I’m in trouble

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

Guys i really need your help/ advice i don't know what i should do right now and I’m so scared. So the last year of school was pure horror to me. I was stressed and nervous all the time. But now the headmaster wants to talk to me tomorrow whether i even would like to continue attending school cause my grades are so bad and the last few months i didn’t attended class very often.

Im just so scared because i don’t know what else to do but i kinda know that next year would also be hard again and i would suffer again and i don’t want to go through this again but what keeps me there is the thought that with this better degree i will have a better perspective in life and most importantly I’m so afraid of my parents reaction if i had to tell them that i would quit school.

Please send me some advice cause i really need it.

Sending love to all of you.

[WolfAmethyst]

Hello, @Emilyen Vonderzu

I'm sorry to read you're having such an upsetting experience related to your schooling.  

Whatever has been happening, I promise you're not the first or only student to be facing these challenges.  

Please attend the meeting your headmaster has asked for.  You won't be the first, or the last, student they've encountered whose path has taken a different turn.

The pandemic has made many courses of study much more challenging than would normally be expected.  

I suspect your headmaster has already asked to meet with many other students ahead of you.

Some things that are easier to learn in-person have had to be studied at a distance.  

Informal study groups / revision sessions / discussions where everybody learns something outside of formal lectures just haven't been possible like they would have before COVID
Many things related to the overall cost of schooling are now much more expensive, or take A LOT more of a student's time and energy.
Many things outside of school- that can impact the learning experience- are more of a challenge as well (ie managing one's physical and mental health with disruptions to healthcare)

Everything that goes into paying for and looking after one's accommodation has also gotten more complicated- whether it's life in a student dormitory, living in an apartment of one's own, or living with housemates / relatives / under your parents' roof.

 

Just staying calm enough in this crazy world to focus on a course of study is more challenging these days.
I commend you sincerely for trying.  Even if the results haven't (yet) been what you hoped for at this point in time.

Many schools, at all levels,  have found it necessary to make changes to help their entire student body adjust to how the pandemic has impacted their education.
You may end up helping a lot of other students by answering your headmaster's questions and concerns honestly, even though it's a scary thing to do.

Please try to keep an open mind.  They may have some helpful suggestions you didn't even realize were an option in your case.

There's nothing wrong with changing the direction of your studies- I've known many people who changed their degree / the focus of their studies partway through, and ended up on a much happier path in their lives and careers.  Sometimes, taking different courses can help get your grades back where they need to be to pursue a particular future goal.

There's nothing wrong with changing the timing of your studies- I've known many people who took a leave of absence / time away from school to recover their health, or spend time working in a different field, or doing volunteer work.  All felt gaining more life experience helped them better answer the question "Is this really something "I" want to do?"
For most, it ended up being about postponing the rest of their studies, or taking them in a different direction (they just had to figure out which one).  Not about "quitting school" completely.  Even if they decided not to complete their original program, they were able to use it another way- by transferring the course credits they'd earned to a different program of study, or to a different college, different university, all together.

 

Please keep everybody posted with how your journey unfolds, and please try to get some sleep before your meeting with the headmaster.

Best wishes,
 

@WolfAmethyst

Edited July 27, 2022 by WolfAmethyst

[ckaricai]

Well, you know why you are stressed and nervous. You know why your grades went down and you know why you weren’t going to class. You know why you were overwhelmed. Did you ask for help? Was the help you got not enough? We’re you dismissed when you did ask for help? You know what has been going on with you so be prepared to take responsibility for your choices. Meet with the headmaster, and be honest about what has been going on with you. They might be able to offer you solutions you haven’t thought of. If you have a chance to get your grades up and to attend class more regularly or to even switch your classes around then take it. If you don’t want to quit or dropout then honestly you need to be realistic and have a plan. 

[Patty]

Quitting school is never the answer, but you do need to let your parents and headmaster know what is causing all this stress and how it’s having a negative impact on your grades. Be honest with them, and with yourself, so they can help you.
 

Your parents, your headmaster, and all of us, just want you to be happy, and healthy, and successful so that you can live a good life now and in the future. They’re not mind readers though, you have to tell them what’s going on so they can help you. 
 

if you can, have your parents attend the meeting with the headmaster too. Before you attend the meeting, get clear on what your problems are, some possible solutions from your perspective (that do not include quitting school), and who you think can help. I bet your parents and the headmaster will have some ideas too.

 

During the meeting, be open to suggestions  from your headmaster and parents. They might suggest something like after school tutoring or activities, which you may not want to do, but will help get you back on track academically or socially. Take a deep breath before you say anything and give yourself time to think. Presume that the adults around you have positive intentions. 

You are a smart person - if you make an effort and ask for help when you need it - you can be good at school again. You can handle all of this. 

Edited July 27, 2022 by Patty

[AnnaD]

As long as you are being truthful with yourself and you take responsibility for your choices, to either stay in school, or to do something else such as work, then you will be ok. 

 

I don't know what is the best choice for you, but I am sure that you will know in time. 

If you were able to face your parents with your truth, whatever that truth is, and you communicated your truth to them, would you get support from your parents? 

One of the toughest things to manage is being honest and truthful with yourself but not being honest and truthful with others. That dishonesty will become incredibly challenging overtime. I say that with personal experience as a lesbian woman who knew that she was queer in her 20's but hadn't  communicated that to anyone else. But once I had owned that truth, so that no one could use it against me to threaten me (although I continue to be obviously very careful whom I share this information with), then I began to know myself. Once you allow yourself to own your truth and just as importantly, you get support from the people that you care about to own your truth, life becomes simpler. 

 

You need to realise that choices aren't scary, but failing to own your choices will complicate things down the line. Any choice and any truth, as long as you own it and take responsibility for it, is preferable to not being truthful and owning your truth.  I say this with compassion. 

[KurtisM]

I was in a very similar predicament to you last year. I almost quit everything and shutdown. Michael has even told me my choice to outright quit in another parallel sent the rest of the world in those parallels into a much darker direction. Unbeknownst to me then, I was one of the final straws which when removed from the metaphorical haystack, collapsed the whole pile that is Humanity's institutional integrity.

 

So, just don't quit. Don't give up. Don't shut down.

This is just self-destruction. It is not the truth of your value and worth. You determine your own value and worth. You determine what you wish to bring and give and contribute. Others do not; your grades do not; the universe does not. You.

It's not that quitting is a bad choice, but that the MOTIVATION behind quitting can be done out of love or fear. Your Motivations have huge consequences on how you participate in the world.

 

As for what you can do.

Reaching out to ASK FOR HELP is one of the best things to do. And you're doing that now, so good work.

This doesn't mean that the people you ask for can help you in every way you may want them to. But it at least opens you to possibilities, options, paths and even to listening to yourself again.

 

Another thing you can do is PRIORITIZE your work. Determine what you wish to invest in of your range of responsibilities, and direct your knowledge, skills and efforts towards that. Sometimes we cannot control everything we have to or want to do, so to prioritize is extremely helpful.

Sometimes we just to have let certain choices go or let them sit and wait as we focus on other things.

So conserve your energy and organize your time.

 

A third thing is to lessen the weight of life on your shoulders. As you go about your day, choose to see stuff that is inspiring and encouraging, choose to bring humor and levity to your day.

Lighten up.

Refresh yourself regularly.

Stay open and curious.

 

If you feel a need to shutdown, call it a timeout instead. Give your body and mind timeouts if you feel overwhelmed. A Timeout implies a return to healthy participation, while helping you conserve energy.

Control only what is within your control, and navigate within that which you cannot control.

 

Motivate yourself with kindness and inspiration, not with dread.

These are just some things i did to get me through last year.

Edited July 27, 2022 by KurtisM

[Andrew]

In college I had an issue with staying motivated to finish my degree. After 5 years of dragging my feet and watching my grades slip, I eventually dropped out and made no plans to return for several years. The low point was my final semester when I barely attended classes, rarely did assignments, and never really studied.  I was so clueless on one of my final exams that instead of actually answering the questions, I wrote a personal essay to the professor explaining some of what had been going on in my life. He passed me, I absolutely did not deserve that grade and failed all my other classes, honestly I regret doing that.  My family was disappointed, but part of me felt like the pressure to finish my degree was coming from them(I now can see it was encouragement, not pressure). I had changed quite a bit as a person over those few years, not necessarily for the better or worse, but the bottom line was that I no longer wanted to go down the original path I had chosen anymore and it was causing me a great deal of stress that was appearing in other parts of my life. 4 or 5 years later I enrolled in a different school with a different idea of what I’d like to study and a much more true-to-self path forward in life. I worked full time while in school and managed to graduate with honors in a study I love(geography). Honestly dropping out was the best choice for me, there was never a guarantee I’d even return to finish what I’d started, and the intervening years between school were actually quite difficult. But I got off of the path that I had chosen and was able to use that as a learning experience about not making choices that you think others want you to make. The only regret I have about the whole ordeal was not staying true to my desires in the first place and not expressing the change of heart for my future sooner

Edited July 28, 2022 by Andrew

[Martha]

Because I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 60, and because you’re describing a very common predicament for us that happened to me, I’ll ask if you have ADHD. I had no idea at all. Maybe do an online test. 

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

19 hours ago, Martha said:

Because I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 60, and because you’re describing a very common predicament for us that happened to me, I’ll ask if you have ADHD. I had no idea at all. Maybe do an online test. 

Yes, i have ADD.

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

On 7/27/2022 at 5:47 PM, WolfAmethyst said:

Hello, @Emilyen Vonderzu

I'm sorry to read you're having such an upsetting experience related to your schooling.  

Whatever has been happening, I promise you're not the first or only student to be facing these challenges.  

Please attend the meeting your headmaster has asked for.  You won't be the first, or the last, student they've encountered whose path has taken a different turn.

The pandemic has made many courses of study much more challenging than would normally be expected.  

I suspect your headmaster has already asked to meet with many other students ahead of you.

Some things that are easier to learn in-person have had to be studied at a distance.  

Informal study groups / revision sessions / discussions where everybody learns something outside of formal lectures just haven't been possible like they would have before COVID
Many things related to the overall cost of schooling are now much more expensive, or take A LOT more of a student's time and energy.
Many things outside of school- that can impact the learning experience- are more of a challenge as well (ie managing one's physical and mental health with disruptions to healthcare)

Everything that goes into paying for and looking after one's accommodation has also gotten more complicated- whether it's life in a student dormitory, living in an apartment of one's own, or living with housemates / relatives / under your parents' roof.

 

Just staying calm enough in this crazy world to focus on a course of study is more challenging these days.
I commend you sincerely for trying.  Even if the results haven't (yet) been what you hoped for at this point in time.

Many schools, at all levels,  have found it necessary to make changes to help their entire student body adjust to how the pandemic has impacted their education.
You may end up helping a lot of other students by answering your headmaster's questions and concerns honestly, even though it's a scary thing to do.

Please try to keep an open mind.  They may have some helpful suggestions you didn't even realize were an option in your case.

There's nothing wrong with changing the direction of your studies- I've known many people who changed their degree / the focus of their studies partway through, and ended up on a much happier path in their lives and careers.  Sometimes, taking different courses can help get your grades back where they need to be to pursue a particular future goal.

There's nothing wrong with changing the timing of your studies- I've known many people who took a leave of absence / time away from school to recover their health, or spend time working in a different field, or doing volunteer work.  All felt gaining more life experience helped them better answer the question "Is this really something "I" want to do?"
For most, it ended up being about postponing the rest of their studies, or taking them in a different direction (they just had to figure out which one).  Not about "quitting school" completely.  Even if they decided not to complete their original program, they were able to use it another way- by transferring the course credits they'd earned to a different program of study, or to a different college, different university, all together.

 

Please keep everybody posted with how your journey unfolds, and please try to get some sleep before your meeting with the headmaster.

Best wishes,
 

@WolfAmethyst

Thank you very much! At the time i posted my comment i was very upset and felt trapped but in the end i decided to further attend this school cause after all there are still two more years left and two years I’ve experienced are nothing (compared to other time spans I’ve experienced so far in my life).

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

On 7/27/2022 at 10:59 PM, Patty said:

Quitting school is never the answer, but you do need to let your parents and headmaster know what is causing all this stress and how it’s having a negative impact on your grades. Be honest with them, and with yourself, so they can help you.
 

Your parents, your headmaster, and all of us, just want you to be happy, and healthy, and successful so that you can live a good life now and in the future. They’re not mind readers though, you have to tell them what’s going on so they can help you. 
 

if you can, have your parents attend the meeting with the headmaster too. Before you attend the meeting, get clear on what your problems are, some possible solutions from your perspective (that do not include quitting school), and who you think can help. I bet your parents and the headmaster will have some ideas too.

 

During the meeting, be open to suggestions  from your headmaster and parents. They might suggest something like after school tutoring or activities, which you may not want to do, but will help get you back on track academically or socially. Take a deep breath before you say anything and give yourself time to think. Presume that the adults around you have positive intentions. 

You are a smart person - if you make an effort and ask for help when you need it - you can be good at school again. You can handle all of this. 

Thank you so much unfortunately I’m already 19 years old and before i wasn’t able to explain my parents well why i didn’t wanted to attend school anymore. I can’t even really explain the reason well to myself. In the end i decided to stay and try another year, this time with new people, teachers and hopefully a new chance for me.

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

On 7/28/2022 at 12:20 AM, AnnaD said:

As long as you are being truthful with yourself and you take responsibility for your choices, to either stay in school, or to do something else such as work, then you will be ok. 

 

I don't know what is the best choice for you, but I am sure that you will know in time. 

If you were able to face your parents with your truth, whatever that truth is, and you communicated your truth to them, would you get support from your parents? 

One of the toughest things to manage is being honest and truthful with yourself but not being honest and truthful with others. That dishonesty will become incredibly challenging overtime. I say that with personal experience as a lesbian woman who knew that she was queer in her 20's but hadn't  communicated that to anyone else. But once I had owned that truth, so that no one could use it against me to threaten me (although I continue to be obviously very careful whom I share this information with), then I began to know myself. Once you allow yourself to own your truth and just as importantly, you get support from the people that you care about to own your truth, life becomes simpler. 

 

You need to realise that choices aren't scary, but failing to own your choices will complicate things down the line. Any choice and any truth, as long as you own it and take responsibility for it, is preferable to not being truthful and owning your truth.  I say this with compassion. 

Thank you so much. This really helped building me up again. It’s true but i guess I’m still in the process of trying to figure out the finer details of my truth and a more specific  direction i want to head in.

I guess it also has to do with my self worth as i had all my life a pretty low self-esteem as it made it hard to speak up for myself.

At least this time i spoke at all up even though it was a bit clumsy and i could have been better but I’m still working on speaking up for myself AND expressing myself clearly.

 

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

On 7/28/2022 at 12:37 AM, KurtisM said:

I was in a very similar predicament to you last year. I almost quit everything and shutdown. Michael has even told me my choice to outright quit in another parallel sent the rest of the world in those parallels into a much darker direction. Unbeknownst to me then, I was one of the final straws which when removed from the metaphorical haystack, collapsed the whole pile that is Humanity's institutional integrity.

 

So, just don't quit. Don't give up. Don't shut down.

This is just self-destruction. It is not the truth of your value and worth. You determine your own value and worth. You determine what you wish to bring and give and contribute. Others do not; your grades do not; the universe does not. You.

It's not that quitting is a bad choice, but that the MOTIVATION behind quitting can be done out of love or fear. Your Motivations have huge consequences on how you participate in the world.

 

As for what you can do.

Reaching out to ASK FOR HELP is one of the best things to do. And you're doing that now, so good work.

This doesn't mean that the people you ask for can help you in every way you may want them to. But it at least opens you to possibilities, options, paths and even to listening to yourself again.

 

Another thing you can do is PRIORITIZE your work. Determine what you wish to invest in of your range of responsibilities, and direct your knowledge, skills and efforts towards that. Sometimes we cannot control everything we have to or want to do, so to prioritize is extremely helpful.

Sometimes we just to have let certain choices go or let them sit and wait as we focus on other things.

So conserve your energy and organize your time.

 

A third thing is to lessen the weight of life on your shoulders. As you go about your day, choose to see stuff that is inspiring and encouraging, choose to bring humor and levity to your day.

Lighten up.

Refresh yourself regularly.

Stay open and curious.

 

If you feel a need to shutdown, call it a timeout instead. Give your body and mind timeouts if you feel overwhelmed. A Timeout implies a return to healthy participation, while helping you conserve energy.

Control only what is within your control, and navigate within that which you cannot control.

 

Motivate yourself with kindness and inspiration, not with dread.

These are just some things i did to get me through last year.

Thank you!

To be honest I’m a bit teary eyed right now cause it just feels so good knowing that others have gone through the same stuff I’m going through right now.

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

2 minutes ago, Emilyen Vonderzu said:

Thank you!

To be honest I’m a bit teary eyed right now cause it just feels so good knowing that others have gone through the same stuff I’m going through right now.

And adding to it your advices have really brought me a better/ fresh perspective on how to navigate through it and not to just clash everything down.

[Martha]

3 hours ago, Emilyen Vonderzu said:

Yes, i have ADD.">

I’m new at it, and long past school, but my understanding is there are accommodations you can ask for if you haven’t. But now that I know about it I thought I could spot my people!

[KiwiKiss]

I know others have said don't quit, and if that's the path for you to get this particular degree then go for it with the right ADD accommodations. Universities are required to provide them.

 

I will offer another perspective. I quit a graduate program that was no longer in alignment with my career goals. I'm very happy I did. I'm making much more money in my chosen path than people typically do in their first real jobs after the graduate program. In fact, I'm probably making more than most of those people are 5 years in. Of course money was not entirely the reason but it helped make the choice easier. Some of the most outwardly successful people, or people I thought were very successful during the program, have either left the field or are struggling to find positions.

[Delphi]

How are you doing now @Emilyen Vonderzu?

[Emilyen Vonderzu]

 

On 10/15/2022 at 12:11 PM, Delphi said:

How are you doing now @Emilyen Vonderzu?
Thank you for asking. Gladly I’ve been doing really well so far this year. I still face certain challenges with the authorities at my school but i got to a point where I’m now able to manage it to the best of my ability. It’s the result of facing some uncomfortable truths about myself (for example that I’m the kind of person who would like to ignore their problems as long as they can; not one of my best traits tbh) and also my environment (tbh my last circle of school college’s wasn’t the best; much competition and like always thinking about one’s own benefit in situations and so on; I’m glad i was able to leave them behind). For now it also helps me immensely to practice meditation to stay focused and and in the present moment (really helpful with my ADHD) and I’m now also better able to organise  myself as i have switched from writing onto paper to now just tipping it into my pc and this has really helped me to ease my school life so far.