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Acceptance


AnnaElisa
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A very close friend of mine has Acceptance as goal. (Old/4 Sage- casting Priest, mode passion, spiritualist). For me she is a role model in acceptance - even of what many people would define unacceptable. I'm impressed by her intelligence, calm and her total lack of being judgemental.  I wonder if any of you have experience of if Acceptance could bring challenges in discerning and doing what is good for you? I feel that her beautiful ability to accept and also to separate peoples bad sides from their essences, sometimes makes her stay too long in situations that do harm. I would be thankful for any input!

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  • TeamTLE
1 hour ago, AnnaElisa said:

A very close friend of mine has Acceptance as goal. (Old/4 Sage- casting Priest, mode passion, spiritualist). For me she is a role model in acceptance - even of what many people would define unacceptable. I'm impressed by her intelligence, calm and her total lack of being judgemental.  I wonder if any of you have experience of if Acceptance could bring challenges in discerning and doing what is good for you? I feel that her beautiful ability to accept and also to separate peoples bad sides from their essences, sometimes makes her stay too long in situations that do harm. I would be thankful for any input!

 

@AnnaElisa, with -Ingratiation being the Negative Pole of the Goal of Acceptance, which comes across as people-pleasing, people with this Goal spend most of their life saying "yes" to everything until they learn to say "no". They do this by learning to slide to their complement Goal, Discrimination, which has the Negative Pole of -Rejection and the Positive Pole of +Refinement. Once they flex their "no" muscles, to their satisfaction, they move to the Positive Pole of +Refinement where they learn to make better choices for themselves. They learn to say "yes" when they mean it and to say "no" when they mean it. As they get better and better at this, refining more, they will begin to spend less time in their complement Goal and more and more time back in their chosen Goal of Acceptance with the Positive Pole of +Agape. Sliding (or Hands Across, Hands Through) is one of the most efficient ways to learn to choose and choose to learn. It's a useful technique across all of one's Overleaves, Essence Role, etc. 

 

Here's a blog entry of mine on Truth, Acceptance and Innocence that might be helpful. It's about acknowledging another's truth as being as valuable as your own and learning how to work with the two Expression Axis Goals– Acceptance and Discrimination. 

 

Also, it's unclear to me, is she a Sage-cast Priest or a Priest-cast Sage?

 

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In Acceptance I find myself changing the way I act/speak based on what I think the person I'm interacting with would find acceptable. It is too bad that the personality is so often masked or diminished in trying to avoid rejection. Only with people extremely close to me do I feel safe to be myself because I know that it is unlikely that they would reject me. 

 

It is interesting when you can start to make sense of the combination of Goal, Attitude, Mode, Chief Feature, etc. I only recently realized that my strong compulsion to fulfill others' requests as soon as possible is pretty well-explained by my Acceptance, Idealism, Passion and Impatience LOL. 

 

Anyways, yes, I would say it is a real concern for those in Acceptance to do what is best for them. There are too many times where I tolerated things for far too long. I don't think the problem is discerning what is bad for oneself, but having the confidence to assert one's boundaries. Your friend is lucky to have you as support as she learns how to do this.

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Thank you, @RachelL! Yes, I'm only now beginning to explore how aspects in the overleaves interact.

I think she is one on those people who - for as long as I have known her - has the ability (I have to work myself there) to see the Essence of every person, and that the "bad behaviours" are not really the other person, but side effects when that person does not succeed to be in his or her Essence. Like "it's not really him". Which is beautiful and sometimes bringer of confusion. I'm also working on my acceptance and experience that sometimes it's not easy to make "accepting what is" and "taking no shit" coexist. However, if one goes a little deeper, maybe acceptance could include everything. Accepting that I am not willing to accept this... 🙂  

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  • 11 months later...
  • TLE12
On 3/28/2021 at 1:40 PM, AnnaElisa said:

A very close friend of mine has Acceptance as goal. (Old/4 Sage- casting Priest, mode passion, spiritualist). For me she is a role model in acceptance - even of what many people would define unacceptable. I'm impressed by her intelligence, calm and her total lack of being judgemental.  I wonder if any of you have experience of if Acceptance could bring challenges in discerning and doing what is good for you? I feel that her beautiful ability to accept and also to separate peoples bad sides from their essences, sometimes makes her stay too long in situations that do harm. I would be thankful for any input!

 

I think some distinctions need to be made. For example, I can accept that a certain person is who they are, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate any bad behavior or boundary crossing they do. I also think it's okay to be judgemental when people do behave badly. You have to be judging so you know what boundaries to set.  

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20 hours ago, ckaricai said:

I think some distinctions need to be made. For example, I can accept that a certain person is who they are, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate any bad behavior or boundary crossing they do. I also think it's okay to be judgemental when people do behave badly. You have to be judging so you know what boundaries to set.  

@ckaricai, this so much. This is called discernment, and it either has a soft or a hard boundary. If someone does not cross my boundaries, I can accept them more.

If they cross my boundaries, they get a warning. If they breach again, they are gone. 

There is no point being anything other than direct and truthful with people and letting them know what the consequences are of breaching a boundary. It does no one any favours by being anything other than direct, forthcoming and clear. After that you can review and choose differently if you want. 

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