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Leela Corman

Mental Health

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Leela Corman

I'm not even sure how to frame this question. I guess I'll just start clumsy and refine if I can: how do you determine when some way you're thinking or reacting is...not entirely congruent with reality? At what point does it tip over from your CF acting up, to being a possible mental health issue? I'm so high-functioning that I keep this stuff at bay but lately I've begun to worry about what I might be suppressing because of that, and alarmed by the ways my brain can lie to me about certain things. I've seen my mother fully buy into this state - we have similar anxieties, and I think she's actually paranoid. I don't want to be like her, and believe that no one likes me and everyone is being rude to me (to put it very crudely). I'm a little freaked out. How do you monitor yourselves, fellow sensitive people?

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AnnaD

I hear you and I raise you one ((((((laughing and sad and morose WITH you)))))))

 

How to tell the difference between a chief feature acting up and potentially crossing over into a larger mental health issue?

 

@Leela Corman, what is your chief feature? I just went to your profile and it said it didn't know. 

 

You have some pretty sharp overleaves for perception... a goal of discrimination, and a mode of observation, with an attitude of idealist...

 

Testing out reality is what we need to do, and it is never ending work. We need to be able to test reality using our overleaves, in our overleaves positive poles. 

 

I have triple self deprecation, spiritualist, and observation, and flow. I make sure I am always the first to admit my shortcomings, and when I am negative poling in self dep, I can exaggerate and advertise my flaws and shortcomings in grossly shameless and forthcoming ways, ie, too much information, and was claiming that flaw really necessary in this situation FFS? It can get shameless with me way too quickly, which is hideous in the long term and fairly damning professionally and socially. And, to worsen it, I exaggerate how hopeless I am, as ya know, I want to control your perception of me, if nothing else. I get to define my hopelessness and I will beat you to it, if you will. Ugh. Embarassing. 

 

Getting back to testing reality out with staying in the positive poles of our overleaves. The positive poles are inclusive and flexible, and they allow and permit trust and risk. When I am unsure of something or a situation, I invite people who I trust, I invite their perceptions of the situation to help parse out the dark/ignorant spaces of my own perception/understanding of the situation, and, more specifically, I look for commonalities in my trusted friends perception. I work with that, and when I am feeling able, I experiment with trying a small risk out, and I evaluate the outcome.

 

The crucial point of evaluating your experiment in perceiving a situation using an awareness/trust/openness that is a new skill addition to your repertoire is scary in that it is unchartered territory, but you must evaluate your strategy against an outcome of what you believed to be true and valid, versus what you found in your applied experiment of trust/strategy, to be true and valid. Then adjusting your reality to the evidence that you have found for your perception in that experiment that you did. That is the difference whose outcome that you need to then incorporate into your perception, your reality. 

That is testing out reality. This is very scholarly but do what you have to do to find the evidence that you need to proceed. Basically, proceed with evidence when you can.

 

In that, you choose to trust with discernment, with evaluation, with care, with a small approximation of risk, of losing something in the experiment, but you need to go through this process to evaluate if you are perceiving things with a reasonable Old Soul amount of caution or if you are perceiving things with some parameters that are unnecessarily old, useless, based on younger you valid fears that might not be valid now or might be more valid now, and weigh heavier than you need. That is the point of the exercise. That is all I can think of just now... 

 

I love what you write. Keep writing and creating and keeping yourself safe. 

 

 

 

Edited by AnnaD
I hope I have made myself clear who knows
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Stickyflames

Thanks for this ,Leela

i often ask myself similar questions,

I will have moments of clarity but MOST of the time I barely function as a human. I shut down, don’t clean as well as might be beneficial, ignore responsibilities, retreat internally to the point where I can’t function in even basic social situations.

I mean, this IS mental illness.

There are very real mental illnesses that will be part of peoples make up regardless of what they learn about themselves or reality.

The other kind of mental illness is the collection of lies we tell ourselves about life.

I mean, these lies are incredibly physical and are so embedded in our neurological pathways that they do not vanish entirely unless they have a stroke or encounter some earth shaking experience that you have zero control of ever happening to you.

I mean these embedded lies are very truly a mental illness.

I have a mental illness.

I feed it with information congruent to reality to help me shift my neurons in a direction that is beneficial to me/ others...but the process is so gradual and sometimes I forget to take my “ reality pills” ( encouraging internal voices). 

Humanity IS mentally ill.

None of us would be on TLE right now if we were not suffering from mental illness.

I chose to stop contact with my mother because she was only chief features with me.

I became mentally ill around her and still do not feel entirely ready to be around her.

 

What else is there to do but ask for help? Encourage ourselves as best we can. Ask questions. Do our very best to find moments where we check in with reality and the truth.

The best navigation I have for what is “ true” is that the truth does not harm me or others. Anything less than that is either a lie or a survival situation ( which would be the best truth we have in that context).

Edited by Stickyflames
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CurvyWords

The advice here has been very sound and I add my own to the chorus: identify voices and perspectives that you trust and ask for input from them on some of these thoughts and feelings you may be having.

 

Bryon Katie has some good stuff out there, particularly something she calls The Inquiry, it's a series of questions one can ask themselves about their trauma or ill thoughts/feelings about the world and themselves in order to get to a space of more Truth and also trust. It is deceptively simple, but does offer a kind of litmus test that allows the expansion of Choice in my experience.

 

Sometimes I have some very black and white thinking, I can get dark and disastrous, I can assume the worst. What helps me is asking myself, what is the worst thing that could happen? And going from there. At the end of this road, I usually arrive to asking "Will this kill you?" and if not, why are you reacting as if it will. It helps me to high light when Arrogance is at work as it's gotten a lot more subtle as my 4th IM progresses. 

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Stickyflames
1 hour ago, CurvyWords said:

The advice here has been very sound and I add my own to the chorus: identify voices and perspectives that you trust and ask for input from them on some of these thoughts and feelings you may be having.

 

Bryon Katie has some good stuff out there, particularly something she calls The Inquiry, it's a series of questions one can ask themselves about their trauma or ill thoughts/feelings about the world and themselves in order to get to a space of more Truth and also trust. It is deceptively simple, but does offer a kind of litmus test that allows the expansion of Choice in my experience.

 

Sometimes I have some very black and white thinking, I can get dark and disastrous, I can assume the worst. What helps me is asking myself, what is the worst thing that could happen? And going from there. At the end of this road, I usually arrive to asking "Will this kill you?" and if not, why are you reacting as if it will. It helps me to high light when Arrogance is at work as it's gotten a lot more subtle as my 4th IM progresses. 

 

Yeah , I love Byron katie’s questions.

Is it true?

Can you absolutely know it is true?

what happens when you trust that thought?

who would you be without it?

find examples for the opposite being true.

 

Michael has a similar set:

Is it helpful to me or others to trust this truth?

Is this truth inclusive?

Does this truth stand on it’s own without support?

 

Lost in the woods...we need to eat animals to survive?

stands on it’s own.

 

Living in abundant society...we need to eat animals to survive? 

Does not stand on it’s own, has to be defended and agreed upon by many in order to be seen as true.

 

 

I suggest only using them on stressful thoughts though haha

When I was in my katie kick....I applied those questions to EVERYTHING and discovered...there was nothing I absolutely knew was true...and thus I became a a blob that trusted no truth or thought I had.

So these questions are amazing for seeing through painful thoughts but these questions are not the end point, eventually we need to focus on thoughts, stories, identities again. It’s only when we don’t know we are lost in a story that the stories are actually dangerous to us.

Of course, this suggestion only applies to extremists like me.

Edited by Stickyflames
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DianeHB

@Leela Corman, I think what you are talking about is the negative pole of the Artisan, Delusion. All Artisans can have a delicate dance with "crazy" and be out of touch with reality from time to time, and more so the deeper they are in their negative poles. I even validate Artisans by that touch of "craziness." If I remember, how Michael explained it was that Artisans can start creating stories and symbols in their minds and then build more stories upon those stories until the "reality" in their minds have nothing to do with other people's realities. 

 

This is a really good session on Artisans and their Delusions and how to return to telling the truth: https://our.truthloveenergy.com/articles.html/library/essence-dynamics/essence/artisans/artisans-living-as-essence-r762/

 

 

This one discusses the negative effects when one or more Artisan Inputs are blocked: https://our.truthloveenergy.com/articles.html/library/essence-dynamics/essence/artisans/artisanness-r52/

 

 

Since this is an Artisan year, we all have some Delusions we're uncovering. It's a good thing you're recognizing them rather than continuing to live with them.

Edited by DianeHB
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Luciana Flora

I'll tell you something .. I've already questioned my mental health a lot.

 Not really just me. But also my parents .. bad classmates in school..and parents of my classmates.

 

My father always found my personality similar to my grandfather's (in this case, it would be his father). The trouble is that my grandfather had serious psychological problems ... and he was hospitalized for psychological reasons for a while ... I think I activated some of my father's fears for being like  grandfather.

 

My classmates at school never saw me as normal .. this I know ..

 

And once it extrapolated to the mother of one of the school children .. I believe she commented something about me .. how would her mother know?

 There was a time when I did not talk to anyone and nobody talked to me. I was literally nobody. I even tried for a while but everyone acted as if I did not exist so I gave up .. Then for some reason I started to walk alone in circles at recess time .. And then the child's mother came to school and said she would not accept her daughter to study with disabled people. I do not know why I started to walk in circles .. I did not even notice what I was doing (I was 12 years old).

And when the school official asked them to tell her who this child was doing that they pointed to me ..

That's what they said to my mother .. and my mother told me .. and told me not to do it anymore .. and then as it was something I did not realize I started to spend my free time at school lying in some place .. To avoid this embarrassment for me and my mother ..

 

 And even I questioned .. I had a much greater anxiety compared to other people my age .. My heart was ticking until it was time to receive the note of a test because I was afraid of being a low grade and confirm that I was not intelligent..


When I graduated from college and took a long time to get a job I felt really close to going crazy .. because I was getting desperate because my life did not seem to walk .. and everything seemed to confound my parents' concerns about my future .. And myself I was desperate about what would become of me if my father died and could no longer support me financially.

 This obviously improved after I got a job .. but I felt really close to going crazy ..

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Leela Corman

@DianeHB you're such a steady hand. Thank you for reminding me of all that, and thank you everyone for all of this amazing input. @CurvyWords Bryon Katie's work sounds like something I could really use. @AnnaD my CFs are Self-Dep/Arrogance. I do not recommend Discrimination as a goal, it is fucking exhausting, and once I get to the astral I plan to have a word with Central about some R&R overleaves next time around. @Luciana Flora, that sounds so lonely. I want to hug 12-year-old you and tell her it'll get better.

 

I agree, @Stickyflames, humanity is mentally ill. In my case, I have (very controlled) PTSD and some hypervigilance issues, from that and from having a volatile parent prone to selfish rages and verbal abuse. There's definitely some generational trauma there as well. I mean I'm an Ashkenazi Jew so that's already present, but also a survivor's descendant. I've been thinking about 3rd generation Holocaust descendant issues lately, ever since "Russian Doll", which is full of that. And of course there's whatever else is going on. It's impossible to separate ourselves from the larger world, so who's really holding it together right now? I actually think whatever is happening with me right now is probably an attempt at healing some stuff, which doesn't feel good, but I don't think I'm descending into madness, just facing some wounds and some weird-ass imprinting. It's like finding a bug in my code! I have been *extremely* concerned lately with trying to be as realistic and un-delusional as possible and I guess that means looking at some pretty unvarnished delusion. Seriously, it's crazytown in there, the stuff I'm talking about. It's some clown bullshit. 

 

Regarding generational trauma, I'm guessing that most of us carry some. If you're Jewish, black, indigenous, etcetera, we're carrying it. Just to name a few. I think most people are walking around with trauma. I kind of can't unsee it now.

Edited by Leela Corman
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Stickyflames

Mmmm thank you for the Links, Diane.

 

Diane and me were chit chatting and she said something profound , as usual.

How the difference between people who are in delusion vs. People who are not are that the people in delusion are rarely asking for outside input on their choices. 

They are creating from within their own authority while not really engaging the multitude of voices around them. Or they are just engaging with similar views.

I notice this year, more emphasized than any year prior, is how Terrified I am of going insane and that my choices/ life/ creations will be based on a lie.

 

Being our own authority on reality is vital but when we do not listen to the realities around us, we may be VERY out of touch. 

Diane pointed out the simple solution to that is to simply continue to ask for feedback from reliable sources.

This fear of insanity has been such a distraction for myself this year that I am beginning to believe my platform for 2019 is something along the lines of Feedback/ support.

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Luciana Flora
On 4/8/2019 at 8:23 PM, DianeHB said:

@Leela Corman, I think what you are talking about is the negative pole of the Artisan, Delusion. All Artisans can have a delicate dance with "crazy" and be out of touch with reality from time to time, and more so the deeper they are in their negative poles. I even validate Artisans by that touch of "craziness." If I remember, how Michael explained it was that Artisans can start creating stories and symbols in their minds and then build more stories upon those stories until the "reality" in their minds have nothing to do with other people's realities. 

 

This is a really good session on Artisans and their Delusions and how to return to telling the truth: https://our.truthloveenergy.com/articles.html/library/essence-dynamics/essence/artisans/artisans-living-as-essence-r762/

 

 

This one discusses the negative effects when one or more Artisan Inputs are blocked: https://our.truthloveenergy.com/articles.html/library/essence-dynamics/essence/artisans/artisanness-r52/

 

 

Since this is an Artisan year, we all have some Delusions we're uncovering. It's a good thing you're recognizing them rather than continuing to live with them.

I think it's interesting .. but I've always had a lot easier to see myself in my cast than in my role

.

if the fear of going crazy is a character of Artisan on the negative pole so I can see myself in my cast ..

 

  I made a very detailed tip myself about it ..

 

It is much easier for me to see in myself the fear of going mad than seeing coercion in me.

 

  It's much easier to see myself in delusion than to see myself practicing bullyng with someone.

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ihynz
On 4/8/2019 at 6:43 PM, Luciana Flora said:

"I'll tell you something .. I've already questioned my mental health a lot.  Not really just me. But also my parents .. bad classmates in school..and parents of my classmates."

 

Hey, me too Luciana. Extreme lonerism as a child, even in a family with two sets of twins, and mental health issues in the older generations, and spouse who died by his own hand. So, there are a few things to chew on. One is that sometimes we choose to be socially isolated or financially not so succesful, to concentrate our lessons in things other than materialism. Another thing is, and I don't know how many people this pertains to, but I am actually part of the Magnetic King Alice Miller's kingdom, which has themes of child abuse and mental illness stemming in large part from that. And also placing ownership of that abuse on the abusers and not blaming oneself for what they did. So anyway ... some themes that might resonate. BTW, Alice Miller wrote several excellent books, if anyone is interested.

 

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Luciana Flora
8 hours ago, ihynz said:

Hey, me too Luciana. Extreme lonerism as a child, even in a family with two sets of twins, and mental health issues in the older generations, and spouse who died by his own hand. So, there are a few things to chew on. One is that sometimes we choose to be socially isolated or financially not so succesful, to concentrate our lessons in things other than materialism. Another thing is, and I don't know how many people this pertains to, but I am actually part of the Magnetic King Alice Miller's kingdom, which has themes of child abuse and mental illness stemming in large part from that. And also placing ownership of that abuse on the abusers and not blaming oneself for what they did. So anyway ... some themes that might resonate. BTW, Alice Miller wrote several excellent books, if anyone is interested.

I did not know Alice Miller .. I did a google search. I would not know that I am part of this magnetic kingdom. How did you find out you're part of it? Was it through Michael?

Edited by Luciana Flora

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ihynz
17 hours ago, Luciana Flora said:

I did not know Alice Miller .. I did a google search. I would not know that I am part of this magnetic kingdom. How did you find out you're part of it? Was it through Michael?

Yes, it was through Michael, different channel. But Miller's books can be very helpful, regardless. I also found books by Karen Horney, a German psychoanalyst, very helpful.

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Christian

Dysthymia with suicidal ideation......so I feel ya. 

 

 

When I started with therapy years ago, I was scared to.  Partly because of parental imprinting and partly because of stubbornness, yes that one.  Change is scary. 

 

coming out the other side, I learned to ask myself the following. 

 

Is it real? 

Is it true? 

What evidence is there for it?

What evidence can dismantle it? 

Why do I feel this way?  

What do I really feel? 

 

It was hard a first.  It forced me to see what was there and not what "wanted" or "expected".   

 

Micheal also helped.   They stated at one point in an channeling that your essence will never berate you, hurt you, harm you, bad mouth you, etc.   My brain is not remembering the specifics but that is the gist as I understood it.  

 

remembering this, I focused on the "still small voice"  or the quiet in the mental storm.   It took time.   

 

After I could find that reliably, I started trying to teach the other voice like a child.  Asking questions, listening, learning and educating.  Those actions were helpful when I was 12.  I am not 12.  Those actions were defensive in that situation with that toxic person...this person is not toxic. I hear you... you are loved.... breathe. 

 

Now it almost feels like a younger me venting, or a teenager being dramatic.  But  I still listen. 

 

now....trying to do the same with my kids.....can be a challenge. 

 

Anyway, just my path as I have been able to see it. Maybe it will be useful. 

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