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ENERGY REPORT - May 2019


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  • TLE12
3 hours ago, CurvyWords said:

"May has a strong energy of support for self-care, self-reflection, clarity, and calm recollection of yourself."

1E01RR8.jpg

 

I can definitely see myself in all of the above roles. LOL. 😆

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@Moonfeather A friend told me that his band was denied entry into the UK and deported back to the continent while on tour from the US. They ended up touring as the opening act for a bigger name punk band and all was well. I hope your time goes as smoothly!

 

Okay everyone, nexus check-in time. I appear to have been previously existing in a parallel where the show Pose did not exist, and now I have landed in a parallel in which it does, and if you are reading this, you are here too, welcome, category is, I totally love this show but how did I not know about it before?!

 

Also I definitely feel like a bunch of stuff merged. Hoooooooly shit. Talk to me, people.

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@Leela Corman I'm losing my mind so you're probably right! Either that, or I'm PMSing. A ton of body shame has been hitting me these past few days and it seemed a little out of nowhere. I thought this was supposed to be a fun Nexus why does everything suck! What's going on over there? 

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 As is becoming the norm, I had two nights of super weird dreams and now I have a nasty cold.  It's  exhausting.

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@Leela Corman funny you mention Pose b/c I never saw it before and it showed up on my Netflix page yesterday.  I looked at the trailer and it didn't grab me but now I will check it out!

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@CurvyWords that sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Stay strong. Body shame is a horrible weapon.

 

I definitely feel a sense of "new" stuff being "dumped" into "here". I don't always but it feels categorical this time. In my personal life this has manifested in a very strong pull to move back to New England, like I've said upthread. Like suddenly a bunch of connections and possibilities just "lit up" up there. It's made me wake up to a lot of things where we currently live that I either don't like or that outright terrify me. I was trying to kind of not look directly at it before. Now I have to. I'm also feeling a strong desire to shift some things in my career. No big changes, I just 1) don't want to teach at UF anymore, and 2) want to find a way to take all the powers I've gained access to over the past decade and apply them to new ways of teaching. I need to find a way to generate more income for my family and I want to do it with some online teaching and consultation for people who want to go deep in their projects. I turn out to be really good at what I jokingly call "comics therapy", with very serious students who want to tell big stories, and I'd like to do that more. That's very different from teaching a weekly comics class, which I actually hate doing and am bad at. I like that, and I like teaching short intensive workshops in comics. So I want to turn my attention to these, and find some better illustration teaching gig back up in the Northeast and get my family out of this gun-soaked barely post-segregation developer-beholden hot mess. I love Gainesville, it's an oasis, but it's exhausting to live in an oasis. I don't want to take part in it any longer. Let people who are from here deal with its problems and let me go back up to where there are big art museums and subways and people speaking a million languages, where teachers aren't allowed to carry guns into their classrooms and there aren't neo-Nazis in the woods outside of town. Add to that the gender issues here seem more antiquated, I mean between straight people - there's a great LGBT community here but I can see a lot of issues with how masculinity and femininity are dealt with here ("slutshaming", so-called feminist men who turn out to be just as fucked up by toxic masculinity as their dads) and I'm worried about my daughter being subjected to shit like sexist clothing regulations, purity culture, and abstinence education. Fuck that shit, she's getting a vibrator and a pile of condoms and a browser window open to Scarleteen when she's ready. And I don't want her to grow up saying "Yes ma'am" like she's someone's fuckin' underling, nor do I want her to be polite, especially to men. I'm realizing how much the culture down here is dominated by a kind of handsy old white man and I am not staying for it.

 

Sadly I also love my band and this scrappy punk town but sooner or later a Jew's gotta escape. Oh did I mention it's 100 degrees here every day this week? This isn't normal, not even for August here.

Edited by Leela Corman
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12 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

@Moonfeather A friend told me that his band was denied entry into the UK and deported back to the continent while on tour from the US. They ended up touring as the opening act for a bigger name punk band and all was well. I hope your time goes as smoothly!

 

Okay everyone, nexus check-in time. I appear to have been previously existing in a parallel where the show Pose did not exist, and now I have landed in a parallel in which it does, and if you are reading this, you are here too, welcome, category is, I totally love this show but how did I not know about it before?!

 

Also I definitely feel like a bunch of stuff merged. Hoooooooly shit. Talk to me, people.

I saw an ad for Pose in the last couple of days. I didn’t click it, and I don’t remember hearing of it before. 

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I think if there's any kind of Convergence I've had lately, it would revolve around CALM RECOLLECTION and Prioritization.

I seem to have forgone so much stress and anxiety so I can just focus on a few things each day that matter to me. And as the days shift, I feel free to shift priorities for that new day too.

 

I don't feel any need to set absolute deadlines and much prefer gradually building up all parts of my life bit by bit now.

I still feel anxiety over many things, but I do my best to calm, take it one step at a time and focus on what I can control. As opposed to my previous way of piling everything onto myself as I tunnelvision my focus and shut out all else.

This means I'm far more in tune with my Pillars of Vitality than ever, and I enjoy the moment far more even if it's not ideal.

 

I usually like to plan ahead for the layout of my day, but I'm finding I can't do that much now. Perhaps it's not just me that's affecting that, but also the sense of limbo on the world stage where I don't know where its direction is going yet either?

Anyways I continue to work at my 4th IM 5th Stage, and feel I will soon enter focus on the 6th Stage as well. So here's to that. 🥂

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Just saw my grandmother for the first time since she entered the hospital.  She's held on for far longer than anybody really expected, but looking into her eyes, I don't think she's really there anymore.  She responds vaguely to stimuli, but I don't see any recognition.  They've had to defib her so many times that I'd be shocked if there weren't brain damage, and given that they STILL can't keep her heart and blood in normal range without intervention, well...

 

EDIT: She's passed.  I'm... alright, I guess?  Sad, yes, but more for the grief my mother's going through.  Relieved that she can rest finally.  Anxious about what comes next; I haven't had a close (human) family member die since I was a small child, so this is all a bit unfamiliar to me.

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  • TLE12
On 5/4/2019 at 9:06 PM, Troy said:

May 18th - 21st -- NEXUS --  CONVERGENCE -  A merging of parallels that are focused on emotional closure, emotional peace, True Grounding, and being “done” with unnecessary struggles and challenges, all while reclaiming a certain amount of collective power and pleasure through revitalizing social connections and directions.

 

So, how is the Nexus going for you all? It wasn't as positive as it sounded for me, it rather wrecked havoc in my surroundings, with several people dying unexpectedly or getting troubling news. 

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@Nadine, that sounds like an upsetting nexus you have had, I hope you are ok...

My nexus was not notable. I can't remember back that far now.

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  • TLE12

@AnnaD I'm fine, thank you...I'm just taken aback by the amount of shit that popped up during/after the Nexus. I can see that all of this would ultimately lead to healing in some form, but not so cool having to have the wound ripped open first....

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  • TLE12
26 minutes ago, Nadine said:

but not so cool having to have the wound ripped open first....

 

Sometimes it is unavoidable. Physically, think of a wounding that needs to be cut open and cleaned before healing can begin.

 

I am still in the process, but it is my own "doing". I start struggling, then I calm myself without finishing the process. Then it starts over. It is tiring. But it is me avoiding it. 

 

I am reading the Wholeness of Soul course, and I have to tell you, it is quite a revelation. My struggle comes from me being not honest with myself about my needs and wants. Fear of being seen too clearly sometimes looks like this: that I am hiding from myself. I fear to see myself too clearly.

So, it starts with honest confrontation with myself about myself, and sometimes it is not pleasant. Michael said that my solution to this situation is to like myself, even the parts of me that I do not like.

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5 hours ago, Nadine said:

 

So, how is the Nexus going for you all? It wasn't as positive as it sounded for me, it rather wrecked havoc in my surroundings, with several people dying unexpectedly or getting troubling news. 

In the period of Nexu I was still with my parents .. On the 19th (which was in this period of nexu) I had a POF .. and in it I said how I was feeling .. What I would not classify as emotional peace .. IoI It was far from that

But I really realized that the validation I'm looking for is something I need to give myself .. this is very clear to me ..
 

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My Nexus was...uneventful! One thing I did do was delete my Twitter and that has given me so much peace. I didn't realize how much space Twitter was taking up in my head without paying rent, but...evicted and it feels so good! I've also been doing healing work on myself with gemstone and flower essences for me and for my kitties.

 

So my Nexus was more of an inner than an outer thing, I guess. The healing part rings true, as I am working on self-healing and also healing my surroundings (KonMari for the win!) by giving away a lot of stuff (example: I had an electric wok which I never wound up using. I gave it to a friend who really wanted one and will use it). 

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10 hours ago, Nadine said:

 

So, how is the Nexus going for you all? It wasn't as positive as it sounded for me, it rather wrecked havoc in my surroundings, with several people dying unexpectedly or getting troubling news. 

I don't like this timeline at all. It is currently sucking for me as well.

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My nexus was also internal. I felt pretty shitty just before, during, and a little bit after the nexus. It felt like mine was stretched out a little longer than the approximate dates given. I remember a bunch of all things coming up again, and again, and again. I just had to surrender to it and let it keep going and doing whatever it was doing. I used to try and see what was going on during nexuses, but I can barely focus on anything and think straight when they come around so just said fuck it and road the wave. There was a odd sense of desolation, of giving up during those dates that confused me but I came back to myself after those dates were over. It was a wonky time.  

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I'm realizing I don't understand the Nexus as I thought I did? I'm really confused about the idea of merging parallels. Namely, does it mean that there was another version of me living practically the exact same life so that version merged into me? But, the entire week or so from the 19-23 was really hard. Maybe it can be explained by the Nexus, now that I'm thinking about it. I had horrible breast/back/chest pain (sorry for the TMI) that I get when I've just gained way too much weight and my already too-big boobs feel just super heavy and uncomfortable. I was surprised because I haven't been eating fast food for like...two months now, and I've been walking so even though I'm not weighing myself anymore, I thought I was definitely dropping weight.

 

I journaled a lot about how shocking it was that I've apparently must have put on a ton of weight instead of losing it and I was really bewildered and upset, not to mention uncomfortable. However, it went away in like two days and my body feels back to "normal" I guess? I just had a terrible body image stuff come up for me, and one particular day was really dark. 

 

However by the 25th I woke up totally free of all of it. I'm actually back to work and I'm cautiously thinking maybe I've moved from -Otiose into +Purpose! I've been super active and productive, having so many amazing ideas for Raise Heaven and actually executing them. I think I've narrowed down on a logo and I've reworked the business plan and got a much stronger handle on my branding and content. IDK though, guys, does that sound like Nexus stuff or just regular life stuff? I'd love some links to read more about it so I can understand better, myself.

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10 hours ago, Nadine said:

 

So, how is the Nexus going for you all? It wasn't as positive as it sounded for me, it rather wrecked havoc in my surroundings, with several people dying unexpectedly or getting troubling news. 


Two examples of the same here:

1) Death of a Family acquaintance- man in his early 70s, excellent physical health.  
A lifetime "adrenaline junkie" with a thirst for travel, adventure, and risky outdoor activities.  
He decided to revisit a location where he almost died years earlier...escaping with a badly cracked safety helmet.  
This time, a lifetime's unbelievable good luck finally ended, during the Nexus:
He ended up smashed against rocks, flipped upside down, and stuck underwater, until a specialized first responder team was able to retrieve his body the following day
Thankfully, it's believed he was killed instantly.
Happily married for decades, he was also the father of two.
Also a compassionate health care professional, he was known for an admirable history of community service, fundraising work, and charitable donations.  
There was a huge celebration of his life just after the Nexus finished

2) Choice / Transition / Reconnection for one of my late mother's best friends
Terminally ill with cancer, but she and her family weren't ready to consider any advance planning for palliative care and pain management.
They finally changed during the nexus.
They approached my family for help about whom to contact and where to start (as we'd gone through the palliative care / hospice care / home care services system when my Mom had terminal cancer, too)
She's also chosen to pursue what's now officially known in Canada as MAID (medical assistance in dying) aka legal assisted suicide- the second of Mom's best friends to do so (the first had advanced Huntington's Disease).
Now that her whole family has agreed to come together to support her being "done" with the unnecessary physical suffering, they're reconnecting to support the direction she wishes to go next, to help ensure her pain is under control, and to support her as loved ones.

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@CurvyWords- just in response to a Nexus Convergence:

A Convergence happens when parallels become similar enough they will merge because they no longer need to be differentiated.

Michael has however shown that there are two types of Convergences. I'll give them names for simplicity sake.

 

Commonality Convergence- Literally speaking, two+ parallels become close enough in themes, patterns, environment, relationships, assumption, progression etc. that they merge.

Polarity Convergence- When parallels are different from each other but have "just what the other needs" and is seeking to create, they will merge.

 

It sounds to me like you experienced a convergence due to a version of you creating enough body image consciousness to merge with you.

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On 5/4/2019 at 9:06 PM, Troy said:

May 18th - 21st -- NEXUS --  CONVERGENCE -  A merging of parallels that are focused on emotional closure, emotional peace, True Grounding, and being “done” with unnecessary struggles and challenges, all while reclaiming a certain amount of collective power and pleasure through revitalizing social connections and directions.

I spent 3 days together with my sister from the 17th, in her home, after I had been ill for 6 weeks. She has an Anchor and Child position in my Support Circle, and I'm in Mentor and Anchor positions for her. We made good food mainly and stayed indoor most of the time and just enjoyed each others space. My recovery also increased much more during those 3 days. For sure some revitalizations there, and I felt a bit revitalized regarding direction too after that.

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1 hour ago, KurtisM said:

@CurvyWords- just in response to a Nexus Convergence:

A Convergence happens when parallels become similar enough they will merge because they no longer need to be differentiated.

Michael has however shown that there are two types of Convergences. I'll give them names for simplicity sake.

 

Commonality Convergence- Literally speaking, two+ parallels become close enough in themes, patterns, environment, relationships, assumption, progression etc. that they merge.

Polarity Convergence- When parallels are different from each other but have "just what the other needs" and is seeking to create, they will merge.

 

It sounds to me like you experienced a convergence due to a version of you creating enough body image consciousness to merge with you.

@kurtis, can you give the link where you found this info please? In spite of my repeatedly reading about all things parallel, I somehow missed this info. Or forgot about it.

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@Juni, there are two:

This private session describes Convergences in terms of yin-yang.

This transcript describes them in terms of musical analogy.

 

Michael basically explains that a "Commonality Convergence" (as I term it) is like different instruments coming together to create composition.

While a "Polarity Convergence" is a yin yang mergence of two compositions that have to adapt to each other.

 

You could call them a "Compositional Convergence" and "Conversion Convergence" respectively.

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