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Am I confusing my Monads?

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To start, I'd really like to speak to Michael via Troy in the near future about my own progress through IMs; I'm of somewhat limited resources and have been economizing a lot lately.  That's a roundabout way of saying "I'm broke" I guess 😑.  As I've read through more material both on TLE and elsewhere, I've gotten pretty interested in the Internal Monads and have started seeing them as perhaps one of the most valuable parts of MT.

I initially had some doubt as to whether I completed or abdicated the 3rd IM, but after rereading this session several times, I was able to see what was right in front of me the whole time.  The whole thing from start to conclusion lasted maybe 5 or 6 years.  The events surrounding the time only lasted...maybe 2 years tops, but it was over the following years that I was able to actually work through some of the lingering issues and revisit things after I had cooled off.  I'm pretty sure I finished it in the positive pole.  FWIW I feel like I'm capable of supporting myself just fine, monetarily, emotionally, whatever.  I don't have a chip on my shoulder or feel 'wronged' by anyone like I did during the Monad.  In the interest of complete honesty, I had a little revelatory moment this last weekend while heading home from a family get together.  My wife had mentioned how very different I am from my parents.  I'd been at peace with this difference for a while, but really appreciated the magnitude of it as a personal accomplishment when I heard this.  I thought for a moment, "thanks mom and dad.  I know I'm a very different person than what you were hoping for me to be, but I'm happy with what's become and despite all the heartache I know I caused, it was not in vain."  EDIT: I felt compelled to call up my mom this evening to share that with her.  She told me it really warmed her heart to hear that 🙂

I feel like I rolled right into the 4th IM after what was only a very short break.  I may be fooling myself, or just confusing the sense of differentation from 3rd IM with with the reevaluation of plans that occurs in the 4th.  But as I neared the end of the 3rd I felt as though I was simultaneously trying to figure out what I wanted to do with life while also trying to figure out who I really was, and making sure that these things agreed with each other.  I didn't really decide what I wanted to do for a career, I had ideas and dalliances, but none of it felt right and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what does.  But I do feel that I've shed quite a bit of imprinting and am.... comfortable in my own skin I guess.  I hope this makes sense.  Maybe I am just fooling myself!


While reading about the 3rd and 4th IMs, I had a little thought and jotted it down at the bottom of the window as I typed this out.  I figured I leave it and see if it's accurate.  Basically, it's just a quick distillation of what the description of each IM sounded like to me.  The entire contents of the channelings were pretty dense and took quite a few re-reads for me to reach understanding and see how they applied, at least the 3rd, I'm still a bit unsure as to whether I'm actually in the 4th or not!


3IM: "I'll be what I want to be"

4IM: "I'll be myself"

Edited by Andrew
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@Andrew -- The way you speak of yourself and your family, I agree that you have probably completed the 3rd IM in the positive pole, and you may be approaching, in, or have completed the 4th. 


There is just a TON of material here on TLE about the Internal Monads. Since the earliest entries on this site (1999), many students have experienced and shared information on the 3rd, 4th, 5th and even the 6th Internal Monads. It's sometimes difficult to find everything in a search because the terminology isn't standard in all sessions: So, for instance, to search for info on the 4th, you should use both the phrases "4th internal monad" and "4th IM." 


There is a whole session on Internal Monads, in case you haven't found it: Michael Speaks: Internal Monads.


Because of my work in the archives, I recently ran across the following excerpt; your comment about the 4th being "I'll be myself" made me think of it. This is from Michael Speaks: June 2008.


[QUESTION] I want to know about the 4th internal monad and how one would know if they were on the way to manifesting their true personality


[Michael Entity] 
The easiest way one can gauge whether one is moving forward through the 4th Internal Monad in a way that is a positive transition, or to gauge whether one has completed a 4th Internal Monad in a way that was in the Positive Pole, is to ask one, simple question:




To the degree that a fragment can honestly say that he or she likes himself or herself, is the degree to which the 4th Internal Monad is being completed, or has been completed, in the Positive Pole.


The Positive Pole of the entire 4th Internal Monad is Self-Realization, which is the experience of being present with who you are and generally liking who you are. The Negative Pole is Acquiescence, which is the feeling of being forced or succumbing to "who you are," and not really liking who that is.


In short, if you can answer the question DO I LIKE ME? with an answer of "yes" to any degree, then you are generally manifesting True Personality to that degree.

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@Janet Thank you for taking the time to reply and include those links!  The depth of information available on TLE is truly staggering, I really only browsed the first page or two of hits after each search on IMs as there were a lot of returns!  Asking the question "DO I LIKE ME", I can't honestly answer with a resounding "absolutely yes, not one thing I'd change!"; but more, "for the most part, but there are things that need some work".  I've been on a little quest of breaking bad habits I've had for years, like biting my nails and other "small potatoes", and it's become pretty apparent that I've got a CF of Arrogance and probably a secondary of Impatience.  That's my biggest stumbling block I've felt like, and it really doesn't feel good on some level--maybe essence- when I mutter humorous and inventive insults about someone I've deemed worthy of receiving them.  It's been easy to pull back and avoid those situations that cause deep consternation, but that hasn't fixed them.  I try to catch myself when I rush to a snap judgement, not going to lie, it's been hard!  Telling myself "Well, you don't know that!" when I draw a negative conclusion about someone or something has helped a bit.   Or wondering "who pissed in their cheerios" as a way of implying to myself that I may just be seeing someone's bad day, and they aren't entirely what I judge them to be.  I've learned that quickly judging "the world" or "people" as if it were a singular group is pretty.... stupid and arrogant on my part and is really just a defense I throw up when I don't understand something.  After all, am I not part of this world too?  Distinguishing between learned and understood, knowing vs knowing.

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12 minutes ago, Andrew said:

I've learned that quickly judging "the world" or "people" as if it were a singular group is pretty.... stupid and arrogant on my part

Another excerpt, this time from Michael Speaks: May 2008:


QUESTION: How do we let go of judging others? I try so hard not to have those "He is so..." "She is such a ..." thoughts, but they pop in uninvited, like little snarky gremlins. I know that I am doing it and breathe and release the thoughts, but it is like my mind pops back and again says, "Yes, but she IS a ..."


One cannot "let go" of judging others. It is a natural part of Being. This is why we describe one of the Chief Negative Features as being "fear of judgment." It is not judgment that is the issue or obstacle, but the fear of it. However, one can learn to manage judgment to be a tool and not just a form of entertainment or defense. Judgment is an important part of any sentient being's form of navigation through life. This is one way to help with the problem of judging unnecessarily: to ask if it is helping you to navigate, or if it's just entertaining you or defending you. We use the word "entertain" specifically here, because however uncomfortable or negative one would like to think of those "snarky gremlins," they are often purely for entertainment, much in the same way a cat will hone its hunting skills by swatting at anything moving.


Judgment is a SKILL. It requires practice. Most of you practice by entertaining yourselves through judgments of others and of things, but those judgments are not a form of navigation any more than the swatting cat is actually hunting. Seeing those judgments for what they are can help you to use the skill more effectively when applied as a form of navigation.


You are taught that it is wrong to judge and that it is unhealthy, bad, etc., but as with many natural, beneficial elements of life, the problem lies more in the misunderstanding and misuses than in the element, itself. Fighting judgment as if it is bad only complicates the problem of developing the skill to be of benefit to you and others. For most, you are taught that it is wrong to judge because it is not your right, and if you develop the skill of judgment, then your skills of discernment and validation are benefited, and most institutions and religions can do quite fine without your fine-tuned skills of discernment. In addition to this complication of misjudgment, we have yet to see a person be able to "stop judging" without actually using judgment to judge the process. What we would suggest for those who wish to develop the skill of judgment is to simply clarify where that judgment falls in terms of its usefulness: Navigation, Entertainment, or Defense. Making a mental check mark next to the judgment against the mismatched colors of a woman entering the coffee shop as being entertaining can be helpful. Making a mental check mark alongside the judgments against a person that are voiced with intent to hurt as being a form of defense can be helpful. Making a mental check mark next to the judgments that allow you to maneuver your way out of difficult situations as a form of navigation can be quite helpful. Using your judgments to help refine and define your judgments will help you to build it as a skill, but using judgment as a way to suppress your judgments will only enforce the wriggling "gremlins" that do not disappear simply because you judge yourself.

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@Janet Interesting.... Surely something to chew on.  Also somewhat validating in some judgements I've made of a few people in my life.  Sometimes they've helped, other times I've been burned by them!

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