[Excerpt from TT: 2015-02-05 Private Session]
Question: What remaining issues need to be addressed in order to close out the Fourth Internal Monad?
There are almost always two elements that remain "floating" that extend this Internal Monad when one is "so close" to successful closure. These elements are part of the entire point of the Internal Monad. The elements related to the shedding of imprinting can come surprisingly easier than these final two. And those elements are: BE YOURSELF, and LIKE YOURSELF.
These can sometimes be quite elusive. Just when one feels he or she is making strides, and actually liking the self, something challenges this notion and then you may find yourself angry, frustrated, berating yourself, blaming someone, distracted with defense, etc.
The ultimate shift that comes after allowing oneself to BE oneself, and LIKING oneself, is that you lose all defense. You no longer react. No longer defend.
We are not speaking in terms of responding to legitimate attack or harm. Defense is not a "bad thing" in and of itself.
What we speak of here is retreat, recoiling, lashing out, resigning, helplessness, paralyzation, as a means of reaction to feeling threatened, with or without valid threat The "good news" is that this defense comes up BECAUSE you like yourself. So half of the battle is already won. The other half of the battle is when one realizes: there is no need for a battle at all.
You can like yourself on your worst days. You can be yourself even when it is the farthest from what you would prefer yourself to be. Because ALL of it is you. There is no one pushing you to be something you are not. No one defining you anymore. Only you, your thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions, and responses. If you overreact, feel frustrated, angry, then THAT is who you are. If you feel hurt, upset, depressed, then THAT is who you are. If you feel blissful, enthusiastic, playful, then THAT is who you are. None of it is ever NOT who you are.
And when that spectrum of who you are is embraced, the defenses drop because "who you are" is no longer seen as being "caused" by someone else's behavior or actions. Keep in mind that one can BE who one is without LIKING who one is. And one can LIKE who one is without BEING who one is. For example, you may not like who you are in some contexts and situations, but you can BE who you are. This helps you to own who you are, which helps to return you to liking yourself. Or, you may find that you are able to LIKE yourself, but worry that you are not Being yourself. This is okay, too, because liking yourself helps you to learn to be even more than you thought you were. So Being and Liking are not mutually exclusive or inherently fused.