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Michael Speaks 011010 TOPIC CHAT (new format) Self-Karma MEntity: Despite the complexities that can be involved in Self-Karma, the actual concept, exploration, and resolution are quite simple. That is not to say that the process is "easy," but that describing these elements is fairly simple. First, we will define Karma as "any form of intensity (imbalance) as a result of interference to your capacity for Choice." Interference of Choice is not the only criteria for generating Karma. There must be an intensity, or imbalance, generated from at least one party, and most-often the party who suffered the loss of Choice. The sudden increase for capacity of Choice is also a form of Karma, if intensity is generated. We describe this as Philanthropic Karma, and this form of Karma "feels good," but it is Karma, nonetheless, as it interfered with Choice and generated intensity. When Karma is generated, "Ribbons" are formed as a means to track those intensities. Those Ribbons connect among the Instinctive Centers of all who are involved. It might be more accurate to describe these as "tuned frequencies" that do not lose track of the members of that frequency, but we feel that "ribbons" is easier to image. The resolution of Karma is in the "burning" of the "ribbon," or neutralizing that frequency. The burning of ribbons is always done through role reversal, either with the parties from each side reversing positions, or from the party who generated the karma reversing his or her own actions that generated the Karma. A simplified example of each might be: Reversing Positions = you kill someone, that someone kills you. Reversing Actions = you kill someone, you then save that someone in a later life. We realize that we have been sharing the details about our perception of Karma, but this is helpful in understanding your Self-Karma because much of the same dynamic applies. We will define Self-Karma as being "a dual position within that interferes with your own capacity for Choice, and generates intensity, or imbalance." Often these are also described as "Issues." ALL Self-Karma is contained within a single lifetime and does not carry over in the same way that Ribbons do among fragments. Self-Karma is generated by the Personality within the lifetime. However, Self-Karma can show up as patterns for an Essence, because Essence designs each Personality, and often the patterns of exploration sought by Essence generates similar opportunities across lifetimes for each Personality that tends toward certain Self-Karmic issues. If a Personality resolves his or her Self-Karma within a lifetime, that Self-Karma is usually not repeated, because Essence then has a completed set of new data from which to use for creating a lifetime. Since Essence learns through Personality, it can only progress beyond certain Self-Karmic patterns when a Personality finally figures out how to resolve the issue. That is not to say that a pattern does not repeat, but that it is rarely repeated. When we say that it is not repeated, we are speaking about a specific Self-Karma, but that issue may be a part of a larger category of Self-Karma, which we will explain in a moment. If you are alive, you most-likely have Self-Karma. Self-Karma is so common a development among Personalities that even the hosts for the Transcendental and Infinite Souls carried Self-Karma. However, in the cases of Transcendental and Infinite Soul hosts, the Self-Karma is always resolved within the lifetime. Self-Karma is generated in four categories of your life, which mirror the Axes of our Overleaf System. It would be more accurate to say that Self-Karma is generated in one or more of your four "bodies" that mirror the Axes of our Overleaf System: your Intellectual, Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual/Instinctive Bodies. These categories can help you to identify your Self-Karma by where, how, and when you find yourself divided in a way that interferes with your capacity for Choice. Self-Karma is often paralyzing in its effects. When we say "paralyzing," we include those uncontrollable compulsions that force a choice even when you "know" is not a choice you would prefer to make. We include non-choice, refusal to choose, or the fear to choose, as a means to suspend yourself between two or more choices, as forms of paralyzing. What we will share now is a simple exercise for identifying your Self-Karma in a way that allows for tangibility so that resolution can be made, if you choose to pursue such an endeavor. Draw up a chart in a way that creates the four categories, or bodies: Intellectual, Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual. With merely a glance at your life, considering each category, it might be fairly easy to identify at least one Self-Karma from each category. You could translate each category into a way to help your examination, such as: Expression, Inspirational, Action, and Assimilliation areas of your life. Assimilation might be better understood as your "Learning" or "Comprehension," or the "Lessons" are of life. Another translation: my world view; my relationships; my body; my spirit. Questions to pose for each category, regardless of how one translates that category might sound something like: "What do I get the most upset about in this category?" Or "In this category, what experience repeats for me that keeps me from making the choices I want to make?" Or "In this category, where do I wish something else would change before I can make a choice that I prefer?" Or "In this category, to what do I tend to overreact?" Or "In this category, what triggers reaction in me?" Or "What frustrates me the most about myself, others, life in this category?" At first, your examination may bring up broad categories, and that is a good place to start, but you would eventually want to narrow it down to specific triggers or situations. For instance, you may feel that issues of INJUSTICE is a large context that carries triggers for you, but upon closer inspection, you may find that you are really only triggered when someone does not comply to your way of thinking, or agree with you, or celebrate your passionate stance with the same passion. This might indicate that your issues are not so much about Injustice, but about "Being Right" or "Being Superior." Once one has identified a Self-Karma, then the work of resolution can begin. Resolution is found when there is no longer a sense of division, and your choice is completely owned by you. We will give a very simple example: A fragment identifies that she has "issues" with her body image, detailing that she feels ugly because she does not lose weight, but does not do the work of losing that weight. This would fall under BODY, or Physical. The broader category would be "Body Image," but she might find she is triggered in instances where she is going to be social or intimate. Her Self-Karma then might be the division within that says she is beautiful just as she is, as long as no one sees her. Being "Beautiful As I Am" means to her to never having that concept challenged, so she remains isolated and secluded to sustain that version of herself. Being "As Beautiful as Others Prefer" would mean shaping the body into a new form, which means exercise, diet, and patience, but this is in conflict with "Beautiful As I Am," and to follow through in that direction might mean she really is not beautiful as she is, so reprimanding, self-punishment, self-hate, repulsion replace diet, exercise, and patience. She remains at home, or secretly isolated internally, even when in social situations. The resolution would come only when she MAKES THE CHOICE in one direction or the other, and allows herself to own that choice. If she chooses to "Be Beautiful As I Am" then it would require the work of self-acceptance, self-kindness, accentuating all that is felt to be beautiful, internally and externally, and to build upon that. She would celebrate the beautiful in those people and things that she knows as beautiful beyond any standard in entertainment or social media. She would allow for all forms of beauty, knowing that this is a subjective matter, and never something that can be standardized. If she chooses to "Be as Beautiful as Others Prefer," then she would own the steps necessary to go down that path, and begin a commitment to exercise, diet, patience, and a reality-check that she cannot transform her body to be exactly as someone else's, but that she can make it the best it can be. She would embrace the fact that she may not please everyone, but focus on moving her body into a state that is pleasing to herself. She is simply taking care of herself. In short: the Self-Karma is a division that could be described as "Accept my self as I am/Improve upon my self-image." The resolution is to choose one of those and to own all that goes along with that choice. The irony is that in the commitment to one or the other, BOTH are ultimately included; hence the resolution. Neither side of the division is left behind. Accepting yourself as you are automatically includes an upgrade to your self image. Improving upon your self-image automatically brings a kindness to the process that is an acceptance for who you are all along the way of your improvement. Improving yourself in your own eyes automatically improves your representation of yourself to others, thus improving yourself in their eyes, as well. Improving yourself in a way that others may find appealing often leads to clarity about what must be improved in your own eyes. When choosing a direction for commitment to resolution, it is often more beneficial and efficient to choose the direction over which you have the most control. For instance, taking the route of "Accept Myself As I Am" is far more within the control of that person than if she were to entirely depend upon the external factors for gauging her progress. Both paths could work, but this is why many teachings encourage one to start with the self, since that is where one has the most control, and is almost always guaranteed success. Choosing to go in a direction of lesser control that requires others to comply to your ideal is still a valid path, but a more complicated and challenging path, with less-likely successes. The more time and care given to your examination of your Self-Karma, the more quickly and easily the resolution might come because the solutions are often within the issue, itself. **************Q&A*************** Are there different gemstones with their frequencies that might be utilized to help neutralize the energies of these four self-karma categories? MEntity: If it is understood that these gemstones are merely a supportive energy, and not an energy that actually does the work for you, then there are stones that might help some fragments receptive to that energy. To understand how these work, it might be helpful to think of each gemstone as being a light of specific color, and when that light is shined into your space, it can highlight certain things. It is not that the stone is actually "doing" anything other than being itself. A flashlight in the dark is not magic, but it can certainly improve one's capacity for seeing. And so it is with such tools as gemstones. With that being understood, the most common stones available for helping support in the process of Self-Karma might be: Rose Quartz or Pyrite for Physical/Body Issues Amethyst Quartz or Citronite for World View/Intellectual/Expression issues Tourmaline or Jades for various Learning/Comprehension/Instinctive Issues Tiger's Eye or Azurites for Emotional/Relationship Issues These stones may help to highlight the areas prone to opportunities for resolution, but they will not resolve the issues for you, or soothe them. There is validity to frequencies generated from inanimate objects, especially from those directly of the planet, but as with any tool, it is what you do with them that makes the difference, not necessarily the properties of that object. A hammer is just a hammer until one picks it up to use with intent, and that intent can have a multitude of outcomes. How do you deal with cases where manifesting is involved and appears to interfere with the resolution? For example: If the woman above decides to get in shape, but then injures herself or gets into a car accident that hurts her back. How to avoid or get past that? I see it a lot. MEntity: The Self-Karma would remain, as well as the resolution, regardless of circumstances along the way. To make this clearer, we will use an example of a man who has lost his legs who feels he is worthless without being able to walk. The Self-Karma is not in whether he can walk, or not, but in how he experiences whether he can walk, or not. If he is divided to such an extent that it paralyzes his capacity for choice, then he has generated Self-Karma. If he embraces his experience, or if he commits to rising above it, then the Self-Karma is resolved. For the woman who has hurt her back after committing to improving the health of her body, she can still commit to the improvement of her health and body. When a commitment in one direction of resolution comes with great obstacles, or surprise obstacles, or challenges, the commitment itself must inherently make room for all of the possibilities of that path, or it is not a commitment. Is there a way of avoiding or lessening the chances of that happening in the first place? It seems to me that it happens when someone forces themselves towards one choice without being ready? You are correct that "forcing a choice" is still included in Self-Karma, as we described it as a compulsion. And that is a good point for differentiation: Resolution comes from EMBRACING YOUR CHOICE, not FORCING your choice. Forcing a choice leads to complications that compound the Self-Karma. Embracing a choice means absolute permission to explore that choice on your own terms at your own pace, and with an invitation to Essence, your friends, your loved ones for support in that choice. Forcing a choice is usually marked by intensity and often secrecy. Embracing a choice is usually marked by a gentleness and an openness without shame. That is not to say that embracing a choice would avoid any surprises, but that embracing a choice inherently brings the strength of adaptability. In addressing self-karma through another channel once, you told me to consider my greatest concern in life and I'll be on my way to identifying my self-karma... then you asked me "how satisfied are you with your response to friendship". Would you elaborate a little more on the why of that particular question and how it relates to my self-karma? MEntity: For examination on a broader level, we would ask about the "greatest concern in life," and this would allow one to find his or her most pressing issue/s. Following this with a question about relationships would help to identify a category. That question would have been asked if we suspected it may be helpful to look into your Emotional or Relationship Category for refinement of that exploration. Thank you, good evening! Could you please give an example of, and resolution to, a spiritual self karma? Would perfectionism be a spiritual self karma? MEntity: A broad example of a Spiritual/Instinctive Self-Karma might be those issues associated with Guilt and Shame. A specific Spiritual Self-Karma within Guilt or Shame might be in the experience of being an Old Soul among family members who are Baby and Young, and having to deal with this in a way that does not leave you feeling divided between "being yourself" and "compromising just to keep the peace." In that case, the choice would be between "being yourself" and letting others deal with that, or "Compromising to keep the peace" as a means of dealing with it on your own. The resolution would be in the fact that regardless of which choice you make, you are ALWAYS "yourself," and no context changes that, regardless of the facet you choose to bring forth appropriately or strategically. In an example you gave, - which is EXACTLY me, lol, and started with back injuries, are both options you gave equally valid for truly resolving the issue? Using that example, what happens if you improve yourself and then later on you end up backsliding or being injured, etc and are once again feeling overweight and unattractive? It seems like loving yourself as you are resolves the situation, whereas changing your body, while healthier physically, could be undone. Self-Karmic resolution is immediate and permanent and not based upon conditions. If the motivations for improving upon the body as a path to resolution is conditional upon reaching some conclusive state that will only THEN be satisfied, then it is merely a perpetuation of the Self-Karma. If one were to choose to improve upon the body as a means for reaching a state considered "beautiful," it would have to include kindness, patience, and a devotion to the self in a way that naturally translates into "beautiful as you are along the way." The embrace of the commitment to improve upon the body as a means to reach a greater state of beauty would mean that you are merely at one point in that spectrum of beauty, rather than its needing a finish line to cross. Another way to understand when one is in Resolution is when you know your choice is because you WANT to make that choice, not because you feel you HAVE to make that choice. "I HAVE to make this choice if I want to be beautiful" is not a choice that resolves Self-Karma. "I HAVE to accept myself as I am in order to feel beautiful" is equally imprisoning. In this case, it would be helpful to understand that the ideal of beautiful cannot be reached without creating steps along the way that are seen as beautiful to you. Much like building a brick house, it must be completed brick by brick. It is never helpful to deny that it is a brick house simply because it is not to a point where you feel you can live in it. For instance, the simple decision to "try to like how I look today" is a beautiful decision. It may not stick, but for now, it is beautiful. The more "for now" moments of beauty you extract from your experiences will add to the materials that build your ideal structure of beauty. The decision not to eat a certain way for the day because you feel this contributes to your better health is a beautiful decision, even if you do not choose that the next day. For now, it is beautiful. Those simple moments build into a matrix that helps to generate moments that are far more pivotal toward resolution. So you often surround yourself with 'conditions' when you are experiencing self-karma? MEntity: Oh yes. Depending on the extent and depth of the Self-Karma, the more conditional your existence. "I can be beautiful as I am, as long as I am invisible." Those "conditions" generate a false reality, and that is what gets exhausting, not the actual process of resolution. Sustaining a false reality as a means to balance the divisions within is literally exhausting. All Self-Karma can be resolved in an instant once the truth of the absolute superficiality and uselessness is comprehended. ALL Self-Karma are simply forms of self-discipline that have gone awry in the self-parenting process. Or put another way, generated during the Third Internal Monad. Is the majority of self-karma generated during or through the 3rd IM or are their other times/experiences that generate a certain amount of self-karma as well? MEntity: Self-Karma is almost entirely generated during the Third Internal Monad, and complicated or refined over the rest of the life. For instance: there may be the experience of being rejected based on appearance, which prompts one to be very concerned about appearance, which then becomes a divide within that acceptance is based heavily upon appearance, which then becomes specific to certain body parts, or spreads to include the entire body. So it might be useful looking at the experiences surrounding the 3rd IM in order to help identify some of the behaviours that are self-karmic? Find their genesis, so to speak, and understanding what has given rise to them, be able to put them into a more proper perspective? MEntity: It is not necessary to understand from where or when these were generated. It will never matter where or when these were generated, as it is the current "you" who make the choices now. It would be similar to trying to understand when, where, and why you have brown hair. It does not matter. You have the choice to embrace that color, or to change it. We pointed out the time frame of origin as a means to point out that many of these issues are "teen age" or "young soul" levels of issues, or even younger, and that their bearing has little validity or relevance to you as an adult or older soul. Self-karma is created by ourselves and not circumstances or others... MEntity: Correct. It is created when one interferes with one's own choices to the point that it generates a divide within. Thanks Michael. You've touched on some of this already, but here's my original question/s: Could you comment on how Self Karma tends to be experienced across all soul ages, or is it more likely to be confronted by us as we mature in soul age? MEntity: If you are alive, you most likely experience Self-Karma. Most Self-Karma is relative to the predominant Soul Age for your planet, or your current society within which you were nurtured. So there are links to Social/Cultural soul age? Relative...? MEntity: All Soul Ages experience Self-Karma, but it is true that there are emphases within each: Infant and Old tend toward Spiritual Issues; Baby tends toward Intellectual/Expression Issues; Young tends toward Physical/Body Issues; and Mature toward Emotional/Relationship Issues. Though Old tends toward Spiritual Issues, they are prone to taking on the predominant issues of the times, and can run that gamut of issues across the soul ages, depending on what is of interest for exploration that has never been resolved. Most Old Souls that we know of have yet to resolve Self-Karmic issues remembered from their Young Soul days and are finally "getting around to them" now. That is because the current society fully supports Young Soul issues involving appearance, body, health, etc. When most of you were in your Young Soul days, your "Baby" or Intellectual/Expression issues were most explored. We would also point out that now that the planet is technically Mature Soul, newer generations would generate their Self-Karma during the Fourth Internal Monad. In an Old Soul Society, these would be generated during the Fifth Internal Monad. The predominant Soul Age during the lifetime usually indicates when the Self-Karma is generated, and though it can also indicate what kind, it is not necessarily limited to that. Does this mean we would have to wait for society to catch up to work through mature and old soul issues? MEntity: No, we simply speak about the practicality of the times, since Self-Karma is generated and contained within the single Personality, which is most-often imprinted by the current society, but anyone can work on anything at any time. Oh, I misunderstood -- there are four categories of Self-Karma, but one only develops an issue within one category during any given lifetime? MEntity: No. The time frame for when they are usually generated is fairly consistent, and it can indicate the root of many issues, but could include issues from any category. In your response to another question, you mentioned that one must choose between being themselves and compromising to keep the peace. How do you accept that finding that compromise may never occur and to be accepting that your best attempts to rectify a situation will never be enough while accepting that the consequences of the failure of another will happen to them, without it creating the self-karma of guilt or shame? I seem to have this type of pattern repeating through the past five or ten years for me and I'd really like to break it somehow. MEntity: We see that is a helpful question that addresses the nature of resolution when it is valid. In this case, if one were to choose to compromise for the sake of keeping the peace and does not experience this compromise as an assault against one's being, but finds that compromise still does nothing, then the the point of Being Oneself is still intact, as it is clarified that no amount of compromise makes a difference, and that the issue was never about one's Being. From that space within the original resolution, it would be a matter of decisions based on what to do with these individuals, and not to do with oneself. This may lead to another layer of Self-Karma because it might get to the Self-Karma one might have about who "should love me, no matter what." Do you endure the suffering within their presence as a means to receive potential love, or do you remove yourself from those people who should love you. In short, it might move into issues about where love, and what love, is in your life. Is it more loving to remove yourself from the exhausting exchanges, or is it more loving to allow room for their lack of love for your presence as you choose to love anyway. In most instances where one feels one must continually endure the presence of another while feeling exhausted and even damaged, then the question is not about love, but about Rights. Could you explain further on your definition of Rights? MEntity: We will include our Map of Rights in the final transcript, but as an example: every fragment has the Right to Love and Be Loved, and this Right is either supported or removed in the process of a lifetime. So it might be a question of whether those who refuse to love have more of a right to your love than you do? Just curious about the obstacles to resolution of self-karma...what tends to keep us from resolving them? Are these obstacles different for the various soul ages? MEntity: The most-common obstacles to resolution are boredom, specialness, and crisis management: Boredom is the result of rejection of Essence, and like a dog with anxiety cut off from his sense of resource, can chew off his own skin to keep busy with distraction. Specialness is a result of rejection of Uniqueness, and spends all of its energy seeking constant external validation for any sense of value. Uniqueness requires nothing for it to Be; it is inherent. Specialness requires constant feedback. Crisis Management is a result of rejection, or distortion, of one's strengths gained over the lifetime. It becomes far more familiar and routine to manage crises, or patterns of issues, than it is to use those strengths for managing the creation of the life, and new patterns of freedom. Boredom is usually linked to Self-Destruction and Greed; Specialness to Self-deprecation and Arrogance; and Crises to Impatience and Martyrdom. Put another way, Boredom often perpetuates Intellectual issues; Specialness perpetuates Emotional issues; and Crises perpetuates Physical Issues. That is a generality, but it is fairly consistent, keeping in mind that there may be layers within a Self-Karma. Could you give an example of Crisis Management in the final transcript? I am not sure I understand that one. MEntity: We can give an example now: It is much more comforting and familiar to, say, manage the trauma and pain caused by your struggling to accept an invitation where you feel your appearance will be scrutinized, than to simply go, or not. Crisis Management vs Life Management. Crisis vs Choice. Crisis vs Creativity. Hello Michaels & Troy! Initially I wanted to ask WHY self-karma arises and why would we ever want to interfere with our own choices to the point of generating a divide, but I understand that the channel may be tired by now, so will ask instead if you could give an example of the most typical form of self-karma for an Old soul? MEntity: We can answer both: Why one generates Self-Karma is simple to understand if one does not see it as such an imposition, but as a process of learning that moves from the experience of duality and into the experience of a spectrum, or wholeness. In every instance of Self-Karma there is duality, and in every resolution there is a spectrum, or wholeness. Self-Karma generates from over-simplifying, and Resolution comes from embracing complexity. In every lifetime, every Personality is born an Infant Soul in perspective, and seeks to not only return to the greater perspective already reached in previous lives, but to exceed that. However, this process includes a process from Duality to Spectrum, so to speak, so none escape that process. There is no typical Self-Karma for the Old Soul. If the Old Soul lives in an Old Soul world, then the Self-Karma might tend toward Spiritual issues as "typical," but otherwise, the Self-Karma tends toward the predominant Soul Age of the planet or environment. However, for the sake of example, a "typical" Old Soul/Spiritual Issue could be said to be the resolution between the fact of the current Personality as it exists among all Personalities across time for Essence. Recognizing the profundity of how small one really is in the scheme of things while seeking to retain a sense of identity, contribution, and participation can be terrifying. This is why we say that Old Souls learn through Terror. END OF CHAT Map of Rights: The original map referred to in this transcript is not currently available, but the seven basic rights are well covered in OMW: Tending to Your 7 Basic Rights.
This question was originally posted by Jon on 10/14/08. From the recent Michael speaks: "No fragment has the capability for self-hate, self-loathing, self-denial, self-condemnation without exploiting the fuel provided by someone else's truths. [...] It is true that all fragments can hold harsh thoughts about one's self, but not for long. The default of sentience is loving. To do otherwise is exhausting, but possible. It is also true that all fragments can hold harsh thought about others, but not for long without exhaustion." If the above is true, then how did self-hate (and the hate of others) originate in the first place? It is my experience that almost everyone has some self-derogatory thoughts/energy. How do they sustain this if it is so difficult? Also, how did it originate between the first fragments to feel self-hate? Is it a natural outgrowth of being in the physical plane? Is this self-depreciation limited to the physical plane? FROM MICHAEL: The seed of self-hatred, self-denial, self-condemnation usually grows out of the self-protection one begins to implement as a means to protect oneself from the 7 qualities of life described by the Chief Negative Features. One begins to believe that it is dangerous to be vulnerable, to be inadequate, to lose things, to lose value, to lack control over time or space, and to change. One is either actively or passively taught how to protect the self from these experiences and one of the most powerful ways to create a false sense of protection is through self-hatred, self-denial, self-condemnation. When the seed is planted actively, it can be obvious where one learns how to hate, deny, and condemn, but often the seed is planted passively through the behavior or good intentions of one you have deemed to have more power than you. This is how the experience of self-hate, etc. originated. For instance, a Mother smacks the hand of a child away from a fire: the child does not necessarily experience the good intentions and love behind the smack, but can fixate on the pain and humiliation of a choice being interrupted. The child may then begin to build evidence, and even test the evidence, that "when I make a personal choice, someone or something will interrupt and cause pain and humiliation." She might either dwindle in her presence in the world, or begin to puff it up and push the boundaries of others so that when people push back, there is the proof that she is "safer" through stifling her choices. The child or young adult and adult then begins strengthening the tools that are assumed are the most powerful methods for protection: pain and humiliation (in this example). The distorted logic and emotion behind strengthening this form of protection is that it is better to keep the hand coiled by one's side through any means self-generated than to have it smacked again by another. The greatest walls of division from the world of danger can come from the enforcement of self-hate, self-loathing, self-condemnation, etc. Hate toward others is a secondary effect. It is simply another form of walling off from the world of danger. Keep in mind that self-hate (and hate), and all of its variations, including self-loathing, and self-condemnation, are all simply distorted forms of intimacy. Hate cannot be experienced without some form of deep (albeit distorted) resonance. Resonance is Intimacy. Most forms of hate describe a craving, longing, and aching for something represented or mirrored in that which is hated, countered by the resistance to that craving, longing, and aching. This is why we say that is it exhausting. And when we describe it as exhausting, we speak in terms that are physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. It takes a great deal of effort and energy to sustain these kinds of walls of protection. One will either retreat as a means to spread that energy thin, but consistently, or one will find a way to remind oneself why it's important to keep those walls up by searching for evidence to rekindle the strength of self-hate, or hate. For instance, one might think she is being brave and open by finally deciding she feels good enough and open enough to date again. Rather than moving into the spectrum of experience that is natural to the realm of dating, which includes a range of feelings and efforts and exploration, she will allow the first disappointment to stand as proof as to why she "doesn't date in the first place," etc. and retreat to exploit this new proof as to why she should never have reached out. We shared all of the above so that you can ponder the more detailed dynamics at work with variations of self-hate and hate, but we will also leave you with the more simplified response: All variations of Self-hate and Hate can be traced back to the battle for SPECIALNESS. Whether actively or passively, many fragments are taught that they ARE Special, or that they SHOULD BE Special. As the child grows in awareness, his or her realization that there is nothing special about himself can cause a lifetime of anger, search, and craving for that ONE THING that makes someone finally identify him or her as Special. This can evolve into a hatred for those who seem to have been identified as Special, or a hatred that creates a false platform of Specialness, such as is the case for a Racist, for example. In terms of self-hatred indicating a craving and distorted intimacy with yourself, the craving is in the desperate wish for your soul or some part of you to come forth and exemplify, or be identified as, Special. A part of you KNOWS you are special and craves to exemplify this and have it identified, but being terrified that the things that are special about you are not enough, are dying, are going unnoticed, will be rejected, etc. And so you hate. And hide. The solution, then, is in the freeing of oneself from the unending, looping math of Specialness, and embracing the wholeness and complete reality of your UNIQUENESS. Uniqueness needs no proof, needs no protection, needs no additional factors. It simply is. Embracing the Uniqueness of others, of course, is a means toward resolving hate toward others. We end on this note knowing that we could continue on with additional details and teaching, but we believe this will help address your questions and to provide some food for thought.