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OMW - Nov 16, 2013 - On Being Stuck Channel: Troy Tolley [MEntity] Hello to each of you. We are here, now. We will begin discussion on this topic requested. [MEntity] This is described as "I Am Stuck." We understand the implications in that phrase and will address the variations that contribute to this experience in a lifetime. [MEntity] There are two ways that one can be "stuck." Consciously, and Subconsciously. [MEntity] Though the differentiation is sometimes subtle, it is rare that one can get stuck unconsciously (as opposed to subconsciously). In another discussion, we can clarify the differences, but for today, we will focus on the two ways that are most common, as well as most useful to you now. [MEntity] The only difference between being stuck in a conscious or subconscious way is your awareness of being stuck. When you prefer a different result from what you are getting, you tend to be stuck in a conscious way. [MEntity] When you are moving in patterns that do not serve your intentions, then it tends to be that you are stuck in a subconscious way. [MEntity] Therefore, when you have identified that you are "stuck," you have already made the first step into the only way to break a pattern: AWARENESS. [MEntity] We will return to this as part of your steps in a moment. [MEntity] Because there is complexity to Sentience and being in a body, the consideration for consciousness, subconsciousness, and even unconsciousness is not easy to delineate. Often, a pattern may have elements existing among all of these. [MEntity] As we help to delineate the concept of "being stuck" and the process by which to become "unstuck," we suggest keeping this mind so that you do not miss that there is, potentially, a network of elements connecting the more obvious to the less obvious. [MEntity] We will start with "being stuck" SUBCONSCIOUSLY. [MEntity] "Being Stuck" subconsciously is, in a more succinct term, a HABIT. [MEntity] A Habit is something that one does, even without thinking or feeling. These can be beneficial, and these can be harmful. [MEntity] A beneficial habit may be your routines for getting to work on time, or driving a familiar distance, or any routine that is helpful to you. [MEntity] Keep this in mind because "being stuck" is the difference between a habit that is helpful and a habit that is not. [MEntity] Many of your most unhelpful Habits come directly from the more insidious behaviors learned as protection as described the the Chief Negative Features. [MEntity] You may think they are eccentricities, behaviors that are social, behaviors that represent your "rights," behaviors that are acceptable, even charming or humorous. [MEntity] So when you are assessing your Habits to determine if they are helpful or harmful, it may be difficult to know. [MEntity] Is it helpful or harmful to gossip? Is it helpful or harmful to feel insulted? Is it helpful or harmful to give in to a craving? Is it helpful or harmful to just stay home again another night? It is helpful or harmful to complain again about yet another thing? [MEntity] The truth of the harm or help in these questionable habits, and many others like them, is a spectrum. The answers will sometimes be yes, and sometimes be no. [MEntity] For instance, gossip is not inherently harmful, but it can be used to harm. Feeling insulted is not inherently harmful as it can help you to recognize your boundaries, but it can be used as a form of manipulation and self-harm, as well. Allowing room for a craving can bring pleasure, but it can also be for a pleasure that produces more harm than good. [MEntity] And so on. [MEntity] Your means of differentiating between a helpful and harmful habit can be done in only one way: IT COMES TO YOUR ATTENTION. [MEntity] Once it comes to your attention, you can then discern if it is helpful or harmful. [MEntity] Think of your HABITS as something similar to Breathing. You may do it on a regular basis without thinking or feeling, but sometimes something smells good, something smells bad, or you may find you have trouble breathing, or that you feel a need to take a particularly deep breath at the moment, and so on. [MEntity] So if your gossip is more harmful than good, you will know it. If your craving is doing more harm than good, you will know it. If your staying in another night takes its toll on your sense of participation in the world, you will know it. If your pleasures bring more pain, you will know it. [MEntity] You can ignore the knowing, reject the knowing, be confused about the knowing, but you cannot UN-know it. [MEntity] Once your Habit has come to your attention that it is harmful, and you CONTINUE to do it, it is no longer a Habit. [MEntity] It is an Addiction. [MEntity] An Addiction is merely a Habit that you are aware of that can be broken, and yet you continue to do it. [MEntity] Keep in mind that one can be quite tricky in the process of assessing one's Habits and Addictions. [MEntity] For example, one might assess that the Habit of the routine for getting up in the morning and going through the rough effort to get to a job one does not enjoy is then an Addiction if one does not just quit that job. [MEntity] But that would not, necessarily, be the case. [MEntity] And this is for two reasons: [MEntity] ONE) when something is a Habit, it is most often devoid of emotion and thought. You just do it. A Habit is a lack of awareness/presence in what one is doing. As we mentioned before, this awareness is not always necessary, but once a Habit is in your awareness and you feel it is not serving you, then your awareness MUST BE THE DIFFERENCE. [MEntity] So if your routine in the morning for how you prepare and journey to work is brought to your attention as you groan, your very awareness can make that difference by bringing in something new to the equation. Because Habits are based in doing without thinking or feeling, then you would want to bring new thoughts and feelings to the experience. [MEntity] You may not actually need to quit your job. You may simply need to add new thoughts and feelings alongside the habitual ones. Alongside, I HATE THIS could be I HATE THIS, BUT I DO NEED THIS; or I FEEL SHITTY NOW, BUT FEEL GOOD THAT I HAVE SOME INCOME. [MEntity] This injection of intentional feeling and thinking can slowly, and sometimes immediately, shift you from being in Habit to being in CHOICE. [MEntity] TWO) one does not instill a Habit, or succumb to Addiction, unless there is a PAYOFF. [MEntity] Remember, a Habit is not necessarily an indication that one is doing something harmful to the self. This must be assessed by how that Habit comes to your attention. Your Habit is not an Addiction if it is determined that the payoff is beneficial. [MEntity] So your Habit in the morning routine for work may be able to use some injection of consciousness, but knowing that your Payoff is that you do this Habit for the sake of taking care of yourself means that you are not Addicted. You are simply doing what you have to do for an intended result. This Habit, then, is helpful. [MEntity] One does NOTHING without the motivation of a PAYOFF. [MEntity] That Payoff is the determining factor between what Habits become Addictions, and what Habits are serving you. [MEntity] When a Habit serves you in beneficial and healthy ways, it could be said that it is some form of LOVE. This is all that needs to be understood for you to keep nurturing the Habits that serve you. You go to work because you Love. You gossip to your friends as a way to bond, to vent, to heal, not as a way to harm, because you Love. You treat yourself to pleasures that do no harm because [MEntity] you can express Love this way. Your sense of feeling insulted is because you care enough about your well-being; you Love. And so on. [MEntity] You breathe, because you Love. [MEntity] We elaborate upon these subconscious patterns referred to as Habits because when they serve you well, they often go back into a state of Habit, even if you have injected some consciousness into them for a while as part of your assessment. [MEntity] Again, consider the Habit of breathing. You would not want this to be dependent upon your injecting conscious awareness into every breath, but it can be a beautiful experience to do so once in a while. [MEntity] So once you have determined that a Habit may simply have needed some attention, and you see that is serving you well, it can be left alone. [MEntity] When a beneficial Habit comes to your attention then, it is often for the sake of GRATITUDE. [MEntity] Bringing Gratitude to your beneficial Habits once in a while can be quite inspiring. [MEntity] We mention this because it can be much easier to assess and embrace the Habits you discover are serving you well, and if you nurture these, recognize their Payoffs, and bring Gratitude to them, the work necessary to transform the harmful Habits and Addictions can be reduced to half or less. [MEntity] This energy necessary for transformation of unhealthy and harmful habits is vital. [MEntity] As mentioned before, NOTHING is done without the motivation of a PAYOFF. This is not a selfish term. It is simply inherent in evolution, particularly in terms of consciousness. [MEntity] This is why there is a Goal as a primary part of a Personality. [MEntity] The Payoff you gain, or seek to gain, must be gained through a PROCESS. [MEntity] If your Payoff is gained through the beneficial and healthy Habit, it would be considered worth the Process, whatever that process may have been. [MEntity] As mentioned before, a Habit that you discover is beneficial and healthy is one that is some form of Love. These do not become Addictions because the results are intended, even if not necessarily preferred. [MEntity] However, when a Habit is brought to your attention as harmful and unhealthy, yet you continue to choose to do it, it is an Addiction. The Payoff is nowhere near what you intend, even as there is still a Payoff. [MEntity] This Habit, then, is motivated by some form of Fear. [MEntity] The key to transforming Addiction is in determining what the Payoff is that you are settling for, as opposed to the one toward which you intend. [MEntity] In most cases, this Payoff can be found in your personal Chief Features. [MEntity] Has it been brought to your attention that your constant complaints are not helpful, not healthy, and yet you continue? The Payoff could be that it serves your Arrogance, or your Martyrdom, or your Impatience, for example. Is your Payoff that it feels good to feel better than at least someone? Is your Payoff that you might get the pity that a victim deserves? Is your Payoff that it satisfies your panic at the loss of control over time? And so on. [MEntity] If you can assess that a Habit is an Addiction, then you can assess what the Payoff is by looking at your Chief Negative Feature/s. From there, you can find the keys to transformation toward your True Intentions. OPEN FLOOR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS [MEntity] We will stop here to open the floor to questions regarding what we have shared, so far. After that, we will talk to a few of you as examples for how to transform toward your True Intentions. [Maureen] It is clear so far Michael. [GeraldineB] Michael, I think most would like that personal interaction -- so, can we move to that? [GeraldineB] If so, why not go in Alphabetical order, beginning with Brian? [MEntity] Of course. If all is understood, so far, then our responses will be more useful. [MEntity] Begin. [Brian_W] Hi Michael, I suppose my biggest habit / addiction that I have issues with is the lack of self-love [Brian_W] from what you have said, I know it feeds the Self-Dep, that feeling of not being enough / fear of being too-much [Brian_W] what steps might I take to start loosing it, even if its enough so that I can breathe and be more pleasant company to others, to invite people in my life rather than pushing them away? [MEntity] Before we respond to this, specifically, we must clarify the steps that we think are useful in any pursuit to transform an Addiction and redirect toward an intended Payoff. We will return to your question with a response after that. [MEntity] FIRST, as mentioned at the beginning, one must have AWARENESS. If there is no Awareness, there is nothing to work with toward transformation. [MEntity] This takes care of bringing THOUGHT back into the equation. [MEntity] If this Thought/Intellect is to be helpful, it must be from the Positive Pole: Insightful. Awareness that merely seeks to explain away one's actions is the Negative Pole: Reasoning. If you wish to change a Habit or Addiction, you must use Insight. Insight is the difference between using the past as a way to understand and affect the present and future, vs using the past as a way to excuse and secure the present or future. [MEntity] If you find that you are constantly using "Reasons" to excuse your behaviors, you will not make much difference. [MEntity] Reasons for the past can be quite legitimate, but if that is not used as Insight for affecting the present and future, you will remain stuck. [MEntity] SECOND, one must bring AWE back into the equation. [MEntity] AWE is the Inspirational/Emotional element that is often missing in a Habit. [MEntity] If you bring Emotion back into the equation, yet fall into Sentimentality/Attachment, you may find that you defend your actions, instead of change them. When it comes to Addiction and harmful Habits, Sentimentality is an attachment to what is already familiar. [MEntity] A simpler way to understand the negative uses of Intellect and Emotion when they are brought back into the equation, leaving you stuck, is to understand these as BLAME and EXCUSES. [MEntity] To truly bring Awe back into the equation along with Awareness, you would want to bring Perception to the equation. This means that you throw out what has always seemed obvious to you, what seems most apparent and immediate, logical, and even tangible. [MEntity] SEE PAST WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS SEEN. [MEntity] Do not worry if it makes sense to you, or that it conflicts with past experiences, or that you just know it will not work out. SEE PAST THIS. [MEntity] Be in Awe of the possibilities. [MEntity] Once you have brought Awareness and Awe to the equation of transformation for a harmful Habit or Addiction, it means no more blame, no more excuses. [MEntity] Only effort. [MEntity] Now that you are making the effort, you must continue to draw on Awareness and Awe because now you will begin to unveil your TRIGGERS. Triggers are the prompts to your Moving Center to do as was programmed, not as is chosen. [MEntity] Your Triggers are the equivalent of your Wounding. When you are triggered, you are hurting, even if you have numbed yourself to it. If you fall into harmful Habit and Addiction when Triggered, you are doing so because you hurt, and that protective behavior is your Payoff. [MEntity] Triggers, by the way, are the Instinctive Part of your Moving Center. [MEntity] Use your Awareness to note these Triggers. Use your Awe to see past them. [MEntity] Use your EFFORT to make a difference, to make a different choice, to make a choice at all. [MEntity] And those are your most powerful tools for transforming your harmful Habits and Addictions that keep you stuck: AWARENESS, AWE, and EFFORT. [MEntity] This process of transformation may take time, patience, and kindness, so you should be considerate of these factors if you truly wish to transform a pattern. [MEntity] For the most effective transformations, you would want to use your Awareness as a means to bring forethought to any situation that might have known Triggers. KNOW that you will be Triggered. You may not be able to avoid the Trigger. And that is when AWE can come in handy. SEE PAST THAT TRIGGER. With all the strength you may have in that moment, see past it to other possibilities. And then use your Effort to make a difference, however mimimal that may be. [MEntity] And, finally, ask for help. None of you must go through your transformations of habit or addiction alone. Support can be important, if not profoundly vital. [MEntity] And now we will return to Brian's question: SEE ABOVE. [MEntity] Next. [ViP1] I have a question, if no one else before me in alphabetical order does [MEntity] We feel that the above information would apply to most questions for how to, personally, approach the process of transformation. [MEntity] As we know there is such limited time for these grander concepts and applications, we try to share what will be meaningful to each of you as a whole. [ViP1] I think that as with Brian, most of this question may be addressed by what you just shared, but I can put it out there still. [ViP1] my issue is that I am addicted toward denial. [ViP1] If there is an issue that is likely to be painful that I need to actually take action on, I instead start looking in every possible direction for information, background, and guidance, ostensibly to understand the issue, and what I should do about it, better. [ViP1] And I do this, up to a point. [ViP1] But when it gets to a point where I don't need to ask any more questions of anyone or anywhere else, my wheels start spinning on what I've read, or heard, or, [ViP1] endlessly reviewing all of it. When in reality, all I am doing is looking for a way to point my head in the other direction and buy time to enjoy myself in blissful ignorance (or rather, denial) more. [ViP1] I have (some) awareness of it. I know it has gotten to a point where it is harmful. I know it comes from fear. And the payoff is delaying what I am sure will be painful. [ViP1] And it's not only in one area of my life. I am resistant to change, in general, to varying degrees (my tertiary CF is stubbornness.) [ViP1] But especially in situations where I have a personal emotional stake, I tend toward denial in a manner that historically tended to fit your description of a Habit (without feeling or emotion). [ViP1] Recently, I have become more aware of it, and I think this would now qualify it as an Addiction. As you described Triggers, I am fairly sure that this behavior is related to a trigger, but I am not sure what it is. [ViP1] What is the Insight, or how can I find the Insight, and bring it to bear, to stop denying and instead, simply think, reason, decide, and ACT? [ViP1] If this question is too long to answer today, that's ok too (end of question) [MEntity] It is not too long, and our response is applicable to Brian, as well: [MEntity] First, up to this point, you have been working with what you had to work with. Now you have something more to work with. This may not make a difference, but that is up to you. Allow for your AWE to come into play here. You are not bound to the past. You are not bound to only what you have known as familiar. You are now trying something new, different, a bit more encompassing in Insight and Perception. But in the end, it will still require your Effort to make the difference. [MEntity] Use your Awareness to note your Triggers. Really look at these. Allow for the wounding to surface. You may not ever know what that wounding was/is, but it will come. It may come in nothing but tears, or pleasurable relief, or bizarre bursts of laughter, but let it come. We cannot tell you what those Triggers are. You must discover and own these as part of you. We cannot do that work for you. [MEntity] Even now, in reading this, some of you may have wounding surface simply because you are conscious and caring of yourself in this moment enough to let it. [ViP1] i know what they are, i just don't want to admit it (as being the truth) [MEntity] We cannot stress enough: you do not have to know what the wounding was/is. You do not have to make sense of it or break it down or rehash it or unearth a memory. The wounding will surface. [MEntity] What you want to own is the healing. You already own the wounding. [MEntity] In the end, as a last resort, if you are fully aware of an Addiction, yet you continue to choose in that direction, remaining stuck, THEN OWN THAT CHOICE. [MEntity] This is your life. Your body. Your patterns. Your fears. Your path. Your evolution. Your choice. [MEntity] And owning that choice to remain in a pattern of addiction is THE MOST LOVING CHOICE YOU CAN MAKE. And this begins to make the difference. [MEntity] This breaks down the resistance. This breaks down the friction that is pain. [MEntity] This surrender may be the very key that breaks the pattern. [MEntity] Sometimes, being told what to do only serves to push you toward what not to do. Embracing what not to do brings back your curiosity for what TO do differently. [MEntity] Let yourself have your addiction, your spiralling patterns, your confusion. These are yours. No one can take those away from you. Only you have the right to do so. And you can. [MEntity] If you can sense even the slightest bit of curiosity for what other options there may be, then you can use your Awareness, Awe, and Effort to test out new directions, new choices. "Just to see." Only then will you know what your true choices were/are. [MEntity] This is enough. [MEntity] Even a slight taste of healing and transformation is often enough to spark the transformation process toward much greater payoffs than were ever considered possible before. [MEntity] But all along the way, each of you would do well to be kind, patient, and generous with yourselves. [MEntity] You will one day realize that you were never truly stuck. You were, and are, simply alive, living, and none of this was ever ugly. Just degrees of all that is life, and the choices you make within that. [MEntity] Good evening to each of you. We will conclude here for now on this subject. We think we will speak more on this, eventually. [MEntity] Goodbye.
ENERGY REPORT April 20162016 OVERLEAVES ROLE: Server (emphasized all year)CENTER: Moving (emphasized all year)GOAL: Discrimination (emphasized Jan - Mar) MODE: Caution (emphasized Apr - Jun) ATTITUDE: Cynic (emphasized Jul - Sep) CHIEF FEATURES: Self-destruction (emphasized Oct - Dec) APRIL brings with it a shift of emphasis from the Goal to the Mode of the year. Caution Mode is now in emphasis. All descriptors are in effect, but the emphasis of exploration is now on the Mode. Caution Mode brings with it the Positive Pole of DELIBERATION, or DELIBERATE, and the Negative Pole of PHOBIA. As a year unfolds it is often the case that the emphasis begins from the Negative Pole and then resolves in the Positive Pole toward the end of the emphasis, if “all goes well.” The Goal of Discrimination was processed over January through March and did not manage to move into the Positive Pole of Refinement, but found many fragments further entrenching themselves in Rejection, the Negative Pole. This does not bode well for the possibility of moving Caution from Phobia to Deliberation, but because there is always the power of choice, it cannot be predicted what the next few months may bring. We can only look at patterns and probabilities. The Positive Poles are always within reach. One must simply make the choice. It could be said that Discrimination is the process of learning how to say NO through saying YES and Acceptance is the process of learning how to say YES through saying NO. For those in Acceptance, this tends to be far more apparent. The inclination to say Yes to everything and everyone is, eventually, found to be meaningless, empty, and exhausting if there is no sense of power and meaning in saying No. Saying Yes out of fear, obligation, routine, or “just to be nice or liked” is not a true Yes. That is the Negative Pole: Ingratiation. To truly mean Yes, one must know when to say No. For those in Acceptance, this is a hard lesson and can be painful to take those steps in establishing clear boundaries and parameters of acceptance. Ironically, the more comfortably one can say No, the more unconditionally one can say Yes, and be in the Positive Pole: Agape. For those in Discrimination, the tendency to say No is far more justified and encouraged by modern society. To say No is considered to be an act of confidence, strength, and power. However, just like saying Yes to everything is empty of meaning, so is saying No to everything. Saying No to “everything” is not Refinement, it is Rejection. Rejection is sloppy. It is lazy. It is resigning from the equation of navigation. It is often thought that it is simply easier to say No, but it takes its toll. Eventually, Discrimination must learn how to say Yes so that No is a process of choice, not a process of protection. What tends to happen for both Acceptance and Discrimination is that this “hard lesson” of learning to say Yes or No is avoided by “doubling down” on saying what has always come to be familiar. So Acceptance will “double down” and become deeply entrenched in saying Yes to something, losing themselves in that Yes, and investing deeply in whatever has become the focus of that Yes so that the No can be avoided. Discrimination will “double down” and become deeply entrenched in some statement of No as a way to avoid saying Yes. And that is where the Goal of Discrimination has found itself among the masses at this point. Most have simply “doubled down” on what they seek to say NO to, rather than take the more inconvenient and inclusive route of saying YES to anything. The irony is in that those who become entrenched in NO tend to think or feel this is a way toward some preferred YES. It is often considered some kind of path toward Refinement. But it is deep investment in Rejection. This becomes clearer as any suggestion of any form of Yes, any variation away from that NO, is met with hostility, defense, excuses, etc. and the defining No stands. Rejection is always a path toward Refinement, but the more invested one is in Rejection, the longer that path will tend to be. So as Rejection is the general atmosphere of collective consciousness as Caution comes into emphasis, Phobia is likely to be fairly “amped up” in effect. CAUTION MODE is a means of reaching the Goal through the Refinement of Thought. The Positive Pole is Deliberate and the Negative Pole is Phobia. Deliberate, or Deliberation, is conscious intention, or long and careful consideration, whereas Phobia is extreme and irrational fear. Caution in its Negative Pole is when thoughts lose all sensibility, all rational capacity, all insight and clarity and lashes about wildly in reaction to input. That input is often in the form of something symbolic that triggers the Phobia. As April moves forward, we expect to see many who have entrenched themselves in Rejection find themselves “triggered” into Phobia and lashing out with irrational and extreme methods to ensure Rejection is upheld. For our students, we can say that that if you have found yourself in any position that more preoccupied with saying NO over saying Yes, then you may find yourself far more likely to be triggered than others. For those students who are not invested in Rejection, but are doing their best to aim contribute to Refinement, the wave of Phobia from others may bring about some challenging scenarios, either symbolically or literally. In either case above, the key here for the next three months is in your being able to consciously override any triggers that set you off, that provoke you, that compel you. As soon as you feel any form of triggering, your only option for transforming that dynamic is in removing yourself from that dynamic. You can return to it, later, but if you are triggered, you may feed yours or someone else’s Phobia and further fuel the wave of Rejection on the planet at this time. All of the above is said with the idea that our students may seek to aim for and contribute to the Positive Poles of the year, but it is not said to discourage you from the Negative Poles. The choice for Positive or Negative Poles is your own. DATES OF INTEREST (dates are approximate): April 16 - 19 -- ENERGY SHIFT - POWER STRUGGLE - this looks to be a window where a shift in power occurs that may be fairly high profile and sets a momentum for the remainder of the year. On a more personal level, this may also be a period where one must reposition or recalibrate oneself to determine where one’s center of power is and how to move forward with that. April 22 - 29 -- NEXUS - DIVERGENCE - This looks to be a fairly major Nexus that may reflect the shift in power around the Energy Shift described, and seems to be a closing down of several parallels that have been in potential. HELPFUL THOUGHTS OVER APRIL: TRIGGER OR CHOICE - A “trigger” here is anything that causes a reaction that is disproportionate to the cause. In the most practical example, a gun has a simple mechanism, that if pulled, causes the explosive reaction that propels a bullet. That is the trigger of a gun. That simple cause has massive consequences. You have a trigger, as well. Many have many triggers. If you find yourself triggered, you have removed your option for further choice. In a gun, this trigger is quick in its reveal of cause and effect, but it is not always so obvious in your own life. Your trigger may be slow to build, but the consequences will always be explosive and out of proportion to the cause. Though the consequences are explosive and disproportionate to the cause, the build to that explosion can be slow and often fueled by “reasoning,” which is the Negative Pole of the Intellect. Reasoning is manipulation of thought, information, and ideas to enable excuses, behaviors, and justifications. Insight is the Positive Pole because it is open to being wrong, to learning, and to inclusion, whereas Reasoning tends to be defensive and explanatory. As April unfolds, watch closely for when, how, and if you are being triggered, and pay particular attention to if you have used reasoning to shore up your defenses. Being triggered tends to have a lot of energy behind it and if it does not show up in the more obvious explosive lashing out, it can often be mistaken for “passion” when the build is slow. A disproportionate explosion that removes choice is the end result, no matter what. If you wish not to be triggered, you must walk away or remove yourself from the equation until you have your power of conscious choice back in focus. If you do not wish to shoot a gun, you do not hold it in your hand. This is true of your “triggers,” as well. You either “put down the gun” or you “holster it.” Making the choice to override a trigger is the choice that expands upon your further options of choice. Allowing yourself to be triggered exponentially removes the range of choice. Sometimes you can only catch yourself after the trigger is pulled, so to speak, but catching yourself is key. DO YOU KNOW, OR DO YOU “NO” - Saying NO is vital to the learning process of choice, and sometimes saying No means taking a stand that is dangerous, difficult, and/or terrifying, but saying No should always be related to a Yes. If your only effort is to say No, you have lost your way. You have become sloppy and lazy. You have resigned from the equation of choice. You may find it invigorating and exciting and falsely empowering to only say No, but it is important to know what Yes that this No is intended to support. It is important to understand that sometimes the most effective way to say No to something is to actually say Yes to its alternative.