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TeamTLE: Transforming Chief Features (Updated)

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Janet

Note from TeamTLE:
As part of the TLE Books project, TeamTLE agreed that this session needed to be completed, providing content for all Chief Features. On May 3, 2019, we started the project to do just that. On July 5, 2019, we received angles of behavior for the last of the seven Chief Features. 

 

This transcript contains the original material as duplicated from the 2014 session, with material on additional Chief Features following the original session content. The newest material has been added in blue text within the transcript. 

 

Some editing has been done to smooth out transitions. Essentially, this version of the transcript is the working version of the content intended to be published. 

 

Michael Speaks Live

"Transforming Chief Features"

May 25, 2014

Channel: Troy Tolley

 

MEntity:
Hello to each of you. We are here, now. We can begin.

 

We have had much to say about the subject of the Chief Negative Features, and much more can be said, of course, so what we will offer up today is not definitive, but simply more to consider as you work to understand and embrace your fears, transforming them away from being obstacles and paralysis to being informative and helpful.

 

Fear was never "meant" to be a challenge or something to undermine any fragment's life, but much like anything that exists, it is a tool that can become a pivotal resource toward Agape or a restrictive halt away from everything.

 

Fear, or the Chief Negative Features, are inherently "negative" because they describe the gap between "you" and "other," or "something else." Anything inherently divisive is "negative" in our teaching, but this does not mean it is inherently "bad."

 

Fear is inherent in Personality because Personality is inherently divided from all other things and people, and even from Essence in many ways.

 

From the moment one is born, the first, most primal fear is born along with you: the fear of non-attachment.

 

This fear is biological.

 

It is what keeps "you" alive.

 

It is what clings to the mother, to the caretaker, what keeps the toddler close to the camp, to the tribe, and attached to its resources.

 

It is what keeps the body searching for foods, for water, for tools, etc.

 

Anything that is necessary for survival.

 

So, fear is quite "good" in that regard.

 

Any threat to the attachment of the biological self to its resources is highlighted and avoided, either by fight or flight.

 

Keep this in mind as you explore your own Chief Features, then, because at the heart of everyone's fears, it is this struggle with non-attachment that is key.

 

We will elaborate further upon that consideration as we explore the subject, if time permits.

 

For today's focus, we understand that the interest is in the various ways one can consciously make choices in behavior so as to relieve the effects of a particular fear, or Chief Feature.

 

The point of transforming your relationship to fear is because when fear is informative, it is simply a means of enhancing your capacity to choose. It is not much different from any warning system built in to any vehicle that alerts you as to when you may be in close proximity to a collision.

 

It would not make sense to argue that warning systems are removed from vehicles because the mere presence of those alerts implies something is wrong, flawed, or bad. That warning system is an advantage that increases the capacity for choice, for better navigation, for success in one's direction and endeavors.

 

However, when most struggle with the Chief Features as an issue, it is because the "warning system" goes off randomly, goes off without relevance, goes off constantly, etc. It is no longer associated with an actual threat, or with information.

 

Imagine the difference between enjoying a walk through the woods, watching the birds, the creatures, enjoying the sunlight, the babbling brook, your thoughts, and then noticing a bear in the distance to which you then steer clear of in a smart way, as compared to a walk in the woods where you presume that every twig cracking and every shadow is a bear.

 

Both of these methods are helpful for keeping you alert to bears, but one keeps you from noticing pretty much anything else.

 

If one's "warning system" is random, constant, or irrelevant, then that warning system becomes useless for navigation, and simply keeps you on one end of the spectrum of life. It keeps you on the side of "Being Alive" vs "Living."

 

We will speak of each of the Chief Features now, with a brief synopsis, and then a list of methods for how one can use his or her consciousness to transform that fear so that one is not just being alive, but can live again, so to speak.

 

Synopsis of Self-Deprecation and Arrogance: the Inspiration Chief Features

 

SELF-DEPRECATION and ARROGANCE are attachments to how one defines one's self.

 

Self-Deprecation is the fear of NOT BEING ENOUGH, while Arrogance is the fear of BEING TOO MUCH.

 

Self-deprecation fears not being seen clearly, while Arrogance fears being seen too clearly.

 

Self-deprecation finds its scraps of self-esteem in being first to the punch for cutting himself or herself down. This is Self-deprecation's way of protecting the self from being invisible or feeling invisible or incompetent. The defense here is that if the individual can call out or showcase his or her own flaws first, then it is a way to show that he or she is on board with what they presume you will undoubtedly see, or are seeing already.

 

It is the only way they know how to be seen: through the lens of failures, flaws, insecurities, and doubts.

 

Arrogance, on the other hand, tries to protect its self-esteem by creating as protective a veneer as possible, hiding his or her insecurities behind a persona of false-confidence, offense, and defense. Since there is very little self-esteem here, it must be protected at all costs, often by deflecting through pointing out someone else's flaws or incompetence.

 

It is the only way they know how to keep any sense of self-esteem, by pretending that it exists in greater quantities than it does.

 

Self-deprecation points out its own flaws, and Arrogance points out yours.

 

Self-Deprecation

 

The 7 Angles of Behavior for help in transforming Self-deprecation might be:

 

1. YOU ARE NOT IN TROUBLE

 

For those who struggle with Self-deprecation, there can often be a haunting sense of constantly being on the verge of being caught, being called out, humiliated, made to be an example, or "in trouble." Even when there is nothing to warrant such concerns.

 

And even more so when there is such a need for concern.

 

Allow for failure, for being incompetent, and build on your experiences so that you can learn, or make choices to pursue other directions. If your only concern is whether you will be in trouble, or not, then you will never truly be your best.

 

2. YOUR BEST MAY NOT BE THE BEST

 

There are going to be times when you do not meet the expectations of others, or yourself. And the very best that you can do may not be the best that someone else can do. That is a fact of existence. Embrace this and allow kindness as a process in your improvement, or as a part of your freedom to pursue your strengths.

 

3. CLEAN YOUR CONSCIENCE

 

That is not a typo. We speak to the necessity for those in Self-deprecation to CLEAN their conscience. By this we mean that the individual take time to note just how much clutter is in the mind that is from the past, buried like shallow graves, gathered there like a cemetery of failures and flaws, ready to be dug up at a moment's notice. It is important that those in Self-deprecation regularly look at these experiences as a PART of who they are, and not defining who they are.

 

CLEAN your conscience of these metaphorical graves and begin to make room for life, for living things to grow there. Let the failures of the past act as fertilizer, if you will, rather than preserved as some sort of trophy that makes up for competence.

 

4. CLEAN YOUR ENVIRONMENT

 

In addition to the clutter of the mind, those in Self-deprecation can fall into clutter of their space, reflecting the building debris of flaws, failures, failed expectations, etc.

 

For those with Self-deprecation, there can be a high tolerance for clutter, and this can be reflective of the tolerance for the the clutter in the mind, heart, and body.

 

A regular effort to clean, organize, and experience one's space helps to clean, organize, and experience one's self.

 

Attention to personal hygiene is important here, too. Those in Self-deprecation may not "smell" as a result of lacking personal hygiene, but they may very well skip on certain routines of care for the body that would help them to transform the sense of invisibility and inadequacy into self-nurturing and personal attentiveness.

 

5. CARE FOR YOURSELF

 

Do not presume that someone else needs to, or should, or could do this for you.

 

Care for yourself in as many ways you can in a day. Give yourself good food, good entertainment, good bathing, good hygiene, kindness, patience, etc.

 

6. STOP APOLOGIZING/EXCUSING

 

As long as you constantly apologize for yourself, you are not being responsible for yourself.

 

As long as you are making excuses, you are not being responsible.

 

Apologies and excuses are deflection from responsibility.

 

We are not speaking here in terms of the social courtesy of acknowledging grief, or acknowledging a slight, but apology and excuses as a buffer to protect from the ownership of response.

 

7. OWN YOURSELF

 

By this we mean that you freely acknowledge your behaviors, your failures, your flaws, but respond to them through ownership, not as a way to deflect from further responsibility.

 

When you apologize or offer excuses, you are reacting. You are not owning. When you own yourself, you can respond as opposed to react, and this is key to responsibility.

 

AN ASIDE: Keep in mind that the Chief Features will not just show up as behaviors in yourself, but as behaviors you endure or attract in others, as well.

 

Arrogance

 

The 7 Angles of Behavior for transforming ARROGANCE might be:

 

1. NO ONE IS LOOKING

 

For those in Arrogance, the fear that everyone is watching them is high. There is a keen sense that every move and choice and action is being scrutinized and of high relevance to others. In most cases, that is simply not true. No one is watching you. Most do not care if your hair is messed up, you stumbled, or if you are meeting your own standards or expectations.

 

2. CELEBRATE PRIVATELY

 

For many in Arrogance, there is a compulsion to make it known to others every little success, to point out immediately a win, or to even "humblebrag," which is a self-congratulation tucked into a false self-deprecation.

 

Allow yourself celebrate yourself with yourself.

 

Your successes are just as real with or without being used as a means for defining yourself to others.

 

See if you can embrace a success on your own without recruiting others to celebrate you.

 

3. CELEBRATE OTHERS

 

Sometimes those in Arrogance can be so preoccupied with presuming everyone is watching them, that they forget to pay any meaningful attention to others.

 

4. LEAVE YOURSELF ALONE

 

Those in Arrogance can be even harsher in self-criticism than those in Self-deprecation.

 

Self-deprecation can slide into a quiet defeat, but Arrogance can be relentless.

 

Many in Arrogance are their own worst bullies, if you will, taking on the voices of their past that criticized them, owning them so as to find some of their self-esteem in "siding" with this self-loathing.

 

5. LEAVE OTHERS ALONE

 

Those in Arrogance can be of the worst bullies toward others, as well, actively or passively condescending in tone, words, behaviors, etc.

 

If you find that you are talking down about another person, or yourself (see 4), behaving in a way that is not constructive, or helpful, but simply emphasizing flaws, then it may be time to look at how you are giving rise to voices of criticism that you carry about yourself.

 

Criticism is helpful and meaningful, but not when only used as a means of deflection or protection.

 

6. EMBRACE EQUALITY

 

By this we mean that while there will always be nuances among everyone and everything, with great gaps between common grounds, with some being better at some skills than others, or more socially celebrated than others, or even unfairly rewarded more than others, there is still profound relevance to the common ground of humanity and existence. In other words, allow comparisons to be informative, not defining.

 

When you see or feel you are better than another, or that another is acting as if better than you, then remind yourself of as much that you share as possible. This does not mean you are not better at what you do than someone else might be, or that another person is not more attractive to more people than you may be, but let yourself have that which is equally true, as well. You do not have to pretend there are no differences, but do not pretend there are no similarities, either.

 

7. INVITE INTIMACY

 

More than most other Chief Features, Arrogance will keep others at a distance, even as they often feign being very open and up front with you.

 

Many in Arrogance will carefully construct a spectrum of revealing behaviors and expressions that others presume is all there is to know or see about that person, thus protecting the person in Arrogance from those who might otherwise pry.

 

So it can be helpful for the person in Arrogance to take some responsibility and care in consciously inviting others to be close, not presuming that others will find their way, and then looking up and wondering where everyone is.

 

Those in Arrogance can be of the loneliest people because they create the greatest moats of protection, but crave so desperately to be close at the same time.

 

And so it can be helpful to actively invite intimacy, either in obvious ways such as literally asking for conversation, inviting to social events, etc, or by simply allowing the self to be present with another, listening, paying attention, and responding with care. Intimacy is not always about receiving attention, but about giving it.

 

Due to the extensive elaboration on each of these Chief Features, we must suggest that this be broken up into a couple of sessions for delivery. We started with Self-deprecation and Arrogance, as these are most common for older souls, but we will have to elaborate upon the remaining Chief Features in another exchange.

 

We will open the floor here for the next 15 minutes so that questions can be asked.

 

FLOOR IS NOW OPEN

 

[ViP] Is there any difference in how these Angles of Behavior should be interpreted or applied, based on whether the CF attempting to be transformed is primary, vs secondary, vs tertiary?

 

MEntity: Each of the 7 Angles we offered would likely be relevant in any context, but one of the angles may be more relevant than others of that Chief Feature.

 

[BrianW] Realizing there is not enough time to go over it in-depth, could you give a way to counteract the sliding of the negative poles of self-deprecation to self-destruction?

 

MEntity
If Self-deprecation is sliding to Self-destruction, it would mean that it is, first, accessing Stubbornness.  Self-deprecation cannot slide to Self-destruction otherwise. This means that Self-deprecation's Negative Pole of Self-abasement is sliding to Stubbornness' Negative Pole of Obstinance, and then over to Self-destruction's Suicide. When that is the case, it is likely that the Personality has decided what is so awful about the self, then refuses to change in any way that could be beneficial, which then leads to a sense of complete waste of life.

 

To help counteract this, one would need to slide to GREED's "positive" pole of APPETITE. Though no Chief Features is truly "positive," the positive poles do describe the path out of that Chief Feature. In this case, having an appetite for life again, an embrace of what one wants and needs, can greatly counter the sense that life is simply being wasted on the self.

 

Once that sense of appetite for life is remotely available, more life can come, more living. And that matters, even if only on a day to day basis.

 

[Mariusrehm] can it in any way be helpful to make others aware of what you think their features might be? is a certain amount of intimacy/closeness needed for them to not feel accused when that is addressed? or does everybody has to completely explore these things on their own?

 

MEntity:
Marius, it is often more helpful for you to know the Chief Features of others than for you to point them out to them. Pointing out the Chief Features of others is only helpful if there is a mutual agreement to allow for this. Trust is necessary here, and even then it can be tricky. Of course, it is your choice as to whether you do this for someone, and how you do it, but we can say from experience that it is true that meaningful common ground and trust is fairly vital for the "photographing" of another to be useful to them. By "photographing" we mean those moments when one would offer up a "snapshot" of a moment or behavior of another for consideration.

 

In some cases, however, intervention may be necessary if a person is completely unaware. When intervention is offered, the one who is offering must be willing to endure the reactions, deflections, defenses, and denials that might come from the confrontation of the reality of one's harmful impact on the self or others.

 

This must be considered carefully, if intervention is deemed necessary.

 

If one is not to the extreme of necessity for intervention, then one's most effective means of inviting another to consider his or her Chief Feature is to simply ask if that person knows that his or her behavior has a particularly harmful or divisive effect.

 

In that invitation through asking, you will likely see if there is any room for meaningful discussion, or if there will only be more of the same.

 

[Tyrone] Mine can just be a yes or no type answer, I'm just suspicious:

 

[Tyrone] Were each of these 7 angles you gave related to the Centering Parts? Or I guess more generally, related to the axes and cardinality/ordinality?

 

[Tyrone] (I am currently thinking in the order you gave them: 1. Instinctive, 2. Intellect, 3. Emotion, 4. Moving, 5. Higher Int., 6. Higher Emot., 7. Higher Moving)

 

MEntity: Correlations could certainly be made, though further elaboration may be necessary to point out how these resonate.

 

[Tyrone] I guess just were you guys thinking along those lines when coming up with them

 

MEntity:
Everything we ever offer can be mapped in correlative terms. Today's information is not an exception. However, we are not certain as to the order that Troy "unpacked" the delivery, so we would not consider these static correlations as far as the sequence.

 

We think they are close, though, if not already in the sequence you describe.

 

[Kurtis] Hi Michael, I hope this fits in relatively good context with this discussion, but I've been noticing a difficulty in understanding Caution's -Phobia in comparison to the CFs. Could you elaborate or clarify the difference between these CFs and -Phobia?

 

MEntity:
All Negative Poles of any Overleaf will be hooked into Chief Features, so Phobia, for example, would hook into that person's Chief Feature. The same would be said for Ingratiation or Identification, as Negative Poles for Acceptance or Passion, respectively.

 

In other words, the Negative Poles of an Overleaf are what activate Chief Features, not the other way around.

 

Caution is a means of relating, or reaching the Goal, by refining one's thoughts and expression, so Deliberation is when one is able to carefully select a thought or expression as that means of relating or reaching the goal. Phobia comes in when the person begins to overanalyze, overthink, and can no longer refine his or her interpretations or expressions.

 

This person becomes frightened of his own thinking.

 

This, then, would trigger whatever Chief Feature has come to be habitual as a means to protect the self.

 

But this inability to refine one's thoughts would come first.

 

To clarify: this person's over-thinking starts to scare him, triggering his Chief Features.

 

Do you see the difference?

 

[Kurtis] Yes I definitely do

 

[Kurtis] I've been meaning to ask this kind of question for a while now

 

MEntity: We will conclude here for today, and continue this discussion into the other Chief Features. We know we have many students who are in Arrogance and Self-deprecation, so a good number of you can begin to consider how you can transform these, if you choose to do so.

 

###

 

The original session ended here, but the remaining Chief Features were covered in later sessions and are added below.

 

The Action Chief Features

 

Martyrdom

 

The 7 Angles of Behavior for transforming MARTYRDOM might be:

 

1. NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS FIXING

 

It is important for those in Martyrdom to remember that not everything needs to be fixed.

 

2. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FIX IT

 

Even when something may need fixing, you are not always the one necessary for fixing it.

 

3. THE ONLY SPACE YOU OWN IS YOU

 

For those in Martyrdom it can be a struggle to control the space around the self, but the self is the only boundary that is truly owned by you. You end where your skin ends. It is okay to expand into the space around you, but you cannot always control that space.

 

4. YOU ARE A SURVIVOR (not a victim)

 

If you are alive, you are a survivor. It is undermining to your efforts to navigate life if you presume you are a victim, but it can be empowering to remind yourself that you are a survivor, that you care enough to continue, that your struggle does not define you, but guides you.

 

5. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY SURVIVOR

 

There are true victims in life, and true survivors. True victims have been harmed in ways that force the choices of life toward survival, but victimhood only exists to the extent that one resigns from making choices.

 

Others are surviving along with you in life, and it can be helpful to reach out so that a network of strength can be built, instead of ignoring this survival bond.

 

6. YOU CAN SEE FURTHER THAN YOU THINK

 

You may be dealing with survival and boundaries and control to the point where you seem to only be able to see what is in front of you, but you can see further than this.

 

Look forward, look further, look beyond. There are truths and inspiration there that can help guide you.

 

7. BE NICE

 

Those in Martyrdom can sometimes think it is justified to be difficult, to ignore boundaries, to uphold expectations and entitlement, to fault others for unhappiness, etc.

 

And this often nurtures a license to be insensitive to others until someone is sensitive enough to break through and save you from your Martyrdom.

 

No life needs to be perfect before being nice.

 

And being nice brings a great wave of support and more valid control over the life than one might expect, and certainly in more effective ways than being difficult can bring.

 

Impatience

 

The 7 Angles of Behavior for transforming IMPATIENCE might be:

 

1. TAKE TIME OFF

 

Separate yourself from the steady stream of influence time has over you, and move yourself into a position that is intended to be free, such as going for a nice walk, a night off to the movies, a meeting with a friend for conversation, etc. Anything that you would normally NOT do because you "do not have enough time," TO DO.

 

2. QUIET YOUR MIND

 

Impatience can scramble your thinking process to such an extent that you are no longer effective, so it would do you well to SLOW DOWN your mind, your thinking, and find your quiet, internal space. This could be done in the shower, or in a bath, or any other moment you think of it. Simply relax your face, your jaw, feel the weight of your tongue in your mouth, the presence of your chest, and for a full handful of minutes from 3 to 30, JUST BE. This practice of BEING will allow you to come back to your moment with far more effectiveness.

 

3. EMBRACE ONE THING

 

Impatience can often leave one feeling as if she must be on top of everything that is on the agenda, thus everything clamors for the attention of the priority spot. Instead of thinking of one thing causing the delay of another, it would do you well to think of your focus on one thing as an EMBRACE of that thing, much like your hugging of a child or puppy, knowing that you will happily and quickly hug the next child or puppy, as soon as you are done hugging one. This will help you to keep out intrusive thinking and distracted emotions.

 

4. USE YOUR BODY

 

Impatience can often leave one feeling the burden of Time on the body, which can leave one ignoring the effectiveness of the body, leading to clumsiness and erratic behaviors or reactions. One of the greatest ways to use your body is to LISTEN. Most fragments who suffer from Impatience tend to presume the intent, meaning, and words of others who are communicating.

 

There is rarely any patience for the act of LISTENING. Some who suffer from Impatience do not even realize how little they listen because they simply go deaf to the outside world, so to speak, but have learned to speak for everyone around them so effectively they think their own words are those of others'. Taking a moment to ask if you are LISTENING can help you to come back to the moment and actually make more effective decisions and responses in the moment.

 

5. CREATE PATTERNS

 

Impatience usually drives an individual into patterns that are comforting, rather than productive. When one is in impatience, and creating only comfort patterns, there still must be a sense of proof for the use of Time, so this leads to lying to oneself, lying to others, so that the time appears to have been met with enough challenge to validate ones existence, or one will escape into routines that are simply "going nowhere." Patterns are perfectly valid, but when one is Impatient, these patterns can move into entropy, so one must bring an awareness to the process of one's patterns and ask if they are being CREATED, or if they are merely being fulfilled. Make a simple change as a means to create or alter a pattern and the results can often be rather amazing.

 

6. PRESENCE

 

Though we have mentioned this already, it is worth pointing out as its own concern, to be PRESENT. Those afflicted with Impatience are often NOT where they are in time. They are often somewhere else, such as an elusive future, or a sentimental past. It would do you well to practice being present when you are doing something. To do so would mean to be fully aware that your actions are being driven by your choice, and that your skin, your hands, your face, your body, Personality, are all on board for the moment, even if you would rather be doing something else. The more you escape the moment, the less you can bring change to your momentum.

 

7. LAUGH AT TIME

 

By this we mean to point out that Time has very little to do with your life beyond your experience and interpretation of it. If you can find the humor and heart in your relationship to Time, you can find it as an ally, instead of as an oppressive dictator. Laughing at Time can mean finding fun things to do, playful things to do, meaningless and pointless things to do, as long as you enjoy them and they help you to lose your focus on time. In doing so, you can begin to help your Personality and Body to see just how little REALITY there is time beyond your use of the moment, and your interpretation of that.

 

The Expression Chief Features

 

Self-Destruction

 

Because of the nature of Self-Destruction, these 7 Angles of Behavior for transformation may require external intervention. It is the only Chief Feature that may require intervention because, depending on its severity, self-sabotage will be met at every turn, even when one makes fully conscious attempts at transformation.

 

When Self-Destruction is in effect, the spiraling effect can be deadly.

 

Self-Destruction can show up in two different ways: quietly and persistently, or triggered and relentlessly. If it is a quiet and persistent Self-Destruction, the 7 Angles can be applied more effectively and consciously over time with effort at any time. If the Self-Destruction is one that is triggered into a relentless spiral, it will be more helpful to approach these 7 Angles while between being triggered.

 

The 7 Angles of Behavior for transforming SELF-DESTRUCTION would be:

 

1. HELP OTHERS

 

Personal pain is never meant to be kept to oneself. It is to be shared. One of the ways to share your pain is to allow it to build pathways of empathy and compassion for others. Personal pain can be used to inform you about how to help others. Let your personal pain be a resource rather than a burden and then share that resource with others. We do not mean that you are to share the details of your pain, but to let your pain remind you that others can benefit from the strength you gain from your own experiences. It may not seem that you can be very helpful or useful while you carry your own pain, but that is one of the lies of this Chief Feature. As soon as you begin the effort to help others, the lie becomes meaningless and you become meaningful.

 

2. CREATE A NETWORK OF SUPPORT

 

Do not wait for when you need help to ask for help or to offer help. At any point when life is good, calm, and steady, do the work of creating a network of support. You will need it, and others will need you. Join a support group, a care group, a social group, or any group where you are free to clearly be available to each other as you need each other.

 

This may seem silly and you may find yourself talking yourself out of it, but this is preventative medicine. This is proactive kindness. Let yourself have this and then keep this net/network in your life because it may save your life.

 

3. SHAMELESSLY SELF-CARE

 

Take your breaks. Take your baths. Read your book. Enjoy your music. Buy that nice shirt. Ask for that hug. Stop and breathe. Whatever it is that is important for you to do in care for yourself, do this at least once a day. AT LEAST. The reason this is important is because nearly all cases of Self-Destruction rise from a profound experience of abandonment, or a blow to the heart and mind that convinced you that being alive is a burden. So the more you self-care, the more you repair the damage that was done to the psyche and body regarding abandonment. 

 

4. IT IS OKAY NOT TO SUFFER

 

When life is going well and everything seems to be a pleasure and a joy, Self-Destruction will tell you that there is a price to pay for this and that it is not worth it, OR it will tell you that you must make up for these moments of pleasure by bracing yourself for the suffering that is to come, the punishment, for enjoying life. Your suffering may very well return, so when you are in pleasure, BE in pleasure. When you are not suffering, let yourself not suffer.

 

5. BE MORE THAN YOU ARE

 

Self-Destruction can convince someone they are not worth the life being wasted on them, so a helpful tactic can be for you to be more than who you are. This is a broad statement because it can mean many different things to different people, but the general effort here would to be playful and creative in being more than you are. For example, you may wish to be helpful, so help more. You may wish to be creative, so create more.

 

You may wish to be a writer, so write more. You may wish to make others laugh, so laugh more.

 

When a person is navigating Self-Destruction and aims to be more, they tend to simply round out and own the truth of their presence. It may seem you are being more, but you are simply letting more of you be with you.

 

Janet: I don't understand the phrase “round out” …Do you have a different phrase?

 

When a person is navigating Self-Destruction and aims to be more, they tend to simply become more of who they are, not more than they are. They round out the range of who they are and own the truth of their presence.

 

6. EMBRACE and PRACTICE PAIN MANAGEMENT

 

Self-Destruction will point you to everything painful in your heart, your mind, your "soul," and your body. Pain is a part of life and being alive, but if it is ignored, it will grow and spread, and if it is indulged in, it will fuel addictions and recklessness. Instead of avoiding or indulging in pain, let yourself learn skills to navigate it, to manage it, to relieve you of it. There are many forms of pain management for different types of pain. You will know if it is emotional, intellectual, physical, or spiritual and it will help you tremendously to transform Self-Destruction if you simply learn or use tools for managing that pain. This can be as simple as having the supportive conversations as you need them , or the pain relief medication that are necessary. It is okay to manage pain as a way to prevent suffering.

 

7. LIFE IS FOR YOU TO OWN, NOT EARN

 

There is no punishment/reward system in place in any universe, including this universe and an individual's universe. You do not need to earn your right to live or exist. This life was not given to you, it was created by you. It was not created for you, it was created from you. This will be true of every life in every universe on every level. Practice owning your life and focus on earning in other ways that actually matter to you and others.

 

Greed

 

The 7 Angles of Behavior for transforming GREED might be:

 

1. GIVE MORE

 

This may seem like a dramatic and even anti-intuitive position to take when dealing with Greed, but it is important to remember that Greed is not about what you truly lack. It is about what you FEAR to lack. In most cases of Greed, the emphasis of that Greed is on something that one already has, but one wants more. To help transform Greed, one of the first things you can do is to give more of what you wish to receive. The reason this works is because you then put into tangible action the very thing you feel you are missing and when you see others receive this from you, it reminds you of what you have.

 

2. CREATE/MAKE MORE

 

Again, this may feel counter to the fear of lack, but there is almost always a way to create/make more of what you feel you lack when in Greed.

 

3. DO LESS

 

Greed can prompt and trigger a person to take from others and even destroy that which they lack if it is seen to be in abundance for others. It can be helpful to remember not to take action, to strike out, or do anything that jeopardize the existence of that which you lack, or those who hold it.

 

It is not always necessary to act on your compulsions to secure that which you feel you lack.

 

4. NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT YOU OWN

 

It may seem that others care about what you own or have, but they do not. Even those who express envy or jealousy or admiration are not doing so because you own something they want. They are envious, jealous, or admiring because they may have their own value of presence tied into objects like you do.

 

Having more does not make you more.

 

5. ENCOURAGE ABUNDANCE

 

Specifically, encourage abundance for others, even as you struggle with your own. One of the most effective ways to help shift away from Greed is to celebrate triumphs, successes, and benefit that others are receiving because this helps clear the path to your own abundance.

 

6. LET YOURSELF HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE

 

It is often the case that those in Greed tend to completely miss what they have in terms of abundance and well-being and material security and affection and love, etc., when all they can focus on is a compulsion to take more. Let yourself have what you have and this helps more of that to generate in your life. 

 

7. USE WHAT YOU HAVE, WISELY

 

It is often the case that one's Greed might be triggered by legitimate threats to a resource in the life. Greed is never truly about lacking what you lack, but about wanting more of what you already have. If you find that you have very little of something that you want more of, it can help for you to use what you have, wisely. Love more wisely. Spend more wisely. Care for others more wisely. This helps you to extract the depth  in what you already have, rather than to render what you have as diminished or shallowed or hollowed.

 

Neutral Chief Feature: Stubbornness

 

1. MOVE A LITTLE MORE

 

Just when you think you have reached a point where you are certain, sure, and conclusively confident in your position, consider moving just a little more. Treat this as a curiosity, not as a concession. Treat this as an opportunity for true confidence, not defensive confidence.

 

2. SAY NO TO NO

 

More often than not, if Stubbornness is in effect, there is some form of protection against change or the unknown being upheld by emphasizing the "NO" in your life. Allow yourself the comfort of NO, but by using it to help dismantle its stronghold against your even considering a YES. One way to do this is by using the phrase NOT YET, as in, you are still ready with your NO, but NOT YET. When you immediately wish to say No, say No, Not Yet. And give some breathing room for the chance to say Yes.

 

3. TELL THE TRUTH

 

Stubbornness often prompts you to tell lies to yourself and to others about why you resist or reject change or moving into uncertainty or the unknown. These can show up as excuses, evasive language, sometimes to the point of having become an art. To help dismantle the fear of change, you have to tell the truth, speak up about what you want, what you need, and what you do not want or do not need. Stubbornness is often prompted because you have not owned the responsibility of your own authority over your life, so you learn to make excuses. Sometimes, all one must do is speak up and be present as a way of navigating uncertainty, rather than hiding and evading.

 

4. TRUST YOURSELF

 

Stubbornness can close one down to any new input and block any consideration of new experience or new information because if that new information or experience encourages you to change or expand, then you lose your sense of self that you have grown to protect so carefully. But who you grow to be is built from you, and is not a replacement of you. Trust not only who you feel you are now, but who you are in the next moment. You do not lose yourself when you change, and you do not lose yourself in change. You will always be you.

 

5. SHARE AUTHORITY

 

Stubbornness often prompts one to interpret any source of authority or input or nudge to your life as an invasive maneuver out to challenge your comfort levels and peace of mind or even as a challenge to your own authority over your life. Sometimes that may be the case, but most often it is not. So when you feel yourself being triggered by what you see as someone trying to be smarter, trying to tell you what to do, trying to say you are wrong, trying to push you, remember that you do not have to constantly fight this source of authority, you can remember to share in that authority.

 

In other words, no matter how much smarter, right, advanced, experienced, etc. another person may be, you are on equal ground in terms of the authority over your life. These individuals are authorities in their own life and they may be better at some things than you are, and you may be better in other things. Listen, learn, and share. Sometimes this is a one-way experience and then you must embrace this as a gift, not an imposition.

 

6. DIE EVERY DAY

 

Practice experiencing each day as new, rather than as a continuation of the day before. Do not just dive into the new day, but Die into the new day. No matter how similar the days may be, wake up to one new thing, even if it is a small thing. Wake up to a moment of perfect temperature and nostalgic breeze. Wake up to a nice memory in the middle of the day. Wake up to a kind gesture, or a funny moment.

 

You live many many lifetimes and from the point of view of Stubbornness, it would convince you that they are all alike, nothing really changes, and put you to sleep against your evolution. But every lifetime is new. Every lifetime is different. And every day is new.

 

7. BE WRONG

 

One of the most entrenching states that Stubbornness can get into is the enduring insistence that one must be right, must not fail, must not be challenged, and this means one MUST NOT MOVE. This circles back to the first point to move a little more, but sometimes that move has to be in the willingness to be wrong, to embrace mistakes, to embrace a challenge. You do not even have to be wrong to be wrong. What we mean by this is that you may be right on many levels, but if someone else decides you are wrong, sometimes that has to be okay.

 

Note: Two different sessions included the question about the 7 Angles of Behavior to cope with Stubbornness. See Membership Gratitude Event: July 2016 for an alternate version.

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Stickyflames

Oh I quiver in anticipation for self destruction.

 

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Janet

Bumping this session: Today TeamTLE obtained angles of behavior for transforming Self-Destruction. 

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Nadine
13 hours ago, Janet said:

Bumping this session: Today TeamTLE obtained angles of behavior for transforming Self-Destruction. 

 

Thank you,  @Janet! This will come in handy for this year's Chief Feature season.

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KurtisM

Thank you @Janet.

The info on Self-Destruction deeply resonates with and pains me. I have definitely dealt with it as an Artisan achilles heel, as well as as a reinforcement to why to remain stubborn (because what will ever change and what's the point of changing if happiness is fleeting), and as a core fear of mine that prevents me from feeling whole and healing (because I always feel I must give something away that i deem precious, to feel whole and accepted by others and healthy).

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Jeroen

Thank you, @Janet

 

I like this part here a great deal under the Chief Feature - Self Destruction.

 

"You do not need to earn your right to live or exist. This life was not given to you, it was created by you. It was not created for you, it was created from you."

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Janet

Thank you everyone for all the thanks, but although I posted the update, the material was made available by Troy working with all of TeamTLE. So thanks also go to Troy, Bobby, Maureen and Uma. 

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DianeHB

I needed to reread this. Such good stuff.

 

Btw @Janet, the labels "Inspirational Chief Features" and "Action Chief Features" are on the wrong sections. Martyrdom and Impatience are Action CFs, and Self-Destruction and Greed are Expression CFs. 

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Janet

@DianeHB ... Hmmm. I have a chart, I believe sourced from TLE, that has the axes as shown in the transcript. But I see that on the Overleaf Map that Troy shared years ago, they are as you listed them, and Troy has just chimed in to confirm. So I'm editing the transcript now... Thanks!

 

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Troy
1 hour ago, DianeHB said:

Martyrdom and Impatience are Action CFs, and Self-Destruction and Greed are Expression CFs. 

 

This is correct.

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