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CurvyWords

4 Internal Monad Pains?

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CurvyWords

So this is kind of an SOS. I've devoured everything I could about the 4th IM and I thought I'd just put feelers out there to those in the community who are passed it or maybe currently in it? How was it for you? Did you struggle with any stages especially, did you come out of it in the negative or positive pole? What were the most significant ways your life changed as a result of it? I'd also LOVE to see any questions posed to the M's in private sessions about the 4th IM.

 

I'm moving into the 4th Stage of mine, and I think I'm edging into -Otiose to begin with, or I'm just having a bad week, who knows! But, I enjoyed +Freedom immensely, I had amazing ideas and plans for said ideas. And not my usual thing where I have beautiful visions and possibilities but real, actionable steps that would lead me to a career path where I would do what I love to do. 

 

Now, I'm still excited about everything, my plans are still there. But I feel a touch listless, thinking about the enormity of work it would take to kick everything off. My steps just looks like a massive checklist of things I have to get done. During a recent chat with the M's they told me to simply keep putting one foot in front of the other. Which I thought was sound advice and very encouraging, because it implied that I will get to where I need to be. But my feet feel so heavy!

 

Sigh, I don't know what I'm asking, just screaming into the void and hoping a few of you will scream back. 

 

Thanks, I love you guys ❤️

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KurtisM

Im planning to share a session here about my entry into the 4th IM in 2018 once I get my Quick Preview for 2019, but basically the Ms confirmed I am in the midst of my 4th IM back in February.

 

Here's a run down of how each stage felt/feels:

STAGE 1- INITIATION.

I barely noticed this stage but it seems to have occurred around April 2018 when I thought about what it would be like to be more of an advocate and activist for social changes and the implementation of a RBE.

I got really excited about the prospect of who I could become based on something I actually cared about. I also realized that my current job was no longer fulfilling me and I needed a change.

---

STAGE 2- INTROSPECTION.

This stage sucked. It was my experience throughout all of Spring and Summer 2018. I hit it when my Platform of Grief kicked in and it was a heavy, miserable analysis of everything I dislike, loathe and hate about my life and this world.

I faced every. Single. Truth. That I thought defined me or the world or the people I live with and realized how many of them were lies or conditioned responses. I worked out a thousand feelings of indignation and paralysis and fear and terror.

I went straight to the root of who I am.

I also processed very disturbing yet relieving nightmares that showed I was done with being so fearful.

---

STAGE 3- REALIZATION.

I processed this stage fully in October and November thanks to a reality check that how I and we have been living is not sustainable. I was now no longer going to support and condone harmful behaviors or behaviors that were apathetic and indifferent to harm.

I committed to exploring and researching more on the RBE, but also on my personal projects and hobbies and my sense of intimacy with me, others and life.

I moved from feeling like work and time were demanding obligations I had to meet & towards seeing them as being things I chose and could change my experience of or use as resources.

I stopped defining and punishing myself by needing to finish things in order to move on to other things. I no longer needed to complete something in order to treat/reward myself, or even provide basic necessities like food, water, movement/exercise.

I stopped avoiding others out of fear and started interacting with them. 

I stopped feeling things, people, places or time periods made me stuck.

I took the first step in expressing the RBE to others for a class project so it was no longer an ideal for me to share but a reality that I was finally sharing. I felt I was finally contributing something meaningful even if it was scary to share so deeply.

This lead me to truly feel free.

---

STAGE 4- MANIFESTATION.

I began this last fall but am only just now completing it in the +Pole.

This Stage has been all about me owning who I want to be unapologetically & expressing who I am becoming and what I actually believe to others.

My main struggle here has been realizing I am exhaustively and listlessly waiting for something big to happen that will change my life or the world- and instead choosing every day to see what I do can, will and is building up to these bigger changes.

I moved from seeing life as something that happens to me, to something I can actively participate in.

This has led me to constantly tell myself "I am not defined by this, only I define myself" and "Just take it one step at a time."

---

STAGE 5- CONTENTMENT.

I started this last fall too, but point blank it has been the best stage thus far.

Here I feel like I'm actually making and seeing progress towards my personal purposes of Self-Expression, Intimacy and Sustainability.

I feel like I'm far more solidly me.

The only challenge thus far has been in moving away from a constant internal warfare about whether what I'm saying/doing is actually right and true and good and perceived correctly and honestly (and whether I am doing ghe same for others). I'm seeing now where and how others perspectives curiously differ from my own, whereas before I only saw that as a threat.

I now also see debate and argument and being wrong or embarassed/vulnerable as helping to create new conversations for me and others.

Seeing differences as informative rather than definitive of my or their value is helpful.

---

STAGE 6- MAGNETIZATION.

I'll most likely engage with this stage through Late Spring and into Summer with a plethora of new opportunities, events, projects,  relationships etc. forming for that period and requiring me to be honest about my terms and boundaries and interests.

I think I have already entered -Repulsion though as I have become keenly aware of everywhere and everyone that doesn't support who I have become.

Edited by KurtisM
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CurvyWords

@KurtisM I'm so glad you commented because one of my delusional fears about starting mine early (I've been in it for the past two or so years) is MAYBE I'M GONNA DIE SOON? LOL So this is a relief! Do the beginning stages go by kind of rapidly and then there's a long lul? Or do you wrap the whole thing up within 3 to 5 years and then coast for 15-20 until your 5th kicks in?

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Stickyflames

I finished mine last year.

still depressed,

still confused a lot of the time,

every issue is still here.

 

What has changed is that I include every part of myself as true , from the ugly to the beautiful and have a fuckload more patience with myself,

 

basically ...if you stay alive and keep being nice to yourself, there is no way you won’t move through the 4th IM and when you do, you might not even notice.

 

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KurtisM

@CurvyWords that's hilarious that you think starting the 4th IM early means you're gonna die!

Nah 4th IM is just about activating your Life Task and living it to the fullest, embracing your chosen purpose(s) and sense of meaning/value & Manifesting Essence.

That calls for a celebration in my book!

 

Imo starting it early means more of your life will be lived aligned with you rather than against you, and lived from you rather than to you.

 

For me my 4th IM seems to have been condensed into 2 years (likely from April 2018 to April 2020) and the most challenging Stage thus far has irrefutably been Stage 2.

I wouldn't have the 4th IM any other way though. I think I was in the 2nd IM most of my life (2000-2010 and lingering until 2016) and in the 3rd IM for half of it (2008-2016 and lingering until 2019)!

I feel like I'm living a whole new life as a whole new me thanks to the sheer amount of grief I went through. Thank fucking god I'm crawling out of the snake skin of my past. I would have self-destructed if I did not.

 

When it comes to Rate of Progress through IMs, it pretty much depends on how willing you are to strip yourself of imprinting and fearful defenses. If you are very willing the 4th IM will probably feel like an intense ripping of a bandaid and then living raw and naked and wounded but better off. If you aren't willing or want to take it slow, then it may feel more like a chronic illness that you keep denying or that takes years of therapy and healing to recover from.

The 5th IM begins when you've lived out your purpose (or lack thereof) and now it's time to literally or metaphorically retire into recreation or a re-creation of you.

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CurvyWords

@KurtisM Oh my god, what a fucking relief, I was literally sitting here sometimes like "welp, I always joked around that I wanted to die at 69 in 69 and I GUESS THAT WAS MY ESSENCE SPEAKING CAUSE WE'RE GONNA GO EARLY" sigh, okay well that makes me feel a lot better. This whole thing did, thank you.

 

I definitely feel that sense of like, kicking off my Life Task and getting to the business of executing it. I'm sure it got started early because I stumbled upon Tumblr in 2013 and quickly rose to internet fame with my blog. By the time I ended my run I had upwards of 30k followers and regularly interacted with them giving advice about everything from sex to spirituality. To this day I have girls hit me up on other social medias to thank me for helping them.

 

It always seemed kind of mundane to me, using my Priest-ness to help, guide, and inspire others. It wasn't until the 4th IM that I realized that the reason I seemed so listless in regards to school and a normal "career" is because THAT is my career, LOL. Now it's like, the idea is there, it's viable, it's possible. I waver between bursting with enthusiasm and excitement and concrete direction to feeling afraid, insignificant, overwhelmed. I guess that's just the nature of the monad, though, right?

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Connor

Don't worry, if you start your 4th Internal Monad later in life, you'll die anyway.

 

I finished mine last Spring/Summer, and it was a brief two-year affair which launched around summer of 2016. I didn't keep much track of my progress, and honestly, tracking my progress through the monad was the last thing on my mind. When my 4th Monad launched, I fell in love with a friend. When I reached Otiose, I'd learned that a romantic relationship would not happen, and I wanted to die. When I finished the monad, I was returning to life after a year of tears.


I don't feel much different, except perhaps for the fact that I am more okay with not feeling much different. Everything we deem a failure will be remedied one way or another, in this life or another.

 

This is what Michael had to say after they confirmed I'd made it through:

Quote

Whether you like your job, or like waking up early, or enjoy socializing, or you do not enjoy any of these, is moot. It is your relief from letting these things define you that allowed your progress through the Internal Monad. The key to completion is defining yourself on your own terms, and not by events or expectations or impositions or
imprinting. If you do not like getting up early, you are the same person as when you enjoy waking up early. What you describe in terms of these pleasures are not aspects that define you, but are byproducts of your freedom from defining yourself in superficial terms.

 

Also, while it is more common for the 5th Monad to be activated later in life, that doesn't always happen. I know of another TLE member who did their 5th Monad in the midst of their twenties. When that happens, when the 5th is completed 'early', then it will likely be revisited again or multiple times as the life continues.

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MichaelE

I did not feel much different after the completion of my 4th IM. I almost did not notice except for a sudden jarring realization that my perception of life had changed. I realized I was living my life instead of my life living me. Since then that feeling has only intensified. Along the same lines as @Connor and @Stickyflames. Problems, failures, successes, pleasures, etc. are all accepted as part of life and who you are. This enables you to navigate all of life's experiences with more patience and understanding.

 

This is what MEntity said to me about my 4th IM completion:

Quote

Yes, from what we can see, your 4th Internal Monad is closed in the Positive Pole now.  You are awake. You were always awake, but liked to doze sometimes. Now you are awake and rather than doze off (as in recoil from life), you will choose Rest, instead (as in replenish and care for yourself as a way to return to life).

 

MEntity's comment is very true of me and I discover that truth more and more each day.

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Eric

Indeed, there seem to be a number of people completing the 4th IM "early" in life. Michael has also mentioned that a person is likely to find that they go though an IM at a faster rate if they have support around them that helps.

Apparently, the stage I historically got hung up on was the 5th stage of Contentment (mentioned in this session). While I don't know for sure, I'd bet that I was probably there a while and still revisit it now and then.

 

I supposedly finished mine about 4 and a half years ago. In fact, I though I was still going through it when I asked Michael during a session and they said, nope, "you're finished" in this session. Color me surprised!

So yeah, I can say, for me, it didn't really feel much different on the other side. Despite how it sometimes sounds, you don't magically "get it," or have everything figured out at the end. The most likely result is that you'll have a more solid sense of yourself that you can refer back to as you go in life, and that may or may not feel like anything. You'll still have the highs and lows, the shiny and the shitty, and everything in between, and you'll still likely revisit the 4th IM lessons time and again along the way (there's still life between the monads after all). That said, you'll likely find you're able to be "okay," or patient, or understanding with yourself and life a little more often. As Michael put it:
 

Quote

[MEntity] You have only recently finished your 4th Internal Monad. You are now standing on a platform of the 3rd and 4th Internal Monads, so to speak, and these are diving boards into life on the other side of the work done internally.


So no worries! Starting "early" isn't indicative of anything except that you were able to have support and resources that helped you get there a bit faster than average. And I know that daunting feeling of staring what looks like a lot of effort in the face, but Michael's advice is sound. If something seems overwhelming, take it one small step at a time. Break it down into manageable bits. It's much easier to eat a meal one small bite at a time instead of all at once. 🙂

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michael_k

I still have no idea of where I am concerning the 4th IM. I don't feel like I've finished it to be honest, but challenges in recent years have made me more accepting of myself when my 'life script' doesn't work out the way I want it to. Before that, I was a lot more rigid in my expectations and very brutal on myself in the face of failure whereas now, I have no excuse but to develop patience. Is this a 4th IM thing? Probably, but I still don't feel like I've found the purpose I was expecting to find from it.

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AnnaD

Defining my potential and defining my limitations on my own terms, not having myself limited by others perceptions or understandings of my actual talents and potentials. 

I guess the biggest awakening for me is that I am courageous enough now to be subjective, to be involved, to partake and participate, to be in the midst of learning, to apply learning irrespective of which pole I am operating out of.

 

I do not lumber anymore under an illusion of having to have an impartial, uninvolved, neutral and objective perspective. I have found that I reach that state at the start of an experience, when I am fresh, naiive, inexperienced and fearful of offending anyone. I realise that I am going to offend people anyway, so I might as well do it on my own terms and with my own agenda front and centre. 

 

Once I am learning subjectively and having the courage to take positions, stances, on things, learning where I am in the context of an issue, I become grounded, I take action to care, I choose to care, I refuse apathy, and through learning something,  I become more objective/empathic/compassionate, but I am not neutral. The more I am in my positive poles, from learning, the more objective I am. Objectivity is useful if it is informed with caring, it is useless without caring.

 

Through learning to take a side, to learn my slice of the whole (my context within the whole), I have learned to stand up for inclusion, and to include myself in that stance, because we all have agenda to at least remain alive, and at most, to thrive, so I choose inclusion for all, and I am vocal about it. The less neutral I am about life, the more that my apathy is challenged, and the more I learn an expanded sense of inclusion, empathy, objectivity and caring. It the toughest sometimes but also the most worthwhile lesson, is caring.

 

The interdependent thing is, the more I care, the more empathic and compassionate I am, the more objective I can be. None of these things are neutral, they are involved, expanded, and examples of positive poles. I have to go through negative poles to get there, in order to know the difference. I am still the same person, just a bit more compassionate towards myself and others...

 

 

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Luciana Flora
On 3/30/2019 at 3:31 AM, AnnaD said:

Defining my potential and defining my limitations on my own terms, not having myself limited by others perceptions or understandings of my actual talents and potentials.

I think this would be a good measure to see if I conclude the 4 IM.

  I have never dealt with Michael, but sometimes I think that certain things that have happened in my life make it difficult  for me to go through that nomada. Or maybe I've just never been very questioning person

Because if practically all the people around me questioned my abilities I did not see why would everyone be wrong and I would be the only one right .. IoI ..

 And my ability was really questioned. My father confessed to me that he was astonished that I had never been denied school because of my initial difficulty. My brother in a moment of anger (i was about 13 years) said that if he was silly like me nobody would ask him to do anything. When I improved my grades at school some people got fucked up because they started to notice they had smaller grades than someone they thought was stupid.


When I expressed to a friend my desire to live alone she said that this was not easy and I was not ready .. and many other occasions .. if they were things I heard repeating how everyone could be wrong?


I do not know when I would have started at 4 IM but I woukld guess that was when I moved in late 2014. Because it was the first time I had enough lives to start thinking that people could be wrong about me. Before that I tried to prove myself wrong. But I believed in all those things they said about me.

 And I do not believe that I have completed or that my passage through 4IM is quick because I was so convinced that what they said about me was right. I saw evidence everywhere.

Now after 4 years that I moved and went to live alone is that I am beginning to see me different ..

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AnnaD

@Luciana Flora what you have said! It seems as though you are testing out your abilities in these challenges and are succeeding on your terms, irrespective of anyone else's opinion of your abilities. To prove your abilities to yourself without much support from your family and friends, is a huge demonstration of your courage, your conviction in yourself and confidence. I have so much respect for you 😍 because you are courageous, and that shows that it is ok, and safe, to be courageous. 

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Jeroen

I have experienced the 4th IM as a process of exploring the full spectrum of who I am and my life including the parts I might consider to be "good" or bad". I had the realization that when I reject parts of myself that I might consider to be bad that I only create division and conflict within. For some time, I have worked on accepting all parts of who I am. I still feel like I have division within at times but to a lesser degree than what once was. Another realization is that my life, body, and personality are of my own creation. If I want anything to improve or change, then I have to make my own choices and do my own work. No one else is going to do this for me. Those are two realizations that come to mind. Other than that, I do not feel all that much different compared to a few years ago. Similar to like @Stickyflames mentioned, I still have days of feeling depressed, confused, happy, angry, and so forth.

 

In terms of what Michael shared with me before, they said that I was transitioning between stage 4 +Purpose and stage 5 -Contention in 2016. In the two sessions I asked them afterwards, they said I was in stage 7 +Alignment the most recent time being over a year ago. This resonates as I have been working on living to be in more in alignment with Essence. I have not followed up since then but I think it is possible I completed the 4th IM late last year or early this year. Here is my original detailed IM report that I received from Michael.

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Janet
On 3/28/2019 at 6:13 PM, CurvyWords said:

I'd also LOVE to see any questions posed to the M's in private sessions about the 4th IM.

You said you'd read everything you could find about the 4th IM -- did you do a search for it on this site? You can search for "4th IM" or "4th Internal Monad."

 

I finished the 4th IM far too long ago to remember any specifics of my own experience. What I remember Michael saying about the 4th IM is that it's about learning to like yourself, so I did a search for the phrase "like yourself" and came up with these private sessions in which the 4th IM was a subject of discussion:

 

From a Few Layers Lower by Miizle

4th IM Update by Dawn

Monads Celebrity and Expression by Christina

 

Naturally, these are not the only private sessions in which the 4th IM was discussed. There are over 7000 pages of Michael content on TLE so I know it's overwhelming when you're looking for specific information. However, the search function on this site isn't limited to keywords, so I just wanted to let everyone know that the obvious search words aren't always the only search words you can use to find stuff.

 

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Kasia

I love the Monads and find them truly fascinating. If I started my 4th IM when I think I did (around the time I started college), then it took me around 13 years to finish in the Positive pole. It was one hell of a rollercoaster I'm glad I got to ride, but also glad I finally got off of. And I'm with @KurtisM in that Stage 2 was probably the most difficult. Looking back, it felt like looking at myself in a full-length mirror that suddenly, inexplicably shattered. At first, there was a quick scramble to try to put the pieces back together, to try to rebuild the image of that lost Self, but that led to little more than bloodied hands. It was with the Realisation (Stage 3) that the Self I'm building comes from within, rather than what is externally reflected, that I started to make progress. Instead of putting together jagged, broken parts, I started seeing the whole that was underneath. This was the shedding of imprinting that finally brought on the Manifestation of Stage 4. The later stages were less defined and seemingly more pleasant, but by no means unchallenging.

 

This is how Ms described my being in the 7th Stage of +Alignment, which I think is a good explanation of what we're ultimately working towards, and also highlights what's already been said about "the end" not necessarily meaning relief:

 

"You are in Alignment. You are now walking 'as Essence.' You are living 'as Essence.' You are now processing the mundane quality of this. It is not magical or a total relief or sudden revelation, but a state of conscious awareness of choice, creativity, direction, etc. When one is in Alignment, sensitivity can increase to a high degree like the antennae of a snail. That sensitivity becomes a method for navigation, but can cause recoil and withdrawal when bumping up against obstacles. This sensitivity is to help finalize what IS and IS NOT 'you.' Both internally and externally. Once the Internal Monad is completed, which we see is likely the case by the end of May or June, you will have a period of time where you truly experience the full effect of having awakened to the power of choice and the value of yourself."

 

I'd say the part I bolded is what this Monad is all about: embracing that you have the power to choose, that you matter, and that your choices matter. 

 

On 3/28/2019 at 7:13 PM, CurvyWords said:

I'm moving into the 4th Stage of mine, and I think I'm edging into -Otiose to begin with, or I'm just having a bad week, who knows!

 

This is pretty much how it should work. You'll always start with the Negative Pole first to then get to the Positive Pole, so that's actually a great way to validate where you are. When things suddenly dip, and you're facing new challenges, it could be an indication that you started the next Stage, though of course there's overlap, too. In any case, good luck! In my experience, whatever you're going through and will go through is totally, absolutely worth it. 

 

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Luciana Flora

today I had a session where I asked about the fourth nomad.

If you want to see I'll put the link here:

 

 

 

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