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October 2010

October marks the “season” of emphasis on the Chief Negative Feature, or the basic collective Fear of the year, with this year’s Fear being Arrogance and Self-deprecation. Regardless of your own Overleaves and Chief Feature, this collective fear would have some impact upon you if you are participating in the world in any meaningful way.

It might be more accurate to think of a Chief Negative Feature as your Protector, rather than as your Fear. Although each Chief Negative Feature refers to a basic fear, the terms we chose actually describe how one protects oneself from that particular fear. For instance, Arrogance is how one protects oneself from Vulnerability. Self-deprecation is how one protects oneself from Inadequacy.

September brought a close examination of both the general collective Attitude for the year (Spiritualist), and one’s own Attitude, which means that personal philosophies and perspectives about your life, or the world around you, may have come under contemplation. This contemplation of your philosophies and perspectives included the self-assessment of where you are so far this year in relation to your original ideas and intentions.

For those who have stayed on track to their satisfaction, and who had decided that life is looking “okay,” then the last two weeks of September may have felt more like a gentle pause, or a coasting along, between the steps in the life. It may not have had much action, but simply moved forward, uneventfully into October. These people are more than likely eager for the new season, for new experiences, for a return to action and tangibility.

For those who may have realized that they are not quite on track with their intentions for the year, this self-assessment of intentions eventually moved into a kind of paralysis, or self-hypnotism, during the last two weeks of September. For these people, the launch into the first week of October may feel a bit like finally gasping for breath after realizing one has been holding one’s breath for so long. These people may find a sense of scrambling to catch up, much like waking up from dozing off while driving a moving vehicle. Suddenly, direction and calibration may return, possibilities may suddenly seem feasible again, and quick adaptation is understood to be in order.

For both those who are, and who are not, on track with their sense of accomplishment this year, there may be a sudden sense of “now, where was I?” experienced, and a return to focus and presence is felt.

Arrogance and Self-deprecation are, both, methods for protecting one’s Self-esteem. Arrogance protects against Vulnerability (being seen too closely), and Self-deprecation protects against Inadequacy (not being seen closely enough). Arrogance is about the over-amplification of the sense of Being so much so that one feels exposed, triggering a need to hide behind the facade of vanity, shyness, or pride. Arrogance is about Being Too Much. Self-deprecation is about the diminishing of one’s sense of Being so much so that one feels eclipsed by disappointments, failures, falling short of expectations and standards set by the self or others, triggering a need to hide behind humility, invisibility, self-abasement. Self-deprecation is about Not Being Enough.

The great questions pondered over September then might be summed up as, “Am I actually failing myself, and/or others?” or “Am I actually making a fool of myself, and exposing my weaknesses?” Both are actually asking if your own idea of who you are is matching where you actually are in your life, how you are in your life, and who you are in your relationships.

In general, we see that many were facing disappointing responses to those questions during September, but we also see a nice recovery from those realizations now manifesting. Most of our students, and much of the planet, is dealing directly and effectively with the issues of Self-esteem that Arrogance and Self-deprecation bring to the surface, so we do not see the end of this year being consumed by the fears represented by these Chief Negative Features. However, the issues of self-esteem will most likely still find collective examination in your shared world. The issues of self-esteem are already being showcased by the media via the wave of bullying and its effect on others, including suicide.

As October unfolds, we see that most of our students might be walking a precarious, but steady, line along the issues of vulnerability and inadequacy, doing their best to keep themselves in check, correcting their perspectives, courses, and steps as necessary. We see most of our students realizing that there will be times that one cannot or does not live up to one’s own expectations or those of others, and that this is okay. We see most of our students realizing that sometimes taking risks and “going for it” can actually leave one looking like a fool, feeling exposed and embarrassed, but that this is okay. Both disappointment and being a fool are a part of life, and worth the value of what is possible to learn from those experiences.

For a few who may have a harder time in the months ahead, understanding how the year may be showcasing your issues of self-esteem may help you to better monitor yourself so that you do not trick yourself into thinking that Arrogance or Self-deprecation are your only options as protectors. Being aware of your self-esteem issues can help you to take that ONE MORE STEP, or to hang in there for that ONE MORE DAY, or to try ONE MORE TIME. And then again. And again. Because you CAN.

Helpful thoughts over October might be:

As long as you are making the best choices you can make from within any limitations you may feel, you are doing better than you would if you were to hide from the results of previous choices, or lack thereof. Continuing to recognize your capacity for Choice, even when the only choice may be in trying one more time, one more day, one more step, one more way, is a far safer and effective way of Being Who You Are than any fear can protect you from being who/how you feel you are not.

You will never fully BE who you think or feel you wish to be, because there is no conclusion to Being, because Being includes Evolving. Every experience, fear, success, disappointment, setback, loss, illness, bad day, good day, suffering, pleasure, love, hate, indifference, joy, etc is a process of exploring and becoming, and there is no final finish line that secures who you are. Everything you feel, think, and do evolves you in one way or another, and this cannot be stopped, even by suicide. Keeping this in mind may help you to remember that the challenges of life pass just as the pleasures of life do, and both will return as they always do. Knowing this can help bring a sense of sustained peace through any and all versions of who you are, who you may be, how you are, how you wish to be, and through all experiences that happen to you, and from you.

The days between the 11th and the 16th
may bring to many of our students a reunion of some sort that triggers a sense of inspiration, or a sense of sentimentality and sadness. Many of you appear to have Agreements to cross paths with fragments from your past that have long been lost, brought back into your awareness because of the Nexus on the 13th where a merge or parallel realities brings those who were separated from you by choices in the past, back together briefly.


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