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This question was originally posted by Jon on 10/14/08. From the recent Michael speaks: "No fragment has the capability for self-hate, self-loathing, self-denial, self-condemnation without exploiting the fuel provided by someone else's truths. [...] It is true that all fragments can hold harsh thoughts about one's self, but not for long. The default of sentience is loving. To do otherwise is exhausting, but possible. It is also true that all fragments can hold harsh thought about others, but not for long without exhaustion." If the above is true, then how did self-hate (and the hate of others) originate in the first place? It is my experience that almost everyone has some self-derogatory thoughts/energy. How do they sustain this if it is so difficult? Also, how did it originate between the first fragments to feel self-hate? Is it a natural outgrowth of being in the physical plane? Is this self-depreciation limited to the physical plane? FROM MICHAEL: The seed of self-hatred, self-denial, self-condemnation usually grows out of the self-protection one begins to implement as a means to protect oneself from the 7 qualities of life described by the Chief Negative Features. One begins to believe that it is dangerous to be vulnerable, to be inadequate, to lose things, to lose value, to lack control over time or space, and to change. One is either actively or passively taught how to protect the self from these experiences and one of the most powerful ways to create a false sense of protection is through self-hatred, self-denial, self-condemnation. When the seed is planted actively, it can be obvious where one learns how to hate, deny, and condemn, but often the seed is planted passively through the behavior or good intentions of one you have deemed to have more power than you. This is how the experience of self-hate, etc. originated. For instance, a Mother smacks the hand of a child away from a fire: the child does not necessarily experience the good intentions and love behind the smack, but can fixate on the pain and humiliation of a choice being interrupted. The child may then begin to build evidence, and even test the evidence, that "when I make a personal choice, someone or something will interrupt and cause pain and humiliation." She might either dwindle in her presence in the world, or begin to puff it up and push the boundaries of others so that when people push back, there is the proof that she is "safer" through stifling her choices. The child or young adult and adult then begins strengthening the tools that are assumed are the most powerful methods for protection: pain and humiliation (in this example). The distorted logic and emotion behind strengthening this form of protection is that it is better to keep the hand coiled by one's side through any means self-generated than to have it smacked again by another. The greatest walls of division from the world of danger can come from the enforcement of self-hate, self-loathing, self-condemnation, etc. Hate toward others is a secondary effect. It is simply another form of walling off from the world of danger. Keep in mind that self-hate (and hate), and all of its variations, including self-loathing, and self-condemnation, are all simply distorted forms of intimacy. Hate cannot be experienced without some form of deep (albeit distorted) resonance. Resonance is Intimacy. Most forms of hate describe a craving, longing, and aching for something represented or mirrored in that which is hated, countered by the resistance to that craving, longing, and aching. This is why we say that is it exhausting. And when we describe it as exhausting, we speak in terms that are physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. It takes a great deal of effort and energy to sustain these kinds of walls of protection. One will either retreat as a means to spread that energy thin, but consistently, or one will find a way to remind oneself why it's important to keep those walls up by searching for evidence to rekindle the strength of self-hate, or hate. For instance, one might think she is being brave and open by finally deciding she feels good enough and open enough to date again. Rather than moving into the spectrum of experience that is natural to the realm of dating, which includes a range of feelings and efforts and exploration, she will allow the first disappointment to stand as proof as to why she "doesn't date in the first place," etc. and retreat to exploit this new proof as to why she should never have reached out. We shared all of the above so that you can ponder the more detailed dynamics at work with variations of self-hate and hate, but we will also leave you with the more simplified response: All variations of Self-hate and Hate can be traced back to the battle for SPECIALNESS. Whether actively or passively, many fragments are taught that they ARE Special, or that they SHOULD BE Special. As the child grows in awareness, his or her realization that there is nothing special about himself can cause a lifetime of anger, search, and craving for that ONE THING that makes someone finally identify him or her as Special. This can evolve into a hatred for those who seem to have been identified as Special, or a hatred that creates a false platform of Specialness, such as is the case for a Racist, for example. In terms of self-hatred indicating a craving and distorted intimacy with yourself, the craving is in the desperate wish for your soul or some part of you to come forth and exemplify, or be identified as, Special. A part of you KNOWS you are special and craves to exemplify this and have it identified, but being terrified that the things that are special about you are not enough, are dying, are going unnoticed, will be rejected, etc. And so you hate. And hide. The solution, then, is in the freeing of oneself from the unending, looping math of Specialness, and embracing the wholeness and complete reality of your UNIQUENESS. Uniqueness needs no proof, needs no protection, needs no additional factors. It simply is. Embracing the Uniqueness of others, of course, is a means toward resolving hate toward others. We end on this note knowing that we could continue on with additional details and teaching, but we believe this will help address your questions and to provide some food for thought.

OMW - Nov 6, 2010 - Special vs Unique Troy Tolley, Channel MEntity: Hello to each of you. We are here. We will begin sharing on the topic of focus. First we will point out that we do not have a judgment for or against your preference to be "special" or to be "unique." As with our entire teaching, we merely share the spectrum of various contexts so that you can increase your capacity to choose, if you choose to do so. To understand that you may be motivated from a longing to be "special" as opposed to a desire to share your "uniqueness" can help one to make choices that tend to be less painful, less frustrating, and less isolating. We will define SPECIAL as "being dependent upon external feedback for one's sense of identity, importance, and/or purpose." We will define UNIQUE as "that which is already truthful, loving, and beautiful about you that is independent of everything, even you." Specialness is almost always dependent upon dishonesty, conditions, and manipulation. Therein lies your first means of differentiating between your authentic, unique self and your affected, special self: are you honest, kind, and flexible as the self that is being in various contexts? If you feel you are bing honest, kind, and flexible, you are probably closer to being authentic and allowing for your uniqueness than not. That would be a simple, quick assessment that can be used in any situation. Those situations would include those with yourself, as well. We mention this because YOU are the first line of contact that is made as your Special or Unique Self, and if you are able to differentiate, it is much easier then to manage the differentiation in other contexts. The reason one might prefer to embrace Uniqueness over Specialness is because the effect of doing so is liberating, stabilizing, and comforting. It means that when you are alone, you are just as YOU as when you are with others. Uniqueness is easy to love, and when you embrace your Uniqueness, you are loved "no matter what." You are loved when alone, when with others, and even in the middle of difficulties. The love is unshakeable because it is not dependent upon anything. It simply IS. Uniqueness is easy to understand, and when you embrace your Uniqueness, you can be honest and truthful "no matter what." The truth becomes something that does not change when alone, when with others, or even in the middle of difficulties. That is because embracing Uniqueness means that you begin to align with higher truths, rather than with conflicting personal truths. Higher truths are always easier to understand because they INCLUDE the conflicting personal truths, and do not require that one be truer over another. In other words, Uniqueness loses the interest and investment in being "right," because identity is no longer tied to that as a form of validation. Uniqueness also loses the avoidance of being "wrong." This is because when you have embraced your Uniqueness, you are more capable of seeing and embracing other peoples' Uniqueness, even if they have not. Through the embrace of your own and others' Uniqueness, it allows you to take responsibility when you are legitimately "wrong," but also to see that two conflicting personal truths are not always indicative of wrong and right, but of Unique perspectives. When you are capable of embracing the Uniqueness of perspectives, you are more likely to find bridges of common ground, rather than grounds upon which to fight. You are also less likely to spend your time trying to prove yourself, or prove that you are right, but to invite others to your perspective while grasping the truth that they may never accept it. Uniqueness is also inherently beautiful, and when you embrace your Uniquenss, you not only see this in yourself, but you begin to exude this, emanate it, manifest it. This is because Uniqueness inherently nurtures confidence, and beyond any superficial standards, CONFIDENCE is one of the most beautiful characteristics of any human. The irony of embracing one's Uniqueness is that it is often met with a shift in the life patterns as they align with the truth, love, and beauty of that uniqueness, but it is also often lacking obvious feedback. If you have ever been around someone who seems honest, present, and confident, you may remember that you would rarely have brought it up to that person to compliment him or her, or to point it out. You simply experience it, bask in it, feel inspired by it, etc. This is important to know. Because it may feel disorienting to embrace your Uniqueness when it is not met with obvious feedback. Without obvious feedback, it can be easy to fall back into your wish to be Special. You may find that you actually prefer the struggle and effort to ensure your Specialness over embracing your Uniqueness, and that would be a valid choice. It is no different from your deciding to eat junk food over healthy, nutritional food. Sometimes it just feels good to do so. However, as with junk food, seeking Specialness is not "good" for you, even if it feels good. Junk foods, as with Specialness, are not things to avoid in life, but to allow as treats, for fun, or as superficial rewards that are not invested in. Again, we remind you that these terms are part of a SPECTRUM. That means you have a wide range of ratio that can be played with, and for some of you, it may be a 50/50 ratio that makes you happy, while for others it is a 20/80 or 80/20. However, including the efforts to embrace your Uniqueness at all means freeing you from the confines of the extreme of emphasis on your search for Specialness. That means you are no longer confined to 100/0 in your ratio. What you do from there is your choice. Before we move into more details, we will invite questions based on what we have shared with you so far. QUESTIONS [Maureen] When is a group Special and when is a group Unique?, eg.: Indigo Children MEntity: ALL "groups" cater to Specialness in some degree because they tend toward titles, conditions, and tend to nurture hierarchies of importance and purposes that increase dependence. Even our Michael Group ? :) MEntity: However, it will always be the individual within that group who determines his or her state of Uniqueness or Specialness, and the group then is Unique or Special relative to its members. In other words, there may be two groups under the moniker of "Indigo Children" but one is honestly encouraging of uniqueness that is not dependent upon external identification of that, while another group may insist upon its specialness and that this specialness be accepted, celebrated, respected by other groups or individuals. We will point out that nearly every group that has ever been a minority must go through a stage of PRIDE or Specialness before moving into a state of BEING, or Uniqueness. This is true of you as individuals, as well. It is true of any spectrum with a negative and positive pole. Everything must move through and from the Negative, first. There are "Michael Groups" that are entirely dependent upon Specialness as a criteria for its members, while other groups, such as the one you know as "TLE" has no specific criteria for its members. The same could be said of the "Indigo Children." The way that one can discern the extent to which a group might emphasise Specialness over Uniqueness would be the extent to which there is consistent inner conflict within that group. We speak here of actual congregations of fragments who identify themselves as being a part of a specific grouping, not necessarily of the greater label that acts as an umbrella for variations of groupings under it. [Maureen] Would that be true for couples - as well as "groups" ? MEntity: It would be true that to the extent that there is conflict within a couple is also the extent to which one or both is emphasizing Specialness over Uniqueness. We would say that nearly all conflict is rooted in the concept of Specialness. [Maureen] big AH-HA -thanks MEntity: There are four contexts within which each of you may find yourselves experiencing the spectrum between Special and Unique: SOCIAL, SUCCESS, INTIMACY, and SELF. You may find that you wish to be more Special in Social situations than you find yourself concerned with that in your personal goals and endeavors of Success. Or you may find that you long for Specialness in your more Intimate relationships than it matters to you when you are with your Self. Understanding the polarities of these contexts can help you to self-monitor, or increase self-awareness, in those contexts, from which you can then choose to indulge in Specialness or embrace Uniqueness. SOCIAL: negative pole of PERFORMANCE, positive pole of PRESENCE. In this case, you might ask, "Am I Performing myself, or am I Present?" "Performance" in this case would include your experiences of shyness or any inability to be Present in ways that allow you to express yourself. SUCCESS: negative pole of REWARD, positive pole of FULFILLMENT. In this case, are you pursuing your career, goals, experiences, projects, with the sight of a Reward as your motivation, or are you doing so because even the process is Fulfilling? INTIMACY: negative pole of STIMULATION, positive pole of RESONANCE (Affection). In this case, you might ask if you wish to be in a relationship with someone specific or otherwise simply for the Stimulation, or do you do so because you nurture Affection and Resonance We will clarify here that Stimulation is dependent upon Time, Space, and Bodies, whereas Resonance is free from those confines. Further, Stimulation is dependent upon how you FEEL, whereas Resonance is not affected by your spectrum of feelings. We include "Affection" as an alternative to Resonance because they are interchangeable, and one may register more meaningfully with you than the other. Affection is not confined to touch, but to a sense of empathy and acceptance that transcends differences, time, space, and bodies. SELF: negative pole of EGO, positive pole of ESSENCE/Soul. In this context you may ask if you are looking to satisfy your Ego in your thoughts, feelings, actions, or are you simply being, doing, and having who you are from the core of your Essence or Soul. It is true that there are some who wish only to be Special to himself or herself, and that it does not matter in other contexts. This is True of many Older Souls, actually. Depending on the context within which you find yourself longing for Specialness, and behaving in ways that depend upon Specialness, you would want to look to the Overleaf in your Personality that is ruling that area. Your SOCIAL contexts are ruled by your ATTITUDE. Your SUCCESS contexts are ruled by your GOAL. Your INTIMACY contexts are ruled by your MODE. Your SELF context is ruled by your ROLE. To the extent that you are in the negative pole of the corresponding overleaf is to the extent that you may be longing for Specialness in that context. Or Vice Versa, if you find that it is easier to see from that angle. In other words, if you find that you behave in ways that are not authentic to your expression in Social situation, it may be your Attitude that is in the negative pole. To the extent that you find your motivations to be aimed for Reward over Fulfillment may indicate the extent to which your GOAL is in the negative Pole. And so on. An aside: Fulfillment does not mean you will enjoy the process of aim toward that which is fulfilling, but that you are aware that the process is part of that Fulfillment/Success. For instance, one may wish to climb a mountain to view the world from the summit. That does not mean the climb would be easy, or even enjoyable, but it would mean that it is understood that it IS the path to the top, to the summit, to the Success. Understanding and embracing your path to Success is the difference between a path to Fulfillment vs a path to Reward. For many, the path to Success is paved by resistance, sacrifice, bitterness, unhappiness, limbo, etc., and while the end may be the same Success, it will not have the Fulfillment. What we will do now is share with you the process that you may experience in your stages toward embracing your Uniqueness. It is the same as any process, moving through 7 Stages, or Phases. We will describe this process as it relates to this specific context. The Seven Stages of Embracing Uniqueness FIRST STAGE: CURIOSITY This is a stage of self-awareness. A realization that Specialness is not all it is "cracked up to be," and that you are actually quite confused about what is special about you, if anything at all. You begin to realize that you may NOT be special, but still grasp that "something" differentiates you from others in some way. We use the term "curiosity" because it includes the possibility of confusion and feeling lost, even as you step into this unknown by choice. SECOND STAGE: DIFFERENTIATION This is a stage where everything you ARE NOT begins to stand out. You may not realize or accept who you ARE, but you do begin to understand what and who you are NOT. Many fragments can get so overwhelmed by this process, that they feel that the world, people, relationships, and even the self are out to obliterate them, and the sense of identity can become so battered that it either gives in to the craving for Specialness, or one simply gives up the search altogether. However, for those who understand this stage, consciously or subconsciously, he or she feels the sense of Uniqueness coming into clarity. THIRD STAGE: ASSURANCE This stage is not one where an individual truly understands and accepts his or her Uniqueness, but he or she KNOWS there is something Unique about himself or herself. There is a sense of trust and stability in the character and personal identity that is free from too much distraction. This is a stage that also emphasizes learning, so that while one has explored what IS NOT, one is now open to discovering who one IS. Mistakes are seen as opening other possibilities. Failures are seen as growthful opportunities. Rejection is seen as an experience, not as a permanent measurement of value. In other words, everything holds within it a sense of Assurance that inspires confidence, honesty, and acceptance. This stage can last quite some time. FOURTH STAGE: SHOCK One has not fully grasped his or her Uniqueness, yet, but has become comfortable with who one is, who one is not, and has learned to gain from experiences, rather than diminish from them. But this is far from embracing Uniqueness. Your Uniqueness is now just beneath the surface of everything. And so everything is "blown out of the water," shaken up, disrupted, shattered. Everything familiar is now upside-down, unfamiliar, gone in ways that require an entirely new paradigm to be implemented. This is SHOCK. It can come in any form. Illness, loss, revelation, and even natural disaster, etc. You are stripped of every preconception and prejudice. FIFTH STAGE: RECOVERY In this stage, the healing is done from the Shock of the Fourth Stage. It is in this Stage that your first true glimpses of Uniqueness come into view. That is because you are left with nothing more than exactly who you are as part of your healing and recovery. There is nothing more to rely upon but exactly who you are. One CANNOT heal or recover without returning to that core of Uniqueness. It is impossible. SIXTH STAGE: ACCEPTANCE There are other words we could use for this Stage, but we will use "acceptance" for now. This is an integrative stage that not only brings a sense of understanding and trust to the experiences that have led to this point, but also begins to reveal the beauty of the patterns that had to have been in place to get to it. This stage is marked by a sense of participation in the process of grasping your Uniqueness, and there is no sense of victimization or imposition. It is a sense of wholeness about the process. SEVENTH STAGE: REST This stage is not specific to a seventh position, but can be inserted at any point in the process so that experiences can be had on your own terms, and comprehended on some level. Some may insert this between each Stage, and some may do so after the Fourth, or some may never need it. And so these are the Stages of Embracing Uniqueness. We will point out that your Uniqueness is in layers, and so this is not a process that usually happens one time. When we say it is in "layers," we only mean that your Uniqueness is truly vast, and these layers are uncovered as necessary and as relative to the Personality who is Curious. Each of you have what could be described as "7 Layers" of Uniqueness, and these correspond to the Planes from which you extend. Therefore, you will always have a Physical Uniqueness, an Emotional Uniqueness, an Intellectual Uniqueness, a Memory Uniqueness, a Mental Uniqueness, a Buddhic Uniqueness, and a Messianic Uniqueness. For purposes of correspondence, we will clarify that the Messianic and Buddhic are reversed. These 7 Layers exist on every Plane for your Essence and all of your Personalities. We will elaborate upon these in another exchange with you, but the first 3 or 4 are the layers in which most Personalities tend to be concerned with Specialness or Uniqueness, and these are rather self-explanatory. [Maureen] What is the difference between Mental and Intellectual Uniqueness? MEntity: Using all of the information that we have shared today, each of you can use it to gain some perspective in where you are with your own embrace of Uniqueness, and then allow yourself the room to exist wherever you would like within the spectrum between Specialness and Uniqueness. Intellectual Uniqueness would relate to Causality, or your uniqueness in terms of understanding your existence, and the impact of your existence. Mental Uniqueness is the uniqueness that comes from the combination of your Physical, Emotional, and Intellectual uniquenesses. It could be said to be your Spiritual Uniqueness, or the whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. [Deb22] What is meant by memory uniqueness? MEntity: Memory Uniqueness is your unique relationship to experience, time, space, everything and how you interpret yourself in relation to that. It is your unique means of recording, retrieving, and interpreting. [Deb22] An example, please! MEntity: We share with you these "layers," but they are ultimately one uniqueness when combined. Understanding them in layers, however, can help you to understand your processes of discovery and embrace, because it can often feel as if you are "done," and then you discover and embrace even more. An example for Memory Uniqueness is right here in this very chat. Each of you will keep with you what is important to you, remember what is useful to you, and then interpret and use it in a way that works for you. Some of you may be confused, and others wishing for more, and others feeling content with these first tools of exploration. That is up to you. And your Uniqueness. [Deb22] Thanks but I was thinking of an example that would be more distant, beyond this life? MEntity: Our example could be applied to any Plane. Even we have our own way of recording, retrieving, and interpreting memory, particular as our emphasis is of study on the Akashic Records. The same could be said of each of your lifetimes and Personalities of Essence. Each will have its own Memory Uniqueness. Every fragment, personality, essence, parallel is Unique. On all 7 Layers. Some of you will not find names for your Uniqueness, and this is okay. It is not your intent to name your Uniqueness as much as it is to embrace it. And when you do, you will know you have done so. Not so much by what you can identify as that Uniqueness, but by your release of necessity for Specialness. Your Uniqueness is far more vast than one language can capture. And it exists with or without your embrace. As our time has run over, we must conclude here. Good day to each of you. Goodbye.