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Troy

ENERGY REPORT: March 2018

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Susan A Flow

Thank you Troy,  this report was right on target for me and very helpful in understanding the emotions I'm dealing with right now.

 

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Bobby

HELPFUL THOUGHTS OVER March:  Suck it up, buttercup

 

All I can do is laugh right now because it feels so awful

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ClaireC

And here I thought I was just experiencing a bad case of the winter blahs.....

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DianeHB

Thank goodness I'm not going crazy. I thought something was going on when I just haven't had enthusiasm for anything, had zero sex drive, and even my most inspired ideas felt weighed down. So interesting that this is what nexuses do for us. 

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MichaelS

I’m feeling this. ‘Many of our students are experiencing the death of loved ones’. Yes, my dad died last month. 

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Bobby
1 hour ago, MichaelS said:

I’m feeling this. ‘Many of our students are experiencing the death of loved ones’. Yes, my dad died last month. 

 

Sorry to hear that, Michael.

 

I've seen hints of that myself this month.  At the beginning of the month my dad had what appeared to be another small stroke.  He was taken to the emergency room and all sorts of test were done on him.  They seemed to narrow it down to complications with a urinary tract infection but that has since cleared up although not all of the confusion issues have.  This piece of the Energy Report certainly sheds light on what may be at play here.

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Leela Corman

Okay, no one punch me in the face please, but I am having the exact opposite experience. That's not to say things couldn't change on a dime, this is not my first rodeo, I know the terms of the gig. So, with fingers crossed and the wood knocked on three times, especially about death because I already went through one of the worst kinds of losses, and am still traumatized by it, here's my experience of March so far.

I started it very sick. I went to Denmark and Germany in February to teach and research my book and that was all amazing and powerful. Then, as soon as I got home, in late February, my right piriformis muscle went out in a strain and I was laid up in extreme pain for a few days. As that was easing up, I got the flu, like, actual real influenza virus of some kind. I'm so glad I had the flu shot, because if I hadn't, it would have been much, much worse. I might have been in the hospital, or developed complications. As it was, I never had a fever higher than 99. But for a week solid, I was bedridden, first with full-body aches and cough, then vomiting which was really fun, and the entire time I had a headache so intense that for a couple of days I couldn't even open my eyes. For about 10 days after that, really until about two days ago in fact, I wasn't exactly sick anymore but I was deeply exhausted, still kind of queasy and dizzy, and though my headache was starting to recede, the intensity of it had been such that my eyes were messed up afterwards for a long time. They kept crossing and I couldn't really see properly, which made biking with my daughter a little scary, and they were pretty photosensitive too.

Now that I'm better, I feel a surge of creative energy, like a current of raw power banging through every system in my body. I am feeling myself, seriously. My band seems to have found a drummer (if you have never been in a rock band before, this is a nearly mythical task, it is so hard to find), I'm working on a really good comic about a concentration camp (because I am who I am), and to top it off, I had a very intense set of conversations and exchange of energy with an entity mate who is very dear to me, and that person told me some things that have really added to all of this. So I'm feeling powerful and grateful. I feel extremely loved by the people in my life, revered even, which is a strange thing for a person with strong Self-Deprecation, and I'm trying to work through that.

This all runs very counter to the larger political and sociological issues we're facing. I'm pretty accustomed to feeling like my personal life is sideways to all of that but this is particularly high-contrast.

It's okay to have some non-space, though. Those time periods can be much more fertile than you might think, though they are unpleasant to go through while they're happening, especially if you're used to feeling powerful in creative pursuits, or action, or whatever your purpose in life is. "Roll with it" is good advice. Nothing is permanent, or as Vincent Gardenia's character says in "Moonstruck", "Everything is temporary! That don't excuse nothin'!"

Love you all.

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KurtisM

Lol ok so that explains it.

EVERY DAY is an energy shift this month. No wonder I've been so confused and exhausted and elated and disgusted by everything.

If I had to define March by a word it would be "messy".

I have not been having the greatest of relationships, thoughts, feelings and intentions this month. I've hooked into the wave of Oppression too & it really is just heavy on top of heavy.

 

It's heavy to consider my future, on top of the world's possible futures, on top of my body's energy rollercoaster ride, on top of the demands I have to fulfill, on top of the demands we have to fulfill, on top of everything we are NOT doing to help benefit all etc.

 

I wonder if we'll have a Nexus in April or if we're waiting for the biggest shoe to drop when Uranus moves into Taurus mid May for us to branch off finally.

Last time on the exact day when Uranus moved into Aries we had the Fukushima Meltdown. Aries= cardinal fire= symbolic explosions of inspiration/provocation.

Taurus= fixed earth= shaking up what's been stable and reliable in our world.

 

My highlights in this are:

"Do you allow room for the surprise challenges even as you sustain a greater trajectory toward a goal by utilizing all of your resources (Leadership) or do you find yourself demanding results before there can be results and either be doubling down on that demand or completely resign from trying (Dictatorship)?"

I resonate with this balance a lot.

 

"Variables are stacking into the mix of reality so that it can feel as if there is either a constant threat of complete collapse or constant possibility for complete relief. Both paths are felt as painfully too close, or painfully out of reach. This lends a deep exhaustion to various dimensions of the body and mind."

My experience 100%.

Edited by KurtisM
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Bobby

@KurtisM It's like a great big cosmic joke.... "May, we shift into Uranus"  <yuck yuck yuck>  :D

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Juni

Well, this explains a lot. I feel like I've been revisiting many entrenched patterns, stuckness and such grief-old, new and hypothetical. I'm constantly tired, I have a sinus infection(no surprise there, it's one of my main ways of processing things) and just feel like crying for no obvious reason. Also been having parallell variety dreams quite almost nightly.

Edited by Juni
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Christina Lily Pedersen
6 minutes ago, Troy said:

 

Keep in mind that the Energy Reports are about how we experience the energies as we are plugged into these collective patterns. Sometimes we intentionally or unintentionally unhook from those collective patterns and then the Energy Report doesn't really apply. Considering how often (and intensely) you plug into the collective pattern, I imagine you make more of an effort to take a break from it than a lot of us. I'm actually wondering if there are certain Roles who do this more than others. I would guess if that's so, it would be Artisans. It's just way too painful for Artisans to stay plugged into collective patterns that are in a constant churn of chaos but not much happening to create beauty. So you have to break out of that and go create something beautiful as not only a way to recharge, but as a way to contribute in ways that feel more fulfilling than waiting for something to change collectively.

 

Maybe?

I think this goes for me, yes. I would say that I feel very action oriented lately and want to create. But nothing beautiful. Finally, beauty and perfection is not the goal.

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KurtisM

@Christina Lily Pedersen

To me Beauty is not perfection, it's just resonance.

So when you create something beautiful, it only has to be something that matters to you.

Like a friendship, a creative art project, a swimming session etc.

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Christina Lily Pedersen
1 minute ago, KurtisM said:

@Christina Lily Pedersen

To me Beauty is not perfection, it's just resonance.

So when you create something beautiful, it only has to be something that matters to you.

Like a friendship, a creative art project, a swimming session etc.

I didn't mean that beauty IS perfection, just that these two things have been what has stopped me from expressing what actually matters - as you say :)

 

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Janet

Such a validating report. I'm somewhat happy that the Energy Report is coming out in the middle of the month, because I think it helps validate what we've been experiencing rather than setting us up to expect something to be validated. 

 

My own goal is Dominance and I had completely forgotten it is the goal of the year as well. My dreams lately have had a lot of references to my former job, and leaving that job, etc. I have been interpreting these as missing the ability to display leadership (or not) on a daily/weekly basis. I've been retired almost a year now, and I'm starting to get an itch to be "productive" again, so I thought the dreams were informing me of this. (But why did I get a package of hundreds of erasers in my most recent dream?!) 

 

Now I suspect the dreams are related to what this Energy Report describes. Definitely I have been experiencing extreme fatigue for at least a couple of weeks. I thought I was fighting off a bug! (And perhaps I am; I do have a tendency to get sick as a result of extreme stress, and the Energy Report describes the stress.)

 

21 minutes ago, Troy said:

It's just way too painful for Artisans to stay plugged into collective patterns that are in a constant churn of chaos but not much happening to create beauty.

I'd have to agree with this, at least for this Artisan. I'm avoiding the news even more than usual these days. And with every bit of "good" news that appears, I wait for the other shoe to drop. 

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Uma

All of the above going on here, too. Navigating has been almost treacherous, with huge waves arising from a calm sea in an instant, and subsiding, requiring constant and exhausting vigilance. I also have Dominance as a Goal, and I can validate that spectrum between Leadership and Dictatorship happens so quickly sometimes, it leaves me spinning, yet able to navigate. Having had the experience of navigating with Elegance, when that is not happening it is not only obvious, but makes me want to get back to Elegance asap, it's so uncomfortable or even painful. 

 

@Janet

36 minutes ago, Janet said:

I've been retired almost a year now, and I'm starting to get an itch to be "productive" again,

You are probably one of the most productive people I have ever witnessed! I can't imagine what your idea of productivity could be if you don't think you are productive now!

 

And knowing that we can expect Oppression on top of already feeling oppressed by fuckface and that insanity, at least gives us a heads up. So, thank you @Troy. Watching you navigate this medical storm and continue to work in it, through it, with it, around it--thank you for all that you are doing. And a big thank you hug to everyone here on TLE--glad to be experiencing the now with this community. I can't imagine life without you and Michael. 

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Kate
5 hours ago, Troy said:

most of our students are feeling the “churning” effect of variables generating a tangible pressure that makes one recoil from any definitive activity.

and that manifests in work for me... should possibly unhook from this, as I'd rather not lose ,y job at the moment... 🙄

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Connor

Thank you for the report, Troy, I often take them for granted. I appreciate it.

I've spent winter in my pajamas. When I'm not walking for food, I'm on the floor reading the news, and occasionally taking breaks to gaze listlessly at the ceiling and wonder what the hell I'm doing. Then I close my eyes and imagine myself doing the same thing when I'm eighty years old.

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Maureen
4 hours ago, MichaelS said:

I’m feeling this. ‘Many of our students are experiencing the death of loved ones’. Yes, my dad died last month. 

 

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your father, @MichaelS. Much love and comfort to you and your family.  ♥

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Tincha

I am very happy about this energy report. It explains a lot. The last two or three weeks have been the worst in a few years. I even doubted my sanity. In a moment I was convinced that Roman would end our relationship. Old fears and feelings of abandonment reappeared and I cried a lot. The next moment I wanted to end our relationship myself. In between there were moments of absolute peace and relaxation. And then everything again from the beginning.

 

All in all, I think a certain amount of healing has happened anyway because I did not try to fight the fear, but simply looked at it. I've been there for myself and will be until this roller coaster ride is over. 💪

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RIppolito

Re the report - exactly, exactly, exactly. I am relieved to have words put to what I have been feeling/experiencing. Thank you!!!!!

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Leela Corman
7 hours ago, Troy said:

 

Keep in mind that the Energy Reports are about how we experience the energies as we are plugged into these collective patterns. Sometimes we intentionally or unintentionally unhook from those collective patterns and then the Energy Report doesn't really apply. Considering how often (and intensely) you plug into the collective pattern, I imagine you make more of an effort to take a break from it than a lot of us. I'm actually wondering if there are certain Roles who do this more than others. I would guess if that's so, it would be Artisans. It's just way too painful for Artisans to stay plugged into collective patterns that are in a constant churn of chaos but not much happening to create beauty. So you have to break out of that and go create something beautiful as not only a way to recharge, but as a way to contribute in ways that feel more fulfilling than waiting for something to change collectively.

 

Maybe?

@Troy DEFINITELY. Yes. Thank you so much for writing this! You are absolutely correct and I am grateful to read this and learn about it from you. All of this is painfully accurate. I would also say that I, at least, tend to be able to find beauty almost all the time, someplace, even if that beauty comes in the form of someone writing about surviving Auschwitz and Italian Fascism (Primo Levi, whose writing is so perfectly economical and clear that it is beautiful), or glorious music made by really tormented people with problems (almost my entire record collection) or paintings from a time as unsettled and dangerous as ours (Weimar Germany). Just to give a few examples. And I also find it in the work people are doing right now - I'm awed by Black Lives Matter, and the kids fighting for gun control, and so much more.

And yes, I have developed methods of coping and most of them involve seeking all forms of oblivion but the chemical. I seek and find it in the painting I do for my comics, in the music I love, in my band, in the ocean when I'm lucky enough to get there, in art museums. My ears ring constantly and I'll probably go blind but it's worth it.

 

I mean otherwise I'm just a furious person making comics about the Shoah. I have to find some way of dealing with that.

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