This material from a private session was posted on January 17, 2013.
[Bobby] Last month, when I asked if I had completed my 4th IM or not, you responded with "we do not think it is completed. When issues of self-as-resource, or self-confidence, are cleared up, we think there may be rapid movement toward closure." Are the issues of "self-as-resource" and/or "self-confidence" unresolved 3rd IM issues that are holding up the 4th IM? What specifically am I doing or not doing that is keeping me from completing the current IM?
The only reason you have not completed this Internal Monad is because you are not finished. It is not that you were blocking or delaying or dropping the efforts. It is, simply, occurring at your particular pace. There have been ebbs and flows of effort and retreat, but no interest in closing this without completion.
What you are doing that is helping to contribute to the completion is the taking of responsibility for your self as a resource. The definition of "resource" has come to change over time, and the range of value has expanded to include tangible and intangible contribution and sharing.
How exactly is it determined that it is ever completed then?
Since this is a personality based IM, I would think there would be certain markers one could go by.
[MEntity] It makes a difference if you contribute criticism, badgering, bickering, dismissal, distance, or if you contribute kindness, patience, laughter, playfulness, intimacy, ideas, creativity, and sanctuary. Those "things" count as much as any dollar, if not more. Though all contributions will have their importance for specific effects (you cannot pay rent with laughter, for instance), they are still beneficial resources that must, eventually, be appreciated.
[Bobby] I see. So currently then the contributions are still weighted a little more to that negative end of the spectrum then?
For most, the markers for completion of the 4th Internal Monad might be:
One begins to appreciate one's innocence and the innocence of others, and drops the constant necessity for destructive criticism. [For me, I think this was the key]
One begins to like oneself, and others, from a gentler stance that does not require defense.
One no longer "hides."
[Bobby] What would be an example of a way that I still "hide"?
One feels as if there is a stable return to participation, contribution, and creation of the life.
One tends to find that the life is flexible and adaptable, instead of fixed by any conclusions at any given time.
We are speaking about markers for all who complete this Internal Monad, not specific to you.
However, in terms of "hiding," this can be quite literal in that one avoids interaction with the life, or a complete indulgence in the life, so as not to truly be responsible for the life.
Or, for the older soul, this can be much more subtle, such as contorting the self to match the expectations of others and to avoid "rocking the boat," or dealing with conflict, or hiding through the presumption that others contort to one's own expectations.
In your case, we think your pattern was to "hide" in terms of retreat into the self to avoid conflicts or disappointment.
Eventually, the completion of the 4th Internal Monad comes with a realization that disappointment is not the same thing as definition, and conflict is not the same thing as needing to be right or to win.
The "to avoid conflicts" though seems to run counter to accepting another's innocence. I balance: do I allow them to be testy and nasty or do I fight back when challenged.
I think I do a LOT less of the latter, now, but there is still some of that to some degree.
The balance is simple in philosophy, but not always so simple in application. That balance is through lack of defense.
If you feel yourself getting heated and reactionary, you are in a state of defense.
If you find yourself disengaged and dismissive, you are in a state of defense.
[Bobby] Ok, I'll keep on working on it. I have the rest of this lifetime to finish it, if need be
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You may discuss this content in the original post. See How does one determine completion of 4th IM.