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Matt

Feeling sick

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Matt

I am realizing now that everytime i get sick with anything it immediately triggers very scary thoughts of my stroke and fear for my safety. I am currently sick with a cold, and its really shitty i need to deal with these thoughts on top of feeling bad. I am pretty good at letting things go when i feel good, but its been tough to change these scary thoughts when my body feels bad. Its like its ingrained in my body now when something doesnt feel right. Just something i need to get used to i guess. 

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petra
@Matt  ONIONS, Man, Onions !!!  Eat them, inhale them, get Allium Cepa in a homeopathic way, hey You are sailing this ship, please don't get used to scary thoughts !!!
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Jeroen

Matt, You are very strong and I know you can pull through this okay. Just give your self time to rest and heal. At times, when I am worried and experiencing anxiety, I state to myself, "I am safe" with as much presence as I can bring in and this has helped to bring in a state of calm and ease some of the anxiety.

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Troy

Boy, do I relate to this. I live with a terminal illness that is rooted in a complete collapse of my immune system and constantly looming over my head. Not only does this loom over me and scare the shit out of me for every cold or a headache I get, it also destroyed my inner confidence and ability to be present because of the social taboo and fear of such a disease.

 

I'm sharing this with you because I've lived like this since 2007. It does get better, but it never goes away. I don't think it can ever go away. The impact is too intense in the Instinctive Center and it is now regarded as probably the number one threat to my life above everything, and with good reason. 

 

So what I've tried to do when this anxiety gets triggered is to let it be less about revisiting a stressful trauma and more of a kind and loving wave of energy that is on my side to try to give me the best life possible. 

 

Try to shift away from the energy just being stress and let it just be a kind of awareness. It doesn't make it feel much better, but it really helps to shift that energy into the stack of energy that is on your side than to experience and process it as something making things worse on top of feeling sick.

 

It took me about 5 years to not have a full body meltdown around the anniversary of my near-death/diagnosis. I had no idea what was going on. It was terrifying. But a counselor I was seeing at the time explained to me that when we experience such a trauma, we can't process it in the moment. We can't grieve or be weak or focus on the horror of it. We have to be strong, focused, and stay strong and focused for a long time after during our recovery. But, eventually, we have to process the trauma. So our mind/body creates these "anniversaries" or triggers that give us a chance to truly grieve and face the terror of that experience. I would cry inexplicably during my anniversaries. My counselor said that was because when I was lying in bed and hooked up to tubes and barely able to breathe, I was not able to cry at all during the experience. And crying is part of healing. I had to somehow get that out of my system, eventually, so that's why I would have these weird moments around my anniversary.

 

So hang in there and know that all of these energies and processes are on your side, that way you at least don't add weight on top of what you are already carrying.

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Janet
14 hours ago, Matt said:

Just something i need to get used to i guess.

Feeling scared when you are sick is not something you need to get used to. You need to find some way to calm yourself and remove the negative thinking loop in your head.

 

Maybe try a meditative technique that works for your centering (see Meditation based on least-used centering). 

 

These days I use binaural beat recordings with some regularity, either for a meditation session or to just zone out. There are some "wellness" recordings at hemisync.com, which is a source of binaural beat music associated with the Monroe Institute. "Wellness" tracks may be overly new agey but they might also provide a focus point to get your mind off feeling scared. 

 

I have been blessed with genetics that have always made me less susceptible to illness, but as I get older and reap the harvest of a life lived with less than healthy habits, I am developing issues that piss me off because I can't just stoic my way through them. Maybe my tendency to get mad rather than scared helps, but I also remember that Michael has said repeatedly that ultimately we are safe. 

 

It's been a rough ride the last couple of years, and many of us are worn down by the stress. It's a setup to get ill, and some get more ill than others. But once you've gotten through some tough stuff, you find out how strong you are. Keep reminding yourself that you have survived everything dished out thus far and draw on the emotional fortitude that you have built up through the hard times. 

 

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Matt

Thanks everyone for the great advice. @Troy thanks for sharing that. Makes me feel less alone.

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Matt

@petra i cant do onions, lol yuck. I will try garlic though.

@Troy i have my 1 year anniversary in January and im not looking forward to that. Thanks for being there.

@Janet i will check some meditations out and take your advice, thank you.

 

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petra
@Matt  Allium Cepa (Onion) In a homeopathic dilution will do as well, steaming garlic into your face is as good as onions and eating a shitload of them, I love you man. and smiling at you, please smile back !!! We are in this together !!!
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Matt

Thanks @petra your so awesome. Im going to eat lots of garlic. Amy is going to love me, lol. 

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Rosario

lemon and ginger tea works wonders for everything! 

 

Good luck Matt, you got this!

 

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