacting. You are not owning. When you own yourself, you can respond as opposed to react, and this is key to responsibility.
       
      AN ASIDE: Keep in mind that the Chief Features will not just show up as behaviors in yourself, but as behaviors you endure or attract in others, as well.
       
      Arrogance
       
      The 7 Angles of Behavior for transforming ARROGANCE might be:
       
      1. NO ONE IS LOOKING
       
      For those in Arrogance, the fear that everyone is watching them is high. There is a keen sense that every move and choice and action is being scrutinized and of high relevance to others. In most cases, that is simply not true. No one is watching you. Most do not care if your hair is messed up, you stumbled, or if you are meeting your own standards or expectations.
       
      2. CELEBRATE PRIVATELY
       
      For many in Arrogance, there is a compulsion to make it known to others every little success, to point out immediately a win, or to even "humblebrag," which is a self-congratulation tucked into a false self-deprecation.
       
      Allow yourself celebrate yourself with yourself.
       
      Your successes are just as real with or without being used as a means for defining yourself to others.
       
      See if you can embrace a success on your own without recruiting others to celebrate you.
       
      3. CELEBRATE OTHERS
       
      Sometimes those in Arrogance can be so preoccupied with presuming everyone is watching them, that they forget to pay any meaningful attention to others.
       
      4. LEAVE YOURSELF ALONE
       
      Those in Arrogance can be even harsher in self-criticism than those in Self-deprecation.
       
      Self-deprecation can slide into a quiet defeat, but Arrogance can be relentless.
       
      Many in Arrogance are their own worst bullies, if you will, taking on the voices of their past that criticized them, owning them so as to find some of their self-esteem in "siding" with this self-loathing.
       
      5. LEAVE OTHERS ALONE
       
      Those in Arrogance can be of the worst bullies toward others, as well, actively or passively condescending in tone, words, behaviors, etc.
       
      If you find that you are talking down about another person, or yourself (see 4), behaving in a way that is not constructive, or helpful, but simply emphasizing flaws, then it may be time to look at how you are giving rise to voices of criticism that you carry about yourself.
       
      Criticism is helpful and meaningful, but not when only used as a means of deflection or protection.
       
      6. EMBRACE EQUALITY
       
      By this we mean that while there will always be nuances among everyone and everything, with great gaps between common grounds, with some being better at some skills than others, or more socially celebrated than others, or even unfairly rewarded more than others, there is still profound relevance to the common ground of humanity and existence. In other words, allow comparisons to be informative, not defining.
       
      When you see or feel you are better than another, or that another is acting as if better than you, then remind yourself of as much that you share as possible. This does not mean you are not better at what you do than someone else might be, or that another person is not more attractive to more people than you may be, but let yourself have that which is equally true, as well. You do not have to pretend there are no differences, but do not pretend there are no similarities, either.
       
      7. INVITE INTIMACY
       
      More than most other Chief Features, Arrogance will keep others at a distance, even as they often feign being very open and up front with you.
       
      Many in Arrogance will carefully construct a spectrum of revealing behaviors and expressions that others presume is all there is to know or see about that person, thus protecting the person in Arrogance from those who might otherwise pry.
       
      So it can be helpful for the person in Arrogance to take some responsibility and care in consciously inviting others to be close, not presuming that others will find their way, and then looking up and wondering where everyone is.
       
      Those in Arrogance can be of the loneliest people because they create the greatest moats of protection, but crave so desperately to be close at the same time.
       
      And so it can be helpful to actively invite intimacy, either in obvious ways such as literally asking for conversation, inviting to social events, etc, or by simply allowing the self to be present with another, listening, paying attention, and responding with care. Intimacy is not always about receiving attention, but about giving it.
       
      Due to the extensive elaboration on each of these Chief Features, we must suggest that this be broken up into a couple of sessions for delivery. We started with Self-deprecation and Arrogance, as these are most common for older souls, but we will have to elaborate upon the remaining Chief Features in another exchange.
       
      We will open the floor here for the next 15 minutes so that questions can be asked.
       
      FLOOR IS NOW OPEN
       
      [ViP] Is there any difference in how these Angles of Behavior should be interpreted or applied, based on whether the CF attempting to be transformed is primary, vs secondary, vs tertiary?
       
      MEntity: Each of the 7 Angles we offered would likely be relevant in any context, but one of the angles may be more relevant than others of that Chief Feature.
       
      [BrianW] Realizing there is not enough time to go over it in-depth, could you give a way to counteract the sliding of the negative poles of self-deprecation to self-destruction?
       
      MEntity: 
      If Self-deprecation is sliding to Self-destruction, it would mean that it is, first, accessing Stubbornness.  Self-deprecation cannot slide to Self-destruction otherwise. This means that Self-deprecation's Negative Pole of Self-abasement is sliding to Stubbornness' Negative Pole of Obstinance, and then over to Self-destruction's Suicide. When that is the case, it is likely that the Personality has decided what is so awful about the self, then refuses to change in any way that could be beneficial, which then leads to a sense of complete waste of life.
       
      To help counteract this, one would need to slide to GREED's "positive" pole of APPETITE. Though no Chief Features is truly "positive," the positive poles do describe the path out of that Chief Feature. In this case, having an appetite for life again, an embrace of what one wants and needs, can greatly counter the sense that life is simply being wasted on the self.
       
      Once that sense of appetite for life is remotely available, more life can come, more living. And that matters, even if only on a day to day basis.
       
      [Mariusrehm] can it in any way be helpful to make others aware of what you think their features might be? is a certain amount of intimacy/closeness needed for them to not feel accused when that is addressed? or does everybody has to completely explore these things on their own?
       
      MEntity:
      Marius, it is often more helpful for you to know the Chief Features of others than for you to point them out to them. Pointing out the Chief Features of others is only helpful if there is a mutual agreement to allow for this. Trust is necessary here, and even then it can be tricky. Of course, it is your choice as to whether you do this for someone, and how you do it, but we can say from experience that it is true that meaningful common ground and trust is fairly vital for the "photographing" of another to be useful to them. By "photographing" we mean those moments when one would offer up a "snapshot" of a moment or behavior of another for consideration.
       
      In some cases, however, intervention may be necessary if a person is completely unaware. When intervention is offered, the one who is offering must be willing to endure the reactions, deflections, defenses, and denials that might come from the confrontation of the reality of one's harmful impact on the self or others.
       
      This must be considered carefully, if intervention is deemed necessary.
       
      If one is not to the extreme of necessity for intervention, then one's most effective means of inviting another to consider his or her Chief Feature is to simply ask if that person knows that his or her behavior has a particularly harmful or divisive effect.
       
      In that invitation through asking, you will likely see if there is any room for meaningful discussion, or if there will only be more of the same.
       
      [Tyrone] Mine can just be a yes or no type answer, I'm just suspicious:
       
      [Tyrone] Were each of these 7 angles you gave related to the Centering Parts? Or I guess more generally, related to the axes and cardinality/ordinality?
       
      [Tyrone] (I am currently thinking in the order you gave them: 1. Instinctive, 2. Intellect, 3. Emotion, 4. Moving, 5. Higher Int., 6. Higher Emot., 7. Higher Moving)
       
      MEntity: Correlations could certainly be made, though further elaboration may be necessary to point out how these resonate.
       
      [Tyrone] I guess just were you guys thinking along those lines when coming up with them
       
      MEntity:
      Everything we ever offer can be mapped in correlative terms. Today's information is not an exception. However, we are not certain as to the order that Troy "unpacked" the delivery, so we would not consider these static correlations as far as the sequence.
       
      We think they are close, though, if not already in the sequence you describe.
       
      [Kurtis] Hi Michael, I hope this fits in relatively good context with this discussion, but I've been noticing a difficulty in understanding Caution's -Phobia in comparison to the CFs. Could you elaborate or clarify the difference between these CFs and -Phobia?
       
      MEntity:
      All Negative Poles of any Overleaf will be hooked into Chief Features, so Phobia, for example, would hook into that person's Chief Feature. The same would be said for Ingratiation or Identification, as Negative Poles for Acceptance or Passion, respectively.
       
      In other words, the Negative Poles of an Overleaf are what activate Chief Features, not the other way around.
       
      Caution is a means of relating, or reaching the Goal, by refining one's thoughts and expression, so Deliberation is when one is able to carefully select a thought or expression as that means of relating or reaching the goal. Phobia comes in when the person begins to overanalyze, overthink, and can no longer refine his or her interpretations or expressions.
       
      This person becomes frightened of his own thinking.
       
      This, then, would trigger whatever Chief Feature has come to be habitual as a means to protect the self.
       
      But this inability to refine one's thoughts would come first.
       
      To clarify: this person's over-thinking starts to scare him, triggering his Chief Features.
       
      Do you see the difference?
       
      [Kurtis] Yes I definitely do
       
      [Kurtis] I've been meaning to ask this kind of question for a while now
       
      MEntity: We will conclude here for today, and continue this discussion into the other Chief Features. We know we have many students who are in Arrogance and Self-deprecation, so a good number of you can begin to consider how you can transform these, if you choose to do so.
       
      From a different channeling session:
      Impatience
      [CocteauBoy] 1. TAKE TIME OFF - separate yourself from the steady stream of influence time has over you, and move yourself into a position that is intended to be free, such as going for a nice walk, a night off to the movies, a meeting with a friend for conversation, etc. Anything that you would normally NOT do because you "do not have enough time," TO DO.
       
      [CocteauBoy] 2. QUIET YOUR MIND - Impatience can scramble your thinking process to such an extent that you are no longer effective, so it would do you well to SLOW DOWN your mind, your thinking, and find your quiet, internal space. This could be done in the shower, or in a bath, or any other moment you think of it. Simply relax your face, your jaw, feel the weight of your tongue in your mouth, the presence of your chest, and for a full handful of minutes from 3 to 30, JUST BE. This practice of BEING will allow you to come back to your moment with far more effectiveness.
       
      [CocteauBoy] 3. EMBRACE ONE THING - Impatience can often leave one feeling as if she must be on top of everything that is on the agenda, thus everything clamors for the attention of the priority spot. Instead of thinking of one thing causing the delay of another, it would do you well to think of your focus on one thing as an EMBRACE of that thing, much like your hugging of a child or puppy, knowing that you will happily and quickly hug the next child or puppy, as soon as you are done hugging one. This will help you to keep out intrusive thinking and distracted emotions.
       
      [CocteauBoy] 4. USE YOUR BODY - Impatience can often leave one feeling the burden of Time on the body, which can leave one ignoring the effectiveness of the body, leading to clumsiness and erratic behaviors or reactions. One of the greatest ways to use your body is to LISTEN. Most fragments who suffer from Impatience tend to presume the intent, meaning, and words of others who are communicating.
       
      [CocteauBoy] There is rarely any patience for the act of LISTENING. Some who suffer from Impatience do not even realize how little they listen because they simply go deaf to the outside world, so to speak, but have learned to speak for everyone around them so effectively they think their own words are those of others'. Taking a moment to ask if you are LISTENING can help you to come back to the moment and actually make more effective decisions and responses in the moment.
       
      [CocteauBoy] 5. CREATE PATTERNS - Impatience usually drives an individual into patterns that are comforting, rather than productive. When one is in impatience, and creating only comfort patterns, there still must be a sense of proof for the use of Time, so this leads to lying to oneself, lying to others, so that the time appears to have been met with enough challenge to validate ones existence, or one will escape into routines that are simply "going nowhere." Patterns are perfectly valid, but when one is Impatient, these patterns can move into entropy, so one must bring an awareness to the process of one's patterns and ask if they are being CREATED, or if they are merely being fulfilled. Make a simple change as a means to create or alter a pattern and the results can often be rather amazing.
       
      [CocteauBoy] 6. PRESENCE - Though we have mentioned this already, it is worth pointing out as its own concern, to be PRESENT. Those afflicted with Impatience are often NOT where they are in time. They are often somewhere else, such as an elusive future, or a sentimental past. It would do you well to practice being present when you are doing something. To do so would mean to be fully aware that your actions are being driven by your choice, and that your skin, your hands, your face, your body, Personality, are all on board for the moment, even if you would rather be doing something else. The more you escape the moment, the less you can bring change to your momentum.
       
      [CocteauBoy] 7. LAUGH AT TIME - by this we mean to point out that Time has very little to do with your life beyond your experience and interpretation of it. If you can find the humor and heart in your relationship to Time, you can find it as an ally, instead of as an oppressive dictator. Laughing at Time can mean finding fun things to do, playful things to do, meaningless and pointless things to do, as long as you enjoy them and they help you to lose your focus on time. In doing so, you can begin to help your Personality and Body to see just how little REALITY there is time beyond your use of the moment, and your interpretation of that.
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