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ENERGY REPORT - December 2019

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Ingun
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On a personal level, one may not be able to avoid the effects of the Self-destruction tone set around the world, but one can keep from taking this on as one’s own questioning of value.

 

If you find you have fallen into a wave of questioning your value, your sense of contribution, your sense of worth and meaning in the world, you may have taken on some of the collective Self-destruction.

 

There is an “easy” fix for helping yourself move out of that line of self-scrutiny: Stop It.

 

Yes, it is that easy. This is not to diminish the pain that this line of questioning can bring, and not to diminish the personal concern for one’s value, but a reminder that you are in control of your own thoughts, your own assessments, and your own value system. To question yourself in a way that can help improve or adjust your contributions, your sense of meaning and worth, is Good Work, but to do so only as a way to undermine and destroy your value system because it does not match some standardized fantasy of a value system is useless.

 

If you are questioning your value, your meaning, your worth: stop it. It is not something that can be measured by some standard. Your value, meaning, and worth are being measured by a multitude of subjective perceptions, including your own. You have a choice, right now, to embrace your worth as inherent in your life. Your life is worth it. You are worth all of this. You are worth more than this. You have a long way to go before fulfilling all of your worth. We state these things, not to comfort you, but to point out that there is no rigid value system of worth for the self that can work effectively. If you exist, your worth is not in question.

 

Of course, if you choose Self-destruction and choose to reduce your sense of value, it is your choice, but it is not necessary.

 

From October 2013 Energy Report. I needed to re-read some basics.

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avi

I'm still learning all of this Nexus stuff but Christianity Today (an evangelist magazine founded by Billy Graham) condemned Trump and called or his removal from office and since I grew up in Trump country in bumfuck Georgia, I'm actually very excited!! I think this is leading away from self-destruction even though a lot of his followers don't even read and are going to ostrich their way through this haha. I'm going home in a few days so I think I'll get a better sense of the energy down there in the land of a thousand churches but few Christians hehe (I myself am no longer Christian/any religion so uh...pray for me? hahaha) https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2019/december-web-only/trump-should-be-removed-from-office.html

Edited by avi
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KurtisM

I would also say we're still choosing the road away from Self-Destruction. But it is an incredibly perilous road, and it's not because of what events could still happen, but because so many people are trying to find ways to hate an opposition or the whole world. It's like no matter what happens, they'll just use that to reinforce their beliefs.

But if we continue this vigilant, optimistic momentum, and take action to usher a systemic overhaul, we could legitimately fully shift our momentum.

I think underlying all of this strife is that we must change our beliefs away from the future and human nature being already determined, to being shaped by our choice. That seems at the root of all this warring: the excuses that there's nothing we can do to change.

 

It continues to bewilder me how so few of our institutions are born of our 21st Century.

We have Religious Organizations from 1st Century CE. A Media, Language and Communications style from the 15th Century CE. The wounds of Mass Slavery and Imperialist Colonialism from the 16th Century CE. The Political Systems of the 18th Century CE. The Educational and Workforce Systems of the 19th Century CE. And a Nuclear Family model, countless debt-based Corporations and War Wounds from the 20th Century CE.

And all of these are slapped onto contemporary Humanity, the Internet and Climate Crisis as if they will continue to work now.

Edited by KurtisM
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Bobby
On 12/20/2019 at 11:47 AM, avi said:

 I'm going home in a few days so I think I'll get a better sense of the energy down there in the land of a thousand churches but few Christians hehe (I myself am no longer Christian/any religion so uh...pray for me? hahaha) https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2019/december-web-only/trump-should-be-removed-from-office.html

 

LOL.. a Priest went down to Georgia!  😉

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TheSpiralArchitect

Im just now reading this months Energy Report and I'm resonating like a pitchfork. I was "this close" to full blown self destruction just a week ago, I'm definitely feeling the relief now. Its very... relieving, to say the least lol.

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Crystal

Nancy Pelosi successfully whipping the votes of even the "vulnerable" Democrats (all but three, IIRC) to impeach Fuckface is a great sign, too. No matter what the Senate does, FUCKFACE IS OFFICIALLY IMPEACHED. That will go on his proverbial permanent record.

 

A while back, the M's noted that there are people in the US government who are working hard to keep democracy intact. I think Pelosi is one of them. I'm really proud of her.

 

Barack Obama said, earlier this week, that many of the world's problems could be solved if we had more women leaders and if the "old white men" got out of the way: https://www.npr.org/2019/12/16/788549518/obama-links-many-of-world-s-problems-to-old-men-not-getting-out-of-the-way

 

Finally, in Finland (IIRC, the M's once said that it was Late Mature and Early Old) we have a government run by women - young women: https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2019/12/09/change-finland-government-led-by-five-women-worlds-youngest-prime-minister/

 

I think all of this is good news.

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Miizle

What's going on, today a friend (we've only met once but one of those rare people that I would immediately call a friend) told me she's really unwell with weird symptoms, mouth so dry she can't speak, eyes dry etc... She can't do anything and they don't know yet what's wrong. She's recently had some energy work done to deal with her fear of suffering.

Then, i just found out a mother of kids from my daughter's kindy has been diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer that is already all over the place and there is nothing they can do to try to treat her, just palliative care. I haven't seen her that much, and she's not my personal freind,but there is bit of a connection, and i just can't stop crying. Her kids are 2 and 4. This is so odd, just yesterday i was thinking about christmas and how some people like myself would need a larger group to feel it's family christmas, and easily feel like even with just one kid i'm running all over the place and get frustrated becaus ethere always seems to be soemthing to deal with rather than have everythign beautiful and organised and enjoy calm quality time. For some reason i was thinking about that family then, thinking i bet they feel so complete and are able to have this 'ideal' type of christmas just the 4 of them and it would be so beautiful, they just seem like that kind of people (and i thought of that as admration more than anything). And now this news O_O

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Juni

Speaking of Self-Destruction, no fewer than four of my shirts suddenly sprouted holes this month. 

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ClaireC
On 12/20/2019 at 4:28 PM, AnnaD said:
On 12/20/2019 at 4:28 PM, AnnaD said:

@avi, *Bumfuck, Georgia*, lol! 

 

@AnnaD and you gotta love, "the land of a thousand churches"...

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WolfAmethyst
5 hours ago, ClaireC said:

 

@AnnaD and you gotta love, "the land of a thousand churches"...

(Chuckle) Yeah - makes me remember the earliest PC version of the "Sim City" game:
If you typed in the word "porn", the computer would immediately say "I can't get enough"...and most of the Sim City's residential zones would turn into churches.

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Leela Corman

People, I don't even know where to start here. I guess I'll just be as brief and reductive as possible. I spent most of December at Yaddo, an artists' and writers' colony founded a century ago by a classic Gilded Age couple who'd lost all four of their children very young. Its past guests are a who's-who of American culture of the past century: James Baldwin, Truman Capote, Sylvia Plath, Aaron Copeland (I'm pretty sure), Leonard Bernstein, Laurie Anderson, Jacob Lawrence, John Cheever, a million more. It was an amazing, immersive experience. They gave me a modernist cabin in the woods, at the edge of a frozen lake, all to myself. I spent each day working on my graphic novel, while it snowed and snowed outside. Every night was spent in a neo-Gothic dark wood dining room, sharing meals with a group of amazing writers, composers, and artists. No talk was small talk. During this time I also got to see two of my favorite bands: the newly re-formed post-No Wave geniuses Live Skull (same milieu as Sonic Youth, Swans, etc. and to my ears the best of them all) and Thurston Moore Group, who just made a three-hour instrumental album that is basically ambient music for people who like noise guitars (i.e. me). I also badly injured my knee during the blizzard, twisting it hard in the snow. That was three weeks ago and I'm limping and in a lot of pain. Yes I'm going to a doctor soon.

 

But. Self-Destruction time: while I was up there, my mother visited, ostensibly to "help", and while here, totaled our car with my daughter in back. This is where I am almost too enraged and exhausted to be clear about it. My daughter is fine, but she was in a fucking car accident, one, and two, she was left with strangers at the scene, in between my mother going to the hospital in an ambulance (for minor injuries) and Tom arriving to get her. No one told me that until much later. She had abrasions on her, too, another thing no one told me until much later. My parents have been unapologetic and frankly fucking psycho about the whole thing. The next day my mother told Tom she'd done us a favor by destroying our car. My father didn't text or call me until a week and a half later, and only to admonish me for not checking on my mother. I replied that I was angry about the accident, not yet ready to talk about it, and needed space. A few minutes later my mother texted me to tell me "I'm glad the car is trashed". No apology, no taking of responsibility, no asking how my child is doing, or me, hi, your daughter who's already lost a child. No acknowledgement at all. Then my father sent me the most insane, gaslighting text, which I could share here, but if I try to paraphrase it in order to describe its contents, I will fail, because it is CRAZY. It ended with him telling me that I owe them "comfort and forgiveness", though. And blamed the car for the accident, not my mother's reckless driving. By extension also blamed us, for owning said car. For the record the car was a 96 Honda Accord that ran great; we kept it up to date with all inspections and repairs, and my mother has nearly crashed it many times before because she is only capable of driving a brand-new SUV. She also crashed a rental here last year. 

 

I ended up telling them both not to contact me, and blocking their numbers. Needless to say, this is a big deal. I am so angry. I'm just trying to not get sucked into my father's gaslighting as he endlessly sacrifices and erases me in favor of the lies my mother tells him, and as he speaks as though he was present when he was thousands of miles away, both things he's always done. He's always enabled her abuses, protected her from consequences, and believed everything she tells him (she's a very dishonest person and has gotten possibly worse with age as her denial grows), while blaming me for everything that happens, since I was conscious at all. It just shocks me that he's now sacrificing and erasing my daughter to that cause, as well as me. I don't really know what to do except cut off contact with them for my own sanity and safety. I also don't think my child is fully safe with her grandmother. 

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Juni
2 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

 I don't really know what to do except cut off contact with them for my own sanity and safety. I also don't think my child is fully safe with her grandmother. 

This is awful and I'm so sorry that happened, and I think you are doing the right thing. You are being protective of your family and I'm wishing you and yours well.

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Crystal

I am so sorry, @Leela Corman; you have every right to be MAD AS HELL and not take it. Your mother endangered your daughter. I think you are doing the right thing by cutting them off. Kids need caring adults who are not toxic in their lives; if Grandma and Grandpa are toxic, well, she is better off without them.

 

 

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ckaricai

I don’t recall ever being so exhausted during a nexus. I have zero energy. I’m thinking this particular one is a doozie if I’m this tired for no physical reason. 

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Nadine
1 hour ago, ckaricai said:

I don’t recall ever being so exhausted during a nexus. I have zero energy. I’m thinking this particular one is a doozie if I’m this tired for no physical reason. 

 

Same here! I'm so happy it's holiday season and I've got a few days off work. I can't function or think properly at the moment.

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Rosario

I'm good but just want to lay on my bed all day, listen to music, watch cheesy netflix Christmas movies and do as little as possible!! 

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Leela Corman

I feel like 2020 is going to be a cool year. I can't explain why. I just feel sorta low-key excited. I feel like a lot of NEW things are coming. 2019 felt very much like a continuation of the previous year, in ways that felt slow and while not stagnant, not exactly moving either. Like some sort of holding pattern. I feel like more movement is coming. This current moment feels very much "on hold", though. I'm spending Xmas with a slight cold and a bad knee injury, feeling pampered by my husband and happy to be home with him and my kid, and working on my book. I hate the holiday season deeply. Every year I find it more grueling, and these past few years there's almost always been some kind of toxic drama with my crazy parents. I can't wait for it to be over. I can't wait for old patterns to fall away, I want to move the eff out of Florida, find a place we want to live in New England and move back up there. I'm done with this place hardcore.

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Leela Corman

p.s. Thank you all for your supportive comments about my family situation. It doesn't feel good to cut them off, but it feels even worse to be in contact with them right now. I have absolutely no answers. I have to fight the feeling that I'm being a bad daughter, but I also have to do what feels safest for my own daughter, and for my emotional and mental health. I can't keep trying with people whose response to something as disastrous as crashing our car with my baby inside is "I'm glad it's trashed".

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Luciana Flora
2 hours ago, Leela Corman said:

p.s. Thank you all for your supportive comments about my family situation. It doesn't feel good to cut them off, but it feels even worse to be in contact with them right now. I have absolutely no answers. I have to fight the feeling that I'm being a bad daughter, but I also have to do what feels safest for my own daughter, and for my emotional and mental health. I can't keep trying with people whose response to something as disastrous as crashing our car with my baby inside is "I'm glad it's trashed".

I'm not sure that's gonna help you in any way... I think our situation is a little different...


However I have felt like I want  too see  my parents less because lately every time I see them there is some kind of conflict and when there isn't it's simply because I'm trying to "keep the peace."

 

I've always been averse to conflict and the reason for that is that it seems that conflict doesn't solve anything... it only serves to make me stressed...And I could tolerate it well... but for some reason what was tolerable is no longer tolerable to me... I think it's because my parents don't seem to have much self-reflection skills... so for them it's all my exaggeration... and if anyone has to change that person it's always me... but no matter how much I try to change nothing is never enough...

 

 

https://our.truthloveenergy.com/blogs/entry/3381-pof-do-not-live-to-prove-yourself-but-to-improve-yourself/

 

 

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Crystal

Having just spent my Christmas day with a dear friend ("sister from another mister" - an Entity mate I am sure) and my cats, I like to think that as we move more fully into a Mature Soul world and way of being, we can refine the concept of "family" from people you share blood and heredity with, to people you love and share a heart with. "Family" will be about love, not blood, and just because you are related to someone doesn't mean they are your family, and someone can be your family even if there are no genetic ties.

 

Family will be chosen rather than given, at least as we grow up.

 

@Leela Corman, what you are doing is called "breaking the chain" of dysfunction and modeling to your daughter what kind of behavior is acceptable around her and to her. It will serve her well as she grows up. Many, many people are grateful that their parents broke the chain of family dysfunction - even if it meant estranging themselves forever from toxic relatives - and giving them more fertile, nourishing soil to grow in and examples of positive family functioning.

 

❤️❤️❤️ to everyone! 

 

 

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AnnaD

@Leela Corman, what the others have said. You are *only* keeping your mental health, safety and security intact, by keeping yourself away from the toxic and apathetic behaviour of your Mum and Dad. If that is the most that can be done to maintain your and your family's safety and sanity then that is what you have to do. If your Mum and Dad don't understand your response to their toxic behaviour and apathy, then that is their loss, and it is not your problem. I can only think of that adage that says "It is not something to boast of, to be profoundly well adjusted to a deeply unwell culture or behaviour" - something like that. Continue to prioritize you and your family, forget about your parents, as their behaviour has spoken volumes about their lack of priority for you and your daughter... Hugs if you want them. 

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Juni

Weird  Convergence dream time-dreamed I was watching literally dozens of animals all fleeing from something, in a large field. One lone camper was just sort of watching them and standing around.  A wave of these animals passed by, and then another large number of them passed through, at which point I said to him, "Maybe you'd better go, too. "  He just sort of shrugged it off, and I knew instinctively they were fleeing a tsunami. I couldn't convince him to go, so I turned to, myself and then I woke up.
Told my spouse about it, and they said, "Sounds like that guy is society."

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KurtisM

I also had a Convergence related dream.

I was at a sort of restauraunt-theatre hybrid with friends and someone hijacked the screens in the building and the screens on everyone's phones to broadcast a brainwashing message.

 

I, as the protagonist, somehow avoided looking at these screens and being brainwashed and tried to get out of the area alome only to realize whoever hacked in had hacked in everywhere.

The rest of the dream I tried to hide or blend in, and was thinking about how this represented we're all connected and vulnerable to such control.

The dream didnt really come to resolution, or if it did I dont remember.

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Ingun

Very sad and tragic news here in Norway. Ari Behn, the ex husband of Princess Martha Louise, and father to their three girls (16,14 and 11) committed suicide on Christmas Day (25th). They were married between 2002-2017, he was a writer and an artist/painter. He was known to be very including and caring, others always felt seen by him, a gentleman, always reflective, honest, playful, experimenting, vulnerable, generous ++.

Princess Martha Louise and Durek Verret.

Edited by Ingun
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