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  • Acceptance is not the same as approval


    [Excerpt from MMW: Understanding Your Overleaves]


    Lucianna: I would like to understand more about passion mode. ... I always had the feeling that the biggest concerns of my family. The worst of the bad parents was about me and my future. I had some difficulty at the beginning of school life. And some difficulty getting a job. This raised some concern as to what I would get. ...


    Yes, Passion is involved here, but the core of the pain comes from your Acceptance, the Goal.


    Your challenge and motivation in this life is all about Acceptance.


    One of the most painful and beautiful things you will learn with a Goal of Acceptance is that Acceptance is not the same thing as APPROVAL. ...


    You may never receive the approval you seek, and you may not approve of how your family behaves or supports you, but you can accept them and they can accept you.


    The pain comes from when you feel you must be different, to be something better, to be something more, to meet some condition of expectation in order to be accepted. ...


    INGRATIATION is when one assumes that one should comply to the expectations and standards and conditions of others as a way to be accepted. INGRATIATION is also when one expects others to comply to expectations, standards, and conditions before being accepted. ...


    What you will learn with the Goal of Acceptance is that your loved ones are also human and have their fears, their wishes, their worries, their hopes, etc., and they can be messy in how this is expressed if they are about you. If they express frustration with you, or disappointment, or higher wishes, or worries about you, this is not the same thing as being accepted or rejected.


    Others will always have their own ideas about what you can do to be a better person or have a better life. Listen to them and use what inspires you, but if it does not inspire you, it is not for you. It is not about you.

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