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This question was originally posted by Jon on 10/14/08. From the recent Michael speaks: "No fragment has the capability for self-hate, self-loathing, self-denial, self-condemnation without exploiting the fuel provided by someone else's truths. [...] It is true that all fragments can hold harsh thoughts about one's self, but not for long. The default of sentience is loving. To do otherwise is exhausting, but possible. It is also true that all fragments can hold harsh thought about others, but not for long without exhaustion." If the above is true, then how did self-hate (and the hate of others) originate in the first place? It is my experience that almost everyone has some self-derogatory thoughts/energy. How do they sustain this if it is so difficult? Also, how did it originate between the first fragments to feel self-hate? Is it a natural outgrowth of being in the physical plane? Is this self-depreciation limited to the physical plane? FROM MICHAEL: The seed of self-hatred, self-denial, self-condemnation usually grows out of the self-protection one begins to implement as a means to protect oneself from the 7 qualities of life described by the Chief Negative Features. One begins to believe that it is dangerous to be vulnerable, to be inadequate, to lose things, to lose value, to lack control over time or space, and to change. One is either actively or passively taught how to protect the self from these experiences and one of the most powerful ways to create a false sense of protection is through self-hatred, self-denial, self-condemnation. When the seed is planted actively, it can be obvious where one learns how to hate, deny, and condemn, but often the seed is planted passively through the behavior or good intentions of one you have deemed to have more power than you. This is how the experience of self-hate, etc. originated. For instance, a Mother smacks the hand of a child away from a fire: the child does not necessarily experience the good intentions and love behind the smack, but can fixate on the pain and humiliation of a choice being interrupted. The child may then begin to build evidence, and even test the evidence, that "when I make a personal choice, someone or something will interrupt and cause pain and humiliation." She might either dwindle in her presence in the world, or begin to puff it up and push the boundaries of others so that when people push back, there is the proof that she is "safer" through stifling her choices. The child or young adult and adult then begins strengthening the tools that are assumed are the most powerful methods for protection: pain and humiliation (in this example). The distorted logic and emotion behind strengthening this form of protection is that it is better to keep the hand coiled by one's side through any means self-generated than to have it smacked again by another. The greatest walls of division from the world of danger can come from the enforcement of self-hate, self-loathing, self-condemnation, etc. Hate toward others is a secondary effect. It is simply another form of walling off from the world of danger. Keep in mind that self-hate (and hate), and all of its variations, including self-loathing, and self-condemnation, are all simply distorted forms of intimacy. Hate cannot be experienced without some form of deep (albeit distorted) resonance. Resonance is Intimacy. Most forms of hate describe a craving, longing, and aching for something represented or mirrored in that which is hated, countered by the resistance to that craving, longing, and aching. This is why we say that is it exhausting. And when we describe it as exhausting, we speak in terms that are physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. It takes a great deal of effort and energy to sustain these kinds of walls of protection. One will either retreat as a means to spread that energy thin, but consistently, or one will find a way to remind oneself why it's important to keep those walls up by searching for evidence to rekindle the strength of self-hate, or hate. For instance, one might think she is being brave and open by finally deciding she feels good enough and open enough to date again. Rather than moving into the spectrum of experience that is natural to the realm of dating, which includes a range of feelings and efforts and exploration, she will allow the first disappointment to stand as proof as to why she "doesn't date in the first place," etc. and retreat to exploit this new proof as to why she should never have reached out. We shared all of the above so that you can ponder the more detailed dynamics at work with variations of self-hate and hate, but we will also leave you with the more simplified response: All variations of Self-hate and Hate can be traced back to the battle for SPECIALNESS. Whether actively or passively, many fragments are taught that they ARE Special, or that they SHOULD BE Special. As the child grows in awareness, his or her realization that there is nothing special about himself can cause a lifetime of anger, search, and craving for that ONE THING that makes someone finally identify him or her as Special. This can evolve into a hatred for those who seem to have been identified as Special, or a hatred that creates a false platform of Specialness, such as is the case for a Racist, for example. In terms of self-hatred indicating a craving and distorted intimacy with yourself, the craving is in the desperate wish for your soul or some part of you to come forth and exemplify, or be identified as, Special. A part of you KNOWS you are special and craves to exemplify this and have it identified, but being terrified that the things that are special about you are not enough, are dying, are going unnoticed, will be rejected, etc. And so you hate. And hide. The solution, then, is in the freeing of oneself from the unending, looping math of Specialness, and embracing the wholeness and complete reality of your UNIQUENESS. Uniqueness needs no proof, needs no protection, needs no additional factors. It simply is. Embracing the Uniqueness of others, of course, is a means toward resolving hate toward others. We end on this note knowing that we could continue on with additional details and teaching, but we believe this will help address your questions and to provide some food for thought.
July marked the rather awkward, yet enthusiastic, leap into the exploration of the Attitude for the year, which is IDEALIST. Most entered July on a wave of Passion generated over the previous 3 months of April, May, and June in which Passion, symbols, and identity were explored, shaken, and some left behind, making way for a sense of renewal in the months ahead. Many of you welcomed the energy of encouragement for improvement and betterment by your own standards. But it appears to us that, for many, August has "fallen flat" in its sense of promise and improvement. At best, most of our students appear to be in a state of Inertia, the negative pole of this year's Goal of Flow. At worst, a quiet, deep (and for some, a secret) disappointment has sprung within and August has turned into a sensation of weight that must simply be endured, worked through, processed. We say "at best and at worst" only for convenience as a way of describing one end of the spectrum as being fairly distracting, similar to the rowing of a boat upstream, whereas the other end off the spectrum is still a sensation of going upstream, but with a dragging anchor to contend with, as well. If these states are familiar to you, it is more than likely a familiar case of Naivety, the negative pole of Idealism. Your standards set high, your expectations set high, your enthusiasm set high, and as August has unfolded, you have discovered the depth of effort between what you envisioned and where you are. It is not uncommon. Setting your vision high, igniting your enthusiasm, and then either feeling as if you are falling short within a limited time, or simply incapable of fulfilling that vision, can cause a sense of crash and burn, or at the very least, a sense of running in place. For some of our students, this collapse in enthusiasm has come because of that perceived gap between what is envisioned and where one is, but for others it has come because life has thrown you a curve "just when you were ready to dive in to your improvement," or so it seems. What we would suggest to those who feel this inertia and weight is to realize that this is exactly a part of your process. Often this collapse of enthusiasm can be consuming, which can then lead to the relinquishing of all concern, but it does not have to be. The entire point of the collapse was proportional to your passion and intent to improve life and fulfill a vision. What is often not understood about the intent to improve the life is that when that intent is genuine, then the improvement is genuine. When improvement is genuine, it is a rooting that must take place, and when something new is planted in place something that was no longer growing or nurturing you, then that old rooting is uprooted. You are in the uprooting phase of your passionate effort to improve upon your life toward your ideal. What has come up as far back as the beginning of July for some, and for most during the last week of July through this second week of August, are pivotal experiences that will change you in ways that experiences have rarely changed you, if you choose to reap the lessons that have been be brought to bear. It would be safe for us to say that if your end of July through August 15th have been less than spectacular, less than fulfilling, less than fruitful, and quite frankly more than disappointing, more than disheartening, and more than distracting from your enthusiastic vision, then you were more than likely deeply sincere in your intent to make this year "count" as a pivotal year in your self-development and direction, and that you may be missing the point of what has come to the surface during these past weeks. Some of you may find that our description of disappointment and distraction to be too familiar for it to stand out as being anything new, so we will leave it to you to intuit the validity of what we describe. For some, the experience we describe above may be a repetitive pattern, or for others, the description is too vague. We can only say that for those who are experiencing the process of enthusiasm and intention for a pivotal year toward an ideal, what we describe will hit home. An aside: Keep in mind that we describe in our energy reports the patterns that are most noticeable and have the greatest momentum, much like the kind of weather report your geographical area is generating. This weather, if it actually manifests, is valid for anyone participating in it, i.e. having to travel in it, walk in it, etc, but may only be peripheral for others who are in a climate-controlled room, or focused intently on matters that do not take them "outside." The same could be said about the energy reports and those "out in the weather" vs those who are not, so to speak. For those who might not relate to any given report, a different report would have to be given to them, relative to that person's specific world at the time. For those who do relate to this report, we would suggest going back to read our February Report, focusing on the dynamics of FLOW. We would also suggest letting your disappointments, heartaches, grief, disorientation, weight, distraction, and disheartening moments give you the seeds of change that have come from the uprooting, or the displaying, or the glaring redirection needed for you to fulfill your visions, to honor your ideals. The information, wisdom, trust, and gifts are there. We do not say this to be poetic. It is simply true, or at least it is true that you do have the capability and strength for extracting the meaning from your recent experiences in a way that the experience becomes information, wisdom, trust, or a gift. [Note: The February 2009 Energy Report is apparently lost.] We would like to add a word about Enlightenment, as we play this Position within many of our students' Support Circle: We will first say that "enlightenment" is simply a building of a structure through which one can make sense of life. It is not a goal, nor is it a state, so much as it is a natural ingredient in the process of evolution. Even your "a-HA!" moments are not moments of enlightenment, so much as they are punctuations in the book of enlightenment you write with your experiences. One of the greater steps of enlightenment, and one that is taken over and over across many lifetimes, is the submersion into experiences that are overwhelming, deeply disappointing, painfully disheartening, defeating, or distracting, and finally grasping the truth that you are allowed to feel what you feel when you are in those experiences; that you are allowed to be overwhelmed, disappointed, disheartened, distracted, and to feel defeated; that to fight these feelings, to ignore them, to shame them, to contain them, to color them with pleasantries, to rise above them, etc. only leads to addictions, sedation, therapy, and other methods of securing False Personality at the gates of life to protect you from either feeling anything associated with these experiences, or to protect you from others seeing that you are feeling anything associated with these experiences. We would call this "Endarkenment." Endarkenment is not opposite to Enlightenment, but are much like Hate and Love. Hate is not the opposite of Love, it is a misunderstanding and distortion of Love, or, in other words, both are descriptions of a kind of intimacy. In that same way, both Enlightenment and Endarkenment are attempts to make sense of life, but Endarkenment is a delusion, a distortion of the structure that helps make sense of life, and often an angry insistence of the meaning of things as if this may never change. And so it is that many of you have stumbled upon your Endarkenment, holding up to the surface of your life what it is that you have insisted is true about your life, that contradicts your passionate higher vision, your ideal. For some of you this is quite dramatic, and for others of you this may simply be a bitter undertone in your days, but you will recognize what we describe if this has been the case for you in the past 6 weeks or so, and for some of you, this has not yet happened for you. If you are one who has set out this year to make this a pivotal year, we would say that it is likely that you would be stumbling upon your own Endarkenment in the weeks to come, and this information may be of help. August has no significant global or community shifts, but it appears to us that many of our students have fairly profound sets pivotal days within the month of August. Again, though it is unusual for us to emphasize this in such a way, those of you who understand this report, will understand so with a clarity that further validates our resonance with you as students. We rarely remind you of this, particularly for the sake of our position as a teacher, and for the sake of exemplifying the valid weight of such words when said with full presence; and though it is not unheard of that we say this when we feel it most important and appropriate, we do wish to say now that it is true that you are not alone, that we do care, and that it is true that we love you. We do not share our teaching flippantly. Most of you who work with us for any length of time are not doing so as a novelty. We have a relationship with you, and that can often be forgotten in the intellectual emphasis of our teaching. But our higher perspective does not exempt us from these sensitive states of resonance with you, it simply allows us to know love for you more profoundly than we can express within the sentimental distortions of language. We do not bring all of this up randomly, of course, but to speak to some of our students who will have stumbled upon a stage of Endarkenment. The words we share in this report that would normally have been seen as uncharacteristic of our communication, will probably be heard more clearly than usual without contradiction to our usual communication. Endarkenment, as it gives way to Enlightenment, can often open one up to a great sensitivity and clarity of true communication, stripped of sentimentality, pleasantries, and other False Personality tendencies, not only between yourself and others, but between Personality and Essence, and beyond. In the same way that our words expressing resonance with you may be heard more clearly, so it is that many of you may find in the weeks to come, a heightened renewal of contact and clarity with your own guides and support groups, both physical and non-physical. [note: every year has a pattern of energy that can be described as a kind of "personality," so the energy reports are Michael's interpretation of that energy using the Overleaf System; these are not predictions, but merely observations of momentum and pattern generated by actions and choices, similar to how weather patterns can be observed and reported.]
[EDIT: additional clarification added on August 18] I'd like to clarify (and I am adding this to the original post, too) that I don't mean to condone hate or the use of hate or living perpetually in hate as a motivation. My original intent was to point out that hate is something that is natural and nothing to fear and what we do with it is what matters. We don't have to be scared of hate that rises in us in reaction to awful things. Hate is just information. It points out what we find repulsive and disgusting. Most people think of the hate that is expressed from people who live in hate just because someone is different and they don't understand or like it. That's what we think of when we think of hate. That's an ugly and terrifying kind of hate because it goes unquestioned and unchecked. But when we are subject to the horrors of Nazis, racists, sexists, homophobes, abusers, rapists, murderers, and molesters, etc. it is totally fair, normal, and natural to feel hate for these things. That kind of hate is still just information. We are passionately repulsed and disgusted. But we don't want to live in it any more than we want to live in fear or anger, but we shouldn't try to avoid or shame or fear our hate, and we certainly shouldn't believe that our hatred of people who harm other people is the same thing as the hate that actually harms people. That's like saying that the violence of people fighting for their lives is the same kind of violence that has come to take their lives. Violence, hatred, anger, and fear... they are not the bad guys. What we do with these, how we direct them, how we understand them... that's what matters. That's all I really meant to say. **** [original post below] Below is a combination of posts I wrote in response to two different approaches to questioning hate, anger, and violence. One presented the question as a thoughtful exploration, and one came from a hostile Michael Student from the greater community who wanted to put me in my place for expressing my anger on Facebook toward a fake president who is encouraging violence and white supremacy. Both prompted me to look more carefully at these terms of hate, anger, and violence and try to explain how they work when they are forced on us and how they can be constructive. I decided to create a new post from those responses so we could discuss this and call bullshit on my perspective, or if we can learn to see the constructive side of emotions that are sometimes forced on us and that we have to deal with. *** For those of you uncomfortable with the hate, anger, and violence forced into the equation of protecting ourselves from hateful violent racists and homophobes, rest assured that Love *will* win and save the day. But some of us don't have the protection or privilege of just waiting for that day to come, so please forgive us as we get dirty, hurt, and angry. We are doing the work of clearing a path to that day when you get to say that Love Wins. We don't have to fight dirty for Love, but please understand that we have to fight, and we will get very dirty fighting for it. So save a nice spot us for when we can rest again. *** It's so frustrating to see the effects of inculcation from the new age and religion that keeps us locked in this binary world of "Versus." Love vs Hate, Fear vs Love, Anger vs Peace... That binary world just doesn't exist. It never did. It only looked like it did because it made it easier for us to navigate as we grew up. It made it easier for Baby Souls and Young Souls. Eventually, we grow more mature and that's when we realize there is a spectrum of life, of emotions, of gender, of sexuality, of intelligence, of choice, of everything. Even at the heart of this teaching is the very concept of Polarities that teach us about this spectrum that was never pitted against each other, but a part of each other. Hate and Fear and Anger are near the end of the spectrum of life where choices have become more limited. When this is imposed on yourself or imposed on others as a way to remove choice, it is the familiar destructive force we all know. But when Hate, Fear, and Anger come in response to others taking away our choices and threatening our lives, it is entirely warranted, appropriate, and can be constructive. Hate is just extreme passion. It's no more inherently uglier or villainous than Fear. Things like Fear and Hate and Anger are tools that can protect a house or tear down a house, and Love IS the house. Fear can destroy us or protect us. Hate can destroy us or protect us. Anger can destroy us or protect us. Sometimes protection is necessary in a world where we can be harmed. These emotions are tools that override logic and that's why they can seem so scary. Those who glorify Hate, Fear, and Anger tend to be those who passionately and senselessly seek to destroy the choices of others, and this is what we think of when we see actions motivated by Hate, Fear, or Anger. But these are the same tools that have to be used by many on the front lines of fighting for those who are targeted and oppressed because they know there is no logic that can reach the oppressors or make sense of the chaos. They have to passionately fight back and help clear a path back to logic and reason and it is entirely warranted and healthy and constructive to harness the tools and fuel of Hate, Fear, and Anger and aim it all right back toward protecting and rebuilding the "house" of Love. When people say they can't fight hate with hate, they think of hate as being this singular position opposite of Love. But Love and Hate were never opposites. Love can't be divided, but Hate can be, so Hate can be used against Love or help us clear a path back to Love. Shocking, I know, but anyone who has been directly targeted by violent oppression knows the productive and passionate power of hate, anger, and fear that can help change the world for better. I'm not saying it's ideal, but it helps more than we give credit. When people say they can't fight hate with hate, they also tend to mean that it's an issue that means something different to them and that it makes them uncomfortable to be expected to feel as much extreme passion about that issue. I am totally okay with that and if you can fight using calmer more "loving" methods, then please, by all means, do so. Please don't just turn your back because it's uncomfortable to see the passion from those more directly targeted and hurting.