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Janet

NYC Live: 08/10/2011

 

Healing Relationships

 

Note from Janet: This material was transcribed by Elaine and Eric from the live video. 

 

MEntity: 

Hello to each of you. We are here and we will begin discussing the subject requested on healing relationships. Bear with us as we come through.

 

The first thing that we will say in terms of healing relationships is that all relationships of significance, in the sense of those relationships that can cause or be affected by wounding, are those that are formed by your relationships developed through your mode in your overleaves. Understanding your own mode, and your overleaves, and how wounding occurs in relationships, why it occurs, and what can help to heal that wounding, can greatly increase your capacity for taking responsibility in those relationships that have been wounded, in those relationships that do suffer from lack of understanding or lack of solution.

 

Because the more you understand your part of the equation in a wounded relationship, the more control or empowerment – or whatever word you would like to use – the more you have the capacity to change that relationship.

 

You cannot control the other person who is involved in the relationship, of course. But taking responsibility for your part, even if it is only to the extent that you understand your part, can have an effect on the other party involved, helping that individual rise to his or her own understanding and sense of responsibility for his or her part in the relationship.

 

All relationships, of significance in particular but relationships in general, are merely relationships with your understanding of yourself. There is no relationship that you navigate that does not specifically cater to your learning more about yourself.

 

All relationships, but particularly those of significance, are relationships with your equals. The fact that you may think that someone is worse than you or better than you, or even unattainable or inaccessible, signifies or equates where you are with yourself.

 

This is often referred to as reflection, and relationships truly are that: a reflection of where you are with yourself. In other words, the state of your relationships often reflects the state of your own internal relationship. It is rare that one who is feeling whole and liking oneself suffers from broken relationships around them.

 

And the same goes for an individual who is divided within and not particularly accepting of himself or herself. He or she will tend to have relationships that reflect that: broken or disappointing or challenging and so forth.

 

So looking at your mode can help you to understand what you expect from relationships, what you are attracted to in the first place in terms of establishing a relationship, and understanding what has become wounded in terms of that relationship. Thus, you can gain your footing in navigating your relationships and raise your capacity for choice, which is the only true tool that every individual has at their disposal. Even when you think that you do not have a choice in your relationships, you do.

 

Before we get into the modes, again we will emphasize that you cannot control the other individuals who are a part of your relationship. To think that understanding your mode and making efforts to heal whatever has been wounded is in some way a strategy for manipulating the other party into a state that is more acceptable to you will not work. The information we will share with you today helps you to understand your part to heal it and to make room for the other individual, or individuals, involved to make their own choices.

 

So the aim here is not to change your relationship as much as it is to heal it. And we use those two words very carefully, differentiating between the intent to recapture someone, or to capture someone, or to reclaim someone, or to change someone, versus heal what has been wounded and then to reset the invitation for that relationship.

 

Resetting the invitation can lead to changes, but the goal will not be to change it. It will be about healing the relationship, and from there your acceptance of the choices of the other individual or individuals involved should be easier to accept and allow.

 

So we will first ask, so that we can focus on the modes of those present, what everyone’s mode is. We think that we have a room of observation and passion.

 

[Audience] And power.

 

[MEntity] Those are the three?

 

[Audience] Observation passion and what?

 

[Audience] Power.

 

[Audience] Who has that?

 

[Audience] Unclear

 

[Audience] A couple of persons are observation though.

 

[Audience] But “secretly...”

 

[Audience] But “secretly” they have power mode.

 

MEntity: 

So what we will do is start with passion, speak to observation and then speak to power. And if time permits we will cover all of the modes, and if not in this session, we will make sure that the details are shared with Troy to include in a transcript of this session.

 

Those in passion mode tend to be attracted to relationships that transcend time and space. There is a natural quality inherent in those who have passion mode to see beyond any limitations of time and space, and to develop relationships that transcend those, not only in terms of recognizing fragments from previous lifetimes, but also allowing room for the changes and fluctuations that living may bring to a relationship, so that time and space has no bearing on the quality and depth of the relationship.

 

Those in passion mode tend to see an individual from a higher perception, from a bigger picture / standpoint, and does not constrain those relationships to those restrictions of time and space.

 

So passion mode tends to be attractive to those who allow room for those fluctuations in time and space. And for those who do allow this, the relationships last the entire lifetime, to some extent, in some way, and the depth and intimacy is not altered by any divisions caused by time or space.

 

We will circle back to speak about the wounding in a moment

 

Observation mode tends to be attractive to those who can truly see who you are. Those who have observation as their primary mode, tend to be attracted to those who see past all their personas and allow, not just the surface to be seen or rather make known that just the surface is seen, but all of what that individual is.

 

Those in observation mode can tend to do this for others: they can see past the surface, and depending on other factors in the overleaves, those in observation mode can tend to see the best in people or the worst in people, but it is always that they see more than what is shown. So the relationships that tend to be formed and nurtured are those that allow room for all aspects of that personality to express itself, to be seen…and not just seen, but clearly made known that you are accepted despite what you may have thought should not have been revealed about yourself, or that you struggle to hide.

 

Power mode tends to be attracted to the beliefs or the truths of another person. This is often difficult to discern and, depending on factors in the overleaves, can cause some complications in developing and sustaining relationships, because the exposure of an individual’s personal beliefs and perspectives of life often requires exchanges to reveal that. If the overleaves are not in line with the effort to uncover the beliefs of another individual, those in power mode can often sit back and wait to find out what those beliefs are, what those perspectives are, and often miss those opportunities for deeper relationships.

 

However, one of the ways that power mode attracts those to whom he or she can develop those relationships is by being as present as possible, so that he or she is revealing of his or her own personal beliefs in a way that acts as an invitation for those relationships to sustain and nurture. Again, if this is not pursued, it can cause a gap between the self and development of relationships of significance with others, because the key here is in the fact that it is an individual’s truths and perceptions that are attractive to those who have Power mode.

 

Before we circle back and talk about the wounding that can occur, do these resonate with those of you who have those modes?

 

[Audience] Yes.

 

[Audience] Yes, but I have a question. I was wondering if people who have the same mode are generally attracted to each other, based on what you said.

 

MEntity:  Yes, modes can tend to be attracted to each other. They can also often be attracted to their compliment on the same axis. But there is no rule for attraction, because the mode, and to whom you are attracted in a lifetime, often depends on what you seek to experience in your lifetime. And by “you” we mean your essence, and if the personality is on board, then the personality as well. Your mode will act as the means by which you relate to and attract another, but it does not automatically attract.

 

[Audience] Thank you.

 

MEntity: 

Now we will circle back, and speak of the wounding that can occur.

 

Wounding occurs if the mode moves into the negative pole. The causes of this could be any number of things, so we will not go into the causes for why an individual’s mode may fall into the negative pole.

 

This will be something that you can figure out on your own. We can give some clues as to what we think it might be, but it will be your responsibility to determine that on your own, because it may be a large issue, or it may be specific to that relationship. More than likely, it is a larger issue, especially if you’ve seen this occur more than once in various relationships. Then it would be a larger arcing issue that has more to do with yourself than anything. In other words, it would exist with or without those relationships to emphasize it.

 

Passion mode often experiences it’s most wounded-ness in a relationship if it has fallen into the negative poles and suddenly demands or expects time and space to be complied to or adhered to in order for that relationship to have any significance or meaning.

 

If the expectations of time and space are not met, wounding can occur. The phrase “expectations of time and space being met” can be interpreted many different ways and we leave that to you to apply to any of your relevant relationships that have suffered this form of wounding. But in most cases of those with passion mode, they tend to feel the most hurt or affected in a way where relationships are damaged if there is suddenly a restriction or a condition relative to time and space, because this is counter to their nature. It is counter to everything that Passion mode is about, which is the transcendence of that time and space, and the relating to each other based on soul age and relationships of your essence that goes beyond this lifetime.

 

To suddenly have to restrict a relationship to fit those conditions, and they are not met, causes wounding.

 

And like before we will speak of the wounding and then circle back and speak to the healing that tends to work in those relationships.

 

Observation mode can experience the most wounding in a relationship if the individual feels he or she is suddenly not seen, is completely rendered insignificant or invisible in the eyes of someone who previously was seeing you in your entirety. Or the wounding can occur if, in the pursuit of the relationship, the craving and the longing to be seen is not met, and the individual seems to be unable, or incapable, or unwilling to see all of you. Then the wounding can occur.

 

What we’re speaking about today is true wounding. We are not speaking to the disappointments and every day arguments and dismissals. We’re speaking of what truly is experienced as a wounding for the individual. And those with observation mode can tend to feel the most wounded when they suddenly feel invisible.

 

We’ll also point out that all fragments will be able to relate to the various forms of wounding. We’re speaking to the inclination that each individual will have towards developing a relationship and experiencing wounding, but you are not locked into those. These are simply inclinations that tend to be very consistent.

 

Power mode tends to experience the most wounding when there are lies involved: delusion, deceit, or some form of contradiction to what is expressed as a truth, and acted upon differently. Dishonesty. As you can see all of these things may harm any individual, and their relationships, but they tend to be consistently deeply wounding to those relative to the modes associated with them.

 

For power mode, then, this can translate into trust issues. And often, when it comes to power mode, once an initial wounding has happened, it may take a long time to get to a place to allow the experimentation with trust again, whether with an individual or as an individual in terms of accepting new relationships. Now before we move back to what can be healing, we will ask if these descriptions are resonating with you

 

[Audience] Yes

 

MEntity: 

So now we will speak to what we think might be healing to these modes when they feel wounded.

 

For passion mode, and for our students who have been with us a long time, you may understand the concept of sliding on the axis, so that if your particular overleaf trait is in the negative pole, and you are stuck there – or feel you are stuck – you can pull from / consciously behave from the positive pole of the mode that is paired with you, which will automatically move you to the positive pole of your own nature, your own overleaf.

 

This is called Sliding.

 

[Audience]  This is the same concept as with the Goal. Is that correct? When you’re in the negative pole with your goal?

 

MEntity: 

It can be any overleaf, any axis. Yes. Whatever your overleaf is, if you are stuck in the negative pole, if you consciously choose to behave from the positive pole of the partner, you will automatically pull yourself into your own positive pole.

 

We set up this system so that it is not just a description of yourself, but a map for how to get out of any binds that you feel you may have gotten into.

 

Sometimes the negative poles are perfectly acceptable, and we do not teach our system so that you are consciously striving to escape the negative poles or to avoid them. They are a part of your Personality, they will always be there. However, they do not feel as good and they do not prompt you to feel as alive as your positive poles. So an individual will tend to prefer the positive poles, and your clarity and your openness and your happiness tends to be proportionate to where you are in your Personality between the positive and negative poles. So understanding how to do that can help you make your choices.

 

But if you are in a negative pole, it does not mean you are bad or you are doing something wrong. So in terms if passion mode, what can help heal the wounding that might occur in your relationship is to use what is attractive to the partner mode, in this case, reserved.

 

Reserve Mode is attracted to the past, to an individual’s history. Therefore, if an individual who has passion mode feels wounded in a relationship, it helps to address the past. It helps to talk about where the relationship is in relation to its history.

 

Often this can help put into perspective everything that has existed as a part of that relationship and in that understanding can free it again from the constraints and restrictions and conditions of time and space, especially when the individual realizes that there is nothing about time and space in particular that can take away from the meaning and inspiration of that relationship.

 

By time and space, by the way, we do not speak superficially on showing up on time or being close by. But sometimes those in passion mode can have strict rules about how another behaves in his or her own space. And therefore, those conditions can cause wounding or deflections of relationships. You understand? Those in passion mode, or are you asleep?

 

[Audience] (laugh) I’m not asleep. Yes. I think I understand, yes.

 

MEntity:  We will state it again. When conditions get placed on time and space, it does not mean that an individual must be on time in order to feel as if the relationship is good, or that you must be close to each other in order for the relationship to be good. It can also show up as having control or conditions over how an individual behaves when he or she is with you in time and space.

 

[Audience] Isn’t that kind of universal? Like if someone behaves badly, it would be annoying in your space. I mean, I don’t…

 

[Audience] I think it feels normal for us. That’s the whole point.

 

MEntity: Yes, that is the point.

 

[Audience] How can someone not be (unclear). The concept of not being annoyed with the way someone behaves in your…when they’re with you doesn’t even make sense.

 

MEntity: Those in passion mode who can lean towards the negative pole can tend to have the highest standards for how behavior is controlled in his or her space and time.

 

[Audience] That would be me.

 

[Audience] That would be me to.

 

[Audience] Yeah, I am willing to admit that.

 

[Audience] I didn’t quite understand what you said about reserve?

 

MEntity: Those in reserve mode…before we respond we want to make sure we understand your question. You are asking how it fits into the healing?

 

[Audience] Yeah, I mean reserve is the complementary mode of passion, is that correct?

 

MEntity: Yes.

 

[Audience] So yes, how does reserve connect?

 

MEntity:

Reserve feels that a relationship is flourishing and tends to be attracted to relationships that are attracted to each other’s history. So for instance, those who have reserve mode will tend to be attracted to a person’s history, not necessarily who that person is now, but who they have been, and this often refers to past lives as well. Those in reserve mode can often find themselves in relationships with individuals who have no obvious reasons for being in that person’s life, but the reserved mode recognizes them from previous lives where relationships were significant, and therefore can attract them in for significant relationships now against all judgments.

 

So in terms of healing for passion mode, returning to the history of a relationship that has been wounded can often provide the healing required for freeing that relationship from those conditions. For instance, if an individual is feeling wounded by the behavior or choices of a significant other in a relationship, it can help to remember what has gone into the relationship up to that point, and to pay attention to that history instead of losing it to the present where behavior is not complying to your conditions.

 

[Audience] That makes it so much clearer.

 

MEntity: Did this answer your question?

 

[Audience] Yes. It makes it clearer, I think.

 

MEntity: We are speaking to Kerrin as well.

 

[Audience] Yeah. Yes, so reserve is another mode, it is not the negative pole of passion right?

 

MEntity:
Correct, yes. Passion and reserve are both complementary, inspirational axis modes.

 

Returning to the concept of wounding and what we had said earlier, often those who are in the negative poles of their reserve or passion modes, and seeing this reflected in relationships, is often because of wounding that is occurring within in regards to their sense of inspiration.

 

If an individual does not feel inspired, or is not doing anything that feels inspiring, or is not in any way allowing a relationship internally to be what is inspiring, it can often be reflected in the relationships, and the relationships take the brunt of the expectations for providing that inspiration rather than pulling it from within.

 

[Audience] What is the negative pole of passion?

 

MEntity: Identification.

 

[Audience] What is the definition of that?

 

MEntity: Those in passion mode who go into the negative pole can tend to lose their boundaries between themselves and whatever it is that they have focused their passion on. The relationship then becomes an extension of identity, rather than a way to actualize the self, a way to learn more about the self, a way to grow. Instead, it is just an extension of the self. Therefore, whatever is happening in this individual’s life, if it is not complying with what you would do, issues can arise. Do you understand?

 

[Audience] Yes

 

MEntity: To put it in simpler terms, an individual in passion mode…if he or she were to cook you dinner and serve it – a plate of spaghetti, let’s say – those who eat it might say “I love this,” or “I do not like it.” Passion mode in the negative pole will hear “I do not like you,” or “I like you.” They have lost their boundaries between themselves and the spaghetti.

 

[Audience] Yes.

 

[Audience] Yes, I completely understand that. (Unclear)

 

MEntity:

Observation mode now. The healing that often comes to those who have been wounded does not come from pushing the other individual to see you more clearly, but that you make the effort to see the other person more clearly. It is often the case that when you feel the most invisible, you have also lost perspective of the other person. So those in observation mode would do well to practice, or to put effort into, seeing the other individual or individuals beyond the surface or, more specifically, beyond what you think is defining that other individual at the time.

 

Because observation is a neutral overleaf, it has access to all of the other modes, and it can tend to slide to any of the other ones. Usually there is a habitual means of sliding that a neutral overleaf will develop over the lifetime. So, as we cover all of the modes, you may find that the solution can be helped and supported by wherever you slide. For instance, if you slide to passion mode from observation, your relationship may find support by freeing that relationship from the conditions that you have, or the expectations you have placed on it in terms of time and space. In other words, you may be thinking that an individual should be processing things faster, or keeping up with your speed of processing, when you may need to free them from that restriction. Or, sliding into reserve, it may help you to look to the history that is a part of your relationship, rather than just at the myopic version of your relationship currently.

 

So that is how that would work if you have a neutral mode. The sliding to these other modes would only be for support, because ultimately the goal will still be for you to expand your perception, or your capacity to see the other individual more clearly, as a means of healing the relationship.

 

This does not mean that you will be seen by that individual, but expanding your capacity to see another individual more clearly is not a strategy or a manipulation for helping them to see you more clearly, but rather for you to be able to see their innocence, to see their capacity for making choices to the extent that they are capable of this time, for their capacity to see to the extent that they can see, which may not include all of you.

 

Sometimes you are not seen, not because what is see-able is ugly, but because the other individual simply cannot see. And by your being able to expand your capacity to see that, it frees you from locking into that struggle to be seen and continuing the wounding.

 

The healing that can come for power mode is to utilize what is a part of caution mode’s attraction. Caution tends to be attracted to the security of a relationship, to the safety that another individual provides, or to the sense of safety that is developed within, as a result of the relationship, or to the confidence of another individual. Caution is strongly attracted to that because caution mode tends to work on developing that sense of confidence, that inner security, and so forth. So when power mode feels distrust and feels divided from the capacity for inviting relationships, it can often be healed by developing trust in the self, by developing confidence in the self. If there is a relationship that has been wounded as a part of a blow to trust, that wounding can be healed by the realization that it has no effect on your own sense of self. It has no effect on your sense of trust in you.

 

Sometimes when you enter a relationship, and this is in particular with power mode, there can be a strong wounding occurring if you feel duped, if you feel that something has deceived you or misled you. This can develop into a distrust in your own perceptions, your own capacities to discern and to navigate. Understanding that the choices of another individual, and their capacity to express their truths consistently, has no bearing on your capacity to do that for yourself can bring about the healing for the wounding that may have occurred as a result of those experiences.

 

Going back to observation, we’ll say that what tends to be the case on a larger scale, as we said with passion mode, it tends to be an inspirational issue that can often affect relationships and bring about wounding, because that issue is already inherent in the individual. For the observation mode, it tends to be an emotional – as well an inspirational – but a personal emotional issue that is carried around with you: some form of emotional wounding for which you are waiting for someone to see and to accept and to embrace, a brokenness to some extent. So for those in observation mode, addressing that brokenness, that sense of wounding that is carried around with or without a relationship can greatly increase your capacity for managing many relationships that suffer blows in the future, because often those blows in the relationships speak to or trigger than wounding, that emotional wounding that has been carried long before the relationship came to suffer blows.

 

Observation is related to the emotional rather than the assimilative and those of you who understand our system will see that this may seem like an anomaly, but it is not. In terms of how the mode works in this realm of relationships, it is an emotional mode, whereas reserved mode is the instinctive or the assimilative mode, and we can go into that apparent anomaly another time if it is of interest.

 

Power and caution tend to carry into relationships…With or without relationships these issues may exist, and that would be what we might describe as contradictions within.

 

With or without a relationship, often power mode walks around carrying a confusion about what he is, where he is going, what he is doing, and lives in this divide of how to be present in the world, and what that means.

 

So in short, they have not defined their truths yet. They have not found yet what feels comfortable as a truth, and until that individual does, it can often show up in relationships as distrust and of course develop into distrust within. Because if you do not have that navigational tool of perception and truth to guide you, you feel as if you can’t even trust yourself. So what we’ve described so far in relation to the modes and relationships, wounding, healing…have they all made sense to you?

 

[Audience] Yes

 

[Audience] I have one question. It’s to come back to the way to address the wounding and about going back to the history of a relationship. I find that I agree with that in a sense that I do go back to review the history of a relationship, but I actually find myself getting stuck sometimes in that past or getting resentment or…is that linked to something else in my makeup or is that an aspect? The way I am going about looking at the past…it’s creating a sort of stuckness in the past.

 

MEntity: 
Well there are two responses we can give to this. One is that yes, you can…those who are in passion mode who then look to the past for the healing by recognizing “maybe this relationship isn’t wounding me as badly as I thought it was, just because it’s not complying to my expectations currently. Look at the history. It’s been wonderful.”

 

However, if it has not been wonderful, then that same negative pole that has caused you to restrict your focus on the current time and space can then look into the history and hone in on one of those past experiences that contribute to supporting why you are having trouble or feeling wounded currently. So if you think of it in terms of looking back across the landscape and then suddenly seeing that there is a trip along the path, passion mode can hone in on this and say, “See? Here’s why I don’t…this is why I feel wounded, or this is why I am bitter.”

 

But the key will be not to search the history for proof, but to see the history in it’s wholeness, and that would be the difference. When passion mode looks to the history, it does not serve it well to look for proof to support the present disappointments, but rather to look at the overall picture of the history in fairness. If that picture reveals to you that the current relationship is simply not one that is healthy, and one that is necessary to step away from, then you are still healing the wounds, because you are seeing that larger arc of history and saying, “There is a pattern here that dominates, and it is not so great for me.” Do you understand?

 

[Audience] Yes.

 

MEntity: So when we said that were have two responses, one is that if you are honing in and looking for proof to support your disappointments now, then you know that you are possibly not doing the work of healing. However, if you are looking at the bigger picture and seeing that there is a pattern that is not healthy, then you are doing the work and you can make your choices from there.

 

[Audience] Yes, thank you.

 

[Audience] Does frequency play a role in that process?

 

MEntity: It plays a role in every process.

 

[Audience] In the speed of healing?

 

MEntity: Yes. Those who are on the lower end of their frequency will tend to take a lot longer to heal. It’s not a rule, it just simply tends to be that way.

 

[Audience] Do they tend to hone in more on evidence to support their disappointments?

 

MEntity: Not necessarily, but the length of time for healing seems to be consistent in terms of a higher frequency person can process and heal faster than a lower frequency person. But in terms of searching the history, a high frequency person can also tend to hone in on past issues that support complaints currently. However, it could be said that the lower frequency makes the exploration of the past slower in terms of processing, which makes those instances appear more clearly than to a person with higher frequency. Does this make sense?

 

[Audience] Yeah.

 

MEntity: Any more questions?

 

[Audience] I have a question from Geraldine. She would like to ask about the mode differences between one's casting vs. ones chosen for role and personality if the casting modes have equal influence?

 

MEntity: We do not understand the question.

 

[Audience] What is a casting mode?

 

[Audience] Maybe the mode that is associated with your casting?

 

MEntity: No, we are speaking of the actual overleaf that is part of your Personality design, not the ones associated with your role or casting.

 

[Audience] ::Discussion (not included)::

 

MEntity: 
Your role and your casting, and their association to the other overleaves that are on the same axis has no bearing on this particular discussion.

 

Any more questions? Any relationships or examples of relationships, that you would like to discuss can also be bought forth if you choose to.

 

[Audience] There is so many in the room right now.

 

[Audience] Oh yeah, it could be hours.

 

[Audience] Where to even start?

 

MEntity: We cannot solve those or heal those for you, but we think that what we have shared today might help shed light on your part of the equation that can then increase your capacity to choose what to do from there.

 

[Audience] I do think it was very helpful. I mean, to remember why you are in the relationship to start with, like all the great things that you have or had. It seems like such a simple thing, like why didn’t you think of it. You know what I mean?

 

[Audience] I have a question. Everything that you’ve been discussing so far was, from what I understand, from the vantage point of you healing a relationship with another person. Everything that you have discussed, can you apply that if you are trying to heal a part of yourself or if you’re trying to heal your own relationship with yourself? Like, would part of the problem or the infighting be that, if you are of a certain mode, are the positive and negative poles of that mode conflicting or trying to fight off one another?

 

MEntity: 
Well what we can say to that is that you are correct in your assessment that applying this to relationships within will also be affected. So that, if you are in passion mode for instance, and you are seeing this played out in your relationships – where you are finding yourself wounded by the non-compliance to the constrictions which you may have placed, or the conditions you may have placed on other individuals in terms of time and space – you can turn that within and find that maybe you are also imposing those upon yourself, and that you are thinking you have limited time in order to be who you are, or that you may have to have certain things or conditions in place in your life before you can be who you are, or to find that inspiration, and so forth. Looking at all of this conditions relative to time and space within can free you to heal those inner conflicts.

 

Or in terms of observation mode, there may be elements within the self which you refuse to see that you are expecting others to do the work of seeing and bringing to the surface. And therefore, it could be that you are ignoring a part of yourself or that you consistently do that as a method of relating to yourself: ignoring certain feelings, ignoring certain thoughts, dividing yourself in certain ways in order to feel as if you are a whole person when in fact you only feel whole if you keep this over here and that over here, and so forth. Of course we are speaking metaphorically here.

 

So the for instance, in terms of the overleaf itself, the negative pole of observation is surveillance. The positive pole is clarity. So when an individual is using the positive pole of observation, it means that the individual is able to see the life in a 360 degree fashion. There is clarity about where you are going, who you are, who other people are, what they are doing, and so forth. There is a sense of participation in life and being able to see where you are going.

In the negative pole of surveillance, the individual then divides himself from life as a means of seeing things more clearly. And so it can feel as if you are living in life, but watching it through a glass window. You are somehow no longer a part of the very life you are living, a great disconnection. So this can occur within as well, where you become your own observer, rather than your own experiencer. You are watching yourself live your life rather than living it, and it would do you well to bring more of your self into the picture that you so often simply watch as a means of healing that divide within.

 

Do you understand?

 

[Audience] Yes.

 

MEntity:
If there is any validity to what we have shared, it should have hit home quite personally. As we said, there is no hard and fast rule associated with these, but there is a consistency that can be explored with relevancy to your relationships within and without. We will quickly add in perseverance mode and aggression mode so that it is completed in our discussion here.

 

Perseverance mode tends to be attracted to physical relationships, to the physical presence of another person, to their physicality, how that individual shows up in their own skin. Perseverance mode can often, in fact, use sexuality as a form of relating. But perseverance mode truly connects to the physical presence of another individual.

 

Aggression mode, on the other hand, is attracted to the totality of an individual: not just their physical presence, but the totality the individual’s beliefs, the individual’s choices, the individuals behavior, the individual’s physicality, their emotional realm, their physical realm, their intellectual realm, their spiritual realm. Aggression mode tends to look at all of it in terms of relating.

 

[Audience] That is so interesting, because my father is in aggression mode and he just recently, apparently, told my mother that she is everything that he’d ever wanted.

 

MEntity: And we think that she is attracted to him for the security and safety.

 

[Audience] Yeah, she’s Caution Mode.

 

[Audience] What’s Caution mode’s one?

 

[Audience] It attracts to security and safety.

 

MEntity: So we will leave those. We can explore them further, but we wanted to throw that in. And the wounding of course would come from extensions that can be extrapolated from the words that we have described. That, if an individual physically alters, for instance, in a relationship with someone who is in perseverance mode, it can be devastating. And by physically alter, we mean there can be indiscretions, or cheating, or ill health, or the lack of productivity. Anything tangible about the individual becomes a measurement for what is meaningful. For aggression mode, of course, the wounding may come from an individual becoming fragmented, divided, scattered, not present, not whole. Those in aggression mode have very few relationships because of this, as well, because there are very few fragments on the planet who are not fragmented. But, because these two particular modes are not present, we will not elaborate upon them. We will conclude or wrap up our discussion about his if there are no more questions.

 

[Audience] I would a question, then. In terms of my relationship with my mother, everything you said fits in with that except that I’m not quite sure what concretely…I guess I want a little bit more concreteness about how to go about improving the relationship, because I definitely feel that I was wounded at some point in the not being seen aspect and then feeling the violation of time and space in that relationship throughout, starting a certain point in my childhood. And it comes up in our interaction, and of course I can’t decide not to interact with my mother anymore. I don’t know if there is something…

 

MEntity: What is your primary mode?

 

[Audience] My mode is passion and her mode is observation.

 

MEntity: Knowing the other individual’s mode is helpful, or can be helpful, because this will give you clues as to what the other individual might need. In this case, as you’ve already discerned, it might be that she does not either feel seen by you or completely accepted in what you see in her. But it also may be – and this is something that will be important for you to understand if you chose to heal in this relationship – is to understand that this particular fragment may never truly like what she sees about herself as well, that there may be parts of her that she refuses to see, and, because you see them, you are held at bay, or given challenges, or struggled against. Do you understand that part?

 

[Audience] Yeah, I’m sorry. I am surprised, because I thought it was about more the wounding, the feeling that I wasn’t seen, but you’re saying that the wounding is on both sides or just on her side?

 

MEntity: If your mode is passion, that is where you want to focus what we shared with you so far. If yours were observation, then your issues would be about being seen or not being seen. However, in your case it, would be more about the relationship in terms of passion and the wounding that occurs in relation to passion, because that is your experience of the relationship. In other words, your mother is an extension of you, and therefore if she is not complying with the expectations that you have of what a mother is, then you may feel the wounding.

 

[Audience] So the wounding is for all modes when you are not seen, or just for the observations mode?

 

MEntity: Just for the observation mode. However, as we said before, there is no rule. Those in passion mode can also experience the feeling of not being seen. For instance, Sages in general have this issue and struggle with it across many lifetimes. Those who have arrogance can have issues of being seen or not being seen, those with self-deprecation. So it is not specifically linked to, or isolated to, a particular mode, but in this context of discussion, in terms of wounding and how individuals relate, this is a clue as to what might be causing the wounding and what could heal the wounding. So in your case, you would focus on the passion and the information we shared relative to that, but if you want to understand where your mother is coming from, then you would want to understand how observation works, because then you have insight into how she is experiencing the relationship. Do you understand?

 

[Audience] Yeah, so the focus on my own passion would be then for me to focus on the time and space.

 

MEntity: Yes, letting her be free from the constraints of your expectations about how she should be now, how she should have been, how present she is, how close you are. Letting her be free from that can help you heal. It may not help you have a better relationship with her, it may not help you to encourage a closer relationship, but at least it will help you heal, which, like we said before, resets the invitation for a better relationship if it is possible. In some cases, it simply is not possible to get what you want from a relationship, even if it’s with a parent.

 

[Audience] Thank you.

 

MEntity: Knowing that she is in observation mode, you can use that to help with the invitation for a better relationship by consciously allowing yourself to see, or expressing to her that she is okay the way she is; that you accept her as she is, not necessarily what she has done, or your responses to it, or your feelings of wounding, but that you are okay with who she is; that she is not just a mother; that she is more than that. She is a person. She is an individual who had a life before you and you are a part of that life, not her life. Being able to see and express that you embrace the totality of her may help her to feel more her own or invite her own form of healing. Do you understand?

 

[Audience] Yes.

 

MEntity: But the work starts with your own, for all of you. So it is not necessary for you to know the modes of those with whom you have struggles. If that were the case, no one would heal. And it is not even necessary for you to know all of this information for you to heal, it just helps. All of you would find your own way with or without this information, or not. We will wrap up the session then here, if there are no more questions.

 

UNRELATED QUESTIONS: Left Out

 

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