Support Circles: Love Position

[Leela Corman]

I've been thinking a great deal about all support positions, but especially the Love one lately, because of a friendship in which I and the other person both occupy that position for each other. It has caused me to try to figure out who else might be in that position for me, or who I might be playing that role for, but there is another question that came to me yesterday: Can the Love position that someone else holds for you force you to confront the ways in which you might not be loving to yourself? This friendship is bringing up those issues for me kind of glaringly, but that may be due to other factors; I don't know. The thought that it might at least in part be coming from whatever the Love position is prompting felt like an aha! moment.

 

I'll elaborate a little: I understand that people who hold the Love position for you love you unconditionally. I feel that very strongly for the people for whom I either know for sure (through Michael) or feel strongly that I hold that position for. There is an inability to hold on to negative feelings about them. I incorporate knowledge of their very human flaws and yet love them, just love them. My heart is so huge for them. This is, um, not true for just anyone, so it's kinda not that hard to figure out who I hold that position for.

 

Okay. So, as far as experiencing the fact of another person holding it for me...like I said, this particular friendship has caused me to confront all of my self-loathing, fear, insecurity, nakedness, all of it. So...again...is that a possible function of the support position? The Love from the other person shines a light on the places in yourself where you have withheld love? Does this resonate with anyone?

[Juni]

I know very little about support positions, but this makes intuitive sense to me that it would be the case.

[KurtisM]

I'd imagine that's exactly what it's for Leela.
I know at least 2 people who love me unconditionally in my Love Position, and they've helped me face my parts of self that say "You haven't done enough to be loved." and "Why would they love you anyway?" and "Have you proven yourself?"
But they still love me anyway, and I think that's the point.

Ironically though, I don't know who I love unconditionally, myself. I don't love much, or at least not in obvious ways- but I do appreciate. I think my Aunt is one of the people I love unconditionally, because even if I notice her flaws, I still love her, and don't stick to those flaws like they define her, unlike some other people.
You also don't have to be close to anyone to be in their love position. You just have to feel that connection+understanding that you love+accept them.

[Leela Corman]

32 minutes ago, KurtisM said:

I'd imagine that's exactly what it's for Leela.
I know at least 2 people who love me unconditionally in my Love Position, and they've helped me face my parts of self that say "You haven't done enough to be loved." and "Why would they love you anyway?" and "Have you proven yourself?"
But they still love me anyway, and I think that's the point.

Ironically though, I don't know who I love unconditionally, myself. I don't love much, or at least not in obvious ways- but I do appreciate. I think my Aunt is one of the people I love unconditionally, because even if I notice her flaws, I still love her, and don't stick to those flaws like they define her, unlike some other people.
You also don't have to be close to anyone to be in their love position. You just have to feel that connection+understanding that you love+accept them.

 

Kurtis, that's very right, that last thing you said.

 

in the case I'm talking about, this is a friend who lives in my town who I hang out with fairly often, online and in person. This person doesn't know that their friendship raises these things for me. So this isn't about anything they're doing, it's entirely about me, but ain't that always the way!

[Evelin]

@Leela Corman, my Essence Mate is definitely one of my Love positions. I can see all the flaws, get angry, but include all that in that weird hugely stretchy soul hug that is Love.
And I think I understand what you mean about issues of self-love surfacing when faced with Love. It could be just the Support position, or you may have an Agreement, too. Either way, often when you are in that internal healing place, all those sickly, sneezing and coughing cute slimy inner monsters come up one by one and want to be fixed, too. At least that's my experience. Basically, all the not-love wants to be included in the love because that's what love is about, apparently.

Why is self-love often so difficult, anyway?!

Edited June 1, 2017 by Evelin

[Leela Corman]

@Evelin that makes a lot of sense. I guess I wonder if we're still doing the Love monad because there is still insecurity, defense, silences, and disappointment sometimes. It doesn't always feel "settled" to me, and there's a charge there - but we love each other, when we are talking. This person once told me, "I love you in a way that barely makes sense." I thought, "Welp...". Then again, we all have personalities and those come with their own issues. So, it's hard to parse out.

 

The self-loathing is really, really hard to confront.

Edited June 2, 2017 by Leela Corman

[Evelin]

@Leela Corman, from what I understand, it's not settled until the Love Monad is done. When you get to the Heart Link phase, you're settled. Either way, Love includes all those things -- disappointments, insecurity, etc.
To me, Love as a Support position feels "lighter" than a Heart Link/Love Monad. My connection with the Essence Mate is quite strange in that respect -- there are echoes of a Heart Link from a previous Grand Cycle! It's like there is all this deep love, but it's behind a veil, no strong charge. We literally have done and said everything possible, and it's a great comfort to have someone like that in your life. I once said that a couple of personal notebooks aside, there's really nothing I wouldn't share with you, freaked him out a bit.
It's great you and your friend can talk about how you feel. For me it's often quite hard to translate even a fraction of what I feel into words that don't freak people out. And why is "our" culture so weird about love?! So many limits and rules about it as if there could ever be too much of it, really.
I'm married and I recently realized I just plain love one of our (also married) friends. For me it's weird enough to find a new friend past age 40, let alone a comforting connection and deep trust, just out of the blue. I enjoy it, but often worry about crossing some invisible line.

[Leela Corman]

@Evelin Well, according to Michael, we also have a Heart link, and are Cadence mates. It's honestly been one of the most life-changing friendships I've experienced, though right now we haven't talked in a while and they seem to be in some kind of crisis. Sometimes it feels like we have to retreat to our respective corners, like wrestlers in the ring, though at that point the metaphor kind of falls apart because when our friendship is active, it's not like a wrestling match at all, it's usually very sweet. It can sometimes be very intense, though, and I think this other person can't always handle that. Whereas I can, and intensity is sort of par for the course for me in many areas of my life, so sometimes I don't even notice it. It's the air I breathe. Also this person has some pretty serious problems. I wish I felt like I could share this teaching with them, but I really don't. I try, in veiled ways, sometimes, but never explicitly. Although another thing that takes place between us is that we cannot hide anything from one another. In order to not see this person, I have to purposely not look. Not sure if they'd say the same about me, but I suspect that they would, based on things they've said. I have no idea if this comes from the Cadence mate relationship, the support positions, or the Heart link, but the combination can be fucking freaky. Oh well, if we never talk again in this lifetime, we'll get to hang out on the astral later and I'll tell them how much they changed my life, deranged me, fucked with my head, and made me happy.