Jump to content
Martha

Self-Destruction and Relationships

Recommended Posts

Martha

Funny aside to this old post. The Hopelessly Loved guy and I have a nice acquaintanceship these days. I hadn’t seen him in person in a few years bc I’ve been a hermit due to illness. The day before Janet posted this I ran into him out of the blue. We had a very nice chat. Michael told me that we did the flip side of the Hopelessly Loving monad in this same lifetime in other parallels. I believe we finished the whole monad in one lifetime. Mind blowing. 

 

Sad aside to this old post was that in 2014 another boyfriend of mine killed himself (and HL guy was very supportive. That might be the last time I saw him.) We’d broken up in the late 80s but stayed close. I’ve had 3 “real” relationships and 2 were suicides. The 3rd is my high school bf and we are still close. He was the slave on the Brazilian plantation lifetime that Maureen referenced recently. 

Edited by Martha
  • LIKE/LOVE 12
  • WHAT/WOW! 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AnnaD
On 8/12/2019 at 7:48 AM, Martha said:

It is true that when you meet up with your Mate Agreements, you will not have the issues you fear in terms of measuring one relationship against the other. Your maturity allows for you to distinguish between a fantasy relationship and a present, intimate relationship. When we say "fantasy," we do not refer to the very real Essence connection you share with the Artisan known as "XXX.” We can validate that your Essence has known the Essence that is now known as "XXX" over a number of lifetimes. He is one of our students, though that is not manifested during this lifetime. Though your current Personality enjoys a great deal of Body Type attraction to this fragment's current Personality, that is moot compared to the emotional, intellectual, and spiritual attraction that you find in the Essence Recognition. Owning that recognition as valid is evolutionary and contributes greatly to your path.

 

I love this. It is a valid experience and your connection/external monads with XXX is greater than what it could be given credit for. Have you ever asked which external monads you completed with XXX? 

Ever since Michaels channeled that Uma T was an essence mate of mine, ( I recognised her in a movie when I was 15 years old and simultaneous I felt recognition, distance and yearning/longing for her), I have felt kind of vindicated yet evidence less. I will ask about which external monads we may share this lifetime in a session in October. 

 

There is so much good in this session. Self Destruction is one cruel mistress

On 8/12/2019 at 7:48 AM, Martha said:

MEntity:

This is part of the subtle effect of Self-Destruction as it has taken its toll over your adult years, in that it tends to move one into isolation away from any sense of support or help or guidance from any external source. The conclusion that one must "do it alone" becomes the "sacrifice," and in order to alleviate oneself as a bother or burden to anyone else, the circle of support begins to close. This particular "brand" of Self-Destruction then tends to seal those doors of closure with deep disappointment in nearly anyone having made contact with the life, while also moving the question of "what is wrong with me" into the daily weight of things. The burden of this weight can be acclimated to, but it is never "light."

 

 

Talk about nuances of "sacrifice" and "self worth". I always thought that "self worth" was the sole domain of self dep and arrogance. So much to chew on. Thank you.

  • LIKE/LOVE 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
petra

Thanks @Martha

 

The Source, Channel, Varda Hasselmann, calls Self- destruction = Self-Sabotage, Fear of Joyfulness, - self-destructive, + self-sacrificing.

Self-sabotage is an expression of a strong fear of losing control over what a person regards as important, necessary and life-preserving. These are joy of life, happiness, love, security. When control cannot be exercised in such a way as a person with this fear desires, she prefers to destroy the situation, to obliterate it. In such a way she tries not to allow her own liveliness and vivacity to brim over-for that would be too threatening.

This is the fear with the basic energy 2. It is therefore also the archetypical fear oft the Artisan. The Artisan as an archetype represents the cosmic child filled with the sheer joy of being. This Chief Characteristic is therefore the reverse: a fear of sheer joy of being fully alive.

( an excerpt of Self-Sabotage from the book: Archetypes of the Soul, by Varda Hasselmann)

 

 

 

  • LIKE/LOVE 7
  • THANK YOU! 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Martha
15 minutes ago, petra said:

Thanks @Martha

 

The Source, Channel, Varda Hasselmann, calls Self- destruction = Self-Sabotage, Fear of Joyfulness, - self-destructive, + self-sacrificing.

Self-sabotage is an expression of a strong fear of losing control over what a person regards as important, necessary and life-preserving. These are joy of life, happiness, love, security. When control cannot be exercised in such a way as a person with this fear desires, she prefers to destroy the situation, to obliterate it. In such a way she tries not to allow her own liveliness and vivacity to brim over-for that would be too threatening.

This is the fear with the basic energy 2. It is therefore also the archetypical fear oft the Artisan. The Artisan as an archetype represents the cosmic child filled with the sheer joy of being. This Chief Characteristic is therefore the reverse: a fear of sheer joy of being fully alive.

( an excerpt of Self-Sabotage from the book: Archetypes of the Soul, by Varda Hasselmann)

 

 

 

 

I think my Passion mode fed in to the idea of being “too much”, that I need to tone it down to be acceptable, etc. Maybe the tool of self sabotage. 

 

While I don’t have primary Artisan casting or role, my Essence is in an Artisan row of an Artisan block in an Artisan cast entity. 

  • LIKE/LOVE 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Nadine

Thank you for posting this, @Martha. I had quite similar issues with relationships in the past, although it was motivated by Self-Deprecation instead of Self-Destruction. It's still helpful to me on so many levels - so thanks again for sharing! 🙂

  • LIKE/LOVE 8

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Miizle

Interesting! There are more similarities between self-destruction and martyrdom than i had realised. This is some great information as i think self-destruction in its subtle forms is something that many are struggling to understand!
 

@petra i find that information from Varda very useful! I have not been interested in studying any other teaching apart from Michael for many years now, but these excerpts from her seem very complimentary with slightly different take so i might end up looking her stuff up at some point, thanks for posting and giving us gradual exposure 😄

That description of trying to control everything that is important applies so well to my mum, i have always attributed it to martyrdom, but
this hits home as well. She literally believes that there is a set amount of sorrow for everyone, and that if she worries about little things all the time, she can prevent something big and bad from happening. 🤦‍♀️ She thinks this has been validated when she has had carefree times and then something bad has happened right after that, so since then, she limits her happiness and does not dare to be too joyful. Fuck it's sad and so stupid (makes me so angry to even write about it... I haven't explored yet properly why the way she has chosen to live her life makes me so mad)

Edited by Miizle
  • LIKE/LOVE 6
  • SAD 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
petra

@Martha  So true for me too, I am in Observation Mode and slide to Passion, and its my natural Mode as a Priest anyhow, "the need to tone it down to be acceptable" I know that one so well, and I am in Flow, sliding to Acceptance, real cool thank you, cause I thought from time to time, I must have Self-Destruction/Sabotage, but no one ever channeled me as that, I have an Artisan Essence Twin from your Entity though.

You are a creative Powerhouse, now with the revelation of you, being in an Entity 2, Block 2, Row 2 in a Sage Role, me not wonder anymore.

Well, Martha I am from C1E3, throwing alternative perspectives on people, as I go, maybe there is something for you in looking at Self-Destruction as the Fear of Joyfulness.

I so appreciate you as the Person that you are, and as Essences in different Personas, there is a deep recognition, we both saw the Earth from space over 6 Million years ago.

Thank you so much for sharing all your riches with us in exploring with Michael!

 

@Miizle The Source/Varda and Michael/Sarah/Troy //////,are very much the same. It was Varda that made me aware of Michael.

For me to know both, adds and enriches, I have more on the table to choose from and explore, plus I can read in my mother tongue, which helps me to gain understanding without the language barrier, the 2 books translated in English, are still worth the read.

Glad that it is useful for you to have a better understanding of your mum, ha and that it fucking makes you mad, geez my mum was like that too, maybe you are more successful in pointing out, then I was, but please don't let it take away from your Joyfulness. CHEERS!!!

 

 

  • LIKE/LOVE 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Martha

The “too much” was also part of my family DNA. My immediate family is all Mature, Warrior and a Scholar had two Scholars, a Warrior, and a Server. My 3 older siblings all have Observation, Discrimination, and Intellectual/Emotional centering. Only my mother is in my cadre. My 6th old creative Sage self was quite the cuckoo bird. 6th is the worst! 😂😂😂😂😂

  • LIKE/LOVE 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
petra

@Martha, my immediate family DNA is Baby/Young Souls, its like being chocked consistently, and being asked almost daily " why are you so different?"

"the 6th is the worst" hmm, I heard that before, I will throw all my hopes then, that its at least my own energy field as a Priest to sail in a smooth and graceful way?

Also very interesting that you met this guy a day before Janet posted.

10 years after the session, it looks like to me that all the interaction with Michael was very helpful for you, as well as with all the kindred spirits, who came along with it.

Me Love You very much too!!!

 

 

  • LIKE/LOVE 2
  • THANK YOU! 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Leela Corman

I'm reading all of this with interest, because one of my closest friends is, I believe, an Artisan with self-destruction/self-dep. Reading the Varda text upthread, I think I also recognize the bandmate I am having issues with right now, in the stuff about fear of losing control and obliterating a situation rather than enjoying it and potentially not controlling it. All very helpful.

 

Those of us on the outside of self-destruction can have a very sad time watching loved ones keep themselves isolated, not do or make the things they truly want to, and so on. I've never known how to handle it.

  • LIKE/LOVE 7
  • SAD 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
NickG
2 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

Those of us on the outside of self-destruction can have a very sad time watching loved ones keep themselves isolated, not do or make the things they truly want to, and so on. I've never known how to handle it.

 

I don’t have self destruction as a Chief feature but definitely have an intimate dance with isolation as I’ve basically pulled myself from all relationships in close proximity to me that aren’t work related. I also have always had a very hard time making things I want and going after the things I love. It sucks donkey balls but it’s not something anyone can fix for anyone who is like this. All I can say is reach out to those people who you see as having these issues if you have the inclination. I think Michael said self-destruction is one of those chief features that needs intervention from an outside source in order to get what ball rolling in dismantling it. I do know all the people that stick with me are the ones who reach out from time to time, seem to give a shit even if I’m in a low depressed state, which admittedly is most of the time. They mean the most to me. If it means something to you, just stay available for them. It’ll more likely than not end up helping them in the long run and they will be oh so grateful for it. I know I am. 

Edited by NickG
  • LIKE/LOVE 4
  • THANK YOU! 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Luciana Flora

Given that most of my life has been one of isolation sometimes I think you have a bit of self-destruction even though this is not my CFs. Maybe it influences my cast. 

 

But I don't know... because what happened to me more a given up..

 

Because if in school, for example, nobody wanted to be my friend, there was absolutely nothing I could do...  You can't force anyone to like you...

With that in mind, I simply concluded that friendship was totally impossible for me and I even stopped trying to get closer to people... it was something very radical... so every time I read about isolation I think it has something to do with me. IoI

 

And the interesting thing is that in a way the isolation became comfortable for me... because I felt much better at home watching television than at a party.... IoI


And I was wondering why I should go to parties? Just to feel bad?  Why should I approach people? Only to be rejected?

Television became my company...a book became my company....  And the interesting thing is that these were the moments when I felt better.... IoI

And today I get closer to people... but I confess that I have low tolerance for conflict in relationships that most would consider normal.... And when they happen I have to make an effort not to see it as a sign that isolation is better and that every relationship has conflict at some point...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...