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Troy

ENERGY REPORT - October 2019

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Uma

Thank you @Troy and Michael!

 

Boy, Michael really nailed my state completely with this:

27 minutes ago, Troy said:

because of the equivalent of a long-term bracing for impact and then realizing that little to no impact will occur. There is a relief, some disbelief, disorientation, and then the exhaustion that comes as adrenaline dissipates. 

This is what happened with Hurricane Dorian--bracing for impact that didn't occur. It took me a while to return to a 'normal' state. But this feeling has persisted, so it's good to know that there was more to it than the hurricane.

 

Looking forward to the Convergence! 

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Luciana Flora
2 hours ago, Troy said:

As October progresses, those who have evaded or are rising out of Self-Destruction will likely continue to do so with an increasing sense of empowerment, return of curiosity, enthusiasm, and contribution, all with comfort in looking forward. When one has overcome Self-Destruction, it shows up as either profound and private relief after such a close call, or shows up as exuberant celebration and “good news.” 

 

On a personal level, if any of our students are struggling with Self-Destruction, there is great collective support for rising up and out of this, but it will still require your participation and contribution. 

 

The greatest contribution one can make to a personal or collective overcoming of a Self-Destruction spiral is to truly accept that “it is worth it.” YOU are worth it. WE are worth it. THEY are worth it. THE FUTURE is worth it. THEIR LIVES are worth it. YOUR LIFE is worth it. And so on. This does not relieve one of the challenges, struggles, and obstacles, but it does break the spiral of being convinced that nothing is worth it. 

 

The worth of something is not dependent upon how difficult or easy it is to care for it. Even if you do not care about yourself, you are worth it. Even if you do not care about others, they are worth it. 

 

What we mean by “worth it” is that caring and compassion benefit every living thing. Every living thing, including you, is worth the effort to care, is worth the compassion. Every living thing, including you, is improved and benefited by the compassion and care that is offered up. What that living thing does with your compassion and care is up to them, but contributing to that bank of care and compassion helps everyone, including your collective trajectory.

I usually don't see myself much in the energy reports ...

 

I am so absorbed in my personal life that I honestly think that even if they told me the world will end tomorrow .. I would continue thinking about my personal life..IoI

 

Which makes me think that maybe I was in a spiral of self-destruction over my personal life.

 

And it was not that I did not appreciate the help that people tried to give me is that everything just seemed so difficult is impractical to put into practice that I really thought at some point .. "There is no solution" .. or thought .. "No one understand hi how difficult this situation is for me. " Or thought .. "maybe I can't get foreign help and this time I have to solve everything on my own" .. and I really felt it all very strongly .. I'm not sure if that would be self-destruct but I was not amazed if it were..


So someone tells me .. "you don't have to do everything at once .. see what you can do now .. small steps and think you will achieve in the long run .."


And I felt a certain relief to hear this .. and then things didn't seem possible to me again ..
 

Edited by Luciana Flora
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DianeHB

Just a reminder that if you have the means and value this report and other transcripts that Troy freely shares, please thank him by making a donation

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MelinS

After impatiently clicking the link every day this month hoping for this energy report, it appeared at just the right moment (of course); I could absolutely and immediately validate the Oct 3 - 10 energy shift. After many months of feeling uninspired and defeated, focused on duty not joy, just yesterday (Oct 10) I felt fresh, surplus energy and excitement about resuming the fun aspects of life. I started listing things I would like to explore or that seem fun. Like baking: it's been months since I've baked for pure enjoyment for myself and my family. The resulting spice cake was heaven! A small, very tame step out of inertia, but a step toward something good. I can feel momentum building...

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liiona24

 

This speaks to me clearly. Also my significant other has self-destruction or self sabotage as it is known in “Die Quelle” which makes more sense to me. It has been difficult to separate what is going on for him from myself, although I know it does not really have anything to do with me. I am navigating this with tremendous effort and feel like I am going to be OK regardless of what the outcome looks like. I am asking for  emotional support when I need it which is something I rarely  do.

 

Anyway the following is what spoke to me most: “many students, there is a stillness that may have generated within as a kind of surveilling reaction to this sense that something is shifting. It is a distancing that is not willing to invest until it is clear that a real shift is happening”. Both publicly and personally this applies for me. Thank you for this, Troy and Michael.

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Maureen

Thank you Troy... and Michael!! Yesterday I felt the first surge of energy that I've felt in a while and actually did some laundry. Today I feel emotionally better but am completely exhausted (still), like I'm stoned, although now I'm looking forward to getting more and more done. 

 

I posted this on FB today:

 

Even as we've been exposed and chafed by the world over the last few years we're getting signs that it's OK for some parts to come out and play now. 🕉️

 

You have been retracting yourself from the world around you for far too long. You do not end with your skin. ~MEntity

 

Baby in a Wool Hat and Blanket.jpg

 

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KurtisM

Yep this is accurate.

Though I do think I had a few Divergences in early October.

In one, I was almost kicked out of school for not paying a tuition fee I thought I did. In the other, I had a blatant choice of Self-Destruction so I took my first ever day off school for self-care, rather than gave in to pressure and obligation.

 

Those are both fairly significant for the rest of this year and into 2020 for me.

 

As for the Convergence at the end of the month, I got the impression that it was actually two Convergences. One bundle of realities would converge around the Self-Destruction Path, with Vision minimized- and one bundle of realities would converge around the Return of Possibility Path, with Self-Destruction minimized.

No clue if that's right, but it is Interesting.

 

I did some Parallel Reality explorations earlier and discovered that I am indeed in one of the better parallels, relatively speaking.

Some versions of me went to therapy, got put on medication, said yes to life when on the brink of death, experienced shocks from loved ones that suicided or died otherwise, collapsed into breakdown, watched my mom have another heart attack, are overwhelmed by global news, dropped out of university to pursue personal happiness, never went to university out of fear and are trying to matter in other ways etc.

 

 

"This shift is a slow and precarious and fragile return to a core parallel that would bring back a sense of broadening possibilities and choices and progression that has not been felt since 2016. The full shift may or may not complete, but it is happening at the moment."

 

Ok so Im guessing that that Core Parallel is where Hillary Clinton was elected, and people chose to calm down their phobias to respond appropriately and seek better solutions, once Clinton's policies helped soothe their fears. Such would keep America from breaking down, and usher a shift to a Resource-based Economy as opposed to an ascendancy of Power for USA, or a shift in power from USA to Russia and China, due to war, tyranny and chaos weakening the US.

I imagine that the versions of me there got a different set of jobs in September 2016 as I was supposed to, and went Vegan, initiated the 4th IM and entered University as well, feeling a Peaceful Momentum forward.

Very different haha.

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Diane

Thank you, Troy and Michael. Really appreciate you!  ❤️

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Crystal
3 hours ago, Maureen said:

Yesterday I felt the first surge of energy that I've felt in a while and actually did some laundry.

 

Haha, samesies! October 10: The Day Priests Did Laundry. I even folded it! And put it away! I felt the same relief and lightness and a kind of detachment and I thought it was my improved diet and the supplements (SAM-E) I have been taking, but it also seems to be "something in the air."

 

Quote

This shift is a slow and precarious and fragile return to a core parallel that would bring back a sense of broadening possibilities and choices and progression that has not been felt since 2016. The full shift may or may not complete, but it is happening at the moment.

 

No wonder I've felt like I can only describe as a huge sigh of relief on a very deep level. And I've seen Elizabeth Warren, who I think understands the Mature Soul transition, surging in the polls. I have hope that she will be our next President and help us on the way to a resource-based economy.

 

As for Self-Destruction - Fuckface has been doing a dandy job of self-destructing these past weeks. So has Rudy Giuliani. Has anyone gotten any channeling on Giuliani's overleaves and if he has a karmic or monad or other agreement with fuckface?

 

Thank you so much, Troy and Michaels! Just what I needed to read!

 

Edited by Crystal
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Sam K

Can't say I resonate at the moment, but I also understand that energetic changes don't always play out through the external events we might expect.  No doubt the situation in Rojava is coloring my appraisal of the state of things.

 

I've been heartened to see such universal condemnation of the invasion and America's betrayal, though.  And Bernie bouncing right back from a heart attack was certainly a relief.

Edited by Sam K
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WolfAmethyst
6 hours ago, Crystal said:

As for Self-Destruction - Fuckface has been doing a dandy job of self-destructing these past weeks. So has Rudy Giuliani. Has anyone gotten any channeling on Giuliani's overleaves and if he has a karmic or monad or other agreement with fuckface?


I've wondered about that, too.  Especially given how he became "America's Mayor" after 9/11.  Even from outside the US, I can't help but feel saddened by the difference between what might have been, and the path Rudy Giuliani ultimately chose instead.

Who else still remembers these parts of the first Saturday Night Live episode after the attacks?

 

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Leela Corman

@WolfAmethyst, please know that there has never been a moment in Rudy Giuliani's pathetic professional career where he has not been an execrable bigot who is happy to use the instruments of the state in the service of violence against the marginalized. His time as mayor of New York was divisive and deeply violating for many people. His enduring legacy is police brutality, especially towards Black men, and the destruction of local retail & mall-ification of the city, especially in Manhattan. He was horrible before that, when he was the DA, and he's now just become deranged on top of being a corrupt racist. I say this all as a native daughter of the five boroughs. I grew up in Manhattan and was there on and after 9/11 and the only reason anyone deemed him "America's Mayor" in those first few shellshocked weeks was that President Bush was such an intellectual flyweight that Giuliani's relative gravitas felt briefly reassuring. He is a bad man and many of us have been waiting for him to go down for decades.

 

This energy report is so accurate! I spent the first 10 or so days of the month in the worst slump, exhausted for no reason, so sad, so angry, crying and feeling hopeless and stuck and stagnant. There are particular reasons for this - mainly that I'm living in the limbo time period between deciding what the next big life change has to be, and the time when I can actually make that change. I realized in June that I need to move my family back up to Boston. Now I'm working on building that path forward, but in the meantime I have to live in a place I no longer feel happy, where in fact I feel like a trapped rat, and where the sights and smells all remind me that everyone who mattered to me here is either dead or moved away. So I felt crushed under the weight of that. Yesterday that began to shift, and I feel more balanced emotionally. There are so many things I need to take care of, in my work, in my complicated personal and professional life, but it helps not to feel hopelessly stuck. Also, related to Action and Power, I'm taking an online class with the amazing Kasia Urbaniak called Power With Men, In Action. 

The political situation is wild and also STILL I want to know when this Mediocre White Man soap opera fucking ends. I'm so sick of these people grabbing the attention. I was talking to my dad about it today and he commented, "Trump is a monster. And you know how it is with monsters, you have to pay attention to them."

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Maureen
8 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

I was talking to my dad about it today and he commented, "Trump is a monster. And you know how it is with monsters, you have to pay attention to them."

 

@Leela Corman,  thanks for the life update on Guiliani. I have heard similar views from fellow New Yorkers. You guys do know him best. Rachel Maddow (last night) described his life as stark contrasting phases or chapters (my words). I see you as strong... full of love, energy, and purpose. No doubt you will get your life sorted out to your satisfaction. Yes... you have a wise father.  ♥

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TexB

I decided to read the energy report instead of the news. All ready feel better!

 

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avi
On 10/11/2019 at 11:17 AM, Troy said:

As October progresses, those who have evaded or are rising out of Self-Destruction will likely continue to do so with an increasing sense of empowerment, return of curiosity, enthusiasm, and contribution, all with comfort in looking forward. When one has overcome Self-Destruction, it shows up as either profound and private relief after such a close call, or shows up as exuberant celebration and “good news.” 

 

On a personal level, if any of our students are struggling with Self-Destruction, there is great collective support for rising up and out of this, but it will still require your participation and contribution. 

 

The greatest contribution one can make to a personal or collective overcoming of a Self-Destruction spiral is to truly accept that “it is worth it.” YOU are worth it. WE are worth it. THEY are worth it. THE FUTURE is worth it. THEIR LIVES are worth it. YOUR LIFE is worth it. And so on. This does not relieve one of the challenges, struggles, and obstacles, but it does break the spiral of being convinced that nothing is worth it. 

 

The worth of something is not dependent upon how difficult or easy it is to care for it. Even if you do not care about yourself, you are worth it. Even if you do not care about others, they are worth it. 

 

What we mean by “worth it” is that caring and compassion benefit every living thing. Every living thing, including you, is worth the effort to care, is worth the compassion. Every living thing, including you, is improved and benefited by the compassion and care that is offered up. What that living thing does with your compassion and care is up to them, but contributing to that bank of care and compassion helps everyone, including your collective trajectory.

 

Wow i'm glad that i read this today. I've been struggling with how to "keep up" with my personal progress when i'm not alone and wondering why i seem to do more self-destructive things when i'm around others (which makes things sucky for me and for those around me) then i got some tough love around the 5th and 6th and...i think i'm rising out of these patterns 

 

Not even close to being completely out of them by any stretch of the imagination lol but I do feel myself wanting more and taking baby steps to make better choices. Thank you for this!! 

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Ingun

This report is so spot on and validating everything I've noticed so far this month, plus that it has so much more that so far had been really vague to me. Thank you Troy & Michael.

 

And just for fun I will add a quote from Michael from 2002 that I came by today:

 

"We remind you that the Overleaves for a “year” are simply a description of parameters that the general collective consciousness is seeking to emphasize for a time period as a means to create, change, or update Community and World Truths. In that process, your own may be created, changed, or updated."

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Connie Stansell-Foy
On 10/11/2019 at 1:37 PM, Crystal said:

 

As for Self-Destruction - Fuckface has been doing a dandy job of self-destructing these past weeks. So has Rudy Giuliani. Has anyone gotten any channeling on Giuliani's overleaves and if he has a karmic or monad or other agreement with fuckface?

 

I've been looking forward to this Energy Report ever since this series of events started hitting the news! I just hope Trump doesn't take the rest of the world with him when he self-destructs, as he seems intent on doing (finally). I definitely feel the Shift of Possibilities and increased hope that humanity will make a course correction, and I'm looking forward to the Convergence coming later this month.

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Leela Corman

This energy report is unbelievably accurate to my personal experience of the past few weeks. That "bracing for impact" thing was me last weekend; my parents visited and I had been dreading it, because I've been deeply furious with them for many years. A week or two prior to that, I had finally sent my dad an email setting some boundaries that I had never voiced before, and he never responded. But their visit was delightful. Something changed in their way of interacting with me. I was so relieved, and I actually enjoyed their company and laughed with them, something I have not done in years (there has been a lot of unacknowledged verbal and emotional abuse on my mom's part and enabling of it on my dad's, drunkenness, violation of my boundaries, gaslighting etc.). It was such a deep relief to my psyche and body that I slept all day last Saturday, while they took care of my daughter.

 

I can also attest to the rejuvenating energy of the first part of the month, after the fatigue and sadness. As for right now...

 

Is anyone else experiencing intense, stormy emotions the past few days? I spent thursday and friday weeping nonstop. There are reasons in my personal life for this but I have noticed that these things can be collective. The best way I can describe what the past few days have felt like is "emotionally disorienting". Like a lot of things are shifting and changing and I can't quite figure out where anything is going to land. By the end of yesterday I was wrung out. I slept longer than normal, and today I feel a little calmer. But I can tell there is a shift coming.

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Luciana Flora
3 minutes ago, Leela Corman said:

 

Is anyone else experiencing intense, stormy emotions the past few days?

Yes, and all related to my relationship with my family... I will not write details here... because it would just be a repetition... 

It's all reported in my last posts of the last few weeks... but, in my case I'm sure all these emotions I've been feeling are due to my private life only...

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Evelin

Yes to intense, stormy emotions!

I’ve been between tearfully angry ”I never want to see you again” and a deep, mild ”I care about you no matter what” about someone — not mutually exclusive feelings, but ... they are of different layers.

 

Work wise I’ve oscillated between ”I can’t translate a single sentence of this technical manual” and ”I want to translate proper books”. 

So, yeah.

 

Good work, setting boundaries with your parents. I recently did the same with my mother, she didn’t respond to that email either, but I felt something change.

 

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Evelin

”I slept all day last Saturday, while they took care of my daughter.”

 

You don’t truly appreciate sleep until you have a child.

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KurtisM

Yeah Ive had stormy intense emotions come up. But Im just flowing with them, or trying to at least.

I have however had a shit ton of dreams jammed into me at night recently. It's like there's so much to dream about, I'm dreaming all night and can't make heads or toes out of any dream when Im dreaming or awake.

All I can visibly remember today is one dream had spiders in it. And I dreamt A LOT.

I wonder which parallels of mine are merging in this Convergence?

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Evelin

Deep fatigue: yep.
Bracing for impact: yeah, early October I felt a bit like the wizard Ged in Ursula K. Le Guin's "Tombs of Atuan" after he held up crumbling tombs by sheer will and wizardry so they could get out of there before the structure collapsed... only to my surprise it didn't collapse and many I didn't expect this from were also "holding it up" and now it almost stands on its own. I have no illusions of grandeur, just describing a feeling.
Also feels like deep down I have been repeating "I will not lose faith, I will not lose faith" to myself, it has worked and now I can radiate this with certainty from my depths.

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ckaricai
On 10/12/2019 at 3:38 PM, Leela Corman said:

@WolfAmethyst, please know that there has never been a moment in Rudy Giuliani's pathetic professional career where he has not been an execrable bigot who is happy to use the instruments of the state in the service of violence against the marginalized. His time as mayor of New York was divisive and deeply violating for many people. His enduring legacy is police brutality, especially towards Black men, and the destruction of local retail & mall-ification of the city, especially in Manhattan. He was horrible before that, when he was the DA, and he's now just become deranged on top of being a corrupt racist. I say this all as a native daughter of the five boroughs. I grew up in Manhattan and was there on and after 9/11 and the only reason anyone deemed him "America's Mayor" in those first few shellshocked weeks was that President Bush was such an intellectual flyweight that Giuliani's relative gravitas felt briefly reassuring. He is a bad man and many of us have been waiting for him to go down for decades.

 

This energy report is so accurate! I spent the first 10 or so days of the month in the worst slump, exhausted for no reason, so sad, so angry, crying and feeling hopeless and stuck and stagnant. There are particular reasons for this - mainly that I'm living in the limbo time period between deciding what the next big life change has to be, and the time when I can actually make that change. I realized in June that I need to move my family back up to Boston. Now I'm working on building that path forward, but in the meantime I have to live in a place I no longer feel happy, where in fact I feel like a trapped rat, and where the sights and smells all remind me that everyone who mattered to me here is either dead or moved away. So I felt crushed under the weight of that. Yesterday that began to shift, and I feel more balanced emotionally. There are so many things I need to take care of, in my work, in my complicated personal and professional life, but it helps not to feel hopelessly stuck. Also, related to Action and Power, I'm taking an online class with the amazing Kasia Urbaniak called Power With Men, In Action. 

The political situation is wild and also STILL I want to know when this Mediocre White Man soap opera fucking ends. I'm so sick of these people grabbing the attention. I was talking to my dad about it today and he commented, "Trump is a monster. And you know how it is with monsters, you have to pay attention to them."


I agree about Giuliani. He was a terrible mayor. He turned Times Square into a Disneyfied nightmare. And I recently found out that several police officers objected to  his broken windows policing policy. Back then I wasn’t paying all that much attention to it but now I know he started this policy to make it look like he was getting rid of crime in the city even though crime was already down by the time he took office. His policy was ineffective and actually made relations between cops and communities worse. Police officers who objected to the policy got punished for trying to speak out, and I’ve no doubt him and trump were making underhanded and corrupt deals with and for each other even then. They were both screwing over black and brown people. The fact that Giuliani became America’s mayor after 9/11 always baffled me and made me angry. I hope they both end up in jail far far away from any kind of power and authority. 

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