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Sam K

Hating Confrontation

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Sam K

So, I'm a Warrior-cast Scholar.  I've always had the impression that those with strong Warrior elements in their personality were supposed to be attracted to confrontation and challenge, and when it's me against circumstances or the environment around me, I think that's true to an extent.  But when it comes to confrontations with other people, debates and such, I'm not much of a fan.  In fact, I hate that sort of confrontation.  Even if it's a totally respectful difference of opinion and everything stays civil, having to "attack" the beliefs another person holds (and having mine attacked in return, of course) is a profoundly uncomfortable position for me.  The more heated the discussion becomes, the more I hate it.  I'll still defend my opinions to the best of my ability, but I don't at all enjoy it like I imagine other Warriors or Warrior-cast might.  It just strikes me as odd.  Which Roles do you guys feel are the most confrontation-averse?

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Luciana Flora

@Sam K

 

I simply loved his post. I'm a warrior. And that's my role. And I totally identified with you.

One of the things that made my debut when I saw my profile was just that. Warrior should be about conformnyto of challenge. However I see this aversion to the comfort in me.

And that since childhood. When I saw two classmates arguing. I did not defend one of them, I just walked away because I felt bad about my comfort.

When my parents argued. even normal discussions that every relationship has the same thing. I already felt like asking Michael about it. but right now I'm so focused on my relationship issues and insecurity that it takes a back seat.

And the issues of the challenge, sometimes I find it strange as well. Maybe my insecurities interfere with this. Because many times I do not enter a challenge thinking that I will not succeed. Now that I'm trying to change it and do anyway. especially after my last POF

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Luciana Flora

And other issues are controversial issues. I have always avoided discussing controversial issues. Precisely for generating discussion. I even wondered why I had talked so much about the question of polyamory in the other topic. Because it really is something controversial. But I think it was because I saw respect between dissenting opinions that you do not see much in general.

Anyway, I do not usually say things like that.

Edited by Luciana Flora
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PPLD

Interesting.

Is it about the Role though?

I'd say it's much more about Personality, Imprints, CFs and IMs.

I'd say it is about the tendency to take things personally or not.

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Luciana Flora
1 minute ago, PPLD said:

Interesting.

Is it about the Role though?

I'd say it's much more about Personality, Imprints, CFs and IMs.

I'd say it is about the tendency to take things personally or not.

I may actually be wrong about that. But all I read led me to believe that one of the warrior's characters would not escape the confrontation.

After all warrior is challenge oriented. For me one of the most challenging things is confrontation.

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Sam K

That's a good point, Pat.  Maybe I tend to take arguments personally, assume others are the same way, and avoid confrontation so neither party gets hurt.  I've noticed I feel bad even if I "win," probably because I assume the other party feels as I would if I had lost.  Put-out if I lose, guilty if I win.  Doesn't really incentivize interpersonal conflict for me, y'know? :p

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Luciana Flora

I'm talking about the stressful confrontation. Most of the time people do not change their positions. So getting into controversial issues most often seems to lead to a confrontation  in some occasions even to the end of a friendship. So I end up thinking it's not worth it. Besides I really feel bad after a discussion. I find it difficult to deal with all the feelings that appear in me after a discussion.

At work some people think that some colleagues take advantage of me. Why, for example, if I need to do something that would be right to do with the help of someone and see that the other person is unwilling to do I end up doing it alone. Because the stress on me of fighting with that person and demanding that she help me is so great that I prefer to do it myself.

Edited by Luciana Flora
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H2nna

Things fight, not people. Mostly.

Part of my new job is that people pretty much yell at me, just because I'm the first one they meet. ? It's VERY important to know when to take things personally and when it's just an unfortunate situation.

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PPLD
7 minutes ago, Sam K said:

Put-out if I lose, guilty if I win.

Man this sucks! ?

 

I don't mind arguments or confrontation, but I was taught early to mark my own boundaries, so I am comfortable with not always being compliant. 

 

Dunno Sam, but in my experience people interpret difference of opinion, far too often as an argument, attack, something undermining etc.

 

BUT there are naturally lots of peeps who simply need being 'right' all the fucking time, and take everything as a bloody fight to the last drop of blood. Have no patience with it, and rarely discuss anything with them (and normally regret if I did)  ?

 

I think that changing some of the investment in lose/win, for curiosity, could maybe ease a little of the unpleasantness and feelings of guilt? Curiosity I'd say is equally comfortable with right as with wrong, with lose and with win, because there always will be something to observe and learn from. 

 

You are a Scholar after all. ? Aim for knowledge over theory and you'll find your unique way to deal with it, I'm certain. 

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PPLD
2 minutes ago, H2nna said:

Part of my new job is that people pretty much yell at me, just because I'm the first one they meet.

 

OMG! What ARE you working with Hanna?!? ?

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PPLD
34 minutes ago, Luciana Flora said:

I'm talking about the stressful confrontation. Most of the time people do not change their positions. So getting into controversial issues most often seems to lead to a confrontation  in some occasions even to the end of a friendship. So I end up thinking it's not worth it. Besides I really feel bad after a discussion. I find it difficult to deal with all the feelings that appear in me after a discussion.

At work some people think that some colleagues take advantage of me. Why, for example, if I need to do something that would be right to do with the help of someone and see that the other person is unwilling to do I end up doing it alone. Because the stress on me of fighting with that person and demanding that she help me is so great that I prefer to do it myself.

 

Dunno, I rather end a friendship that would restrain my right to expression. It's not a friendship to start with, as I see it at least.

 

Work is another cup of tea. I mean, most people work because they have to. Even when you love what you do (I do for example) it is still a tool to respond to the financial needs of life.

And that goes for the rest of peeps in any workplace, meaning: work for you money because I'm already busy working for mine mate... 

 

Don't get me wrong. I gladly help and support, but not without discernment. I do not take advantage of others, so I can't see any reason for why I should let them do that to me.

 

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H2nna

Customer service @PPLD, people not happy when their glasses don't work and they can't see shit.?

 

Giving and receiving critisism is an area where most people struggle and get way tooo emotional.

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Luciana Flora
13 minutes ago, PPLD said:

Don't get me wrong. I gladly help and support, but not without discernment. I do not take advantage of others, so I can't see any reason for why I should let them do that to me.

I agree with this. I do not think anyone should allow it. but simply going there and doing the work is so less stressful than entering into conflict with another person. but you're right about that.

 

19 minutes ago, PPLD said:

Dunno, I rather end a friendship that would restrain my right to expression. It's not a friendship to start with, as I see it at least.

 

I always had a hard time finishing friendships. Maybe because I had so much trouble getting a few friends that it made me do everything I could to keep them. However I see that this is something that does not work because there is always a time when I explode so it ends up being much worse.

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Felicitas
2 hours ago, Sam K said:

So, I'm a Warrior-cast Scholar.  I've always had the impression that those with strong Warrior elements in their personality were supposed to be attracted to confrontation and challenge, and when it's me against circumstances or the environment around me, I think that's true to an extent.  But when it comes to confrontations with other people, debates and such, I'm not much of a fan.  In fact, I hate that sort of confrontation.  Even if it's a totally respectful difference of opinion and everything stays civil, having to "attack" the beliefs another person holds (and having mine attacked in return, of course) is a profoundly uncomfortable position for me.  The more heated the discussion becomes, the more I hate it.  I'll still defend my opinions to the best of my ability, but I don't at all enjoy it like I imagine other Warriors or Warrior-cast might.  It just strikes me as odd.  Which Roles do you guys feel are the most confrontation-averse?

Hm, interesting. I did not understand it that way; but more in the sense that a strong warrior element (or any action axis element) enables one to handle or deal with confrontations and challenges more easily, but that is not the same as liking confrontations or challenges. For example, I don't like confrontations either, but I know from experience that I handle them quite well, in the sense that I stay true to myself and can live with rejection of my views. I still find the emotional turmoil that can accompany a confrontation quite challenging, but I have learnt not to take it so personally as I used to do in the past (sometimes regretting not living in a century where I could just challenge my 'adversary' to a duell and get it over with ??). That gives me the strength or confidence to not dread confrontations and also to not try to avoid them at all costs. (while discerning which fights are really worth the investment and which are not, for me). I don't know if the fact that my entity is dominated by warriors has any part in that or not. I guess, overleaves also have a big part in that.

Edited by Felicitas Brenner
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Luciana Flora
11 minutes ago, Felicitas Brenner said:

Hm, interesting. I did not understand it that way; but more in the sense that a strong warrior element (or any action axis element) enables one to handle or deal with confrontations and challenges more easily, but that is not the same as liking confrontations or challenges. For example, I don't like confrontations either, but I know from experience that I handle them quite well, in the sense that I stay true to myself and can live with rejection of my views. I still find the emotional turmoil that can accompany a confrontation quite challenging, but I have learnt not to take it so personally as I used to do in the past (sometimes regretting not living in a century where I could just challenge my 'adversary' to a duell and get it over with 1f602.png1f602.png). That gives me the strength or confidence to not dread confrontations and also to not try to avoid them at all costs. (while discerning which fights are really worth the investment and which are not, for me). I don't know if the fact that my entity is dominated by warriors has any part in that or not. I guess, overleaves also have a big part in that.

Yeah, that's exactly what I find strange in me. I not only detest it. I think I'm terrible to deal with it.

Maybe it's because of my insecurities. Or maybe something I do my profane that contradicts some characteristics of the warrior. But this ease in dealing with comfort is something I do not see in myself.

  And I think I really avoid as much as I can to confront.

Edited by Luciana Flora
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Felicitas
6 minutes ago, Luciana Flora said:

Yeah, that's exactly what I find strange in me. I not only detest it. How depressing I am to deal with him.

Maybe it's because of my insecurities. Or maybe something I do my profane that contradicts some characteristics of the warrior. But this ease in dealing with comfort is something I do not see in myself.

I don't know if it helps/makes sense to you @Luciana Flora, but I couldn't help noticing that you have 'acceptance' and 'idealist' too, like I do and to me the teachings about this goal and this attitude were really very helpful in understanding why confrontations used to be so disturbing and hard to deal with for me. 

Edited by Felicitas Brenner
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Diane

@Luciana Flora

I keep wondering about your Internal Monads.  Have you ever thought about or asked Michael where you are in your Internal Monads? 

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Heidi

@Sam K I am the same way as you wrt confrontation and am also a Warrior Cast Scholar, but I agree with the others here that it is more likely to do with imprinting and Personality dynamics than Role or Casting. 

Btw, I also HATE small talk. Makes me extremely uncomfortable. I worked a bar job a while back where that was commonplace and thought something was wrong with me. I even asked Michael about it. They said most Old Souls would rather "dive head first into a small puddle" than engage in small talk. This is because Old Souls would rather have meaningful exchanges and intimacy over niceties and being curtious. :)

Edited by Heidi
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Luciana Flora
44 minutes ago, Diane said:

@Luciana Flora

I keep wondering about your Internal Monads.  Have you ever thought about or asked Michael where you are in your Internal Monads? 

I participated in my first POF in May. And I asked him where I was in my IM. But there was not a convender about it. It was only for me to have a sense of where I was. In May Michael told me the following:

"You are currently in the 4th Internal Monad ending the 5th Stage of Contentment."

  I do not know if anything has changed in those months. I read about the 4th Monad. But I did not see in what the internal Monad could interfere in the matter of not dealing well with conflicts.

  Maybe it's something more related to wanting to be accepted. And so try to give opinions as sympathetically as I can. Or if I can not,  think it better to shut up.

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Felicitas
4 hours ago, Sam K said:

Which Roles do you guys feel are the most confrontation-averse?

@Sam K After thinking about your question for a while, I'd have to say that no role is any more confrontation-averse than any other, but I also realised that I have this prejudice about servers being confrontation-averse. ?? I am curious if that rings true to servers...

 

16 minutes ago, Heidi said:

@Sam K I am the same way as you wrt confrontation and am also a Warrior Cast Scholar, but I agree with the others here that it is more likely to do with imprinting and Personality dynamics than Role or Casting. 

Btw, I also HATE small talk. Makes me extremely uncomfortable. I worked a bar job a while back where that was commonplace and thought something was wrong with me. I even asked Michael about it. They said most Old Souls would rather "dive head first into a small puddle" than engage in small talk. This is because Old Souls would rather have meaningful exchanges and intimacy over niceties and being curtious. :)

@Heidi OMG I couldn't agree with you more, on hating small talk. Very apt description the Michaels gave for how that makes me feel. ?

 

Edited by Felicitas Brenner
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Luciana Flora
5 minutes ago, Felicitas Brenner said:

@Sam K After thinking about your question for a while, I'd have to say that no role is any more confrontation-averse than any other, but I also realised that I have this prejudice about servers being confrontation-averse. 1f644.png1f607.png I am curious if that rings true to servers.

I did not know about this view on the servers. My mother is a server and she is definitely no dislike of conflict. Alias I think she differs with conflict much better than me and she is warrior-cast server.

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Felicitas
Just now, Luciana Flora said:

I did not know about this view on the servers. My mother is a server and she is definitely no dislike of conflict. Alias I think she differs with conflict much better than me and she is warrior-cast server.

Aha, you see, I rightly labeled it as a prejudice, because ultimately I think it would be an oversimplification to see it like that. After all, the role is only one facet in this wonderful mosaic we are. ?

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Diane

What Internal Monad have you completed in the positive poles?  

You can be in the 4th IM and not have completed the third internal monad in the positive poles.  You will find lots of really great information on our site.  There is no rush to do this, this is your life you are living.  

 

From a private session with Michael January 2011:

 

The most significant sense that one can use for determinng if the 4th Internal Monad is completed in the Positive Pole is if one LIKES the life, the self, and what one has done with it so far. To the extent that one likes oneself, is the extent to which one has completed the 4th Internal Monad.

 

When we say "likes" oneself, we do not mean this as a defense, or arrogant protection, but genuinely finding the truth, the pain, the pleasures, the love, the humor, the relationships, what one has, and what one wants are all a part of a bigger picture that is still only a part of who one is.

 

Understanding this as your guide can allow you to make your own best decisions and choices so that those are aligned with how you like your self and your life.

 

Included in "liking yourself" means allowing room for those things you do not like, as well. Allowing yourself degrees of preferences, rather than divisions of like/dislike, brings a wholeness. 

 

For instance, just because you like yourself does not mean you will like having a headache. Wholeness comes from preferring not to have a headache, and doing what must be done to heal or endure that headache, instead of hating the headache, and letting it define you.

 

So in your case, allow yourself room for your PREFERENCES, and let yourself move in those directions, voice them, nurture them, etc. Also, allow your past to come up for healing, which may sometimes be startling or surprising.

 

As you approach parts of your body and life that you currently feel are in need of healing, you may find parts of the past tucked into the energy, so to speak, and that could bring memories or feelings or dreams as they relate to the origins.

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Luciana Flora
3 minutes ago, Diane said:

What Internal Monad have you completed in the positive poles?  

You can be in the 4th IM and not have completed the third internal monad in the positive poles.  You will find lots of really great information on our site.  There is no rush to do this, this is your life you are living.  

 

Following Michael I completed the other nomadas on the positive pole. From what I read there, I do not think I have completed the fourth.

However I am not following. And I'm not seeing the connection between avoiding conflicts  and IM

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DianeHB

Warriors don't always like confrontations, per se. They like "challenges", but that could be in any area of life. Relationship challenges, family challenges, business challenges, taking up causes, etc. Any situation where you have to persist to reach a goal could be considered a challenge. Avoidance of confrontations could also be caused by Arrogance and Self-Dep, which would override any role or casting tendencies. The negative pole of Acceptance (Ingratiation) tends to have an especially hard time with confrontations. Any time you have a reactionary rather than choice-based behavior, chief features/ negative poles/ imprinting are more likely the cause than any role or casting. 

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