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[Extracted from: NYC Michael Speaks: Wants & Needs of Essence Roles] MEntity: We understand that Troy has asked for us to discuss what we might describe as the WANT and the NEED of each Essence Role, so we’ve looked at this in a way that we hope will be easy to validate for each of you and your Roles. ... we will move on to the final role of SCHOLAR: What Scholars are motivated by on a conscious level in terms of WANTS for the lifetime we might describe as PROJECTS. Scholars want projects. They want to be working on something. They want to be studying something. They want to be calculating something. They want to be crafting something. It depends often on their casting in this case as to what that project would be. It could be helping someone. Or it could be any number of things, but they want projects. This is what motivates them often. Underlying everything else is that sense of creating or participating in or contributing to a project. Now again, in terms of the Scholar, this definition of what project will mean may vary. But we would think that, if one is truly a Scholar, it would be difficult to find a Scholar who has not in some way thought of “what is my next project?” or “who is my next project?” or “how is my next project?” Their NEED, however … again we have two words that might work here … but their NEEDS, what they are subconsciously motivated by and will find ways to fulfill it would be REST or SURRENDER. Scholars need more True Rest than most other roles, or often need to recognize the value of surrender more than other roles. Now, surrender is a word that often gets confused with resignation, and we will clarify here that surrender is the conscious acknowledgement of forces that are not particularly in your immediate control. So there is a sense of allowance for those things that are going to happen whether you are contributing, participating, or able to control them at all. So Scholars have to learn to surrender, and they need that. They will find that they navigate into positions where they have to surrender to forces greater than themselves. This is also how that rest comes about, because when the Scholar surrenders, they can “sigh” a sense of relief and truly become more centered again, centered back into themselves, into a more assimilative position in the life, rather than constantly distracted by the navigation of it. Do we have Scholars that would like to comment or validate or question? [Question] Yeah, it sounds like you are pointing to Scholars having some control issues. The question would be maybe how to differentiate between when to let go and allow for and when to know when you're more needed to step in. And this could be a reflection of my Server Casting as well. I have some trouble differentiating between the two, but I recognize the need to allow for things to just take place. MEntity: In terms of just the Scholar — we'll address the Server aspect in a moment — in terms of when to know when to surrender and when to rest versus when to step in is when you know that you will not be able to control it. This may require you to step in maybe once or twice to try, but more often than not, it's quite clear when you can and cannot control a situation. When you recognize “I cannot control this,” that is when you can step back and rest, because it is not in your hands. This does not mean that you do not have to contribute, or in any way participate, and what we'll do is we'll use a more simplistic scenario that you can then apply to more personal scenarios. If it is going to storm outside, you cannot change that it is going to storm. It is going to rain, it is going to have wind, and you cannot change that. You cannot change that, but what you can do is decide how to navigate that, and that would mean either choosing to stay inside — let the storm happen and stay inside — or be prepared with your raincoat and rain boots and your umbrella and go outside and know that you are still probably going to get wet and that you cannot necessarily control to the degree that you might get wet. Do you understand? [Comment] Yes MEntity: So it is the same in your personal life. There may be a storm brewing around you, and there may be a storm happening. So acknowledging that you cannot change that storm, but you can change how you navigate that storm makes a very big difference for the Scholar. It allows them to get their sense of power back, their sense of capacity to make sense of a situation back, because that is one of the things that Scholars have the greatest distraction with is trying to make sense of things, and it can drive them crazy if it seems senseless or there is a lack of capacity to assimilate the scenario. So knowing where the line is to draw between what you can control and when it is time to simply navigate what you can't control will help to bring that sense of rest back, that sense of centered state back. Do you understand? [Comment] Yes [Question] For a Scholar, you said True Rest earlier, so is it individual to each scholar, obviously, what their True Rest is, so that's what has to come into play or is it really, literally rest? MEntity: We meant it in a broader term. Your Life Task and the Pillars that support your life task — with one of them being True Rest and all the different examples that might fulfill True Rest — could come into play. But we meant the term, or the phrase, in the way that that category is defined in the first place. True Rest means that you feel inspired again, that you are truly replenished, that you come back feeling motivated and enthusiastic from the experience. [Question] So Scholar hygiene I've read, like taking baths and laughter, would that fall into the category of rest? MEntity: It most certainly will help the Scholar, yes. That is the case when it comes to your generalities, you can go take your bath and you can pursue moments of laughter and have a good time. But what matters here, in the context of this topic today, is when you are in a situation you cannot control and you find yourself struggling. You won't probably be able to run off to a bathtub or necessarily laugh in those circumstances, though you would want to resort to your capacity to discern how much control you have and then how to navigate within that. [Comment] So detachment would come into play, in terms of stepping back and letting things happen as they may. MEntity: That is a word that you could use, yes. We will say more that discernment would be more specifically applicable here, because that is what happens for the Scholars. The detachment will help, but the discernment — that being able to define and differentiate between what I can control and what I cannot — is what's important. If that requires detachment, then that will be of help for you. But the key is that discernment … and then, of course, integrating that into yourself so that when that scenario comes around again, you know that “I don't have control over this. I can only navigate this, and here's how I choose to navigate it.”
So, Pneumonia. And some gratitude. After a week of triple-digit fevers, shortness of breath, tons of “goo” and related congestion, I bit the scary dollar-bullet and went to the doctor. I had already lost several days of working with the junior high and high school choirs on our music for our upcoming concert (I accompany on piano.) I had already lost a week’s worth of clients where I work as a massage therapist. I had to cancel a weekend gig, find a sub for my Sunday gig, and I have another big gig coming up on Saturday. So, if I could be mended fast for some money, the trade would be worth it at this point with all the work I’ve lost. While that’s the bargain I made with myself, apparently it had little bearing on my actual state of my body. A bunch of chest x-rays and related diagnostics later, I’m to be on another week of rest, no work, don’t infect anyone, take all these drugs, and here’s an inhaler so you have less chance of dying. As I was making the rounds of letting people know what was going on, I thought, “Well, damn, I’m kind of flattened, here.” Like, I can’t just “push through” some discomfort to “get things done,” I am instead in a position where I have to not do anything I’d normally be doing because I have pneumonia and that’s contagious. I work with lots of seniors, especially, and that’s a great crowd to be hacking-up-a-lung around. Because I’ve had to reschedule/cancel/find-subs for so many things, I am using this opportunity to first examine what I am doing with my day to day, and second to express my gratitude. Sunday morning, make the hour’ish drive to church. Rehearse with the choir and soloists. Play for Sunday service. Depending on timing, I can have lunch with one of my parents before I drive to the theatre to work in the box office selling tickets for whatever we’re performing. Evening off. Monday morning, bike an hour or so into town, play piano for the high school for an hour. Bike across town to the spa for 4 hours. See 3-4 clients. Bike to the local junior college. Sing in a community choir from around 7-10. Go home and sleep. Tuesday morning, get up extra early to bike to the junior high school, play piano for an hour, bike to the high school, play for an hour, practice two hours, play another hour, bike home. Wednesday morning bike an hour into town, play for the high school, bike to the spa, see 3-4 clients, bike to the local junior college for wind ensemble and happy French horn times from 7-10. Go home for sleep. Thursday is another extra early day, bike to the junior high, play, bike to the high school, play practice play, bike home, grab the car, drive up north for church choir practice in the evening, go home and sleep. Friday is bike into town, play for the high school, bike to the spa, see clients, bike to the theatre, work box office or play gigs. Saturday is either theatre work, music gigs, or the rare day off. It was exhausting just typing that up and trying to keep it all in the right order. So to actually get sick, really sick, means I have to talk to people involved with The spa The high school The junior high The church The church choir The community choir The community wind band The theatre So my phone is a cornucopia of texts and emails and “absence creation forms.” And here’s where some of the gratitude comes in. I am incredibly lucky to have the jobs I have. I am using both of my degrees (music and bodywork) in actual, real, I-got-paid-for-that kind of work. I have a “sweet! How did you get that job?” position working for a local performing arts space where I can duck in and watch the actual show for free if I want. I get really interesting gigs like The Follies and end up in interesting variety shows and such. On top of that, all of my employers have been super-chill and like, “Rest up and recover; don’t push yourself,” with this illness, with no push of, “Can’t you just take a bunch of drugs and mask the symptoms?” sort of thing. Thirdly, everything that needed a sub got a sub. People have been really compassionate and all sorts of “good luck” has shown up to “make things work.” We may even get the ghost story festival covered by another local storyteller. So, despite the publicity, I’m pretty sure I’ll just be trying to breath on Saturday, much less be telling ghost stories. https://pasoroblesdailynews.com/haunted-adobe-returns-san-miguel-weekend/76448/ Fourthly, my personal support circle has been just stellar. I expect it to be stellar, but I don’t want to take it for granted. From my fiancé driving me around and feeding me, to parental units offering to help cover some of the medical costs (all my parents are still alive and in relatively good health. Woo!) to friends bringing me ice packs and sending the random text of assurance, it reminds me of how lucky I am, and how grateful I am. But, I still haven’t slept in 6 days. If I start to drift off I choke and gag and that wakes me up. Also, the triple-digit constant fevers make for some interesting hallucinations. And the cat pee’d on the floor again instead of in her box. Gonna go take care of that.