ENERGY REPORT: July 2018

[Luciana Flora 7,049]

23 minutes ago, Eric said:

Ditto. It's seldom I have celebrities of any kind in my dreams, and hardly ever political figures. It may be dependant on how much exposure you get at a particular time. I.e. if you've focused a lot on politics, your more likely to dream about such figures in some way. I think for me the times that celebrities do end up in my dreams is usually because I've watched a lot of something they were in or watched it close before bedtime.

Makes sense. That's probably it .. I've always been much more focused on my personal life than on global events.

[Maureen 11,766]

I had a helluva of time crawling through this Nexus. I've never felt so out-of-it, exhausted, disturbed, and irritated... full-on body irritation. Some days I could hardly move because of lack of energy. One day in particular it felt as though my whole body was going to collapse, head to toe, similar to how it feels when your legs collapse from under you. Today, the first day post Nexus, I felt somewhat better and was happy to get out to do some errands although I found I was even happier to get home.  

 

I had a lovely surprise at my hairdresser's. I usually go every 6 to 7 weeks, always during the week, never on the weekend but this time I went today, Saturday, because she's on vacation next week. I was waiting for my hairdresser to wash my hair when another woman came over, introduced herself to me and started to wash my hair. Actually it was way more than that, she (Kim) ended up giving me the loveliest, greatly unexpected, head massage. I wondered if I had died and gone to heaven -- it was that good. Kim's touch was so loving, like a mother bathing her child, that I actually had an image of me being a baby as she gently patted the water off my hair at the end. I could feel all the rubbish that had collected during the Nexus slide down off my head down into the drain. I have never experienced so much love with a simple massage. As this was going on I remembered what Michael had told me in a session about the major Convergence in August 2014 when I had asked them about a dream related to the Nexus. They said: 

 

MEntity:  The first dream would likely be related to the world of "you" merging into "this" world over the next several years. This "other world" is quite closed, quite contained, and has worked hard to break out of that state. The reaching up and out of the Crown is one of the means through which Convergence of parallels happens.

 

So, I was soothed but surprised. My hairdresser was surprised as well because she had assumed I knew Kim as she's been working there for 3 years, or so, but because (as I said earlier) I never go in on the weekends I had never met her before. Thankfully, my hairdresser told me Kim's story while she cut my hair. I asked if she was Vietnamese (intuition there... don't know what's relevant about this) and it turns out that she is. She looks after her husband (during the week) as he became a paraplegic when he jumped off a bridge when he tried to commit suicide two days after she gave birth to their child. She now cares for him and their child full time.

 

After I had my haircut she came by and I asked her if I could give her a hug and she accepted. Her face was beaming and so (I expect) was mine. I told her how I felt when she touched me. I told her I felt like "her child" and I never, hardly ever, feel that way with people. I'm usually the one who "gives it away". I am so humbled by this small woman who has been through, and is still going through, so much and yet is able to give so much love to a "stranger" with her touch.  Afterwards I felt like hugging my hairdresser as well... so I did. So much love in the air. Oh, and I made my next appointment for a Saturday. I'm no fool... I know love when I see it. ♥

 

[Uma 9,722]

What a lovely post-Nexus story and experience @Maureen. Shocking to hear that you felt yourself in the Child Position, like you said, you being the usual adult in the room. Very happy you received such love today. 

 

This also:

MEntity:... The reaching up and out of the Crown is one of the means through which Convergence of parallels happens.

 

It's kind of counterintuitive to think of Convergence of parallels happening out of the Crown, isn't it?

 

 

[DianeHB 12,446]

My week after last weekend was actually quite good. I was a stressed out mess last weekend as I set up the books for my first bookkeeping client. The work was not difficult, per se, but doing it for someone unknown to me for the first time, trying to separate out personal vs business expenses, making accounting decisions on my own, researching potential tax ramifications, finding things done wrong and having to tell the client, etc, were all new to me and absolutely horrifying. After it was done, I talked with the client about things that came up, and that conversation was really good for me because he was a lot less intimidating in reality than in my head. Over the next day or two, it seemed like my brain integrated what I learned from working on my own with the rest of my accounting knowledge, and the work seemed like no big deal at all. I met with the client on Thursday to train him to use QuickBooks, and I had zero nervousness and was even looking forward to it. 

 

Also, in the middle of the week an opportunity showed up for me to take over the organizer role of a local support group for entrepreneurs that sounded exactly like what I wanted to start/was looking for. It was started by a friend of a friend, and she decided to step down as organizer shortly after I joined. I'm really excited about this opportunity to create a community that is more aligned with my ideas and vision.

Edited July 29, 2018 by DianeHB

[DianeHB 12,446]

I forgot to add that in the last week I’ve suddenly gained more clarity around my writing, too, despite having set it aside temporarily while I focus on working with a client. The anxiety I’ve had around writing just cleared up out of nowhere, and I realized that I can write practical/informative articles or creative/personal articles without letting any of it define me or save me. It is such a relief. 

[Cong 4,346]

My nexus has been a bliss. At fist it feels like learning how to swim in an ocean, but more and more, I understand the importance of "go with the flow". I think I've landed in a "good" place.

 

It coincided with the start of my new job, some positive and practical attitudes definitely help me win trust and create bonding experiences within my new team. I am very grateful.

 

What I want to share is a more personal experience that happened today. As you may know, I've struggled through my relationship with the ET for the past few years. It has been about 10 months since we talked with each other, and I always felt  a lack of closure. I didn't even tell him I left Chicago, as I was probably too pumped about my new adventure. Surprisingly, I miss him more than I thought I would since I moved to California, maybe a nostalgia for Chicago and those who I met there.

 

I assume today is the first day after the nexus...I feel an urge to text him but didn't end up doing. Later, I opened a chatting tool that I haven't been using forever, and god knows why, I just wanted to check on his contact info. And here he is, showing a picture with his girlfriend/fiance/wife in a fancy black tie event. And he looked so different than I remember...almost like a stranger...but, deep inside I know it's him.

 

Well, you can imagine my first reaction not being pretty. I feel so sick and shaky physically and emotionally. I used a lot of curse words, I shed a ton of tears. I thought I was doing well recovering, but when the thing is in your face, you just can't help but lose yourself. It was a surreal moment. 

 

I called a friend in the middle of the night for 2 hours. I tried to make peace. I thought I was not going to survive this on my own when I hang up the phone. But miraculously, I managed to find some relief in the end. I realized that essentially, it’s a “test” of how secure I am about my self and my position in life. His life is his, and mine is mine. I should be confident enough that I am doing good myself and whatever I search for will come. The belief shouldn’t be shaken by what he is doing, how he does it, with whom he’s doing it. 

 

I wish him best of luck….on a spiritual level, we still love and support each other, I should be firm about that. It's probably not even easy to "get rid of each other".

 

I am especially grateful for our TLE community and how everyone helps me heal on this topic. Thinking about it with more clarity…I do feel it’s about the right time for me to learn this “news” and reality. It seems like a random event that I looked him up today, but metaphysically, I know it’s because I’m prepared to accept our relationship as is in a more thorough way. I love myself deep enough that this "truth" won’t truly challenge my foundation to sustain a sense of self love.

 

What a journey, what a life. I am happy to have you walk along with me.

 

Edited July 29, 2018 by Cong

[Matt [banned] 1,973]

Wow @Cong im sorry you went through that. I always think of you as a strong person who can take care of herself, so im glad you made it through ok. Those unexpected things that shake us are the toughest ones to handle. I already miss you being in Chicago too.

[Uma 9,722]

@DianeHB Wow! How wonderful that things are unfolding in such a great way for you. I'm really happy to hear that you are finding it easier to actually DO the work than you thought it would be. That has been my experience too, so many times. Also, I want to say, your advice to people here on TLE is always spot on, well written and to the point. Good Work!

 

@Cong So happy to hear that your new job and life in SF is working out and you are enjoying. That stuff with your ET: it seems you have come to a good place with it and have accepted 'what is.' I know it isn't easy. I, too, feel that this community of TLE has been enormously helpful and supportive and I'm so happy to be here.

[Miizle 1,306]

Wow @Maureen, what a beautiful experience. And thank you for sharing it, because when i read it, i felt as if i was getting a head massage as well. In fact the feeling is still here!! I used to love massaging people, because somehow i felt like i was getting a massage as well while doing it. Similarly i would feel awesome watching another person having a massage. Once i was transiting somewhere, i think Singapore, and there was a wall-less massage parlour at the airport. Now, being the poor ass that i was (am), i couldn't justify a massage for myself just then, but i just reeeeally enjoyed watching... I started feeling like a real creep staring at it though, I think i changed my spot once or twice, not sure if it made it even creepier. I moved away after a while, because i was worried i was making them feel strange and ruin the massage  
I haven't actually 'felt the massage' while massaging other people for many years. Not sure what happened, apart from my wrists getting kind of bad, so it started to become easily somewhat unpleasant. i used to be able to massage a person for ever, didn't matter how long, i never got tired at all. It's a shame that skill is gone.
But anyhow, this was the first time i've ever got that through just reading about a massage! And, i must say, the feeling is quite specifically on top of my head, in the crown..... hmmm.....

[Bogi 2,784]

On 7/30/2018 at 8:12 AM, Miizle said:

Wow @Maureen, what a beautiful experience. And thank you for sharing it, because when i read it, i felt as if i was getting a head massage as well. In fact the feeling is still here!! I used to love massaging people, because somehow i felt like i was getting a massage as well while doing it. Similarly i would feel awesome watching another person having a massage. Once i was transiting somewhere, i think Singapore, and there was a wall-less massage parlour at the airport. Now, being the poor ass that i was (am), i couldn't justify a massage for myself just then, but i just reeeeally enjoyed watching... I started feeling like a real creep staring at it though, I think i changed my spot once or twice, not sure if it made it even creepier. I moved away after a while, because i was worried i was making them feel strange and ruin the massage  
I haven't actually 'felt the massage' while massaging other people for many years. Not sure what happened, apart from my wrists getting kind of bad, so it started to become easily somewhat unpleasant. i used to be able to massage a person for ever, didn't matter how long, i never got tired at all. It's a shame that skill is gone.
But anyhow, this was the first time i've ever got that through just reading about a massage! And, i must say, the feeling is quite specifically on top of my head, in the crown..... hmmm.....

 

There is something that is described as ASMR.

It has been quite popular on youtube for some years now. When I want to relax, I go to youtube and watch these videos, p.ex. about other people getting a head massage. It feels so relaxing, like I am getting the massage.

[Wendy 2,639]

Yesterday was the first "good" day I've had in what feels like ages.  But what a relief to be able to see a better version of myself after weeks of feeling like a crazy person!  I ended up on Sunday night having a burst of creativity which resulted in rearranging and decorating in my apartment.  I've been here 2 months and still wasn't feeling right, but now that I've made these few changes I feel a lot happier.  Aside from that, I have no idea what has changed, but I trust it's there.  I had to drop any notions of forward motion in work or pretty much anything during the nexus as I was so stressed out the very thought of adding any additional contact with anyone gave me a stomach ache.  However, it does occur to me just now that I stepped up my self care yet again and am calmer and less resentful about that and it feels like it will stick, not just be a passing phase. 

 

In a session with Michael last week I asked about the nexus, and this is what they said:

 

The fluctuations at work in this Convergence and Divergence Nexus are temporary and any sense of merging or diverging are exploratory. We think we will be able to more carefully assess any relevant effects in August after the Nexus. For now, what we can see is that some versions of you who have risen from very challenging positions are looking for ways to help other versions of herself to heal and be strong, while other versions of you who have had more difficulty and more isolation are opening up to guidance and care from this vaster concept of the self. In short, you have become a meeting ground for the parts of you who are in most need of help and the parts of you who have grown to be of such strength as to be able to share it.

 

I thought it was really interesting that they said the merging and diverging were exploratory, (I really am commitment phobic I guess) and also find the image of my being a meeting ground quite beautiful and hopeful for the other versions of myself that aren't doing so well.

 

I'm looking forward to the August report and am feeling in my body that the next couple months could be real hum dingers too, as Michael's hinted already.

 

[Nadine 3,631]

11 minutes ago, Wendy said:

The fluctuations at work in this Convergence and Divergence Nexus are temporary and any sense of merging or diverging are exploratory. We think we will be able to more carefully assess any relevant effects in August after the Nexus.

 

Interesting, @Wendy! Is that relevant for all of us or just you, you think?

 

I also feel better after the Nexus. I've made some decisions for myself and am trying to follow through with them now. There's still some grief I'm processing, but all in all I feel a lot of the pressure and internal conflict I was carrying around for the last months shifted and I don't feel that stuck anymore. And that's good. 

[DianeHB 12,446]

@Wendy Last weekend all I wanted to do was clean and reorganize everything (there is a lot to do at my house), and get Tex off his damned paper accounting system and onto Quickbooks. I made some small progress, but there is a lot to do. I also decided to give my notice at work next Monday because I started getting ideas for all these projects I want to get going on once I quit, and I feel like I’m totally ready to jump in now. I feel so much lighter and confident, especially in terms of social interactions, that I do wonder if some of my stronger parallels have merged with me. A little over week ago I was really questioning my ability to handle clients and groups and felt like I couldn’t even talk coherently. Now it’s all gone - although this may be temporary since I know my confidence level comes and goes. 

[KurtisM 8,706]

You guys seem to be sharing what happened through the Nexus Bubble Collapse for you- so I will too.

 

On the day my family left for camping, I was feeling relatively fine & had everything packed and set to go. But through the day I progressively felt worse & worse about minor inconveniences like heat, bug bites & the little behaviors of people among other things, and it was triggering the larger issues on my mind. I finished off the day after unpacking nearly in a rage about everything & forcibly went to bed early, shutting everyone out. I couldn't get to sleep though and had to deal with the reality of my emotional world until I got up to grab some water and cool down.

The next day, I spent much of my time seeking Simplicity. The simple act of cutting some fruit & sitting at the end of the dock alone helped me calm some of my fears and concerns.

When I go camping though, my digestion tends not to be nice to me. I get cramped, gassy, bloated and suffer big time. I'm not sure why, it may be because my body remembers camping around the same time last year, and it tends to bring up concerns of family imprinting, loss of control, changes in environment etc. that are already in my subconscious.

I also got nosebleeds from the dry air- waking up with them nearly every day.

 

I had some significant dreams throughout my camping period that I already wrote about on my Dream Journal here. And some revolved around the future, Nexus Bubble & my global causes/commitments.

I spent a lot of my time drawing on my sketchpad & tablet- and managed to bring cohesion to some of my stories that fell on the back-burner, or were relatively inconsistent. I now have a pretty good idea of a story revolving around Parallel Realities & Memory Anchors- and another revolving around the concept of Unity & the balance between Co-Dependency and Co-Creation.

These ideas, ironically, usually come together when I'm not seeking them. They're like little impulses that occur when I'm not over-analyzing.

 

I am not a person or body that likes being in the direct sunlight for very long. It tires me out, and I'm not one to enjoy the heat. But it was hot & we were camping so I did go outside for a while, just not as long as my other family members do. I got tanned, but I dunno if that's a good trade-in for feeling exhausted and dehydrated most of the time.

Many days, I wound down & calmed my mind by playing some video games on my old 3DS. I played Pokemon Diamond the most, which I remember getting way back in 2007 and playing non-stop trying to collect all the Pokemon. Now I give the Pokemon personalities, and have fun re-exploring the world from a higher perspective that values all the work & imagination put into these video games.

I also did yoga pretty regularly for the first week, but fell off the wagon on the 2nd. But in the 2nd week, we did change campsites, and there was an even bigger, cleaner lake to swim in- so I played in the water with my family and dogs until I shivered from the cold and collapsed from my own noodle legs. Lol.

 

We watched some movies and shows while we were out. Including "Keeping up with the Joneses", "Ready Player One" and "Spy" and I loved them all for their unique stories and characters. My dad & I watched a few episodes of a show called "The 100" and this season is pretty dark, with a heavy focus on the theme Humanity focused on in the Nexus Bubble: the perpetuation of Violence.

For once, the shows I'm watching don't seem like just shows anymore, but accurate reflections of the various states and potentials of humanity. So they can get kind of overwhelming now...

 

 

One thing I didn't expect while camping was that I worked a bit on owning my sexuality & sense of desire and pleasure for multiple things. It's a part of my life that has been relatively isolated from all the inner changes & grief running through me- so exploring it came up as a bit of a surprise considering it sometimes seems irrelevant to my larger concerns.

My Grandma was with us while camping & out of all the people around, I think I hung out with her the most- since we walked and talked a lot. She told me about her deceased husband, spiritual experiences & the little things that made her happy or wary. And I talked about concepts like social intelligence, technological progress, my art projects etc. We bonded over making an effort to care & knowing what's irresponsible.

My Grandma seems to be in my Love and Compassion positions- because she's always there to listen without much judgment & always with an aim to encourage me to see more. She is what I assume to be an Idealist in Acceptance & Observation, which definitely seems like the type of person that makes a concerted effort to listen and mutually communicate.

 

I still had to deal with my family being unaware of the impact of their choices in terms of waste management, diet and even in the projections they made towards those different from them.

They ate meat every day for every meal & it was like being outnumbered 1 on a dozen as I'm the only vegan there. Even though they always made me my vegan food- they always made themselves their own food too, and never shared in mine.

It pissed me off having to deal with the divide between the truths I know & the truths they don't know. I think it contributed big time to my sense of exhaustion, since I can't even count how many times I isolated myself, slept off the excess static energy, and cried out of nowhere.

I still committed to continue caring & seeing more, but it definitely was not easy.

 

Edited July 31, 2018 by KurtisM

[KurtisM 8,706]

Now that the Nexus has passed, I do feel more assured and confident in what I want to do as well.

 

Part of that confidence came from a sudden inspiration to share everything I did in the Nexus Bubble here with you guys- hence why I've posted 5 Blogs and numerous comments after my 2 Week absence in 2 Days.

I'll have to reignite connections with my friends now, commit to my minimalism, commit to the garden my dad and I began 2 months ago, commit to writing & refining the website I'm desiring to make that's dedicated to Collective Responsibility, figure out my transport routes to University in the fall, sort through my video games so I can get to selling them, write my stories etc.

There's a lot to do... 

 

Alongside all of this though, I have definitely been feeling a lot of Grief still. Yesterday it got so bad my body crumbled to the floor, shaking, hyperventilating and crying intensely.

I'm extremely glad to have this site to share about myself on- since talking about all the things going through me with irl friends and family is very difficult. I still feel uncomfortably vulnerable on here, but there's a greater sense of safety even though I don't know any of you in person. So there's that.

[Uma 9,722]

@DianeHB

2 hours ago, DianeHB said:

I also decided to give my notice at work next Monday because I started getting ideas for all these projects I want to get going on once I quit, and I feel like I’m totally ready to jump in now

 

 That's really fantastic to hear! Mazel tov and Congratulations on taking that huge step. I know it's going to really be great for you and i wish you every success. 

and this:

2 hours ago, DianeHB said:

I do wonder if some of my stronger parallels have merged with me

 

I think many are feeling that parallels have converged or diverged. I can't wait to hear what Michael says about the Nexus in the August Energy Report. It's really incredible to have this record of what it feels like to go through these times. I'm sure we'll appreciate even more when we look back from future lives.

[Wendy 2,639]

@DianeHB Wow so much movement and congratulations on the decision to leave the job!  Woohoo! 

 

@Nadine I think it's particular to me in this instance , though I imagine it's just one of the many variations that can happen.  The only other person I know who asked a very similar question about this nexus got a very different answer,  along the lines of you converged with these particular lives so...I was actually a bit surprised at this answer. 

[Troy 13,751]

Today was a fascinating day of sessions. Every single session had the same theme and they all related to this recent Nexus. It seems that there is a theme that most of you will recognize and maybe really easily validate as your own experience with this Nexus. I am kind of blown away by how this theme is shared by so many of us. More details to come!

[Wendy 2,639]

Damn @Troy way to keep us in suspense!

[DianeHB 12,446]

Whoever had those sessions please post!!

[Becca the Student 693]

3 minutes ago, DianeHB said:

Whoever had those sessions please post!!

 

I'm just about to!

[Leela Corman 2,354]

@Troy I gotta get myself one of them post-nexus sessions, this one was a doozy! I spent all of last week feeling horrible. So sad, so worried, so heavy. There is a particular thing happening that is personal that I was worried about, and today I'm still quite uncertain about it. But the heaviness of it last week was insane. I slept so much it was out of character. I felt obsessive and miserable and lethargic. Then on Friday evening I began to feel energy lightening a bit. Saturday things felt lighter still. Sunday I woke up with a very distinct image of me being a boat that had been previously lashed tight to the dock, and was now floating on the open sea. I don't know where I'm going (in this one situation especially), but at least I'm in motion again. Today I'm having a strange-feeling reprieve from Attachment and what feels like maybe a vacation visit to Non-Attachment about something important to me. It's a little weird, and makes me worry that I've stopped caring about this thing? But I don't think so. And actually that worry is kind of hilarious if you think about it. I feel like there's a good joke in there for someone who writes neurotic comedy, about how a sudden lifting of the worry can be so disorienting. 

 

Today I'm also having that sense of returning to life and to energy that Michael has talked about as happening after a nexus. I guess I'm also a little worried about, like, which parallels made it "here" for me, did the important one come along, oy.

 

Funny thing is, some important things happened during the nexus. I got hired to do a really cool illustration job for one of my idols. I started seeing a therapist! That's a huge deal for me, I've been kind of therapy-resistant for years. But I really like her! 

 

In any case I am so curious about this running theme, and can't wait to compare notes and see everyone's experiences here. 

[Michael 104]

Very interesting exchange.  Susan seems to have a very negative subpersonality which is easily triggered.  In some of her posts she seems quite self aware.

 

 I get the feeling that many Michael students take the Physical Plane drama entirely too seriously from the old soul point of view.  If you consider the drama as largely a comedy versus a tragedy life is much more fun.

[Michael 104]

On 7/5/2018 at 1:22 PM, Troy said:

These are getting really difficult to channel. Ugh.

Can you describe what that means?  You told me that it was difficult to get my profile as though my essence was resistant and I have been curious as to your experience of "difficulty".

 

Thanks    PS:  I find the detail and quality of your channeling to be top notch.