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ENERGY REPORT: September 2018

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KurtisM

This year has been so fucking weird.

 

Right now I feel very stuffy. My body feels stuffy, my mind feels stuffy, my psyche feels stuffy.

"Stuffy". I guess that just means I feel full of stuff. Maybe I need to clear things out. I literally feel sweaty and gross, but not sick. But it also feel like any choice I make does not help clear me. Not exercise, nor sleep, nor showering, nor socializing.

Just... bleh.

 

It also feels eerie. My life seems calm on the outside, but also strangely hollow and unnerving. Like something will drop but not yet. Kind of like building up to a jump scare.

 

It's not halloween vibes, I haven't even been paying attention to that. But if I could translate the feeling to music it'd be like playing rock from intercom speakers in a store vacant of everyone but you so that the sound reflects off of everything.

 

Maybe I'm just overthinking things, but I noticed some of you feel unsettled as well so I thought I would share.

Edited by KurtisM
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Leela Corman

@Michèle I'm so sorry about your mom. Love to you and your family. Life on the physical plane is so fucking unfair.

 

@KurtisM and everyone, I'm so curious about the October energy report, because I feel a distinct change. Of course there's very specific stuff happening in my personal life, but it feels part of the larger currents as well. I am having a very sad, rough time, due to a situation I cannot discuss that has consumed me since last spring and that I am now completely alone in and confused about. I think all I can do is ride it out. The past 7 months or so have been transformational and I think, also, that there was a lot of exploration of possible parallels in my life, and now things are, I don't know the right word, resettling? Something like that. But not without tremendous heartache for me. It feels like I was out on the ocean having an adventure, and now I'm suddenly alone on shore trying to figure out why I'm on dry land. Ugh.

 

I can definitely feel the chief feature season kicking in. In my case there's definitely a thing I want and can't have, but I'm not going to try to get it, because that's not how it works. It's just going to hurt. I'm also extremely worried about an entity mate I care deeply about, who's in an ever-deeper hole of addiction and mental illness. Other than that though, from the outside my life looks amazing. I just want this weight off of my chest. Thank fuck I finally found a good therapist.

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Bogi
20 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

I am having a very sad, rough time, due to a situation I cannot discuss that has consumed me since last spring and that I am now completely alone in and confused about. I think all I can do is ride it out. The past 7 months or so have been transformational and I think, also, that there was a lot of exploration of possible parallels in my life, and now things are, I don't know the right word, resettling? Something like that. But not without tremendous heartache for me.

 

20 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

It feels like I was out on the ocean having an adventure, and now I'm suddenly alone on shore trying to figure out why I'm on dry land. Ugh.

 

20 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

In my case there's definitely a thing I want and can't have, but I'm not going to try to get it, because that's not how it works. It's just going to hurt.

 

Suddenly, I thought that I have written this @Leela Corman because it just describes my sentiments of the last 7-8 months and my current state of mind/heart. ?

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Mari Lynn

@Michèle, I just saw your thread about your Mum, and I echo the sentiments of everyone that have posted, along with my own empathetic, heartfelt response to what you are going thru. Indeed, lots of swirling emotions, thoughts, fears, etc. I have no other words other than my most human support going out to you, as you navigate thru this. It is obvious that this community cares and supports you as well. (((BIG HUGS))) and may you feel that love & support from us coming your way-on many levels. 

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KurtisM

Something hit me like a brick yesterday. Had a very strange crying episode.

Suddenly I am feeling really irritable, anxious, stressed and exhausted after a relatively good stride of health. I couldn't concentrate in class and wanted the teacher and lesson to just shut up, which is really unusual because I can often handle sound well.

 

I do not want to do so much work. I have so much work to do, both out of obligation and personal responsibility. 

 

I also feel extremely lonely and isolated, not in the sense that i'm seeking others to avoid myself but in the sense that I deeply want to share myself but simply do not have the resources or access.

Ugh.

 

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Heidi

@KurtisM I've suspected a Nexus going on since Saturday. All the signs are there (wacky dreams, extreme irritability, dragging ass), and sorry if TMI, but I would've mistaken it for PMS if that wasn't two weeks away for me. Could also just be the end of the year CF of Greed kicking in, though. I dunno. Hope things turn around for you. 

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WolfAmethyst

https://www.vote.org/early-voting-calendar/

Hi Americans!
Just a Canadian neighbour asking you to please check your voter registration, and please vote early if you can.
Hopefully we'll all be able to start feeling better after this mid-term election is over.

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Crystal

@Michèle, I am really sorry to hear about your mom. And loads of hugs and good energy to everyone else going through a hard time. I really do wonder if there is a Nexus afoot.

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Rosario

I had the roughest and most depressing week in a long time...

Had to slow down, cry even more than usual haha!.. just being present with those feelings helps so much.  Also exercise almost daily... ive noticed I do that during the Cf months.

 

Today i feel the energies cleared though.

Like the bubble finally popped and I can breathe comfortably again.

 

 

 i had a surreal dream involving paths, cars, colors, skies....

and woke up to the sound of a car crash few streets from my home. People are ok fortunately!

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Leela Corman

I too felt a subtle shift, last night before I went to bed. Suddenly I felt a bit lighter, and a little more distant from what's been making me so sad. It's still there, but it's better.

 

Still, these are heavy times. And angry ones. I'm going to go get a flu shot and then try to meet some deadlines, I'll see you at the bottom of a pot of coffee.

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AnnaD

The last three days I have felt very hibernating ish. I have not wanted to do much and my mood has been low. This morning I have sent a letter to my ex and it is upsetting and probably will be more upsetting but hopefully we are both in better, but separate places. 

Other than that, I am feeling a bit more focused, less diffuse, and more motivated.

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Luciana Flora

As it always seems to be a little different for me. In fact, September was a lot more challenging for me than October.


I spent almost the month of September with a strong cold .. I had a crisis at work related to comparisons with a colleague .. These feelings made me wonder if I had really improved on something ..


Happy mind after a while it seems that I found my true voice and realized how different my life is ..


In October I did not really have difficulties .. Iam really excited because I can see Danny (cadence mate) next month which is a sign that we are really getting along after 5 years without talking to each other ..

Edited by Luciana Flora
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Juni

 I am currently down with a bad cold that came on so suddenly last night I mistook it for allergies. I am not  happy.

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KurtisM

I can't help but feel that something is going to drop very soon.

Like we collectively, just can't take it anymore.

 

Perhaps it is just me, but this really feels like a holding space, or build up to a climax.

 

I'm personally ready to strike out in 2019 and get some shit done. I'm building up to my activism on multiple issues and my commitment to engaging my moving center to get some art projects & new relationships rolling.

 

What about you all? Do you already have your resolutions set for 2019.

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Kasia

@KurtisM, thank you! I’ve been using this CF season mostly to review what has happened this year, since there’s still some time to make different choices before it’s over, but I didn’t think to start looking at resolutions for next year yet. As soon as I read your suggestion, this sense of excitement washed over me. What a brilliant idea! I can see how doing both right now will help create a more seamless transition, and help build next year on the (hopefully) solid foundations set in place this year. ??

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